Date 196

"Because you're evil and you lie."

Before I talk about this date, I need to mention that a totally different woman should have been written about here, but unfortunately she did one of the most pathetic things possible and didn't turn up. We had meant to meet a couple of weeks before but I'd messaged her on the day to check that we were still on but she said that a family member of hers had been pinged by the Covid app. Although this was perfectly believable, I only found out as I'd sent her a text so I wonder if she was going to let me know.

About a week later she got in contact and asked if we could rearrange. I sat on it for a couple of days because I wondered if she was completely reliable and in the end thought what's the harm as she was local to me. We arranged a time and location at a pub in Hove.

I turned up, bought a pint and after 15 minutes realised that she wasn't coming. I then sent her a message on Whatsapp and she'd blocked me. I don't know how anyone can behave like that. It's the lowest of the low and, even though it says everything about her, I felt a bit humiliated. I reported her to Tinder as she's still on there and they've done nothing and she's got a profile on Bumble too. I can't comprehend in any way that someone can think not turning up for a date is acceptable. Answers on a postcard, please.

Now to the date that took place. I decided to take out a full subscription on Hinge and give it another go. I matched with quite a few women initially but in the end this was the only person I went on a date with. And she was great.

She was funny, good looking, intelligent and I genuinely thought that my luck had changed and I felt really comfortable talking to her. She lived in London so I said that I was happy to meet her at the South Bank. It was the first time I'd been there probably since 2019 and only the second time I'd ventured into London this year.

We met in my old favourite, the BFI bar, had a couple of beers then moved onto cocktails. And we eventually ended up in Wagamamas for some food. We spent a good 6 hours together then she got the tube back with me to Victoria. I thought this was a good sign as if I wasn't into someone then I'd have gone home a different way and she'd actually come to the South Bank via Waterloo. I also wouldn't have stayed out that long.

I went home feeling confident that there'd be a second date and she asked me to message her when I got back home; which I did.

However, I woke up the next morning and she'd sent me a message saying that it had been nice to meet me but she hadn't felt any chemistry. I felt so disappointed by this and a bit sad as I thought we'd got on well but I'm always appreciative when people are honest so I responded thanking her for the evening too. Looking at the bigger picture though, I was just impressed that she actually turned up...

Date 191

"It's a hideous trait."

I met for a really long walk and coffee with this person a few weeks before Christmas. She lives less than 10 minutes away from me and I think it was the day that Sussex went into Tier 2...I really miss those heady days of freedom and fun.

I was enchanted by her, although this was probably lust as she was extremely attractive and I was impressed with her dress sense. Although we'd had a lot in common and had quite similar interests, namely horror films and ghost stories, I wasn't sure afterwards if she was that into me as she hadn't asked me anything about myself (more of this later), however, a couple of hours after our date, she texted me asking about meeting up again so she was clearly keen.

Besides not asking me about myself, I was also a bit concerned by certain behavioural patterns that she was gradually displaying. She'd been recently banned for drink-driving but she bizarrely wouldn't take responsibility for it, claiming that a friend had been buying her doubles or trebles, which she thought were singles. Like most people, I have very strong opinions about drink-drivers and I have no idea why anyone would have one drink let alone how ever much she'd had, then get into her car and crash into another car. In order to keep her job, her dad has been acting as her unpaid chauffeur to drive her to and from work when required.

We went for dinner a couple of weeks later when you could still go somewhere to eat and drink outside. It was a nice evening even though, again, she didn't ask me anything but I think I was just overwhelmed to eat, drink and interact with someone. She also suggested meeting again after Christmas and doing something similar. However, a couple of days later she texted me to say that she wasn't feeling herself due to Christmas and COVID, so could we just be friends and go for walks as she wasn't feeling herself and didn't want to complicate matters. 

I was fine with that as I was having my doubts and these were further compounded by a rant she began to go on about a friend. She'd been in a support bubble with a friend but had had someone over to her house who wasn't this person. Her support bubble friend found out and unsurprisingly cancelled that arrangement and told her that she didn't want to be friends anymore as she felt let down and was hurt. As per before, she had no idea why her friend was 'overreacting' and didn't see what she had done wrong. She didn't want to take any responsibility and weirdly felt she was the victim here.

I've not seen her since but she did message me over Christmas and said that she'd stayed at her parents' house along with another household for a few days over the festive period. Which was obviously nothing to do with her either.

Date 190

"I'd get such a shock, I'd probably jump in the ocean."

This date took place in early November, so when COVID restrictions were considerably less strict, although we only met for a coffee on the beach.

We'd been in quite a bit of contact through texting and had planned to meet a bit later on when the pubs were due to open again but she wanted to see if there was any chemistry first, as we were going to have to wait for a good few weeks yet. And it's just as well we did as there was zero chemistry... She'd been very sexually explicit early on with our texting, although that's not what all our conversations were about. 

When we met, she wasn't really what I was expecting and didn't have much to say so we only had one coffee. I was also a bit taken aback when she gave me a peck on the cheek when we said goodbye at her car. She's the second date to do that during COVID and I just don't get how that's happening as I've not done that to anyone since the pandemic started.

We did keep in touch via text for a while afterwards but they just fizzled out. I would have been happy to see her again but I think she felt the same way about me and I could tell that the texts were different after meeting as she became quite vague. I also think that she'd been on a date inside a pub with someone a few days earlier (even though at the time you weren't allowed to meet someone from a different household inside), and she'd been quite secretive regarding that. We definitely weren't compatible though and it was quite ironic that we met on the beach as she couldn't swim.

Date 186

"It's so lonely on a limb."

This was my second date since the lockdown restrictions had been relaxed and we met after a short exchange of messages on Bumble. I think pubs had just opened again but we chose to meet at an outside bar area along the seafront in which some beach huts had been turned into serving areas. However, we took our own drinks and sat on some outside tables until she'd run out of beer and, with initial trepidation, bought a can from one of the serving huts.

It was a really nice evening and it was the first time I'd been out at night since March, so it felt completely alien walking home when it was dark. We laughed a lot and it was also good to have some company after months of solitude.

She messaged me a few days later and said that she'd had a good time with me but that she felt there wasn't a spark, however, she asked whether I was free the following week to go out for drinks as friends. And since then I've actually met up with her virtually every week. Weird, huh?

We've been to a few beer gardens and even attended an outdoor comedy event at Brighton Open Air Theatre, which, despite getting drenched, was the most wonderful experience after months of not being able to go anywhere.

We're actually sat together in this picture, but I'm obviously not going to say which ones are us. As an aside to this, she was running very late so only turned up just before it had started. She'd been so stressed that when we got to her car she couldn't find her keys anywhere and even tipped the contents of her handbag onto the ground. After searching everywhere, we were just about to retrace her steps when she tried her door and it opened...and her keys were still in the ignition!

So, although I didn't find romance, I have made a good friend and meeting her has definitely made my lockdown less lonely. She has acquired a boyfriend now though, so I imagine I'll be seeing less of her; if only I could find someone now...

Date 185

"They cannot touch you now."

My very first Lockdown date and it was pretty much business as usual.

I was genuinely really looking forward to this date, as we'd texted quite a lot beforehand, and she'd said that she was too. I was also a bit nervous about what happens on a date during a pandemic when you want to snog?

She drove from Eastbourne to meet me via seeing a friend nearby and parked down my street as I'm near the seafront and it was a ridiculously hot day and was close to 30 degrees. And what did she do upon greeting me? She ran up to me and said "I know we're meant to be social-distancing but it's rude not saying hello properly." Then she flung her arms around me and gave me a hug....

What the hell did she do that for? I'd only recently been allowed to hug my niece and sister days earlier as we'd formed a bubble. I was utterly shocked. Who else had she been doing that to? From our texts, I'd built up a clear understanding that she'd been obeying the guidelines. I'd witnessed people doing this as Brighton had largely ceased social-distancing when the first restrictions had been lifted after 6 weeks or so, but it really knocked me for 6 as I've not even been in a shop for 3 months. At least she didn't snog me though, I guess.

We'd pre-arranged to have a picnic of sorts and I provided the drinks and ordered an Indian takeaway from Deliveroo. As I was using my app, I paid for it and she said she'd go to a cashpoint and pay me back. She also had more food than me, so it wasn't cheap.

Besides the unsolicited hugging, she wasn't really quite what I expected either. Although we only had one alcoholic drink, as she was driving, I got the impression that she was a huge drinker. When we'd first messaged on Bumble, she'd asked if she could reply the next day as she was drunk and all her stories were about alcohol-related escapades. We've all got stories like that but she seemed to have more than most. It had also been her birthday a couple of days earlier and she sent me a photo of her presents, which were mainly all different varieties of bottles of Jack Daniels. There must have been about 25.

She did seem fun but I was still reeling from cuddlegate, so really wasn't sure about her.

After a few hours she had to get back and before she left she said instead of going to the cashpoint, she'd buy me a meal on our second date, which although presumptuous, was fair enough.

Over the next couple of days we texted as normal and on the Saturday night, she was having another birthday party at her house with friends from work. It started at 6pm and she was still drinking at 4am. This backed up my 'alcoholic' theory plus to pre-empt a recent statement by the Police Federation, I pondered the notion that "drunk people cannot socially-distance."

I know she was still drinking at that time as that was the last text that I received from her. I never heard from her again, which I thought might have been her suffering from Jack Daniels poisoning, but as she deleted me from Bumble, I believe she thought it was ok to ghost me. I did send another text which she didn't reply to either just to confirm my suspicions.

It's probably the case that I dodged a bullet due to various reasons but ghosting people after you've had food, drinks and even your parking paid for is just not acceptable. With unwanted physical human contact all I got in return.

Date 183

"I wish I could laugh."

To describe the 6 weeks that we dated as intense would be an understatement but it also unfortunately ended as quickly as it had began. Maybe I should have expected this from someone who'd been divorced twice but was still in their mid-30's, however, I'm not one to be judgemental.

Things moved fast almost immediately as our first date involved meeting for drinks, a meal and a passionate snog on a train platform followed by the cinema and sleeping together the next night.

I was the first person she'd spoken to and met on a dating app so she must have thought that all the bad things she'd heard had been exaggerated. We then got into a routine of going to each other's homes for dinner, sex and incessant chat and laughter. We really did laugh a lot. I don't think I've done so before with anyone.

I sort of had my doubts about her though. Just small things initially such as her constant use of annoying phrases/words/expressions like 'smashed it,' everyone was a 'legend' and everything was 'awesome.' And her spelling was woeful. Despite having only been going out a few weeks she wanted to go on holiday together and she'd regularly text me saying she was concerned that I'd lose interest in her as she couldn't have more children (she had 3). Her children and 2 ex-husbands were constant sources of topics she'd talk to me about and I'm amazed that she actually married 2 of the biggest bell-ends I've ever heard been told about. Utter useless, immature bastards. One of them even let himself into her house one morning when we were still in bed, even though they'd been separated for a year and it wasn't his house.

She came from a family of high achievers and after hearing her talk on the phone to some of her staff, I got the impression that she could be brutal and normally got what she wanted. However, this was coupled with clear self-esteem issues as she had booked in for a boudoir photo shoot and had made up her mind to have a boob job this year.

I liked being with her though as she was funny, kind and an amazing cook. However, I still had my guard up until Valentine's day. I'm not one for celebrating this ridiculous day but I bought some chocolates for her and we went out for dinner, though this was more due to having a night out than getting lovey-dovey due to a commercial pr event. We spent the night together and I even started rebuilding one of her son's Lego Hogwarts models as she'd dropped it and he was upset.

We had the most incredible homemade roast the next day at hers and I finally felt that I could let my guard down. I always like to take things slowly and she was really growing on me.

We made plans for her to come to mine a few days later to spend the night. In the days that followed, for some reason, I had a funny feeling about her. I'm not one for paranoia or jealousy but by some of the things she'd said to me, I felt that she'd met someone else. Then she cancelled coming over to mine saying that she was ill and I received a text from her a day later dumping me:

 

I was surprised and I felt sad. And that was that...I think that we could have at least talked about things first and I feel that ending things by text isn't really the done thing by a straight down the line kinda girl. I've also got some expensive looking shampoo and conditioner that she left at mine if anyone wants them. First come, first served though. 

Date 178

                                    "A double bed and a stalwart lover for sure."

After chatting quite a lot on Bumble, our first date was arranged only a few hours before we ended up meeting. We both had a free Friday evening so met in a pub near me.

If I can be allowed to be shallow for a moment, I was pleasantly surprised when she walked in the pub as her profile pictures didn't do her justice and she looked a lot younger than she actually was. We got on really well and got pretty drunk and we ended up going back to my flat and sleeping together.

The sex was great. The best I've had in a long time. Although she'd lived in Brighton for years and years, she'd grown up in Croydon and at one point during the night, her previously hidden strong South London accent came to the fore when she said "can I suck your dick?" You had to be there...

We really paid for our drunkenness and lack of sleep in the morning though. She went home in a taxi and straight to bed but I had to make my way to East London to see Newcastle thankfully beat West Ham 3-2. I'm not sure how I got there on only one hour's sleep but the adrenalin and jubilation got me home. This might have been different had we lost.

The next day she texted me and wanted me to go to an event with her in which loads of her friends were going. I felt this was a bit fast to be meeting her friends but she was very insistent and kept going on about it all day, even though I kept saying no. It sounded like a really good show but the thought of meeting her friends felt daunting but she wouldn't let it go. I thought that was that but then she invited herself round after it had finished and drove over.

It was about 8pm on a Sunday night and so we went for a walk along the seafront and went back to my flat for a cup of tea. I liked her but she was becoming really intense and talking about future things and it felt like she thought we were a couple. She was fairly recently divorced so I think she was looking to go straight from that to another serious relationship.

I couldn't see her that week as I was having building work done at my flat so stayed elsewhere for a few days. Her texts were becoming really incessant though, to the extent that if I didn't reply instantly then she would send another one not long after.

I was getting really put off by this and if I didn't reply straight away I'd feel guilty!!! This went on for another week and I just wasn't enjoying being in contact with her. She was a really nice person but every time I thought about having another date it just didn't make me excited.

In the end I thought that I just had to put an end to things. I was worried that she'd react in an adverse way so I got a friend to help me compose a text to her. I know how I feel when I like someone and it's not reciprocated so it's best to let the other person know what's happening. I told her that we'd had a lovely time together but it's not the right thing for me and that I hope she understood. She took a day to respond but she was really nice about it so I got an unusually mature response from someone for a change.

Although I am looking for a meaningful relationship, she just wasn't the woman I want one with.  In spite of the fact that she sounds like Adele (her description of her accent) in the bedroom. And I don't mean her singing voice.

Date 176

"And you must be looking very old tonight."

I initially had thought about cancelling this as, although I was yet again travelling to London to meet her, she'd said that on first dates she only met for a drink or two and not for long. In reality, that's sensible and probably how first dates should be, but I wondered if it was worth my while going all that way.

I got there a bit early and nabbed an impressive diner style table in a bar then got a text from her saying that she was also there. I knew she was a few years older than me but the only other person in there was sitting over the opposite side in a pink jumper, but she looked in her late 50's at best. I got another text from her saying that she was wearing a pink jumper...

I saw her go to the bar out of the corner of my eye, order a drink and make her way over to me. For a split second I thought that there was maybe more than one person wearing a pink jumper in the bar that evening, but she said my name inquisitively and told me that she was normally good at recognising men from their profiles. The irony wasn't lost on me as, I'm not saying that she lied about her age, but she was meant to be about 5 years older then me and not 15. Meeow.

As it turned out, she was a really nice person and we had a few drinks, as opposed to a couple. It was quite clear that a second date wouldn't be happening but she sent me a really lovely message the next day saying that I'd restored her faith in humanity. I'm not exactly sure how I did that, so I can only assume that I was polite and normal in comparison to the nutters she normally meets.

Date 175

"This town has dragged you down."

Geordies (me) historically don't mix well with mackems (people from Sunderland). However, as I'd never been out with a mackem before, I decided to put it to the test and go against my gut feeling and Newcastle upbringing.

I, again, travelled to London to meet her and she told me that she sounded like infamous mackem Lauren Laverne. I had my doubts though as Ms Laverne in reality, has a very obvious Geordie accent, and my date sounded neither Tyne nor Wear. I couldn't quite pick it, but she sounded more Yorkshire.

I have to confess that she beared an uncanny resemblance to someone I dated for a few months last year, which was unrequited and...is it a bit weird that that was a contributing factor in me wanting to meet her?!

As it turned out, in person, I found her a bit obnoxious and cold. She didn't really have any interest in finding out about me and it was difficult to get a word in due to her telling me about all the famous people she knew. 

I should have listened to Ant 'n' Dec.

Date 174

"Work is a four letter word."

I sensed that there would be problems here as she didn't seem to ever take a day off work. Being a nurse and also running her own business in London and Cornwall meant that she never stopped.

We met along the Southbank one evening, as she uncharacteristically was taking a couple of days off. There was an incredibly powerful downpour as she was on her way to meet me so had to walk around the bar in her bare feet as her socks and shoes were absolutely drenched.

We went for dinner too and got on really well, although her taste in music is rather questionable. After eating, we went to the bar at the Royal Festival Hall and witnessed a rather bizarre event. A woman was happily tapping away at her MacBook, surrounded by empty plastic cups, and every so often would lean over and vomit all over the floor, but was making no effort to get to the toilet or clean it up. In the end my companion talked to the bar staff and they intervened to help her out, as she was absolutely shitfaced and in a really bad way.

That obviously didn't hinder the night though and we had a bit of a snog (me and my date, not the drunk vomity girl). We also discussed having a second date where she'd come and visit me in Brighton.

I didn't really hear much from her as she apparently wasn't taking another day off for another month or so. I did get a text from her a few weeks later saying she was going to be in Brighton for work on a Sunday so she could see me for a little bit. As it happened, I was meant to be having friends round and she was actually going to be in Crawley, which is about 20 miles from me. I couldn't cancel my friends coming round as it was such short notice so suggested she could come over afterwards. She said that she didn't fancy waiting in her car for a few hours (which isn't what I had meant, plus she hadn't given me any indication of when or if she'd actually make it over to Brighton) and she had to be up early for work the next day. I did enquire when her next day off would be and she thought she had a solitary Friday off soon. I asked if we should pencil it into our diaries but she didn't respond and that day came and went, and I've not heard from her since.

We did get on really well but when someone likes Elbow, I see that as a big red flag. Along with being mostly unavailable due to work commitments.

Date 168

"And I naturally fled."

I don't like to use expletives in my blog posts unless I really have to, but FUCKING HELL!!!

This was possibly my quickest date and I couldn't wait to get away. There were some very major red flags about this person and I nearly didn't go on this date and wish I hadn't. After exchanging a couple of messages on Bumble, she said she'd just joined and wondered if I'd be free on Sunday to meet for drinks and stated a venue and time. She looked nice and we seemed to have a lot of things in common. For some reason though, I wasn't looking forward to meeting her.

And on the morning of the date I received this very odd message:

I found this very full-on and asked her what bereavement had to do with anything. She responded with:

I told her that my Mum had passed away last year so if that was an issue then we should probably cancel. She told me that she only meant partners or spouses...

I reluctantly agreed to meet up (probably because I'm too polite) and she changed the venue and moved the time forward. At this point I was getting the feeling that she liked to be in control.

I was bang on time and she was 10 minutes late and if she hadn't come up to me I wouldn't have had a clue that it was her as she really didn't look like her pictures and hadn't made any effort to look remotely smart, despite telling me in an earlier text that she scrubbed up well.

There was just something not right and I really wanted to go home, but we went for a coffee and she announced to me that although she had put on her profile that she was 42, she was actually 47 and that she'd put that because she could carry off that age. She couldn't. I was also a bit scared of her as she reminded me looks and personality wise of a former friend who I'd managed to remove from my life due to her her toxic narcissism. 

She also claimed to be an actress and had an LA drawl, having lived there briefly. All the while we were chatting awkwardly I was trying to pluck up the courage to leave after one drink but I didn't need to as she asked for the bill and told me we didn't have any connection. She must have seen the fear in my eyes, even though I was wearing sunglasses. 

However, we did part ways very amicably and she said there was hope for her yet as I'd proved to her that there were normal men out there but she needed to take a break, as her first foray into online dating (all 3 days of it) had worn her out. 

She didn't like The Smiths either.

Date 166

"Her skirt ascends for a watching eye."

London was my destination again, but as she lived in Kent it was halfway for both us and it was also a really good first date. Things had gone really fast as we'd only been chatting for about a day when she asked if we could meet and we did a couple of days later after a lot of texting.

I really fancied her straight away, although at one point I thought she'd done a runner as she went to the bar and took her coat and bag and 15 minutes later she hadn't returned. She then reappeared and said there'd been an accident behind the bar in which a load of glasses had been dropped. The bar staff initially had told her to wait but eventually suggested she use a different bar, which was when she came running out to ease my abandonment fears as she was worried that I thought she had left me. During her bar wait an odd man came up to her to ask how long she'd been waiting...hold that thought.

After having a few more drinks at one of the BFI's other bars we made our way out to get something to eat and a man came running after us shouting: "Daleks! Daleks!" We all just looked at each other for a few seconds and he said we looked like two people he'd seen watching a Dr Who film that had just been shown. And yes, he was also the odd man who'd been talking to her at the bar. He walked off in a very disappointed manner and we just had a bit of a giggle, whilst making our way to Ping Pong, which pretty much blew her away.

After a bit of a snog at Victoria Station we made our separate ways home. Although we'd got on really well I wasn't sure how much she liked me. However, over the next week we texted constantly and she even rang me up a few times for a chat. Due to childcare responsibilities she only had every other weekend and Wednesdays free so we couldn't see each other for 10 days as the following Saturday night she was seeing Bon Jovi...well, no-one's perfect.

It was great being in so much contact and she'd always tell me how my texts always made her smile and laugh and we shared a very similar dark sense of humour.

On her next free Wednesday we met in London again and I took her to a really posh French steak restaurant in Soho, which she loved. She looked beautiful too (which I told her) and said that she was going to wear a very sexy outfit but decided against it due to the unseasonal gale force winds...damn the weather!

After the meal we went to the pub next door and pretty much snogged the whole time and did so back at Victoria Station. Things seemed to be going well.

The next night I went into London again with a Brighton friend to see Adam Buxton's BUG so I told her all about my last couple of dates with the Kent lady. Just before I'd met my friend, I'd received a text from my date asking what I was up to and asking about my day.

On the way home I hadn't heard from her again in response, and it was quite late at night. She was still online, which was unusual for her as she normally went to bed early. She hadn't replied to my text though and was quite vague when I sent her another one. Though nothing was obviously wrong, I had a bad feeling. The sort you get when you've had a lot of contact with someone and you get used to their habits and nuances.

I then didn't hear from her for the next three days. This was extremely unusual and I feared the worst. I knew what was coming but I waited to see if she got in touch with me.

On our dates she'd told me some interesting stories about her marriage and previous relationships. Apparently her ex-husband had been very controlling and it sounded like it hadn't been a happy one for a while, but she was shocked when he asked for a divorce. Another recent relationship she'd been in was with a cocaine addict. Initially she'd get worried and paranoid if she hadn't heard from him for 12 hours. Then he'd go missing for days and he eventually confessed that he'd been on cocaine binges with prostitutes, however, he convinced her that he'd just take drugs with them and nothing else, which she believed. She kept giving him chances but he'd keep go missing again and finally admitted that he'd also been having sex with the hookers. This is when she broke things off.

After feeling quite sad from not hearing from her for a few days I texted to see if everything was ok. She replied instantly and said they were but she'd been too busy to text me. I then asked if everything was ok between us and she said no. She said that I made her smile and laugh and that she wanted there to be fireworks and that I wasn't her 'forever guy.' I said that's fine but we'd had two really good dates and that it was pretty uncool to just not to say anything. She apologised and said our chats and dates had been great and she should have said something. I asked her what she wanted to do and she said call it a day and I agreed and that was that. Everything was amicable but I shouldn't have had to have contacted her for the privilege of finding out that I'd been dumped. I was also very confused as to how she'd gone off me so quickly.

I was deeply disappointed but 'drowned my sorrows' by scoring some coke and partying with some escorts.

Date 165

"You won't see me anymore."

I was really looking forward to this date and I think that she was too as she'd already mentioned things we could go and see if the first date went well. Alas, it wasn't to be. I always try to keep my feet on the ground before meeting someone but when they appear excited I think I get carried away a bit, especially as we'd been texting a lot beforehand.

This date, of course, took place in London again...I think we'd agreed to meet at 8;15pm but on my way there from Brighton she texted me to say she'd missed her train and didn't rock up until 9pm. She lived 20 minutes away and my journey was over 2 hours door to door so I just had to go for a wander until she turned up.

Due to her lateness we couldn't get into the restaurant that we were intending to go to but found an ok replacement nearby. I thought we got on really well and she regaled me with stories about how she hung out with New Order as she'd worked on a documentary about them, and we planned to go and see the Stanley Kubrick exhibition at the Design Museum.

However, I had to leave at around 10;30pm to make my trek back to the south coast, although I'd loved to have stayed longer. I felt very positive about how it had gone but those vibes were short-lived as she texted me the next night to say she liked me but probably said something about there not being a spark. I was definitely disappointed and a bit surprised by this but she was very up front and I can have no complaints because we had a nice, if short, evening and she was completely honest with me. Cowards and 'Ghosters' take note.

We texted for a week or so afterwards and did make plans to go to that exhibition but we never did and I stopped hearing from her.

Date 164

"Give up education as a bad mistake."

Another date in London to continue my run and l'm at quite a loss to explain why I can't seem to meet anyone in Brighton.

This person was an incessant texter and most of her messages were surreal streams of consciousness, and at times I struggled to comprehend what she was on about. So, we spoke a lot by text before we actually met, and she's a teacher which made me a bit wary as I've got a really bad track record when it comes to dating women from that profession.

We met for drinks, and I think food as well, and it was fine and she was nice. She had a fairly strong Irish accent but a really, really deep voice which threw me initially as I wasn't expecting it at all. She also had a very strange, somewhat quirky dress sense.

I certainly had my doubts but she said she'd come to Brighton to see me as she was very appreciative that I'd met her in London, which was good of her.

In the days before the second date, I have to confess that I wasn't looking forward to it. I wasn't really nervous, but I just wasn't excited. However, it was a pleasant way to spend a Sunday afternoon as we went for a roast, went for a long walk by the sea and had ice cream. There just wasn't any chemistry between us though and I was going to text her to tell her this afterwards but she actually got in before me and said as much on her way home. It was all very mature and amicable, which isn't so common these days.

Date 163

"If they dare touch a hair on your head I'll fight to the last breath."

Yet again, I had to venture to London for a date but as this Audi TT driving hairdresser lived in Essex;  it was equidistant for both us and not just a trek for me.

She was really nice and I really fancied her but I don't think there was probably that mutual spark between us. Having said that it was a pleasant evening along the Southbank involving drinks and a meal and we got on well, and even shared a kiss at Embankment Station. She also informed me afterwards that my beard was very ticklish.

I tried to organise a second date, and although we chatted a lot via text, she kept being vague about meeting up and in the end she asked if we could be friends. The distance between us probably would have been problematic but we're still sort of in touch if you can class her occasionally liking my Instagram posts as us being bosom buddies.

Date 162

"Who will swallow whom?"

Being a little closer to home than London, though still not that near, we met in a really nice cocktail bar in Eastbourne, which was sort of halfway for both of us. However, the journey was worth it as we really got on.

We had lots in common in terms of music, tv etc. and she made it clear very quickly that she wanted to do very naughty things to me. The only factors which were going to be a challenge were her limited availability due to childcare commitments, as she was only free every other Saturday and Wednesdays, and even though we both lived in the same counties; we weren't that close distance-wise.

Our second date had been planned well but got off to an inauspicious start. I met her after work one Wednesday evening near her house and we got some booze and went to the chip shop, then onto her house. When we got to hers though, her ex-partner and the father of her child's car was parked outside. Although they'd been separated for quite a while, he's still got a key and even though he's meant to ring ahead, he apparently just turns up unannounced sometimes. She didn't want to go in with me in tow, and even though it's her house we had to go and eat our chips in her car along the seafront while the rain pelted down. Not very romantic.

He'd thankfully gone when we arrived back and so in order to make up for lost time we pretty much immediately went up to her bedroom and got down to things that couldn't be described as romantic either And it was great but we did get our wires crossed as I didn't know that I was meant to be staying the night as I'd assumed I wasn't as it was a school night and she had to get up for work at 6am the next morning and I had things on too. So, I went home that evening! If truth be told though, I was also a bit worried that her ex-boyfriend was just going to walk in on us unannounced.

That was actually the last time I saw her as it just became impossible to meet up as whenever she had a free Saturday for us to meet, I was busy. We kept in contact for quite a while but I think she got frustrated that I was never available or she met someone closer to home as things just fizzled out. If nothing else though, it did enable me to break my 18 month vow of celibacy.

Date 161

"Some girls are bigger than others."

I got a feeling straight away with this date that she wasn't for me, which doesn't happen that often as I fancy most women I meet at first. I made the trip to London again to meet for drinks along the Southbank, which I don't mind as I like an adventure and Southbank is one of my favourite places, plus I can't seem to get any dates near to me, so needs must.

It was a pleasant couple of hours with her but that's sometimes the downside of travelling for dates as if it had been in Brighton, I think I would have left earlier but wanted to make the most of my £13 return.

She had a really good taste in music, which is always a massive bonus for me, but I'd sensed from our text conversations that she could be quite prickly too. By the time I left she was also quite drunk and told me that she hated it when dates ghosted her as she was a "big girl" and could take being told if someone wasn't into her.

On the train home, I thought it was best to be honest so I texted her and said I'd had a nice evening but couldn't see anything beyond friendship and she replied with:

What could I have possibly responded with..?

Date 160

"And let me get your head on the conjugal bed."

Although these date took place in Brighton, this woman lived in London but was staying nearby for a month due to work commitments, so yet another person not local.

The first two dates were relatively brief in a couple of different bars and were pleasant and she appeared to be a very nice person but I was having my doubts the more I got to know her. For the third date, I booked a table at a tapas restaurant in Brighton, and again it was very pleasant, but my god, she just talked and talked about herself and her family and I genuinely couldn't get a word in.

Although she was good to hang out with, I just sadly didn't fancy her at all so I had to be honest and tell her how I felt...but not in so many words. I obviously always do this even though I usually get arsey responses. If I ghosted people I'd rightfully get an arsey text so it's a no win situation. And this was no different. She was ok when I explained it at first but then got a bit snide whilst making small talk about bed linen!

If only she knew how little action my 'passion pad' gets.

Date 159

"Park the car at the side of the road"

This date took place way back in January 2019, so my first of the year and it also started off a trend where all my dates this year have (so far) involved meeting people who are not Brighton dwellers. I have no explanation for this but I just can't seem to meet anyone local.

As this person lived in Kent, we met halfway for a meal at the Southbank in London. And having spoken to other people, this was a very typical internet date in which it was very pleasant and the other person was good company but that's it. As most of mine tend to have a bit of drama, this was something I don't tend to experience much.

As much as I don't want my dates to be dramatic it's always good to have an anecdote but there's very little I can say. The only possible thing I could mention would be that her hair and dress sense gave the impression that she'd just walked out of an office from the 1980's (despite her being only a year or two older than me) but she drove a company Jaguar, so who am I to comment on her appearance.

I liked her but didn't feel any compulsion to arrange a second date and she presumably felt the same as I didn't hear from her either. We exchanged text pleasantries after the date on the way home, but that was it and so the year got off to a quiet start.

Date 158

"No more apologies." 

This was a bad date and that was partly down to me as I've no idea why we met in the first place. I sort of knew beforehand that we didn't have much in common but sometimes I just like to go out and meet new people, so tend to go on more dates that I should (no shit; it's date 158!!!).

She suggested the pub we should meet in and whilst it wasn't that much of a trek for me, it still took about 1.5 hours door to door to get there. When I did arrive, I found out that it was only 5 minutes from where she lived, which was a bit bloody convenient for her. 

I didn't really know what to make of her, as she was quite full of herself and let me know very early on that if we did stay in touch then it would be as friends and nothing else. Which is completely fair enough as I always welcome honesty. However, she then proceeded to rattle off all the things that she didn't like about me...One of them might have been not listening to people whilst on dates, but I can't remember the rest as I'd zoned out by then.

The worst part of the night was actually the fact though that I have no definite idea of how I got home that evening (that's also not taking into consideration that I think I may have knocked her glass of wine over at some point). Which genuinely still scares me as I'm normally very careful about these things, especially as I was in a completely unfamiliar area. Despite it being a rubbish date, we got really drunk and I don't know how. I've got a vague idea that my journey home involved two taxis but that's pure guesswork. I'm still ashamed of letting myself get so pissed and I think that it's acted as a real wake-up call for me even though I'm not a regular drinker. Despite being so inebriated, I still managed to use a cash-point, hang my coat up, lock the back door and fold my clothes up neatly before waking up and having no idea how I'd got in my bed. My one error though, had been to leave my keys in my niece's highchair which my sister found the next day!

I also wanted to use this post to discuss what should have been Date 159.

Shortly after the above disaster, I'd arranged to meet someone for drinks a lot closer to home. Since, I'd been left abusive voice mails by a previous nutcase, I'd been slightly reluctant to swap numbers, although this person didn't ask to and I don't think it would have made any difference anyway.

The location, day and time had been set by this supposed 159th date and I was looking forward to it, plus it had been confirmed as we'd been speaking the day before. I got to the pub a bit early so sent her a message via the Bumble app to say I'd ordered a drink and was sitting at the bar. About 20 minutes later I'd finished my drink and hadn't heard anything from her and obviously by this time she was running late. I then ordered another drink and spotted a booth seat and table free so nabbed that and messaged her again to tell her where I was sitting. It then dawned on me that she wasn't coming and for the first time in my life I'd been stood up by a date. Although I knew she wasn't going to show up I got another drink as I'd made all the effort to come into Brighton so thought I'd have one for the road.

I finished that drink and was just about to leave when I belatedly received a message from her. A full hour after we were meant to meet and it was the biggest load of bollocks I've ever heard. She claimed that she hadn't been able to access the app during the day, so by her Planet Weirdo logic had presumed we weren't meeting....which is quite an assumption to make. I said I'd been there an hour and was just about to leave and she responded by saying that was a shame as she'd been Christmas shopping nearby and really fancied a pint. So, at no point did she think to venture into the bar and check if I was there. She was also seemingly more concerned by her thirst than the fact that she'd stood me up. I was absolutely livid but I didn't reply so when I got home and I'd heard nothing from her, let alone an apology, I deleted her from the app and reported her (not that anything would happen anyway). 

I suppose I'd done well to get to this many dates and not have experienced a 'no show' before, as I'm sure its very common, but it's such a cowardly thing to do and I've no idea how anyone can just not turn up. What the hell is wrong with people?! I also vowed never to use Bumble or go on a date again...but of course I did.