Date 196

"Because you're evil and you lie."

Before I talk about this date, I need to mention that a totally different woman should have been written about here, but unfortunately she did one of the most pathetic things possible and didn't turn up. We had meant to meet a couple of weeks before but I'd messaged her on the day to check that we were still on but she said that a family member of hers had been pinged by the Covid app. Although this was perfectly believable, I only found out as I'd sent her a text so I wonder if she was going to let me know.

About a week later she got in contact and asked if we could rearrange. I sat on it for a couple of days because I wondered if she was completely reliable and in the end thought what's the harm as she was local to me. We arranged a time and location at a pub in Hove.

I turned up, bought a pint and after 15 minutes realised that she wasn't coming. I then sent her a message on Whatsapp and she'd blocked me. I don't know how anyone can behave like that. It's the lowest of the low and, even though it says everything about her, I felt a bit humiliated. I reported her to Tinder as she's still on there and they've done nothing and she's got a profile on Bumble too. I can't comprehend in any way that someone can think not turning up for a date is acceptable. Answers on a postcard, please.

Now to the date that took place. I decided to take out a full subscription on Hinge and give it another go. I matched with quite a few women initially but in the end this was the only person I went on a date with. And she was great.

She was funny, good looking, intelligent and I genuinely thought that my luck had changed and I felt really comfortable talking to her. She lived in London so I said that I was happy to meet her at the South Bank. It was the first time I'd been there probably since 2019 and only the second time I'd ventured into London this year.

We met in my old favourite, the BFI bar, had a couple of beers then moved onto cocktails. And we eventually ended up in Wagamamas for some food. We spent a good 6 hours together then she got the tube back with me to Victoria. I thought this was a good sign as if I wasn't into someone then I'd have gone home a different way and she'd actually come to the South Bank via Waterloo. I also wouldn't have stayed out that long.

I went home feeling confident that there'd be a second date and she asked me to message her when I got back home; which I did.

However, I woke up the next morning and she'd sent me a message saying that it had been nice to meet me but she hadn't felt any chemistry. I felt so disappointed by this and a bit sad as I thought we'd got on well but I'm always appreciative when people are honest so I responded thanking her for the evening too. Looking at the bigger picture though, I was just impressed that she actually turned up...

Date 195

"I know that I'm the most inept that ever stepped."

I was meant to go on a date with this person about 4 or 5 years ago but she cancelled rather abruptly and I remember her being quite arsey about it. For some reason she'd stuck in my mind and I was surprised that she now had 3 children as when we'd been in contact previously, she only had 2. More of this later.

Although I remembered her, she definitely had no recollection of me and even contacted me first on Hinge, which I was surprised at.

We were going to meet near me in Brighton for our first date, as she was nearby due to her job one evening, but she kept changing plans and pubs had just reopened so it was difficult to be spontaneous as a lot of places only took bookings, although I did find a couple that did walk-ins. In the end she asked if I wanted to meet her in Worthing the following week as that's where she lived. I barely know Worthing so she suggested a pub but also made me book it, which I found a bit odd as I was coming to visit her. I did book a table but even after that she queried whether I'd got the right one and whether we'd be able to get food so she was coming across as very bossy.

During our texts I was definitely having my doubts about meeting her due to her constant nagging and teasing which she clearly found funny but wasn't. We'd spoken on the phone and although I'm originally from Newcastle, my accent has pretty much gone bar the odd word or phrase as I've lived down south for so long. So then she took to constantly referring to me as a fake geordie, would make jokes about my lack of hair on top and my education. Although she came across as very confident, I sensed that she also had a chip on her shoulder and was probably quite insecure. I can take a joke but I found it odd to be like this when you've not even met someone.

It took me just over an hour door to door to get to the pub (I got there by train) and I was a bit early. Even though she lived 15 minutes walk away she managed to be 20 minutes late. She did ring to tell me but I'd already been sitting on my own for about 10 minutes.

When she did decide to rock up I was really surprised by how her photos didn't do her justice as she was so attractive. Her choice of pub was excellent too as it was a microbrewery and did the best pizzas. However, they were probably the best bits of the night as I don't think I've met anyone so full of themselves and also so critical of others.

Everything I said, she seemed to have an opinion on and let me know how my life choices were wrong and how she'd have done them differently. I've mentioned in this blog before how I used to care for my Mum full-time for a decade until she passed away a few years ago. I decided to take some time off and do my own thing and now I have a new job and different life lined up. However, she even saw fit to criticise me for the time it has taken me to stop being a carer and get a new career. I'm very laid back and not in any way confrontational but even I had to tell her that she'd crossed the line.

As mentioned earlier, in the last few years she'd had another child with someone she'd met from a dating site at the time we were meant to meet about 4 years ago. In fact, she possibly cancelled our date as she'd met the father of her child. However, this man has nothing to do with their son and never sees him, which I think is largely due to him having alcohol and drug issues. I'd never judge someone else on their life choices as these things just happen and I'm very sympathetic to situations like that, but I found it almost breathtaking on her part that she could be so critical and judgemental about me. 

As it happens, I don't think she liked me anyway as after the pizza she said she had a pounding headache and would it be ok if she could go home. As much as I was attracted to her, her abrasiveness was a turn-off and neither of us contacted the other. I wouldn't have been able to reach her high standards anyway.

Date 194

"Hello, I am the ghost of Troubled Joe."

Having used the same apps for ages with the same results, I thought I'd try Hinge properly. It's not quite a swipe app as the premise is that you comment on people's profile photos or like them, then if you're lucky that person will invite you to chat with them.

I tried the app for a few weeks and in that time not one person acknowledged my 'witty' comments or 'liked' me back. And with the two women who I went on dates with (2nd one in the next post), they just 'liked' one of my photos. In trying to be different by encouraging people to leave comments, I like the fact that it's using a different model but, having spoken to a male friend who left numerous comments without any response too, it's just being used as a swipe app....

Having not been on a pub date since last year, I was genuinely really nervous about this but that's probably more down to the fact that it was also the first time I'd been inside a pub this year too. I thought that the place I'd booked a table for would be really busy at 4:30pm but we were the only ones in there for a couple of hours on a Sunday afternoon until some people arrived around early evening. As the kitchen was closed also (presumably due to them not expecting many people in) we were given the first round of drinks free. Thanks, Brewdog!

To the date itself: I really liked her and I thought that we got on. She was 7 years younger than me but despite this we still had the same reference points and very similar things in common. We stayed for about 5 hours until we were kicked out at 9:30pm as presumably that was their designated closing time and not because we'd been behaving badly.

We then went for a burger and afterwards I walked her to the station and she gave me a hug and we spoke about seeing each other again. 

Unfortunately I never saw or heard from her as she ghosted me. I contacted her about a second date and she ignored me. Having spent a good 7 hours with her I thought she'd enjoyed my company and I had a good feeling about her but maybe she woke up the next day and thought I wasn't for her. Which is fine as I've been in that situation before but to not say anything to someone when they contact you is unforgivable. It's certainly not the first time I've been ghosted after a date and it won't be the last but I'll never understand how someone can lack such basic manners and not just say no thank you.

On the plus side though, she'd been for afternoon tea with some friends before she met me and brought me along some cakes so I had them for my breakfast the next day and they were ultimately the best thing I could take from my first date on Hinge.