Date 85

"Spineless swines, cemented minds."

Having had my move to Brighton fall through at the last minute I became bored and thought: I know, I'll go back on to Guardian Soulmates and make the most of London again until I find another house to move to.

Having exchanged a few messages, she seemed pretty cool so I suggested drinks. She lives sort of Islington way and as I'm a gent I asked if she fancied meeting up in Angel. For her that's a few stops on the tube and for me it takes about an hour and 15 minutes door to door. She actually chose the pub and what a great choice it was, although I got lost and had to ask about 4 people along the way how to get there. Miraculously, I was only 5 minutes late.

I  really fancied her and we seemed to have a lot to talk about, including our geek like obsession with Jaws and sharks in general. There was a fancy dress party going on at the same time so I got to high five SuperTed on his way back from the toilets as no-one had guessed who he was apart from me. We had 3 pints each, which I think was good for a school night then she said she had to go, as, being a Primary school teacher, she had to get home at a reasonable hour for class the next day.

I had a good feeling from the night and texted her the next day to see if she wanted to go out again. She never replied, which there really is no excuse for. I just hope that the children she teaches have better manners than her. And I'll be crossing my fingers that the ladies of Brighton don't possess such ignorance...if I ever get there.

Date 84

"A crack on the head is just what you get."

This was probably the longest that I'd ever gone out with someone I'd met from a dating site but it all ended in very abrupt circumstances and I still have no idea why.

The first date was really great and I met her in a bar next to her work along the Southbank on a Monday night. We hit it off so well that we ended up in a really expensive bar snogging in a booth and not caring the slightest that glasses of wine were £8 each!!!!! I'd always assumed that drinking expensive wine meant less of a hangover, but sadly not...

The first date went well, however, the second one went on to completely overshadow it in terms of being memorable, although not for the reasons I would have predicted. A few days later on the Friday we met near her work again and then went on to Soho and found a great little bar after we'd eaten. I was quite merry and befriended a strangely matched couple sharing our table..then proceeded to alienate the female half by getting all preachy to them about about them smoking; well, I was celebrating exactly a year since I'd given up. When they'd left I then decided to go up to the bar and plead with the landlord to serve us even though time had been called. He obviously didn't budge but asked me if I wanted anything else, to which I replied 'yeah, can you find out for me if I'm going home with that girl over there,' so he silenced the bar and shouted my question at her and she rather sheepishly and speedily made her way to the toilet to lessen her embarrassment and avoid the staring eyes.

However, when she came back from the loo, the fun really started. We left the bar to find somewhere else still serving alcohol, and what happened next is very hazy and I'm mostly recounting what I was told. She was a few paces in front of me then, and I have no idea why, I lost my balance or stumbled and ended up spinning and then going head first into a wall, smashing my brand new glasses in the process. Apparently I was out cold for a little while and was bleeding on the side of my head. She had to mop up the blood using her scarf and managed to get me up and help me to a cafe where she got me sitting up and drinking water. She then called a cab and spent £50 taking me all the way home. And my elaborate ruse worked as we ended up spending the night together! I asked her at a later date if she was going to invite me back to hers that night before what happened and she said no!

She took the above pic whilst we were waiting on the train platform the next morning as she was going home and I was actually going to meet Date 83. It doesn't look that bad but I now have a battle scar in the form of a permanent dent on the side of my head.

The following week we actually met up a few times, including one trip to the cinema and a couple of evenings when we'd actually been out with other people but both happened to be in the same vicinity afterwards. I even ended up meeting one of her best friends, who I'd actually been on a date with before (Date 54)! A couple of nights later, I took her to see my beloved BUG at the BFI and beforehand I told her that I was moving to Brighton after Christmas (I first started seeing her in November 2013). She took it fine...or so I thought. It was also on this night that she invited me to her birthday which was due to be in a few weeks.

We had still been seeing each other on a very regular basis and then the night of her party came. Unsurprisingly, I was super nervous as 12 of her best friends were going to be there, but it helped that I was meeting her for a few drinks beforehand. She works in TV and had been telling me previously how she'd had some bad dealings with Matt Berry (bit of a comedy hero of mine) on various projects and who should we see outside the pub, but the man himself talking on his mobile. I gave him a firm pat on the back and in return received a nasty scowl! I had 3 pints beforehand which helped with my confidence and also met her flatmate and her boyfriend which put me at ease as well. Then we went over to a port and tapas restaurant in the Strand and things couldn't have gone better.

For some reason, the stars must have all aligned at the right time as I absolutely worked the room and all her friends loved me. It's not often I say this but I was the absolute centre of attention and I really was on a charm offensive. I think it helped that I'd had my little fall a few weeks previously as that was a good starting point which they all knew about. I really loved her friends too as they were great people and were so welcoming and made me feel so comfortable. It also helped that the red wine and port had started to flow as well. When the end of the night came I even kissed all the men as we departed...and the restaurant manageress..I really was on fire! Myself, her, her flatmate and her boyfriend then got a taxi back to hers afterwards and I made a rather unfortunate error as I bought a banana milkshake for the journey and this was to somewhat backfire on me later on that night. I felt fine when we went to bed..a little bit drunk but not too bad. Then in the middle of the night, I woke up suddenly and in my haste to get to the bathroom, projectile vomited across the room! I'm so classy...but we concluded that it was definitely down to the milkshake. I felt so embarrassed in the morning but she was very cool about it despite the mess.

The next time we met was just before she went home to Scotland for Christmas and we had a lovely evening meeting for drinks then going back to hers to exchange presents and other things. She got me the below gift which I still love:

At this point she was still going on about her party and how all the friends were still asking about me and that she actually thought that they preferred me to her such was the attention they showed me.

I was due to move on the 10th of January 2014 to Brighton so she came over to spend a very chilled last evening at mine before my adventure to the south coast. By this time she'd met my family too and they loved her. After the move, things then began to unravel.

I was super busy at this time so we didn't have much contact, which was my fault, but I had so much to do with my new house that this is understandable. After a couple of weeks she came to visit and I met her at Brighton station on a Saturday afternoon. What was a bit strange though, was on the morning before she left she said she couldn't stay over as my snoring would keep her awake and she needed to be fresh for Monday morning. Despite this, we had a really good evening and she commented on how easy it had been for her to get to me as the train had only taken 50 minutes from Victoria station. We found the best pub in Brighton by accident and just had a really fun night. Things got a bit weird on the way back to the station as she said she thought that I didn't want her to come as we hadn't discussed it much in the build up but I explained to her that this really wasn't the case and it was just due to me being snowed under with all the work that comes with moving to a completely new area. She also texted me on her way home to say what a great time she'd had.

The next day I asked her if she was free in a couple of weeks time so that we could spend some proper time together in Brighton and stay with me for the weekend. She replied in the affirmative and seemed genuinely excited about it.

We then texted normally for a week and then her texts became vague and short. She also stopped playing Words with Friends (never a good sign) with me. Then I was due to visit London for the weekend and she was going to New York so I texted her to tell her to book her tickets for Brighton for the following week as they were super cheap. In response I received a text from her in which she apologised for not being in touch much but her social diary was going to be busy over the next few months and the distance between us was a problem, therefore, we were going to have to be friends instead. I replied by saying how that was such a shame as I was really looking forward to seeing her again when she was due to come to mine. I never heard from or saw her again. And that was abruptly that.

I wasn't devastated but it made me feel very sad and I also felt very hurt that she chose to end things by a weak text and for her to then just disappear after the fun time we'd shared together. I honestly don't think that distance was the problem and I can only conclude that she met someone else. Who knows though? And to add even more salt to the wounds, another best friend of hers is the wife of a very famous lead singer and guitarist of a world famous band, whom I'd been due to meet very soon...maybe she thought he'd like me better than her. Selfish cow.

Date 83

"Sweet and Tender Hooligan."

The events of this blog entry took place about 6 months ago and during that time I've thought long and hard about whether I should write it up. We didn't meet via a dating website and I'm not sure if it technically was a date and I'd also said to her that I wouldn't be writing it up. However, in the end I just couldn't not write about it due to the unbelievable nature of our second meeting.

We got to know each other through Twitter. She'd initially followed me and I followed her back then one day we got chatting. She'd tweeted about how it was impossible to get tickets for the iTunes Festival unless you worked in the music business and I'd replied saying I had 2 to see the Pixies and how I'd been in the past to see CSS, and that I'd only ever applied twice and got tickets both times. She asked if she could go with me, which was a bit cheeky, however, I was already going with a couple of friends so it would have been a bit weird me rocking up with some stranger, although in retrospect it might have been good fun. As it turns out I took another friend with my spare but I said to her that if any other gigs came up then we could go together.

As time went on we were in contact every day, first via Twitter and then by text. During this period, one of my favourite current bands, Veronica Falls, were playing a gig in London so I bought 2 tickets and asked her if she wanted to go. She did, and she took the day off work so we could meet on the afternoon beforehand. She lives near Brighton so we met at Embankment and she was already a bit lubricated due to her having a mini bottle of Champagne on the train given to her by some cabin crew after she'd told them that she'd once worked in the same industry. On top of this she'd been a bit early anyway so popped into a pub by the tube station until I arrived. Apart from exchanging a couple of pictures in order for us to recognise each other, I was still surprised when I saw her as to what a stunner she was...as I got to know her it also became clear that she knew this fact as well in abundance.

Thankfully we got on well like old friends and maybe this was because it wasn't a date. I took her to a bar where we had 3 pints each then we went to a restaurant where we shared a bottle of red along with a glass of prosecco for her and a further glass of red for me. And as time was getting on we went to another bar on the way to the station where we had another drink each. There was definitely a common theme developing.

On our way to the gig venue in Tufnell Park she bought a packet of cigarettes. I hadn't smoked for almost a year and neither had she but she kept insisting that I should share the packet with her. Fortunately I didn't give in and this was also despite her blowing every exhalation of sweet tobacco smoke into my face. That was a bit naughty of her but it came back to bite her on the arse as she had a 2 day hangover and I didn't, which I'm sure is down to the addition of cigarettes on top off the day and night's excessive drinking.

I really have to say that this was one of the best times I'd ever had in terms of letting my hair down and enjoying myself. The gig was fantastic, we continued drinking; me Jack Daniels and her: Vodka, and I even danced the night away which is quite amazing because I NEVER, EVER DANCE. EVER!!!!

The band actually came on over an hour late which was a complete pain as it meant we had to leave the gig just before the encores as she had to catch her last train. So we headed back to Embankment and then she asked if I wanted to walk her to Victoria. I did and as we were making our way through the deserted streets, we were talking about how much fun we'd had and as she'd read my blog I said that I wouldn't be writing it up as it hadn't been a date. She then looked disappointed and said she thought it probably had been a date and that she'd be really upset if she never saw me again. And then she took my hand and held it all the way to Victoria. We then kissed a little bit and said our goodbyes on the platform.

To have had such a great time was completely unexpected. And I wanted more. I also realised that I fancied her.

We texted for a couple of days and then she started sending me a few drunken texts telling me how she'd been out in London again. I asked her who with and she said her media lawyer. I assumed she meant from her firm and then she said he'd bought her some boots. I again said, who is he and she said just a friend. I said why did he buy you boots then and she responded with 'he likes me in them.' Hmmmmm, ok....

She then started talking about him a lot in texts by name but always kept saying he was just a friend. I also asked her a couple of times about meeting again and we'd be in the middle of setting a date when she'd go quiet and I wouldn't hear from her a week or so later and she'd forgotten.

Eventually we did set a date, which she cancelled a couple of days before but then re-arranged for the week after. Meanwhile things began to unravel regarding her mystery friend, as on a whim, and when she was meant to be off sick from work, they went to a gig in Manchester and stayed in a hotel room together. I then had an idea of who he was and I was actually proved right.

We met on a Saturday afternoon in November 2013. I shouldn't have gone really as I'd had a bit of a falling out with a Soho wall (see Date 84) the night before but I really wanted to see her again. We went to a bar and straight away she started knocking back large glasses of white wine while I stuck to JD and coke and wasn't even trying to keep up with her. She then proceeded to flirt with every man she could get the attention of. She'd blatantly brush past them or smile at them from the bar and then they'd giver her their number. All this was going on while I was with her so I don't know who they thought I was and to be honest, this all made me feel really uncomfortable as I felt like I was just merely accompanying her while she went on the pull. During the afternoon, I broached the subject of her 'friend' and, as I'd suspected, he turned out to be a married man from London, whom she'd been having an affair with for 3 years. I then spent the rest of the time in there, whilst she eyed up any man who walked in with a pulse, counselling her and listening to the heartache of being a mistress.

We then went for food where she demolished a bottle of red virtually on her own as I was taking things easy. Boy, can she drink! And then the fun really started.

I wanted to go to the BFI bar as it's one of my favourites but when we got there it was closed for a private function. There was a special Dr Who party for competition winners going on as there was a special episode being shown. It was also live on tv so there were a lot of celebs about and apparently Doctors past and present were all milling about. Unsurprisingly, there was a big security presence. She told me she was going to get us in and then began to work her way around all the security guards offering blow jobs in return for us being let past the cordon. Yes, you read that correctly and she wasn't joking. She even would describe the technique she'd use on them in detail. One of them was sorely tempted and asked if I was her boyfriend and she laughed uncontrollably. At one point, she got distracted when she saw Peter Davison and ran after him shouting his name, but luckily for him he managed to evade her. While she was gone I had a word with the security guy and told him to do me a favour as I said she was my friend and I was embarrassed by what she was doing so he said out of respect for me he wouldn't take up her kind offer. He also asked me if she had something wrong with her. She then started turning her attention to a very big and hairy cameraman. I went over and he introduced himself to me then quickly departed. She told me that things had been going great until I'd come over!

By now I didn't know why I was there and went off and found a quiet corner and started texting some friends to tell them what was happening and they all told me to leave her to it. I don't why I didn't but I think maybe I felt she needed looking after. She found me and I suggested we should leave to go elsewhere. This was after an hour of her unsuccessful attempts and she confided with me that it was the first time she'd been refused entry to an event so I can only imagine what she's done in the past. On the way out she even managed to cause a minor furore by trying to find the hairy cameraman and screaming for him which actually resulted in the party inside telling her to shut up as the episode was being broadcast live on tv. She eventually left her number with a production assistant who promised to give it to the guy in question, although I'm not so sure he wasn't hiding somewhere. On the way out she asked if I could set up a date between her and my best friend, whom she'd never met. I said no and when she asked why, I said: because he wouldn't like you.

We went elsewhere for another drink but the night was not over. By this time she was unsurprisngly quite drunk. As we started to have a drink she started to flirt with a guy and he actually made his excuses and moved to another seat very quickly. A little later on she spied a baby with a family sitting nearby and went over to ask if she could hold it. They refused and she came back in a huff. She then started shouting at them telling them they weren't holding it properly although they couldn't hear her. I told her to leave it and suggested we go. On our way out I suddenly noticed she wasn't with me and looked round to see her aggressively remonstrating with the family about their mothering techniques. She ran out crying and I went over to her and she shoved me away. I said I thought it was probably time to go home so I walked her across the bridge. I wasn't going to walk her to Victoria this time so I said bye and she walked off without saying anything. I called her back and she quickly pecked me on the cheek and turned around again without saying anything.

On my way back to Waterloo station, I popped back into the Royal Festival Hall, where the baby fiasco had taken place, and found her hat on the floor by our seats as she'd mentioned she'd lost it so I put in in my bag then texted her on the train to say I had it. The next day she replied and said thanks so I responded and said that was ok but I asked her if she'd got home alright as I'd been a bit worried about her the night before. She never replied and I never heard from her again. She also blocked me on twitter and did the same to some of my friends who followed her as well. She also deleted all our tweets and everyone else's connected with me. Which is a completely logical reaction as it was me who was quite clearly in the wrong.

I can't emphasise how good a night we'd had the first time we met so for things to end this way was very disappointing; whether it was a date or not. Having seen her true colours, I'm sure it really was for the best though.

I do actually still have her hat, although I have no idea what to do with it...

Date 82

"I started something. Typical me, typical me, typical me, typical me, typical me, typical me, typical me, typical me. I started something and now I'm not too sure."

Yet again Guardian Soulmates got me excited and yet again it was the same end result.

This person had contacted me when my subscription had run out, so I left it a few weeks before I replied. I wanted to respond to her immediately, but the cynical and tight part of me was loathe to fork out another thirty odd quid for a month when in theory I could reply and then get no response, as has happened before.

The thing is though, she'd sent such a great opening message and we had so much in common that it was untrue, so it wasn't much of a risk. We then exchanged a few really long emails as we had so much to talk about and it became clear that she was basically me in a skirt....except she was good looking and slim.

When we met up, we immediately got on and the conversation never dried up. Our favourite films were exactly the same, we even loved less know niches like 'Kitchen Sink Dramas.' We went to all the same gigs and had been at a Breeders gig recently standing near each other, unbeknownst to us at the time. Just everything in terms of tv and books as well; we had exactly the same tastes. As it was mid-week we had 4 drinks each and to be honest, I think that's pretty good for a school night date.

It got to about 10pm, and as she lived in Kent we called it a night, and I went home quite happy.

I then contacted her the next morning to say I'd had a lovely evening and would she like to do it again. She replied a couple of days later:

'I had a lovely evening too but am not sure there was anything more than a friends thing there for me. You may well have felt the same anyway, but for me I don't think it would be right to meet for another date. I hope that's OK and that you find what you're looking for.'

I replied and said I was disappointed as I thought we'd got on but said good luck for the future.

I appreciate her honesty but I thought that as we'd had such a good evening and had so much in common that surely it was worth meeting again, or at least staying in touch as gig buddies etc. I suppose with online dating if it's not love at first sight then some people don't really want to find out if others are slow growers. I thought there was potential to work on but maybe it was just an attraction thing so it was probably for the best. I did sort of think afterwards that if she didn't want to go on another date with me then no-one else will, which is completely irrational as at the end of the day it's all about that elusive chemistry blah, blah, blah.

I think that this will be my last blog entry for a while and it might indeed be the last in this blog. I'm hopefully moving to Brighton in a couple of months which means there's no point going on any dates in London now and I've removed all my profiles from all the sites I was a member of. Whether I continue the blog in Brighton; I'm not sure but I wouldn't rule it out. And you never know as I might meet someone not through a dating website and live happily ever after...

Date 81

"So drink, drink, drink and be ill tonight."

I exchanged a few messages with this woman on Guardian Soulmates, and as my subscription was running out; I gave her my email address. When my stint on GSM ended, I never heard from her so I presumed she wasn't bothered about staying in contact and I just forgot about her.

Then, completely out of the blue, about 3 months later, I received an email from her apologising for not being in touch and asking me if I wanted to go out on a date.

As I tend to do on dates, I got to the bar a bit early and grabbed a much coveted diner style booth and waited quite a while for her to arrive as she was running very late. When she did rock up, although I knew it was her (as I'd told her where I was sitting), she looked so much older and different to her profile pictures. After a couple of drinks, we seemed to be getting on fine, then I made my only mistake of the night. The bar I'd picked is always quite busy and seats are at a premium, hence why I always stake out the booth seats beforehand and then pounce when they become free. After about an hour, two women came over and asked if they could share the booth. I thought this was really cheeky and instead of saying no, I let them 'join' us. I hate being so well mannered and accommodating sometimes but I couldn't refuse their request. As it turned out they were right noisy bastards and we gleaned from their no holds-barred and loud conversation that they were a lesbian couple on a first date too.

After a while we decided to move on and went to a Mexican restaurant for dinner where we sank numerous mojitos too. By the time we'd finished I wanted to go elsewhere but she was actually really drunk (she had been quite pissed after a couple of drinks at the bar, which meant that for the rest of the evening I wasn't sure what she was talking about half the time), so she called it a night and as we said our goodbyes at Waterloo, she told me to call her.

I emailed her a few days later, as I had tickets for a comedy event for someone I knew that she really liked, and asked her if she wanted to come too but she said she was ill and I never heard from her again.

Date 80

"God, how sex implores you."

After dabbling with the free sites for a while, I decided to go back to good old Match. Having spoken on the phone as well as exchanging a fair few messages with this woman, I suggested that we go for drinks in Richmond. As we both lived in the same area she suggested that we meet at the bus stop to get there rather than at the destination itself. I thought this was a bit weird as it meant we'd have to share a bus journey which could turn out to be awkward but I just went with it.

When we did meet at the bus stop she realised the implications of this and suggested we get separate buses! I didn't know if she was actually joking or not but we got the same bus anyway and it was absolutely fine and not awkward at all. As it turned out we got on really well, both got pretty hammered, and for only the second time on a first date, we got a cab back to hers, where she made me a halloumi sandwich (not a euphemism) and we had sex. Considering I'd been experiencing a personal drought for almost two years, I was amazed as to how well things went as in theory things could have been over VERY quickly...but thankfully they weren't. The next day brought one of the shortest walks of shame that I'd ever done and I was home in about 20 minutes.

The following week we went for dinner but I didn't go back to hers as she was getting up early the next morning to leave for a holiday. While she was away, she rang me up for a chat one night and I noticed something that worried me a little bit. While we were talking, she suddenly blurted out: 'I can hear typing, is that you typing? Are you sending a message to someone else on Match while you're speaking to me?' On this occasion she wasn't joking. I denied it as I wasn't doing anything of the sort and in fact I hadn't even been on my laptop all day so was just on the phone to her whilst I was lying on my bed.

That was all very odd, but we still agreed to go out again when she got back. We went to Richmond again as we had on our first date and the end result was the same as we went back to hers. Something then hilarious or unfortunate happened the next morning; depending on how you look at things. We were having sex again and she was on top. We'd been going for ages and I felt that I was just about to reach the point of no return, when suddenly I got the most painful cramp I'd ever experienced in my left calf. She thought I was moaning because I was enjoying things so I had to tell her very quickly that she needed to get off me and I began running round her flat trying to get rid of the cramp. What a disturbing image that must have been. Unfortunately, as it was the morning I had to go and although she saw the funny side, she made me feel bad for leaving her hanging.

We were both busy the following week so I didn't see her again until a very impromptu get together on a Sunday night where things started to unravel. This was effectively our 4th date and I went round to her flat and we had something to eat then went to bed. She seemed to be in a bit of a funny mood and for some reason things weren't really happening. While we were lying there she said to me 'if I get pregnant then I'm not getting an abortion.' I didn't say anything. What was I meant to say? After a few minutes of awkward silence she then demanded to know why I was being so quiet. I told her that I didn't know what to say and she started crying. At this point in time I was pretty confused and she then said something that I thought was way below the belt. However, before I go into this I need to fill in a bit of background. I've spent the last few weeks wondering if I should make this public as it's so personal but here goes.

For the last few years, myself and my sister have been part time carers for my seriously ill mother. We both had full time jobs but left them to take on this responsibility as she has Parkinson's Disease and is unable to look after herself anymore. It's an enormous ask for both of us but we just about manage and we both fulfill freelance jobs to keep things ticking over. This may sound like we don't have any spare time but in actuality we have active social lives because we act as a team. All this means really is that sometimes we can't do things on the spur of the moment and that we co-ordinate between us who looks after her if one of us is out. However, sometimes I may need a day or two's notice to be able to go out. I'm always honest with people from the start about the situation and it hasn't hindered my sister as she's in a very serious relationship with a guy she met off Guardian Soulmates over two years ago and he's so supportive it's untrue. My life is still fairly normal but it just so happens that at this moment in time I have some responsibilities.

I'm used to being teased about this from previous women I've met through dating and I think that it has scared some off, particularly Date 55, who ended our relationship because of it. So, I wasn't very impressed when after her tears had subsided, she forcibly told me that I might as well be married with children because I couldn't drop everything for her and be at her beck and call. I explained to her that the two situations were completely different. I don't think anyone these days can just drop everything at a moment's notice and there were times when I couldn't see her as she was on holiday or had work commitments. I'd rather I didn't have these responsibilities but shit happens and who knows what the future holds? She also told me that I should warn people by stating on my dating profile about the situation I'm in.

Things had become a bit weird so I told her I thought it was best if I just went home. She texted me the next day and said she was sorry that she'd been all serious and we exchanged texts on and off for a couple of days. I then didn't text her for a few days and she sent me an arsey one saying that I'd made it clear that I wasn't keen on her and that she wanted to say she'd had fun and wished me good luck in the future. I replied by saying I'd had a lot of fun too and I wished her good luck as well...and that was that.

Date 79

"Bigmouth la la la la la la."

I was certainly on a roll in regards to free dating sites, with OKCupid again providing my next date. She made contact first and sent me a message, but for some reason I'd completely forgotten about it and didn't actually reply until 2 weeks later which is most unlike me. After only a couple of emails she hinted that she was very keen to meet me so we decided to hook up for a drink.

During the first drink, we appeared to be getting on, although saying that, I can't remember too much about her apart from her having a very strong but lovely Northern Irish accent and her being a freelance cookery writer. I'm also not sure if we had much in common.

She'd arrived at the bar before me and bought the first round of drinks, so when I asked her if she wanted another she 'ummed' and 'arrred' for a good 30 seconds before saying yes. This wasn't a good sign but I went up and got them anyway. However, when I brought them back to our table she said she had to go soon as she came up with a fairly elaborate story about her boss wanting to talk to her about a writing project even though it was her night off. She was very chatty, so much so that when we'd finished our second drink she kept me for another half an hour or so talking, in which we could have had another drink. I didn't quite get that.

This was one of the quickest dates I'd been on for ages and I got the impression that she'd made up her mind about me very quickly due to her indecision regarding the second drink. I didn't bother to contact her again, however, we had been playing Words with Friends and although she played her move that night, when I played mine, she stopped and the game was never completed. I probably was more annoyed about this as I hate winning word games due to a forfeit.

Date 78

"So, phone me, phone me, phone me."

I've never been a fan of Plenty of Fish (has anyone had any good experiences from it?) but I thought that I'd give it another try, despite having been on it before and deleting my profile on both occasions and vowing never to go back.

At first, we exchanged a few brief messages that weren't really going anywhere, then one night she emailed in the early hours of the morning saying she was drunk and did I want to meet her the following evening. I didn't read it until the morning so replied and said yes. I waited for her response as to what she wanted to do all day then finally got a message at about 5 or 6pm saying she was now going out with a friend so could she cancel? I wasn't happy as I don't know why she'd bothered to ask in the first place and I'd kept open my evening. I can't remember how I responded but it was brief and I wasn't bothered about actually meeting her.

I assumed I'd never hear from her again, but a month or so later I got a message from her with her mobile number late one Saturday night, asking me to call her. I did and we must have spoken for about 4 hours or so. We did the same the next few nights and spoke at length about everything and anything. During one of the conversations things did get a bit saucy but ultimately we both got a bit shy and nothing happened!

We met up for drinks a couple of days later and had a great night and seemed to be really comfortable with each other as we had been on the phone. She was very attractive and while we were at a restaurant towards the end of the night, she laid her cards on the table and said she really wanted to see me again; to which I agreed.

On our way back to the station we were holding hands and had a bit of a kiss on the platform and she re-iterated how she wanted to see me again, and on the way home she texted me to say thanks for a wonderful evening.

As she'd kept emphasising how much she wanted to go on a second date, I though this meant that a second date was a distinct possibility...see, I can read signals. We exchanged a few texts the next day then they just stopped. She'd been made redundant the day before our date so I thought not hearing from her was because she was busy job hunting. She took a week to reply to my last text then after me responding they stopped again. I left it another week and asked how she was getting on with her job search and she replied saying she'd found a new one, so I then asked about a second date and she never replied, so, I just left it. I'm not really sure what happened as I was keen to see her again too, but she did strike me as being a bit flaky. I did think a lot about contacting her again but in the end I didn't because what would be the point.

Date 77

"And tell me how long before the right one?"

Having not been on a date for almost 5 months, this one really came out of the blue. After giving up on pay-sites, I had occasionally been looking back on OKCupid in the intervening period, without much success. Then a week or so ago (late May) I received a reply from this person.

Her profile was very sparse, but what she did say was funny, she was also attractive AND was a fan of The Smiths. I only sent a reasonably short message to her and to my amazement she responded with an essay. In that reply she also intimated about meeting up. So, we agreed to do so after a couple of messages.

In between the time I first messaged her and to us meeting just over a week later, we had a lot of email contact back and forth and she was absolutely hilarious. When this happens, you get used to the daily routine  of hearing from this person all day and you begin to look forward to it. Being the same age, we had the exact same taste in music, films and TV and there always seemed to be so much to say to each other. It became quite intense and it's quite odd really because you tend to build up an imaginary 'picture' of what someone is going to be like before you've met them and you think you know them better than you actually do.

As is sometimes the case, I was very excited about meeting her. I didn't want to be though...This may sound like a strange statement, but with dates, I prefer to not really think about them beforehand and I try and lower my expectations so as not to be disappointed if things don't go well. She seemed to be looking forward to it too and I was getting butterflies in my stomach days in advance, which is extremely rare for me.

We met in a bar on the Southbank at 6pm and I got there a bit early and acquired perfect 'booth' seats which are like gold dust in this particular bar as it's so popular. When she turned up, I was impressed and she looked absolutely stunning. We then spent the next few hours having very surreal conversations and just getting to know each other better. I was having a ball and I remember there being a lot of laughter. She also had some great stories to tell and I was absolutely starstruck when I found out that she knew two members of one of my favourite bands, Veronica Falls, and they were always dropping by her house!

As we'd had a few drinks, we needed food so moved onto a restaurant, shared a bottle of wine then had one last drink before she said she needed to go home. So, I walked her to her bus stop, made sure she got on alright and kissed her goodbye.

By now it was around 11:30 pm so we'd spent a good 5 and a half hours together and I thought that things had gone well. I messaged her when I got home and said that I'd really enjoyed myself and would she like to come out with me again later in the week as I was thinking about going to an event that I knew she'd want to go to. Normally, I leave these things a day or two but I thought what's the point in playing games, so what the hell.

I didn't hear from her until late the next evening and she simply sent me a reply saying she'd had fun but was busy every night that week and sorry. I responded by saying that wasn't a problem and whether she was free again another time. I never heard from her after that.

I'm not really sure what happened, but I guess I just liked her more than she liked me. Being so excited beforehand did worry me as I knew I'd be disappointed if things didn't go to plan and that proved to be the case. On occasions in the past, I have found that women have wanted to see me again when I haven't been really bothered and vice versa, so it's possible that when I'm enthusiastic then women are perhaps not as interested. Saying that though, I'm sure I'm just myself and I think I was for this date.

I don't mind if she wasn't that into me as it would be ridiculous to agree to see me again if she didn't want to. However, I'd got into a bit of a routine of being in so much contact with her and I thought that her response to my request of a second date was rude and it just seemed rather abrupt. I suppose I'm also quite surprised when a date lasts quite a long time and they don't want to see you again, as surely you'd just go home after a couple of drinks if you weren't enjoying the company?

Anyway, I'm still feeling quite sad a couple of days later, which I know is completely irrational and ridiculous after one date, but I really liked her. Which maybe says it all...

I do, however, think that she's the closest woman I've ever been on a date with that matches what I'm looking for...although without the ignorance and headfuckery obviously.

Finally, to paraphrase Pointless' wonderful Richard Osman: at least I got an anecdote out of it.

Date 76

"See the luck I've had can make a good man turn bad."

My first date of 2013 and any thoughts I had that a new year would bring about a change in my fortunes were quickly dashed here.

Having gone back to OKCupid to try my luck again, I was quite optimistic even before I'd met this person. She'd seemed very keen to meet me and sent me her phone number and times when she was free after only a few messages without me asking, so things did seem very promising and for the first time in ages, I was actually excited about this date rather than nervous.

Even before the date started though, my evening got off to a very bad start. Just as I was about to catch my train, I went to a cash point and the ATM inexplicably swallowed my card without warning, so thanks for trying to ruin my night: HSBC. There was absolutely no reason for this to happen as I'd entered the right pin and I wasn't overdrawn. I just didn't know what to do as I only had about a fiver in my wallet. What do you do in a situation like that as I could hardly turn up on a date without any money? I was very close to ringing her up and cancelling but my Knight in Shining Armour suddenly appeared in the form of my sister's boyfriend! Luckily he hadn't gone into work that day as he'd been doing stuff from home, so he drew some cash out for me and even lent me his Oyster card, and I even made my train...what a man.

Despite that little drama and the fact that my train was severely delayed, I managed to get to the bar we were meeting in at the right time and although she was fashionably 15 minutes late it didn't really matter as it gave me time to cancel my debit card and catch my breath.

When she did turn up we seemed to hit it off straight away and we had so much to talk about. Being 4 years older than me meant that we had almost identical reference points in terms of music and she was also a History teacher which was useful as I used to work in that sector. However, something that I think probably put me at a disadvantage was the fact that she was doing some thing where she wasn't going to be drinking any alcohol for the whole of January. I don't really understand these sorts of things as I sometimes go for a whole month without any booze and I don't even notice so I can only imagine that she's normally a big drinker.

After a couple of drinks (soft ones for her) we called it a night as it was getting late and at the end of the evening I was actually surprised by how much I'd fancied her. We said our goodbyes and although I'm always pessimistic about second dates, I thought there was a really good chance of her wanting to meet up again as the evening had been a good laugh and, in my eyes, there was a lot of potential.

How wrong I was. I sent her a message the next day saying that I'd had a really enjoyable evening and I asked her if she wanted to meet up again and she replied by saying: 'nice to meet you too but I think I'd like to leave it as one night.' Although she was being honest, I found that a bit patronising (anyone else think that too?). And after brushing these knock-backs aside in the past I am actually starting to seriously wonder what women are actually looking for and what (if anything) I'm doing wrong. I also think that if she'd had her beer goggles on then another date would have happened. Possibly. 

Date 75

"Money Changes Everything."

My third and final date using Lovestruck and I was glad to delete my profile when my 3 month subscription ended. Any replies to messages or profile views from other members ended after about 2 weeks of being on there so I really didn't get my money's worth.

I contacted this person within the first few days of being on the site and she very quickly gave me her phone number...without me even asking for it. So, very soon we agreed to meet in Richmond at 4pm one Saturday afternoon. It went very well and we got on splendidly, although she really hit the red wine and even after eating at a restaurant, she peaked too early and we had to call it a night at about 8pm as she was very merry.

I was very keen to see her again so I texted her a day or so later and asked her if she wanted to go to the flicks. I won't say which film as I'll just be laughed at, but she said yes and seemed very excited. Although, probably by the film I'd suggested rather than seeing me again. Apart from the fact that the cinema's heating had broken down and it was -2 outside, thus forcing us to don scarves and gloves half way through, the film was decent...and ok, I'll give you a clue what we saw: I'm Team Edward all the way. Afterwards she asked me to walk her back to her car which was about 10 minutes away and she then gave me a lift back to near my bus stop, although I had to suddenly jump out at some traffic lights which was a bit of an abrupt end to the evening as I barely could say goodbye and I didn't have a clue how the evening had gone.

I heard from her briefly over Christmas but then the trail went dead. As luck would have it though, I managed to acquire a couple of tickets for my beloved BUG at the BFI (hosted by Adam Buxton). I hadn't been for a year as tickets are like gold dust, but for some bizarre reason there were still a few for sale which is extremely rare as it's almost always sold out very quickly. I'd found out on our first date that she was a big fan of Mr Buxton, although she'd never heard of, let alone been to BUG which I was amazed at. So, although, I hadn't bought them especially for her, I told her that I had a spare and she jumped at the chance.

As it turned out, it was the best BUG I'd been to for ages and some of it was so funny that I couldn't breathe as I was laughing so much. She really enjoyed it too. However, afterwards we had a few drinks and she never once offered to pay for her ticket or buy me drinks. I couldn't obviously ask her for the money and while they were only £15, to me that's just a bit rude, is it not?

Although I got a text from her to thank me for the evening later on, I've not heard from her since so I'm just going to leave it as I actually can't be bothered to chase her. Whilst we got on well, I felt that she wasn't really putting any effort into things as I'd chosen the venues for each date and I still feel her not offering to pay for BUG was a little bit naughty. The fact that she was a smoker also bothered me a little bit too. I stopped smoking almost 4 months ago and it's still a real struggle for me. I realise it's completely hypocritical of me but having to sit out in the freezing cold while she smoked fag after fag before BUG was really unbearable, and maybe I'm better off without the temptation.