Date 181

"So, goodbye."

I assume that this will turn out to be the last date that I meet from Guardian Soulmates considering it will be ceasing to exist from June onwards, and I deleted my profile about 2 days before they made it free for everyone.

It was a great site to be on in London and when I used to live there I met lots of interesting people through it. However, my experiences haven't been great on it the last few years with barely anyone replying to messages and a month's subscription coming in at a whopping £32!!!! I never understood where the money went for that as every time I contacted them about something like glitches on the app, it never got sorted and the format it used hadn't really been updated in the 15 or so years that it was active. I assume a lot of the non-swiping apps will become equally as obsolete soon as why spend a month messaging people and getting nothing back when at least with swipe sites the matching capability means you're halfway there to exchanging messages with someone.

I digress though. I met my last GSM date for coffee and cake that lasted probably under an hour and it was ok. She was quite insistent about a second one so we met for drinks but that was quite quick too and was probably only 2 drinks worth.

The pub date was definitely more fun but I'm not really a fan of cafe dates. Plus she'd made more of an effort to dress up. Our third date was meant to be the pub again but she postponed it due to there being a bad weather forecast, which turned out not to be true. So, it didn't take place but not for a very good reason. When we did rearrange it was for coffee again and I genuinely can't remember anything about it.

These took place in January and February, so before Lockdown, and I've obviously not seen her since but she's still in fairly regular contact, usually sending me links to news stories that are a couple of days out of date. So, she's either bored or just trying to keep a dialogue going. She's a nice person but I'm not sure if we'd meet up again as I just don't know what we'd do as she's usually only ever out for a short period of time before she has to get back.

Farewell Guardian Soulmates.....

Date 179

"If you must write prose and poems, the words you use should be your own."

I didn't know this before I met this woman for coffee, but she's a tv presenter, radio presenter and journalist. She also writes articles about online dating in national newspapers.

Although the date only lasted an hour or so, I got a good vibe from her and she was funny, good looking, friendly and ten years older than me. I came away feeling happy and I felt she wanted to see me again. She filled me in all her media work and she's got a very big internet presence so it wasn't difficult to find her articles.

The next day I texted her to enquire about another date and she suggested another coffee one...I found this totally unimaginative and uninspiring but I said yes anyway, thinking she'd choose somewhere to go but then I never heard back from her.

I wasn't that bothered really as I found the offer of another possible coffee date a bit boring so a few weeks later I suggested going out for drinks over Christmas. I'd not heard anything for a while so deleted her number on my phone. Then a few days after Christmas, I got a text from her out of the blue saying she still had family staying but when they were gone she'd contact me about meeting up for drinks. I never did hear from her again.

As someone who claims to be a 'dating expert' I can only assume that she's never read any of her own articles.

Date169

"In the room downstairs, he sat and stared."

I'd held back on writing this up as our first date had been in August. It felt fairly brief as we only had a few drinks, and although I knew that I liked her, I was really surprised when she contacted me about a second date.

She suggested we go and do a pub quiz and it was great fun. Although we didn't win, it was an inspired thing to do on a date and she totally hooked me in with her brains, wit and attractiveness. We also shared a somewhat unwanted thing in common in that we're both adult orphans at relatively young ages.

I felt reasonably upbeat about things but then I didn't hear from her about meeting again so I just presumed I wouldn't and I pretty much forgot about her until she messaged me out of the blue in October. I'd recently moved fairly near her so she suggested we go for drinks. Again, it was fairly brief and during the evening she said she was super busy at work and wanted to take things slowly with me. I initially took this to mean that she wanted to get to know me, then I thought she meant friends. And then when we were on our way out she started telling me how cool I looked and that she loved my parka jacket and glasses, so I was sort of getting mixed messages and didn't really know what she meant.

Through all the time I'd known her, she didn't give much away and didn't text much either. Out of all the women who I've met over the last couple of years, she seemed closest to what I look for in a relationship. Being a university lecturer, she said she wouldn't be able to meet up until after her reading week and that she'd contact me then.

I hadn't heard from her a month or so later, but had found out about another pub quiz near me so I asked her to that and she agreed to come. It was a really fun quiz and considering we were only a 2 person team, we finished 5th out of 20. We also actually won the plasticine round:

The theme was rude food and her filthy mind had the idea of making Spaghetti Bollocksnese. To set the record straight: I created the spaghetti and she did the rest. For our efforts we won a bottle of wine and our creation earned a place on their plasticine shelf of fame to be displayed in the pub.

It was a really fun night, but I also realised that whilst we're a great quiz team partnership, I could sense that she's not interested in me in a romantic way. I also wasn't that impressed by her sending messages on her phone solidly for the first 10/15 minutes of the evening, leaving me to stare into the abyss.

I took the bottle of wine home and put forward the idea that we could toast our win in the new year, but I'm not sure if she was that keen...but I suppose it depends on how much plasticine she receives for Christmas.

Date 155

"Oh, I know I'm alone."

I was excited beforehand by this date as we were a similar age and seemed to really like the same music. In fact she'd contacted me initially due to our shared love of The Smiths.

Although it was a bit of a trek for me, we met in a pub over the road from where she had been attending a ukulele group and it was a good choice as they served milk stout and the barman was very knowledgeable. That was the best part of the date though.

I was sitting at a table near the back and she came over to me and I have to say that I wouldn't have know it was her as she didn't look like her pictures, not in a bad way though, I just think that they were old. I could instantly tell by her eyes though that she was disappointed by me. After a few minutes I got the distinct impression that she didn't want to be there.

Although we talked about music for a bit, and we did indeed like all the same stuff, she declared that she was coming down with a cold. It was her round and she went and got me a drink then said she felt ill so had to leave. I was then left the unenviable task of drinking alone on a date so I downed it pretty quick and left.

I had genuinely thought she was ill but I didn't hear from her again so I suspect it was just an exit plan. I was pretty disappointed because I definitely fancied her and thought there was potential due to having other things in common too but I guess I wasn't the type of guy she was looking for, and she made up her mind pretty quickly!

Date 154

"But oh, my darling, why did you change?" 

Of all the blog entries that I've written I think that this one neatly encapsulates modern dating. It's still fresh in my memory so I still feel a bit hurt and sad which doesn't make sense as she turned out to be a bit of a dick in retrospect.

A couple of months before, I'd deleted all my profiles on all the dating sites that I belonged to but decided to give online dating another chance, so signed up for a week's subscription with Guardian Soulmates. We seemed to get on very well after exchanging a few messages and then switching to Whatsapp at her suggestion. She was an incessant texter so things became very intense, very quickly and we were pretty much in contact virtually all day every day, which I always found a bit strange from her end as I couldn't work out how she could maintain her job but still send me messages all the time. We also got into a routine where, without fail, one of us (predominantly her at first) would text to say good morning and good night. That's a really nice thing when it's happening bit when it abruptly stops it's not such fun.

An early drawback, however, was the fact that I live in Brighton and she's in East London. That wasn't really an issue at first though. I think we met after 10 days to two weeks after we'd first been in contact and I'd agreed to go and meet her along the SouthBank after work. We were both so nervous (most unlike me) but we hadn't needed to be as we got on great. I really fancied her and it was one of my favourite first dates. So much so that I didn't get home until about 1:30 am as we kept going to different pubs and from my point of view I didn't want the night to end.

Still being very much in contact, a couple of days later she had a free Friday evening so I suggested she come and visit me in Brighton after work. She agreed at first but then offered up an excuse a bit later. As it turned out she just went home and had a few drinks on her own and she first mentioned how distance might be a problem. I was in London the next day for a friend's birthday and I intimated meeting up afterwards but we didn't.

We then set up the following Saturday as our next date. She said she'd definitely come to Brighton and fancied the cinema. So, I messaged her about times and films and said I could book us tickets then a restaurant afterwards. At this point she got a bit funny and said how she didn't want to be tied down and hated having plans but preferred to do things last minute and that she'd probably only have time for a meal and drinks as she had responsibilities in her life.

A couple of days later she asked if I'd like to come to London again as she'd got free tickets for a matinee musical in the West End called Ruthless. This was when I started to realise that she liked to do things on her terms. However, I agreed because I wanted to see her again and I don't mind going to London as it's easy to get to from Brighton anyway.

I wasn't as nervous/excited as I had been for the first date and to be honest I was a bit apprehensive. This is quite normal for second dates anyway as I think there's more riding on them than a first date and they're relatively make or break. As it turned out we had another great time. She loved the musical and I have to agree that it was entertaining (even though it wasn't really my thing). She then took me to a very exclusive cocktail bar where we had espresso martinis and then an amazing restaurant.

Towards the end of the night we got into some deep conversations about our lives and I told her some pretty personal and sad stuff about that I'd endured growing up. Upon hearing this she cried a few times and I had to comfort her. Although, it might have been the drink, I genuinely thought that we had a connection and on the train going home she was needlessly apologising for her tears but also saying how she'd had a great time and that she'd definitely be coming to Brighton for our third date. The third date never happened.

At this point I'll touch upon what different people we were and how our lives were miles apart. I've never been married and I don't have any children. Having lived in London for over 20 years: most of my friends live there. I've been in Brighton for just over 4 and I don't know that many people and my social life goes in peaks and troughs and revolves around gigs, live comedy and the cinema.

She's 3 years older than me, has 3 children (2 at university and 1 living with her some of the time), is divorced and until a year ago had been in an 8 year relationship until he cheated on her. She also lives in a mansion, drives a BMW 4x4 and has worked in the city most of her life.

Things then started to change. The previous year she'd told me she had gone totally mad on the partying front, been on a lot of dates and one night stands, but she was settling down this year due to her family. I'd suggest meeting up but she'd say she didn't have the time then would would send me selfies of her at stupid o'clock, shitfaced in various bars.

We had a very deep text conversation one evening in which she wanted to know what I was looking for in a relationship, what she was looking for and whether we were compatible. I found it quite weird and she said that she couldn't give me children as she didn't want any more and I said that wasn't a priority of mine anyway. We both came to the conclusion that we'd enjoyed the dates so far and wanted to see how things went but that we were both happy with how things were going. She kept reiterating the distance between us and and other things like being busy at work and wanting to spend more time with her family. I said that due to all these things we could call it a day but she didn't want to and that she was comfortable with our arrangement.

Even though I'd not instigated that conversation it made me feel that things were going to progress but they actually got worse. The texts decreased after that and she stopped the good morning and good night ones. I also felt that she was getting a bit mean to me and she would go on rants about how to live my life. To illustrate this, during the most recent bank holiday weekend I wasn't really up to much but the weather was lovely and I was out and about but spending time in my garden reading. It was really relaxing. She was at some very messy barbecues and I said I was jealous, although I wasn't particularly. She got a bit angry for some reason and told me I needed to expand my social life and there was nothing stopping me from having my own bbq, getting loads of people round last minute and cracking open the Jack Daniels. She'd do this with other things too and really tell me what to do, I was very close during these times of actually telling her we should call it a day as she was becoming more passive aggressive. From then on she'd regularly send me messages telling me I should be going out if I had nothing to do or when friends were busy and it got to the point where I'd dread her asking and I felt guilty for not being out one night even if I had been the previous one.

In all this time, she hadn't mentioned meeting up again either. I'd suggested it but she said she was busy packing for her holiday so wouldn't be socialising and then proceeded to go out every night the week beforehand and get pissed after work, so I thought I'd wait for her to mention it. I'd still be hearing from her every day but there'd been a mood change. She then went to Spain for a long weekend and was still texting me during it apart from one day. She'd also stopped putting kisses on her texts, which is a small but noticeable thing.

I happened to be in London for a comedy show on the day she was coming back from Spain. I think she was on the beach then waiting for her flight and her messages were very jokey and it felt like how she used to be.

The next day I texted her to see if she was tired as she'd got back relatively late and had to go in work and she'd said she was busy so I thought I'd let her get on with it. Four days later and I'd not heard anything from her so I dropped her a text on the Friday and she said she'd been busy with family stuff and then proceeded to reel off the social piss-ups she'd been to that week. I thought I'd just go out and say it and asked her when she fancied coming to Brighton and she wrote me a long text in which she said if she did it would only be on a platonic level.

She also said she'd been thinking about things and that she didn't want to give me the impression we could be anything other than friends and that she wasn't the right person for me in terms of time, distance and commitments.

I was out with a friend when I received it which was good as we spoke about it for a bit. I then slept on it and spent the next day mulling it over and working out what to say in response if anything. On Saturday evening I got a text from her demanding why I hadn't replied...

I said I was still processing things and in all honesty I didn't know what to say as I felt that what she said wasn't open for discussion. She said she was just being honest and didn't want me to think she was being dismissive; which is what she was doing, surely?

I asked her a couple of questions but she didn't answer them and then I didn't hear from her. So on the Monday I texted her to ask why things had changed since we'd had the deep discussion a couple of weeks beforehand. She reiterated that her family and job came first and that she didn't have the time to commit to me, plus she said she wasn't romantically inclined towards me and wasn't feeling it but that I should give her a heads up if I ever fancied a drink in London. Ruthless indeed...

Date 152

"Girl Afraid"

This is probably the most extreme example of how people can turn out to be very different from their online, or in this case telephone, persona.

During the week before our date, this woman began ringing me up every night and we'd talk for 3 or 4 hours at a time. She was confident, hilarious, charming but a bit intense. For her job she spent most of her time on the phone and did the occasional voiceover for her clients' telephone information services, and her voice was very sexy and her enunciation was very pleasing on the ear.

As we had so much in common music and humour-wise, she'd already arranged our second date before the first one had happened. And she saw us meeting and getting on for our first date as being a formality. This was also her first dabble in the world of internet dating and I think she got carried away with things.

I thought she was great too but every time she'd make plans for the future with us, I'd say let's get Sunday over with (the day we met) and take things from there as there is the possibility that we wouldn't get on. She'd told all her friends and family about me and she also was so desperate to meet me that she tried to see me before, firstly, she asked me to come to a friend's party with her which I turned down as I said that would be weird as I'd not met her yet and the second time she wanted me to meet her for drinks near where she lived and spend the night with her, either with her or in the spare room. On this occasion I was doing something else.

During our time on the phone she'd find it difficult to hang up and the first time we spoke until 2am. Another time we'd talked for 3 hours and she texted me afterwards to say that I was difficult to let go of. She also said on more than one occasion that our calls and texts had been the most romantic few days of her life. I found that weird. I enjoyed talking to her and I was really looking forward to meeting her but the language she used in those cases worried me a bit.

Finally the day came to meet and it was a total anti-climax. It was underwhelming and flat. But not due to my efforts.

She'd warned me beforehand that although she appeared outgoing on the phone, she was a total introvert and extremely shy. She drove to my village from Kent and was over an hour late as she'd got the time wrong but that was ok as she'd let me know and she was coming to me. I knew she was nervous so I wanted to try and make her feel at ease and I wanted to impress her so I bought her flowers, chocolate and a CD. I don't normally do that on a first date and I won't again.

She didn't look anything like her pictures. If we hadn't been talking on the phone when she got out her car then I wouldn't have known it was her. She had no make-up on and looked a bit scruffy. She had very nicotine-stained teeth too which was a turn-off. In her photos she'd looked glamourous and she'd also sent me a pic of her going to a party the night before and she was stunning. I genuinely felt like she hadn't gone to any effort to meet me, whereas I felt that I did.

We went for coffee initially, then a pub and she wasn't the person I'd been speaking to for hours on the phone. It felt like I was with an imposter. She told me she was on edge as she'd never met a 'stranger' off the internet before, as she put it, but even taking that into consideration; she came across as cold and unfriendly. Before we'd met she told me that the first thing she was going to do was run over to me and snog my face off...that never happened as she was very stand-offish.

After lunch we went for a long walk along the Brighton coastline, where she chain-smoked, and although the conversation flowed, I got the impression she didn't want to be there. However, despite all this I wanted to see her again as I felt sure that if we met for a second date then her nerves would be gone and her loving, funny and warm personality from our phone calls would come out. I tried to make the day less nerve-wracking for her and put her at ease. I'd also probably fallen into a trap a bit as all the things she'd said we could do together in the future sounded fun.

She had other ideas though. I contacted her afterwards but she ghosted me for a few days and sent me this text:

I had my phone next me all night and no call came through. This really disappointed me as I'd said after the date that I wanted to see her again. Even though the date had been a bit shit I'd hoped that we had enough in common to show that there was potential. I'm also sure that I'm just the same online as I am in real life. I replied by saying that I'd not blocked her as there was no reason why I would have and told her to take care. She must have really not liked me in person...

Date 145

"I know the wind-swept mystical air."

This continued the theme of quick, unmemorable dates.

I'd not had an active membership on Guardian Soulmates for about 6 months and this person had actually sent me a message quite a few months ago but I'd not received a notification to my inbox so I'd not picked it up. After a few messages she asked if we could talk on the phone. I hate doing this but I can understand why people want to before agreeing to go on a date and I must have come across ok as we did meet up. Bizarrely though, I've had times where a date has been arranged then they've wanted to speak beforehand and after hearing me have cancelled so I'm quite conscious of this happening. The weirdest example of this was a woman who called me from what sounded like a gale force wind-swept mountain top. I couldn't hear a word she was saying and after a few minutes I asked if we could speak a bit later, preferably somewhere a bit quieter, and she called off our date saying we wouldn't be compatible even though we never spoke again...so I clearly failed some sort of audibility test.

Back to this date, and it lasted possibly a couple of drinks. She was very nice and good looking and I thought perhaps there'd be a second date as she said that every date she'd been on had led to at least a second one. I was the exception to the rule though as I enquired about another one but she said she'd met someone else. I wasn't too disappointed.

Date 134

"And if you have five seconds to spare, then I'll tell you the story of my life."

Things really moved fast with this Guardian Soulmater after we'd exchanged initial messages, although I can't remember who initiated contact first.

She lived in South West London, which didn't bother me despite the distance, as I'd lived and worked in that area for over 20 years. And after a few emails she began to text incessantly and would Facetime me of an evening fairly regularly. This was quite fun in the beginning but it got really annoying as for about the first two weeks she was shitfaced every single night so her late night calls were essentially drunken ramblings. I also got a bit fed up one night when a drunk friend of hers was there with her when she called on Facetime and began interrogating me about my past dating experiences, so I ended that call prematurely.

I was sort of intrigued by her at the same time as she used to be a tv and theatre actress, so we set a date to meet. A few days before this, she suddenly had the house to herself and asked me at short notice to stay the night. Initially I said yes but then had to attend an important last minute meeting early the next day so told her I couldn't make it. She didn't take it well and behaved like a spoilt child which set alarm bells ringing and I started to not look forward to meeting her. I'd also been put off as her husband still lived in the marital home with her and the children as they hadn't finalised their divorce yet so all this seemed a bit complicated, so maybe it was just as well I didn't go to hers.

When we did meet at the South Bank she was good company as we had dinner and drinks, but it was very obvious that she knew nothing about me as in all the time we'd been in contact, she'd just talked about herself and her life but had forgotten to ask me anything. We did share a brief snog at the end of the night though, so it wasn't all bad!

We kept in sporadic contact afterwards but I've not heard from her for a couple of months so I doubt our paths will cross again.

Date 132

"Too freely on your lips."

This was the first and hopefully the last time that I get absolutely shit-faced on a first date. You'd think I'd know by now. I really can't comprehend what came over me or what happened.

She asked me out for a drink with her first email and apparently we'd exchanged a good few messages a couple of years back and then she'd disappeared; she was actually a bit put out that I couldn't remember this!

When we first met, I thought I'd only stay for a couple as my first impressions told me that there wasn't really a connection. However, we kept ordering large glasses of red wine and we were there until closing time. By this point we were both pretty drunk but inexplicably we found another pub which was open late. I don't remember what we talked about but I do recall towards the end of the night ordering straight cokes as I wasn't feeling too clever.

Upon leaving the pub and walking up a long, steep street with her, I just can't recall what happened in between. However, my last memory before I got into a taxi at the top of the street was us snogging! I don't know how the night led to this, I don't know who instigated it and I don't know how long it lasted. My memory was hazy at best.

I woke up the next morning with a moderately bad hangover and a feeling that I wasn't fussed about seeing her again. I didn't know why but I had a couple of flashbacks to some things she'd said towards the end of the evening that I found a bit odd, but I couldn't remember what exactly. I texted her in the afternoon to see how she was coping and she replied to my first text but not to my follow up. I didn't pursue her any further, nor did I hear from her again.

I was also quite regretful about getting so drunk, but more because there were parts of the night that I couldn't remember as opposed to anything embarrassing happening. Never again...

Date 131

"Do you see me when we pass?"

I don't think this person really knew what she was looking for. She'd recently moved back to Brighton after living in America for a number of years, in which time she'd been married and divorced.

She was quite hard to pin down at first. After I suggested we meet up, she insisted on talking on the phone first. After giving her my number, she kept saying she'd call on certain nights and never did. In the end we never spoke on the phone but ended up meeting for a quick coffee one afternoon weeks later, after she'd messed me around a bit.

The coffee lasted less than an hour but I think we got on well and she talked about meeting again for a second date. Although, I wasn't very keen on one of her suggestions, which was to go and see a Country and Western band; however, I didn't outwardly show my lack of enthusiasm for that idea. Saying that though, I would have gone along if asked as I had a good feeling about her and wanted to see her again.

A couple of days later my Mum went into hospital with pneumonia and never came home, although she's now doing very well in a Nursing home in Hove. On the day this happened I got a text from Date 131 asking if we could meet up the following week and I also explained the situation to her.

I didn't hear from her until 2 or 3 weeks later when I got a message saying:

I was a bit disappointed that she'd changed her mind, but as I said at the beginning: I don't think she knew what she wanted. As it happens, I did actually bump into her briefly about 6 weeks later just as I was about to meet Date 132! I've not seen her since though.

Date 130

"Because you let yours flail into public view."

I ventured back onto Guardian Soulmates after receiving a delightful opening message from this Brighton social worker.

I used to have a line on my profile in which I described myself as having the lower body of a footballer but the upper body of a darts player, and her opening email stated that she possessed the lower body of a javelin-thrower and the upper body of a page 3 girl. She'd charmed me.

We shared the same sense of humour and her texts were hilarious. We had a lot in common too with other things like music and shared a similar outlook on life.

We met in a pub I'd never been to before and I was extremely impressed with the choice of location as it had milk stout on tap! We got on well and shared a kiss outside and agreed to meet up again.

She suggested we meet at the same pub a couple of weeks later as it specialised in pies and she wanted to try one. However, the second date was the polar opposite of the first. She didn't make any effort at all and seemed completely disinterested in me. I was actually quite taken aback and the pies were also very average.

As we shared another kiss outside when we were waiting for her taxi and because she said she wanted to see me again, I thought maybe I'd imagined her apparent apathy. I hadn't though and we never had a third date.

I initially enquired about seeing her again and she kept being quite vague but said we could meet up the following week. However, when I contacted her again she said she enjoyed our dates but didn't feel any spark between us. I was quite disappointed as I was attracted to her, but I'd guessed that would be the case after the subdued second date. Maybe, it was just as well though as she wasn't nearly as funny in real-life. Ouch!

Date 128

"Ice water for blood."

This turned out to be my last dalliance on GSM before my subscription ran out, and in retrospect I wish I hadn't bothered as it turned out to be a waste of my valuable time.

We didn't live near each other as she was in Surrey and there was also the fact that she was tee-total so we couldn't meet for a quick drink. This wasn't a problem and when I asked why she didn't drink, she said she just didn't need to. I, therefore, had to be a bit creative, so I suggested that we meet at Kings Cross, go for a coffee and then pay a visit to the Wellcome Collection as there was an exhibition on there called Bedlam: the asylum and beyond, which she and I agreed sounded really interesting.

This was also not going to be for a few weeks as we could only meet on a Saturday and we both had plans for quite a few. In the weeks leading up to it though we were in regular contact and a couple of nights before I relayed the plan and it was set in place. I was really looking forward to it but on the night before we were due to meet she asked if we could postpone! She claimed she had some work to do which would take her all afternoon, and said we could meet for a quick coffee in East Croydon instead. I rejected this idea as it would have taken me a couple of hours to get to Croydon, whereas she was only about 20 minutes away. I was really pissed off that she cancelled at the last minute and I suspect that she got a better offer. She did say we could meet properly in a couple of weeks and, despite my misgivings, I said yes, as I always like to give people another chance.

When organising our date she said she could meet me at 2pm but when I suggested we could have lunch, she said it was too late for her to eat, so she ate beforehand which I didn't really understand as surely she could have moved the time to an earlier one. On the way to see her, I was nervous and excited, which were emotions that I'd not felt for a while, but these became dulled a bit when she was late and I had to go looking for her as she didn't know where our rendezvous point was. When I did locate her she looked like she'd just got up out of bed a few minutes before. I don't expect my dates to wear ball gowns but I always make an effort with my appearance, but she looked more like she was popping out to the corner shop for a pint of milk.

She then didn't want to go to the coffee shop I'd chosen as there was a small queue so we ended up going to a Costa. We only spent about 15 minutes in there then made our way to the exhibition, which was nearby. Once inside she then fucked off and went round the whole place ON HER OWN. ON A DATE!!!! I couldn't believe it. If you're with friends then doing that is acceptable but not when you've just met up with a potential suitor. I sort of did that too but kept making a beeline for her to make conversation but she was in her own world. She then sat down to watch a video on a loop for 20 minutes or so. This really took the piss as while she was doing that I went round the rest of the place and kept going back to her and she was still sitting there. I did this several times and each time I went back there were different people sitting next to her every time.

When she was finally finished with her viewing entertainment she then went round to the finish while I hovered about. Afterwards we went upstairs to look at another floor of a different exhibit and she did the same thing! After a while I said I was really thirsty and suggested we go the cafe downstairs as for some reason I wanted to get to know her properly as apparently we were on a first date.

Whilst sipping our cans of coke in the cafe I decided to quiz her on her no drinking lifestyle. She claimed that she just wasn't fond of alcohol and it just wasn't her thing. I then jokingly said "oh well, at least you're not a recovering alcoholic." She then looked at me in a very strange way and said nothing. After a short silence she confessed to actually being a recovering alcoholic and that she'd not had a drink for 16 years. She'd also been in rehab and had regularly gone to AA meetings. This didn't really bother me at all, and I was sympathetic and tried to make the best of an awkward situation. She then announced that she was meeting friends for dinner and we made our way to Victoria together and departed on our separate journeys home.

To me, the negatives outweighed the positives on this date. To be honest, I didn't find her very friendly and I'm not sure she showed much interest in finding out about me. I also felt that I'd gone to a lot of effort in arranging the date and it also took me about 3 hours to get there. I also felt a bit short-changed as we'd barely had time to speak after her solo voyage round the museum. I was certainly attracted to her and I found her intriguing and wanted to find out more about her, so I messaged her the next day about meeting up again. This is the response that I received back from her:

We barely spoke so I'm not sure where she got her information from regarding my expectations and situation. I expected her to say no and, thinking back, I think that I mistook her mysteriousness for aloofness.

Date 127

"I missed my bed and I soon came home."

I'd been communicating with this Aussie lady via Guardian Soulmates for a little while. She lived in London and I happened to be staying over for a couple of nights as I was seeing the Pixies at Brixton Academy, so we met up the night before.

The BFI bar became yet another scene for one of my first dates and it felt good to be back; although it had probably only been a few months since I'd last been there...We had a few drinks and I assume we went for something to eat, although I can't remember where we ended up going.

The night was going well and as the bars were closing I suggested she came back to my hotel as it had a late licence. I was definitely having fun, but my god could she knock her drinks back! I've never seen anything like it it. Even though I was enjoying her company, it got to 2am and I actually was wondering when she'd leave as I could barely keep awake. This is no criticism of her but I actually just wanted to go up to my room and jump into my bed as I was absolutely exhausted. Luckily the bar staff closed up and, as she had work the next day, she rang for a cab. 

As I escorted her out to the front of the hotel, we shared a snog, but in actual fact I don't think it could be described as such as it was the worst kiss I've honestly ever had in my life. I can't even explain what it was like, but I remember afterwards trying to work out what had actually happened. Despite cleaning the bar out she began to serenade me in the street through the medium of dance until her cab arrived.

I liked her and I think I was attracted to her but I've never been so pleased to get to bed. I didn't stir until midday but she'd actually gone into work on time after only about four hours sleep. Is this the behaviour of a functioning alcoholic or just normal for someone born and bred in Australia?

It was quite close to Christmas and she was going back home for a few weeks so we talked about her visiting me in Brighton when she got back. This never happened however. We texted for a month or so, mostly while she was down under, but I didn't have an overwhelming urge to see her again. I'm not sure why as she's a genuinely lovely person, but maybe she felt the same as the communication just fizzled out between us. I did contact her again a couple of months later and she was seeing someone else so that did make me wonder if she'd been working on her kissing technique. 

Date 126

"I've spent too long on your trail. Far too long chasing your tail."

After trying to get by for almost a year by solely using free dating sites, I went back onto Guardian Soulmates after being a sent a massive discount. I was getting a bit fed up with Tinder dates cancelling on me and/or disappearing.

Two of the major times this happened were just so rude. With the first one, I'd booked a table for dinner on a Friday night and only found out she was cancelling when I texted her the night before to confirm. She claimed that she couldn't get a babysitter, although she hadn't made any effort to let me know. But she said that she really wanted to meet me. So, the following week I booked another table at a restaurant for a Sunday roast. She was going to be in Brighton for a hen weekend and even though I said I didn't think that was a good idea as surely she'd be nursing a massive hangover, she assured me she'd go easy the night before, and be fine. True to form, an hour before we were due to meet on the Sunday I received a text from her cancelling as she'd gone home that morning as she felt ill from all the drinking. I really wasn't impressed at all and had no interest in meeting her now.  However, she contacted me later on and said she'd definitely meet me the following week. We agreed to meet on a Saturday evening, but when I texted her to confirm the finer details the night before, she ignored it and I never heard from her again.

Something similar happened on another Tinder date and this was equally as infuriating. In this case we'd set a time and place to meet and I only found out she was cancelling when I messaged her the night before to confirm and she said she was ill and couldn't make it (and again hadn't made any effort to let me know). She said we could reschedule it for the following week at the same time and location. Again, I texted her the night before to confirm and when I awoke the next day I checked my messages and she'd deleted me from Tinder without saying anything. I could have quite easily just turned up because as far as I was concerned it was set in stone (had she not deleted me).

I therefore thought that I'd made the right choice by going back onto GSM after having a lot of contact with a delightful woman from Hastings. We spoke on the phone and made plans to meet. However, she vanished as well when I contacted her to confirm our date...

At this point, I didn't think that I'd ever go on a date again! But then I got chatting to a really funny stand-up comedian and actress on GSM. We seemed to share the same sense of humour and had a really fun first date. I'm not sure if I fancied her but we got on really well and agreed to meet up again.

We continued texting the next day but then they just stopped, so I took the hint, and by now I'd lost the motivation to chase people up.

Date 112

"I left the South, I travelled North."

I was really excited about meeting this person but less enamoured when she suggested a coffee date; which in my experience is a terrible idea.

She'd contacted me initially on Guardian Soulmates and had wowed me with her eloquence, humour and a shared love of Columbo. She seemed eager to meet me and clearly wasn't put off by me being about 8 years younger than her!

When we met in a cafe I'd chosen, I couldn't help but notice that she looked a bit disappointed when I rocked up, and as such it turned out to be quite a short date. I knew that she'd met someone for lunch beforehand, and after one coffee I suggested that we move on to a pub but she told me that she was meeting a friend for dinner so had to go. I have to say that I really fancied her and the chat was good but I felt that I was just killing time for her in between meals.

I received an email from her a few days later and she said that she'd just received a job offer to work in Liverpool, out of the blue, and that she was going to accept it and she contimued:

"It has made me realise that I am really not sure where work will take me in the medium term. I can also see  that means our lives are very different so I doubt that there would be any possibility of us becoming friends or anything more."

Either that's the most elaborate excuse anyone has ever used not to go on a second date or she's moved to another region entirely just so we don't bump into each other again.

Date 111

"The hills are alive with celibate cries."

I got the impression with this person after a few dates that she was taking me for a ride, so when things ended I was a bit disappointed but not at all surprised. On her Guardian Soulmates profile her blurb about herself was in the form of a poem and so I sent her an equally poetic first message. When she replied she seemed to be genuinely thrilled by my creativeness, although she did ask if I had just copied and pasted the same poem to other women as a first message; which I found a bit strange as I'd included her name in it and had incorporated her interests and other aspects of her profile into it...

Our first date actually took place at the same pub I'd met Date 110, as I'd relayed the story back to her and she wanted to meet there to see if something similarly funny would happen. It didn't but it was still a very fun night and we actually managed to share two bottles of wine between us. I'd also arrived there feeling a bit ill and by the end of the night my voice had completely gone and didn't come back for a few days as I had a very bad throat infection.

I really fancied her and I was very pleased when she agreed to a second date and so I booked us a table at a really posh vegetarian restaurant in Brighton. It was again a fun night and we went through a lot of wine, and whilst I waiting for her; one of the Hairy Bikers walked past me. She did have funny fashion sense though and I'm still not sure about the outfit she wore, which included a very tight dress and thigh-high velvety boots. She did give me a big smacker on the lips though when I walked her to the bus-stop.

Even though we'd been on a couple of dates, I still felt that I didn't know much about her and because she was going into hospital for an operation on her nose; I wouldn't be able to see her again for another month or so. In between dates I didn't really hear from her much besides the odd, short text and it was quite common for messages then to just stop abruptly. I did message her in hospital though to see how she was getting on which I think was good for brownie points.

When we did eventually meet up for our next date she suggested we should go for a walk and pub expedition, which I wan't that sure about. She was due to get the bus over to where I live, as it's quite countryish but as it was a freezing cold and windy day she decided to drive over as her newly operated on nose was feeling painful. When I met her in the pub though, she seemed genuinely pleased to see me and I was feeling in good spirits so bought her lunch too. It was very pleasant despite a flatulent dog sitting near us polluting our meal; and she actually asked the dog owner to take it outside!

Even though she was worried about her nose and the coldness, we went for a long walk over the hills near me and I showed her Steve Coogan's house. We then went back into my village and found to our displeasure that every cafe and coffee shop was closed so we had to venture into a pub which was hosting a wake. It wasn't completely dissimilar to a scene from the tv series Shameless and there seemed to be quite a lot of tension in the air along with an abundance of tattoos and buggies. She said she was going out to the cinema with a friend that night so when she left it was only about 5pm, and because she was driving, we'd barely had anything to drink.

When I messaged her again the next day about another date, I asked if she wanted me to book a table at another restaurant and she said that sounded good and that she'd get back to me when she'd sorted some childcare out. Ten days later I'd heard nothing and texted her to see if she still wanted to go out for a meal. She replied and said she'd not been able to get a babysitter and apologised for not letting me know...She also said that, as she was having an extension built at her house, she couldn't afford to go out for a meal so we could we just go to the cinema the following week instead.

We agreed to meet at a pub the following Saturday and she ended up being half an hour late. I'd also bought us a £22 bottle of wine to share and she never once offered to go half's or contribute to it. Afterwards we went to the cinema, which I'd booked seats for, and she kept her coat on for the whole film. It finished at 11;15pm and I'd presumed that as she was low on cash, she'd be going straight home. This wasn't the case though and as we neared my bus-stop she told me that she was going to meet some friends in a pub and then basically just fucked off without me.

This really pissed me off unsurprisingly and I vowed never to contact her again after this grand act of rudeness. A couple of weeks later though, I still felt a bit intrigued by her and texted her casually to say that I was going to be in Brighton on the evening of Good Friday at a friend's 40th birthday and told her which cocktail bar we'd be in. She replied and said that her goddaughter was staying with her then and that they'd be out in town anyway so they'd pop in. I then instantly regretted mentioning it to her and pretty much forgot about it as I didn't expect her to turn up anyway. As it happened, she texted me during my friend's birthday and said she had been in Brighton but had gone home feeling ill and couldn't make it...

Exactly a month after our fourth and final date, she sent me a text out of the blue, saying that she thought that we were both in agreement that we were not right for each other and she wished me good luck for the future. I thought it was interesting that she spoke for me there although she was probably right! I had always though that our dating had been a very one-sided experience though as I'd always arranged everything and I tended to initiate making contact. Not seeing her very often over a period of a few months wasn't very good for momentum either and in retrospect she wasn't that interested in me; with lust probably being my main motivation.

Date 107

"The Death of a Disco Dancer."

I'd spoken to this date on a few different sites in which we'd agreed to meet up but then she'd always disappear so I had an idea that she was a bit flaky.

I think that we eventually arranged a date on Guardian Soulmates and we met for drinks in Brighton on a Saturday night. She was a bit older than me and really funny, although I don't think that I was the one for her as she said she liked bad boys. I found this quite amusing considering she was in her mid 40's and a mother of two children, but after hearing some anecdotes about bad boys she'd dated; then who am I to judge?

After we'd been to a couple of pubs she took me to the Green Door Store. It's a well known gig venue but they have club nights too. She said she needed to dance. I can't dance. I'm scared of dancing. The word 'dance' makes me break into a cold sweat. Even when I'm drunk I'm too self-conscious to dance.

She dragged me onto the dance floor and I just watched her. I couldn't join in so she started dancing with other people. I badly wanted to dance with her and I still maintain that if it had been an Alternative, Indie or 80's night then I would have, but the music was of a terrible soft rock variety. I stood on the sidelines with a drink and sort of tapped my feet a bit and pretended to look like I was having fun whenever she stomped past me and made eye-contact. She told me afterwards that she often popped in on her way home of an evening for a dance on her own. Is that a common thing? Am I missing out?

We actually agreed to meet again just before Christmas but she cancelled a day before and when I tried to rearrange she never replied. I can't stop thinking that if only they'd played the music to the Hokey-Cokey that night, then a second date would have happened as that's a dance that I know the moves to.

Date 99

"In my life, why do I give valuable time to people who don't care if I live or die?"

I met a beautiful, funny, kind, caring and wonderful woman four months ago and miraculously we're still seeing each other. As much as I've enjoyed writing this blog; it feels like it's come to a natural conclusion.

Thank you for all the positive feedback and encouragement that I received while writing this.

~

I wrote the above few lines 2 months ago as I believed at the time that this was the end of the blog, but sadly this turned out not to be case. I will now start from the beginning and attempt to unravel what happened.

I'd initially made contact with the subject of this piece in September 2014 through Guardian Soulmates and we exchanged a few messages. The emails then stopped abruptly and I assumed that she was bored of me. However at the beginning of December she contacted me again out of the blue and she asked me when I was going to take her out for a date! I later found out that she'd stopped contacting me because I hadn't actually asked her out early enough. I duly did, after being told to, and we met 2 days before Christmas Eve.

It turned out to be my favourite first date. It was absolutely perfect. I took her for hot chocolate and she gave me an early Christmas present (a chocolate orange and lottery ticket, what else were you thinking?) and said even if we had a crap first date, at least I'd remember her due to her gifts. We then went for drinks and a meal and we just clicked from the very beginning. We also both felt very comfortable with each other. It had been a wonderful evening and she asked me at the station about meeting for a second date. She did, however, provide me with a caveat in which she said that she was very busy with her job and two children and that she didn't have much spare time and thus our next date wouldn't be for a while.

We met for our second date 5 days later and slept together after a museum visit and dinner near where she lived. I didn't know sex could be that good. I'd never experienced such attentiveness or excitement. I told her this and she said that this was because no-one had ever made love to me before. I went home the next morning a very happy man, however, this was tempered by the fact that I wouldn't be able to see her again for another month.

This proved to be quite tough as I was desperate to see her again. It was also difficult because we'd text for a bit and they'd just stop from her. Just under a week before I was due to see her again I was out on a training run for the Brighton Half-Marathon and tore the ligaments in my right foot after going over on my ankle 5 miles in. We had been due to see Birdman at the cinema but I couldn't walk so she came over to mine, we watched a DVD and spent the night together again. The next day I took her out for Sunday lunch and we again agreed to meet a month later. However, things were easier in the intervening period as I told her that I was happy for there to be large gaps in between us seeing each other but I wanted regularish contact. This occurred and we texted every day even just to say good morning or good night.

I loved going to visit her, not only because of seeing her but also due to the fact that she had 4 cats, who would also sleep with us at night. I was truly in my element.

At this stage we'd also started writing to each other in the form of 'love letters'. She suggested it and she'd send me little presents and I'd do her mix-CD's and by now she'd also met my close family. The next time I saw her it had been Valentine's Day the day before. I didn't want to make a big fuss but I also wanted to do something, so I sent her a bouquet of anemones and put a note in them saying that I didn't know whether she was into Valentine's Day but I wanted to tell her that I was looking forward to seeing her the following day. When they were delivered she said that she began sobbing tears of joy and that my gesture had made her very happy. Her reaction also made me very happy.

Whilst I understood why we couldn't see each other as regularly as I liked, I understood the reasons, however, everything thus far had been on her terms. Then, with my birthday coming up, things changed for the better. On my actual Birthday I went to hers and we had a wonderful evening.

She really went to a lot of effort and bought me presents and cake and we had a lovely night together. A couple of days later she then had some unexpected free time and came over to mine again where we went for Thai and after spending the night together she let me know that she had feelings for me.

It was also at this time that she asked me to go to New York with her. Her sons were going to Japan for the Easter holidays and she'd planned to go to to America on her own, however, because things had been going so well between us, she wanted me to go with her. This was a massive step for our relationship and before we went we had the following text conversation:

Coupled with going to New York together, this appeared to me to be her saying she was wanting to change the boundaries and for us to move onto another level. How wrong I was...

I'd never been to New York before but we had a fantastic time. We also managed to see Birdman on the flight over, which we'd never got round to seeing first time around due to my foot injury. We stayed near Times Square in a lovely hotel and did all the touristy things like going to the Statue of Liberty, Central Park, Ground Zero, Museum of Modern Art etc. and I thought that we'd really got on well. We only stayed for 3 nights but we managed to fit in a lot and there was much laughter shared.

During the few days of us getting back I had little communication from her which got my Spider senses tingling. Then one morning she mentioned in passing in a text that she didn't think we could have a relationship together. I obviously pressed her on this and she became annoyed and said we couldn't talk about this whilst texting but we needed to talk face to face. All she could offer me was a meeting over a week later. I couldn't believe what she was saying so I asked her to elaborate. She gave in and said that New York had reinforced to her that she couldn't commit to a relationship and that all she could offer me was a really nice time every 6 weeks or so. I then found the next bit staggering:

The penultimate line there still hurts now when I read it. How can anyone be so lacking in empathy?
The conversation continued a bit longer until she reiterated again that she would rather talk face to face, but not before she made clear that New York hadn't been all that I thought it had been:

I was devastated and to make matters worse, we couldn't meet to discuss it for another 3 weeks!!! During this time I was upset and confused but I was also just about coping too and I refused to let it interfere with my life. In these 3 weeks she'd also ceased all contact with me which was hard to take. I'd become used to a lot of contact from her and besides letter writing and texting she'd also got in the habit pre-New York of ringing me every night on her way home from work and skypeing me every now and then.

The day I'd been dreading finally arrived and we met for brunch in Eastbourne, which is roughly half way between where we both live from one another. After we'd eaten we went for a walk on the beach and I just broke down in tears when we started discussing things. I never cry. I don't think I'd shed a tear for 6 years. I could barely get my words out. She hugged me for a bit and started crying too.

I asked her why things had changed so dramatically and she couldn't really answer me. She said she was sorry for sending out mixed messages but was doing what was right for her and that she is just crap at relationships. She also let slip that she had someone else who she saw off and on when they both had free time. She said we could be friends and left it up to me as to whether I wanted to contact her again and we parted amicably.

I was still feeling emotional on the way home but I also felt glad that I'd seen her face to face. She sent me a text that evening and said she didn't like seeing me sad and that she'd played a part in me feeling like that (erm, sorry, you merely played a part you say?). She sent me another text the next day and told me she wasn't the woman for me and that I should start dating again...

My emotional state meant that I couldn't articulate properly what I wanted to say to her in Eastbourne but I just think that she wanted to have her cake and eat it. Going to New York was clearly a step too far for her and the fact that she resented me being there is still hard to take. However, I still can't accept that a few days away together could change things so dramatically and I can't comprehend how she was so into me before yet now she wants nothing to do with me. I've no idea how you can say the things she said to me and then retract them at the drop of a hat. I'd like to think that I meant more to her than just an occasional shag and travel companion but the cynical side of me tells me that she got what she wanted from me and then bailed out.

It's not all doom and gloom though as I can take some good things from our time together as I learned a lot from her sexually and I also found out that I can be romantic and going away with someone other than friends and family was a massive leap for me.

Ultimately though, she really hurt me and although I have respect for her in meeting up with me to discuss things, the fact that she has other 'arrangements' with men means that I have no interest whatsoever in seeing her again. She also disliked The Smiths so there clearly was no future for us...

Date 98

"So you go, and you stand on your own, and you leave on your own."

This date nearly didn't happen as she cancelled on me initially. We'd been chatting via email very regularly for a couple of weeks and we set a date to meet. I was really looking forward to meeting her as she used to write me some very long and funny emails, however, a couple of days beforehand she got in touch to say that the previous night she'd gone on a fourth date with someone else and she would have felt bad seeing me as she wanted to see how things would go with him. I was very disappointed, and told her so, but I said it was fair enough. I also had a feeling that I'd hear from her again, and lo and behold, she sent me an email a few weeks later.

She said she nearly didn't email me but something had reminded her of me and so we continued where we left off. I asked her what had happened to the other guy she was dating and she said they'd gone on one more date but then she decided he wasn't for her as he didn't like films or television! She obviously asked if we could meet up and I said yes.

When she'd cancelled initially I had vowed not to see her if she did email me again but when it came down to it I just thought: my social life is shite at the moment plus she did sound intriguing. I have to say though, that the excitement I had first time around wasn't there because I did feel a little bit like I was second best.

We met up in a pub in Brighton and it was absolutely rammed. She was late also so I ended up shuffling around the place with a pint in my hand for 15 minutes really accentuating the fact that I was waiting for someone and not just in there drinking on my own. I'd nearly finished my drink when she turned up and the first thing she did was comment on how the pub smelt like a toilet so she went up to the bar and told them to do something about it, which they actually did and in no time the whole place was smelling fresh again! She also introduced me to a liqueur called Tuaca. We had a few shots each and it was beautiful. Apparently, according to her, it's pretty much a Brighton thing so not many people have heard of it and it's difficult to buy unless you're in the bar trade.

So, after a few drinks she said she had to go and when I got on the bus I received a text from her saying:

'It was absolutely lovely to meet you. I didn't feel any chemistry on my part but we have loads in common and I'd really like to stay in touch if you'd also like that?'

She also asked if I wanted to go to see Interstellar with her the next day (she'd already seen it once) but I couldn't as I had other plans. I thought it was a nice text from her and I think she was right but it did make me think how had she gone on 5 dates with this other guy yet had made up her mind so quickly over me.

We did meet up again a couple of weeks later as I wanted to go and see What We Do in the Shadows and it turned out to be my second favourite film of the year so far. We've since become good friends and cinema buddies.

Date 97

"I'm tired and I, I want to go to bed."

The most remarkable thing about this date from Guardian Soulmates was actually the weather, as it was apparently the warmest Halloween on record. So we actually spent the initial part of the evening sitting outside a pub on Brighton beach as it was such a beautiful evening.

I've never really understood what people mean by this when they say it, but she had a really kind and caring aura about her. I can't articulate it very well but there was something about her that had a very calming effect on me. She was also absolutely hilarious.

It was therefore, very strange when she basically just buggered off after we'd eaten. I don't think it was even 8pm and as soon as we were outside the restaurant she said she had to go and hot-footed it out of there.

It was very weird. I didn't fancy her but I wanted to say to her that it had been lovely to meet her and I hoped we could stay in touch, but her abrupt exit stopped me from doing so afterwards and I assumed that she couldn't wait to get away from me!

As it turned out though, she emailed me the next evening and pretty much said exactly what I was thinking:

'It was lovely to meet you last night and you are certainly one lovely human. I didn't have that elusive spark but I would be happy to meet up again for a half-pint and a mooch. Sorry I darted off, I was actually really worn out...'

She had actually mentioned that she lived next door to very noisy students, and would regularly be kept awake by what she initially thought was a very squeaky hamster wheel, but upon further investigation it turned out to be them just shagging.