Date169

"In the room downstairs, he sat and stared."

I'd held back on writing this up as our first date had been in August. It felt fairly brief as we only had a few drinks, and although I knew that I liked her, I was really surprised when she contacted me about a second date.

She suggested we go and do a pub quiz and it was great fun. Although we didn't win, it was an inspired thing to do on a date and she totally hooked me in with her brains, wit and attractiveness. We also shared a somewhat unwanted thing in common in that we're both adult orphans at relatively young ages.

I felt reasonably upbeat about things but then I didn't hear from her about meeting again so I just presumed I wouldn't and I pretty much forgot about her until she messaged me out of the blue in October. I'd recently moved fairly near her so she suggested we go for drinks. Again, it was fairly brief and during the evening she said she was super busy at work and wanted to take things slowly with me. I initially took this to mean that she wanted to get to know me, then I thought she meant friends. And then when we were on our way out she started telling me how cool I looked and that she loved my parka jacket and glasses, so I was sort of getting mixed messages and didn't really know what she meant.

Through all the time I'd known her, she didn't give much away and didn't text much either. Out of all the women who I've met over the last couple of years, she seemed closest to what I look for in a relationship. Being a university lecturer, she said she wouldn't be able to meet up until after her reading week and that she'd contact me then.

I hadn't heard from her a month or so later, but had found out about another pub quiz near me so I asked her to that and she agreed to come. It was a really fun quiz and considering we were only a 2 person team, we finished 5th out of 20. We also actually won the plasticine round:

The theme was rude food and her filthy mind had the idea of making Spaghetti Bollocksnese. To set the record straight: I created the spaghetti and she did the rest. For our efforts we won a bottle of wine and our creation earned a place on their plasticine shelf of fame to be displayed in the pub.

It was a really fun night, but I also realised that whilst we're a great quiz team partnership, I could sense that she's not interested in me in a romantic way. I also wasn't that impressed by her sending messages on her phone solidly for the first 10/15 minutes of the evening, leaving me to stare into the abyss.

I took the bottle of wine home and put forward the idea that we could toast our win in the new year, but I'm not sure if she was that keen...but I suppose it depends on how much plasticine she receives for Christmas.

Date 152

"Girl Afraid"

This is probably the most extreme example of how people can turn out to be very different from their online, or in this case telephone, persona.

During the week before our date, this woman began ringing me up every night and we'd talk for 3 or 4 hours at a time. She was confident, hilarious, charming but a bit intense. For her job she spent most of her time on the phone and did the occasional voiceover for her clients' telephone information services, and her voice was very sexy and her enunciation was very pleasing on the ear.

As we had so much in common music and humour-wise, she'd already arranged our second date before the first one had happened. And she saw us meeting and getting on for our first date as being a formality. This was also her first dabble in the world of internet dating and I think she got carried away with things.

I thought she was great too but every time she'd make plans for the future with us, I'd say let's get Sunday over with (the day we met) and take things from there as there is the possibility that we wouldn't get on. She'd told all her friends and family about me and she also was so desperate to meet me that she tried to see me before, firstly, she asked me to come to a friend's party with her which I turned down as I said that would be weird as I'd not met her yet and the second time she wanted me to meet her for drinks near where she lived and spend the night with her, either with her or in the spare room. On this occasion I was doing something else.

During our time on the phone she'd find it difficult to hang up and the first time we spoke until 2am. Another time we'd talked for 3 hours and she texted me afterwards to say that I was difficult to let go of. She also said on more than one occasion that our calls and texts had been the most romantic few days of her life. I found that weird. I enjoyed talking to her and I was really looking forward to meeting her but the language she used in those cases worried me a bit.

Finally the day came to meet and it was a total anti-climax. It was underwhelming and flat. But not due to my efforts.

She'd warned me beforehand that although she appeared outgoing on the phone, she was a total introvert and extremely shy. She drove to my village from Kent and was over an hour late as she'd got the time wrong but that was ok as she'd let me know and she was coming to me. I knew she was nervous so I wanted to try and make her feel at ease and I wanted to impress her so I bought her flowers, chocolate and a CD. I don't normally do that on a first date and I won't again.

She didn't look anything like her pictures. If we hadn't been talking on the phone when she got out her car then I wouldn't have known it was her. She had no make-up on and looked a bit scruffy. She had very nicotine-stained teeth too which was a turn-off. In her photos she'd looked glamourous and she'd also sent me a pic of her going to a party the night before and she was stunning. I genuinely felt like she hadn't gone to any effort to meet me, whereas I felt that I did.

We went for coffee initially, then a pub and she wasn't the person I'd been speaking to for hours on the phone. It felt like I was with an imposter. She told me she was on edge as she'd never met a 'stranger' off the internet before, as she put it, but even taking that into consideration; she came across as cold and unfriendly. Before we'd met she told me that the first thing she was going to do was run over to me and snog my face off...that never happened as she was very stand-offish.

After lunch we went for a long walk along the Brighton coastline, where she chain-smoked, and although the conversation flowed, I got the impression she didn't want to be there. However, despite all this I wanted to see her again as I felt sure that if we met for a second date then her nerves would be gone and her loving, funny and warm personality from our phone calls would come out. I tried to make the day less nerve-wracking for her and put her at ease. I'd also probably fallen into a trap a bit as all the things she'd said we could do together in the future sounded fun.

She had other ideas though. I contacted her afterwards but she ghosted me for a few days and sent me this text:

I had my phone next me all night and no call came through. This really disappointed me as I'd said after the date that I wanted to see her again. Even though the date had been a bit shit I'd hoped that we had enough in common to show that there was potential. I'm also sure that I'm just the same online as I am in real life. I replied by saying that I'd not blocked her as there was no reason why I would have and told her to take care. She must have really not liked me in person...

Date 137

"And everything she wants costs money."

This was the first of three different dates that I went on in succession where I was really annoyed by each outcome.

This one started off well with this woman, who is a nursing home carer by day and a horror writer by night (apparently a book she had published a number of years ago had been top of the best seller's list in Germany). Our first date was good as we had a lot in common, particularly in terms of films and it was actually a relief to get on with someone.

However, for the second date, things became a bit more clearer. I booked us a table at an Indian restaurant and during the night we shared a bottle of wine and had a couple of espresso martinis. When the bill came for just over £80, she kept her head firmly down and never took her eyes off her phone. I lingered on it for a while, checking it was all in order and still she said nothing. It got to the stage where it was embarrassing so I put my card down and paid for it all. She never even said thank you...

This is the first time that I'd been on an early date and the other person hadn't offered to go halves. I'm happy to pay for everything when I've been seeing someone a while but not after a couple of dates. I just don't believe in it and I was shocked that she expected me to foot the whole bill. During the night she also said that I'd displayed a couple of red flags to her which she was wary of, but she obviously wouldn't tell me what they were. She also got quite serious towards the end and went into depth about a bad past relationships she'd had and she was critical of me that I'd never been in a one for more than 6 months.

I'm not sure why, but it was probably due to the alcohol afterglow, that I agreed to a third date. I completely regret it now and I don't know why, but I booked a table at another restaurant. I chose Côte, which to me is a good solid restaurant and quite reasonable but through the whole meal she kept going on about how it was the poshest place she'd ever been to. At the end, I asked for the bill and she did exactly the same thing by avoiding eye contact and looking at her phone, whilst I inspected the damage. I just couldn't pay for another meal so I asked if she wanted to go halves. She looked absolutely shocked. After fumbling through her bag she begrudgingly coughed up £30 so I just paid the rest. I then went to the toilet and when I got back to the table she was gone. I actually thought she'd stormed off but when I got outside she was having a smoke and a sulk. She then made a big deal about having to go to the cash machine as she hadn't planned on paying for her meal.

We went on to a pub and all the way there she kept going on about the bill and that I must be a feminist. I also found out that she was quite Conservative and although I'm in no way a political animal; our values and ideologies seemed to be at opposite ends of the political spectrum. She had a real chip on her shoulder too, but I couldn't quite put my finger on what.

When I eventually got home a bit later, she went on a text rant and exclaimed that she was insulted that I asked her to contribute to the bill. Added to the fact that she had terrible dress sense and resembled Zoe Ball (not her fault, but I'm not a fan), I decided to leave it.

Date 68

"Boy afraid, prudence never pays."

This latest blog entry should have been about a completely different person, unfortunately, said person cancelled the date with only about 3 hours notice, and gave me probably the worst excuse I've ever heard in my life...she had to bake a cake. It looked very professional as she sent me a picture of it and it sounded delicious as it was a Victoria sponge with butter-cream and homemade blackberry jam filling. But that didn't make up for the fact that my Friday night plans had been ruined and I didn't even get a slice of cake for compensation. I thought at the time it was a genuine reason as she'd asked me out for the drink, set the date and venue, however, it's been almost three weeks since then and I've not heard a peep from her so I can only assume that she got cold feet or met someone else and decided to trot out the crappest excuse imaginable. *

I'd initiated contact with her on Match.com and because my subscription had ended, I decided to venture back into the world of free online dating and, with a heavy heart, decided to give PlentyofFish another shot. I'd only been on one date from the site a couple of years ago (Date 58) and it wasn't a great experience and it had been tricky to get any replies from anyone. My initial impressions were that not a lot had changed as if the members had bothered to fill in their profile (a lot don't and clearly are relying on getting contacted due to their pictures of them posing in risque party outfits) then they still couldn't spell or use punctuation or grammar correctly. However, although this applied to the vast majority of members there did actually seem to be a significant new minority of women who'd infiltrated the site and who appeared to be up my street in terms of sharing similar interests and good tastes in music, film etc.

PlentyofFish also boast that 1 in 3 messages are normally replied to so I thought that I'd be pro-active. I really haven't got a clue where they get that figure from though as I messaged over 30 women and only 1 person replied to me. I didn't just message randomly either as I always contact people with similar interests and I always send well written emails in which it's clear that I've read their profiles. I also never punch above my weight either.

I was therefore quite surprised when I did get a reply and even more surprised when, after a few messages, she asked me if we could chat on the phone. I don't normally like doing that but I rang her one night and we spoke for about 45 minutes, and while it was pleasant enough, I knew that we didn't have that much in common. I was then surprised again when I received a text from her the next morning saying that she'd really enjoyed talking to me and that she was very keen to meet up. As she was going to Egypt for a week I told her to contact me when she was back so that we could arrange something.

We live really close to each other so when she'd returned from her travels I suggested a pub and she suggested the night...which was a Monday. Myself and Bob Geldof don't like Mondays for different reasons, but I'm sure we'd both agree that they're a rubbish night for a date.

Due to the number of dates I've been on, I just never, ever get nervous about first dates anymore, but for some reason I was absolutely petrified about this one all over the weekend and this might have been because she'd been super keen to meet up and I wasn't that fussed, however, the opposite happened as I actually really fancied her but I don't think that she liked me at all.

We got on well enough and she told me some quite amusing stories about her Egyptian adventures such as nearly being arrested for a dispute over a restaurant bill and an over friendly male shop assistant she'd encountered when her and a friend had purchased a couple of belly-dancing outfits. She also regaled me with a tale about attending her first ladies' international rugby match at the weekend but she'd had to leave early as one of the female fans had touched her friend up in the toilets. I did feel that I wasn't quite on form though due to nerves but as she was quite touchy feely, I thought that maybe I was growing on her. Sadly that was just false optimism as she put her coat on when I was only half way through my third drink, and although I guessed this wasn't a good sign, as she might have been a bit chilly, when I asked her if she wanted another drink she said she was a bit tired even though it was only 9:30pm. We then went our separate ways and I walked home surmising whether I come over better in email form and on the phone than I do in the flesh.

Although at the end of the date she said she'd call me, I never heard back from her and I didn't attempt to contact her either as although I was extremely attracted to her, I'm not sure that there was much chemistry between us. If I'd read the signals right as well then I don't think that she was into me at all and I figured that as she was super keen to meet for the first date then I would have heard from her if she'd wanted a second one.

I'm not sure if I'll stay on the site but if I do then I'd better get cracking as I'll need to contact another 30 girls if I want another date.

* I thought I'd give the date that never happened another chance, so I texted her a couple of weeks ago to see if she still wanted to go for that drink. She replied and said that she was definitely still up for it and that when she got home that night she'd check her diary and get back to me. Two weeks later and surprise, surprise...absolutely nothing. What is wrong with people?

Date 15

"But, she doesn't even like me. And I know because she said so."

Shared a pleasant couple of drinks with this ukulele or banjo player (I can't remember which). I'm not sure why I contacted her a couple of days later to see if she was interested in another date (probably more out of politeness), but I did anyway and she said "No, as I really didn't fancy you." Although this was an honest response, I thought it was bit rude to say the least, so it was probably just as well that I didn't fancy her either.