Date 63

"Oh, there's more to life than books you know."

My most barren year yet since I started being properly pro-active on my internet dating adventures, with only 5 dates to speak of; and none of them led to a second date. It definitely hasn't been through a lack of effort on my part, but no-one seems to reply to me anymore regardless of what site I'm on. To highlight this, I recently went back on match as they'd sent me a free 3 day trial. I decided to make the most of the beautiful freeness on offer so I messaged six girls and not one of them responded to me. When match sent me another offer of a discounted rate to extend my subscription, I hastily made my excuses and left.

Anyway, back to my second and final date from Guardian Soulmates. The person in question was a Dutch lady, a few years older than me, and she worked as a freelance book interpreter. We had a few drinks and, although we had some things in common, there just wasn't a connection between us and I don't think that I fancied her despite her having a cool and unusual rose tattoo on her wrist. I thought that at the end of the date she actually wanted to see me again as she started telling me what a fantastic guy I was, but this was just to let me down gently in case I wanted to see her again. I wasn't disappointed in the slightest and I completely agreed with her assessment that we'd had a nice evening but there wasn't a spark between us. Although I felt the same way as her and wouldn't have gone on a second date anyway, I completely respected her honesty in telling me afterwards and it would have been nice if some of the other women that I'd met had been so up front and mature.

Date 61

"Let me get my hands on your mammary glands."

As I'd alluded to in the previous entry, I was intrigued by all the furore surrounding the re-vamp of Guardian Soulmates, so curiosity got the better of me and I signed up again after my self-imposed exile of a couple of years. In retrospect, I wish that I hadn't.

For a number of years GSM was universally thought of as the most popular dating website around in terms of its layout, search engine, messaging facilities and the people on it. In this respect, one would normally go with the old adage of if it ain't broke then don't fix it, however, it appears that the good people behind the site decided to have the fantastic idea of going a bit leftfield and removing all the good features which made it popular and thus forcing people away in their droves.

The main problem seems to be that the company who designed and maintained the original site have been jettisoned, I think, in favour of The Guardian now doing it in-house. This may seem sensible in terms of a cost-cutting exercise due to the uncertain economic times at present, however, I can't see how this would be the case by the fact that the subscription charges are now higher than ever, so I have no idea where all the money is going as it's certainly not being used to develop or improve the site. Although The Guardian acknowledged that they made mistakes during the re-vamp in April 2011 by offering refunds to subscribing members at the time, they've not addressed any of the criticisms or rectified any of the poor features almost 9 months later.

The original site, while not completely aesthetically pleasing, had a simple but effective appearance to it but now it just looks cheap and generic. One of the best features which has been removed was the previous ability to be able to send one line replies to people . The most useful aspect of this was that you could let people know that you didn't have a subscription or that you weren't interested, however, now you have no idea whether people are being rude in not replying or they're just not signed up and are unable to respond. A lot of my messages to girls were ignored, and while it could be the case that I've lost my touch and people just didn't like the look and sound of me, which is not the site's fault, not knowing if they had a subscription or not doesn't help matters.

Another big grumble I have is also the inability to delete profiles from searches. This is particularly annoying when all the people whom you've messaged and haven't replied still keep coming up and clogging up searches. The profile page information itself has also been cut down, so now it's really difficult to gauge what people are like as profiles now contain the briefest of details.

Compared to the success I'd had in the past of going on a quite a few dates, this time around I was limited to just two in three months. I'm not sure if that's down to the site's re-vamp, whether subscriptions are vastly down or whether the people on GSM are now just a different demographic. The majority of messages I sent were ignored and if I was 'lucky' enough to get a reply then they would ignore my follow-up, which is a very common part of dating sites now. This is probably due to the over-saturation of members or just the death knell of manners.

Anyway, to date 61 itself. I'd messaged her first and after a couple of emails she asked me out for a drink. She was 5 years older than me, very attractive, very interesting and I really fancied her. We got on well enough and we had loads in common in terms of music and films, however, by the end of the evening I could tell she was a bit bored as when I suggested we get something to eat she said she was tired and wanted to go home. I still thought I'd email her about another date and to no great surprise she asked if we could just be friends. We've seen each other three times since, which has included going to the cinema to see The Guard (an absolute gem and my film of the year so far) and attending BUG at the BFI twice. We do get on well when we hook up, although I do wonder if she stays in contact purely so she can join myself and my friends for Adam Buxton's marvellous video showcase as I never hear from her besides BUG .

UPDATE: I met up with her again last night (May 2012) in Camden to see Avengers Assemble and a really bizarre thing happened. I'd texted her a week or so ago to arrange it but when we met up she got the shock of her life as she'd been under the impression that she'd been texting and was due to meet up with another friend of hers who happens to have the same first name as me (technically my name is spelt slightly differently). When she first saw me, she was in absolute shock and asked me what I was doing there and said she wasn't meant to be meeting me tonight! She then went into a panic and a state of mass confusion and I was just standing there not knowing what the hell to say. I actually felt like just going home as she didn't hide her disappointment that it was me who had turned up. As we'd agreed to meet for food first of all we went in the restaurant eventually and I've never felt so awkward in my life and she was also quite concerned that the other guy was going to turn up...he obviously didn't. We then went to see the film, which was good but don't believe the hype, and she apologised profusely afterwards. She also said she couldn't find her other friend's number in her phone and said that she must have deleted it which led me to assume that she'd removed his number thinking it was mine. Needless to say, I won't be contacting her again as this was actually the 4th or 5th time that we'd met after our first date as to say that I felt uncomfortable all night was an understatement.

UPDATE: Despite vowing to never have anything more to do with her, some months later I randomly bumped into her on a night out in Camden when I was out with a couple of friends. She joined us for the rest of the evening and was actually very good company. Since then we've actually become fairly regular cinema buddies and we do get on pretty well. However, I always let her contact me first as I still feel uneasy about her not knowing who I was! And, in fairness to her she has since told me that she's still embarrassed by what happened.

Date 62

"If you're so very entertaining,

then why are you on your own tonight?"

This date pretty much sums up the pitfalls which can occur with internet dating and why a lot of the time it can be a frustrating and not very pleasurable experience.

My 3rd date from OKCupid and one that really came out of the blue. She messaged me first which was surprising as I hadn't logged on at the site for a few months so I'm amazed that I cropped up in her search. Anyway, her mails were the funniest I've ever read and we shared a love of Forbrydelsen (the Danish tv police drama phenomenon translated as The Killing) amongst other things, so I was intrigued. She even compared herself to Forbydelsen lead character, Detective Inspector Sarah Lund, by claiming that she owned an extensive range of knitwear and had a great arse in jeans, which was a bit cocky to say the least.

After a few days of exchanging really, very funny e-mails, she sent me her mobile number and told me to call her one night which was very forward of her. I'm not particularly fond of talking on the phone at the best of times, so speaking to a complete stranger and potential date was a bit nerve-wracking. I rang her anyway and we had a good chat although neither of us mentioned going on a date as I think maybe we were both waiting for the other to ask and I couldn't gauge whether she wanted to or not. I left it about a day then asked her about meeting up and she agreed thankfully and started texting me a fair bit.

We met up at a bar and she was one of the most confident and self-assured people that I've ever come across, which was plainly evident when she started happily conversing with a German party in their native tongue, whose reserved table we were temporarily trespassing on.

I've said this many times before, but from my point of view we got on really well as she was hilarious. I also thought she liked me too when at one point she said: 'I'm sorry, but I have to say this. How the hell are you single as you're really interesting and fantastic company?! You're not married are you?!' I didn't really know how to respond but surely that's a good sign if someone says that you on a date, right?

I, therefore, thought that there would be a good chance of us meeting again. How wrong I was. I messaged her a couple of days later, after not hearing a peep from her, to enquire about a second date and she completely ignored it and I never heard from her again. Whilst it's disappointing to receive a message back saying 'no, thank you,' it's much more preferable to being met with stone, cold silence. Honesty is always the best policy as you can't expect every girl to like you so that's fair enough, but when you've actually met someone in person and they know that you're waiting to hear back from them, then to say nothing is just bloody rude and very arrogant. She works for a major bank in the city and is obviously experienced in screwing people over, so I clearly got served by a true playa.

UPDATE (February 2012): About 5 months after our solitary date, I was having a quick browse on OKCupid. I happened to see her profile and decided to click on it for a bit of a nose and it transpired that she was now living in New York. The next morning there was an email waiting in my inbox from her telling me about her big move and asking how I was. I didn't really want to reply but because I have manners (unlike her): I did.

I happened to mention that I was now on match.com. She then went on a bit of a rant about how I should be going to gigs and meeting women rather than bothering with dating sites and that said sites don't work as they're more geared towards social networking than finding romance.

I have to say that what she said makes sense particularly the social networking part, however, there are a number of points where her argument falls down slightly. Firstly, why is she still actively using a dating website if it's so easy to acquire dates from other means. Secondly, when using these sites I've always believed that you should treat others as you'd liked to be treated yourself, therefore, not replying to someone after a date even just to say 'no, thank you' is really bad form and a perfect example of how so many people just see internet dating as a big game. Thirdly, how difficult is it to meet girls at gigs? I go to a lot of gigs with friends, where I catch up with them and we watch the band in question. How is it possible to start going round a venue and chatting women up with a band performing and the music blaring out. It's difficult enough trying to get a good position to see when it's packed, then when the gig is over there's a mad scramble to get out of the door. And finally, my sister and another friend of mine are both in happy and long-term relationships with men they've met off Guardian Soulmates. Whilst I believe they are in the minority and have been extremely lucky; they are proof that dating sites can work as you usually meet people you'd never normally come into contact with.

Oh, well, it's probably just as well that we didn't go on that second date after all...

Date 60

"I know I'm unloveable, you don't have to tell me."

Another dating site and another disappointing dating experience. I'd been debating for a while whether to go back onto Guardian Soulmates, however, I put it off for a bit after their catastrophic relaunch and revamp in April 2011 (more of this in the next entry). Whilst reading an e-petition calling for the reinstatement of the old Soulmates site, there were a lot of people commenting on how good The Love Lab was and how lots of Soulmates members had left to join said dating site in protest. It also used the same company who used to run the old Soulmates site and had the same layout and searching facilities; plus it was free to join for the first month, so I took them up on their offer out of curiosity.

After joining I have to say that I was shocked as to how few members there actually were who had recently active profiles. All the talk of it being a sanctuary full of disheartened Soulmates was just a blatant lie. In my month there I didn't message one person. However, one woman messaged me, and she really stood out from the rest, plus she was very keen to meet up.

She was a Mancunian and told me that she'd be wearing a leopard print scarf so that I'd recognise her, but that's where the parallels with Bet Lynch ended. I was instantly attracted to her as she was very pretty, funny and we shared the same taste in music, films, books, tv etc. so the conversation easily flowed. After a few drinks she said she had to go as she needed to get up early for work the next day, which was fair enough as it was a school night, and she said she would have stayed longer as she had really enjoyed the conversation.

I e-mailed her a couple of days later to see if she fancied hooking up again, but, alas, I was met with a response that I hadn't quite anticipated. In her reply she said that while we shared a lot in common she'd prefer not to, and from her point of view that even if we did meet up it would only be as friends, but she then went on to categorically state that she had enough friends already. So, I think that was a 'no' then.

I have to say that I think that was a bit harsh, as while she was being honest, a polite no thank you would have been enough. I did think about replying to her and asking if she could e-mail me again, but make it a bit more condescending, but instead I just deleted my profile as my free subscription was just about to finish anyway.

Despite this being the 60th woman that I'd met since I started internet dating, rejection is always hard to take and I was really quite down about this for a day, as in terms of first impressions, I was quite taken by her. And although, from my point of view, we'd got on well; she really didn't like me at all! I'm not naive enough to think that every person I meet will want to see me again, but I felt that she was unnecessarily blunt and it made me question what was so bad about me for her to really dislike me. I've learnt after going on so many dates to not take these things to heart, as the whole thing is completely random and I mostly take it with a pinch of salt, but sometimes it's difficult not to, until you put it all into perspective...

Date 59

"I've seen you smile, but I've never really heard you laugh."

After another brief hiatus from dating, I decided to give OkCupid another go. And, boy, is it difficult to get a reply on there, let alone a date, which is highlighted by the fact that I've only met two women off it after being sporadically on it for a year (technically, it should have been more as at least two girls agreed to meet me for drinks but never replied when I tried to arrange them).

As I'd alluded to in an earlier post, being on a free site doesn't mean that you're going to go on loads of dates, as, on paper, OKCupid is full of intelligent and like-minded people supposedly looking to meet others. However, being a free site does often mean that there are going to be lots of members and this results in predominantly women being bombarded with messages (including a lot from socially inept freaks). Another reason could be that with a pay site, members are possibly more likely to go on dates to get their money's worth, which I think is backed up by the high number of dates I've been on through pay sites compared to the low number on free sites. Having said all that, though, this could all be bollocks as maybe people are just becoming more choosy, super fussy, up their own arses or just plain rude.

To the date itself. We'd been e-mailing for a good few months, and, although her constant overuse of the acronym 'LOL' was a bit annoying (a real pet hate of mine, which, surely should be a punishable offence), she seemed nice. Anyway, she asked if I'd like to meet for a drink and as she fancied coming to London, she travelled up from Brighton to see me. We had a very pleasant afternoon and evening drinking along the South Bank, and although we were still in text contact the following week and she did ask if I wanted to meet up again but things just fizzled out and we never did. I also wasn't overly enamoured by her assertion that I was the spitting image of Coronation Street's Steve McDonald. I've since asked a number of friends and they assure me that this isn't the case. At all. No, sir. Really, I don't. Look, I don't resemble him in any shape or form whatsoever.

UPDATE: 2014

Upon moving to Brighton in early 2014, she actually made contact with me through OKCupid again. We met up for drinks and it was nice to see her. But, there was something odd about her though that I just couldn't put my finger on and we never saw each other again.

Date 58

"I wanna go home, I don't wanna stay."

Perhaps the most well known free dating website is plentyoffish.com, although plentyofchavs.com would be a more apt title.

I decided to create a profile for it, but it soon became very obvious that a date was going to be hard to come by. It reminded me a bit of match.com, although not as cultured or high brow, and a good idea for a search filter would be to have the ability to eliminate anyone who was illiterate, could only write in text speak and solely watched Sex and the City and Disney films.

As it turned out, the few lost souls that I did send messages to either didn't reply or deleted them without reading.

Rather unexpectedly, someone actually sent me a message and we e-mailed for a while then decided to meet for a drink. We hooked up the night after I'd had my first rendezvous with date 57, so I was a bit hungover still. She was a nice enough person, but just didn't really have anything to say, and so I probably over-compensated for the awkward silences by waffling on. This probably led her to believe that I was an ego-maniac, who loved the sound of my own voice, but I didn't really know what else to do as she was just staring at me and saying very little, whilst stealing my cigarettes. We still had 3 or 4 drinks but in the end I called it a night, so maybe her being 8 years younger than me was too big an age gap as she was very dismissive of my music and film tastes and quite patronising in general, which irked me a bit. However, she did amuse me with her middle class Kent accent consistently lapsing into a Lily Allen/Kate Nash-like mockney dialect.

This was my final date of 2010 and I, not long after, deleted my profile.

Date 57

"Then on the sand, another man, he takes her hand, a smile lights up her stupid face (and well it would)."

After not having much success on match.com I decided to try a free site as I was starting to begrudge having to fork out money on a monthly basis just to meet the occasional weirdo or person with no manners.

The site in question was called OKCupid and it certainly on paper is one of the better free sites around. In fact, its design layout and volume of people registered puts most of the famous pay-sites to shame. Being free and having lots of members, though, doesn't equate to going on a lot of dates, which is something that I will address further in a future blog entry.

After being on the site for a few months and basically not receiving any replies or interest, I was amazed when date 57 contacted me. After exchanging a few messages, we then agreed to meet for a drink at the end of October 2010. The first things I noticed about her were her Elvis/Marilyn earrings and height. Her profile said she was 5'10'' but she's actually about 6'2'', so she pretty much towered above me as I'm not particularly tall. Anyway, we got on exceptionally well and she completely drank me under the table, although she does have the advantage of being Amazonian, Australian and still being in the throes of youth as I'm more than 5 years older than her. She tainted herself slightly by opining that The Smiths 'are so depressing,' but she redeemed herself when she let on to me that she was addicted to Final Fantasy (a Playstation title I used to be into when I was a big gamer years ago).

Our second date was a week later and started off in Angel. It was bonfire night so I bought her some jumbo sparklers, which she loved, and we made our way to Camden, lighting a few along the way. We went to so many pubs that I lost count, via a really bad Mexican restaurant, where the Mariachi band just wouldn't leave us alone and we had some really strong cocktails. Then at the end of the night I was really surprised when she asked me to go back to hers, although she said that she couldn't promise me any 'sexy sex' (her exact words). We'd already drank a vast quantity of alcohol that night and when we got back to hers we started on a bottle of red. So, by the time we did go to bed we both fell asleep instantly whilst watching The Time Traveller's Wife, which I've since been told is the best way to see it. And there was no 'sexy sex.'

The next morning I woke up with the worst hangover I've ever had in my life, yet she was remarkably as fresh as a daisy, suffering no ill effects whatsoever. I must have been still drunk as I felt like I was in someone else's body. We then went to a cafe and she polished off a full English breakfast without any trouble, yet I could only manage one or two bites out of a bacon sandwich before I had to admit defeat and leave the rest. I must have been terrible company, but I just couldn't function properly and all I could think of was the long journey home, which took 2 hours on the tube and train, and how I just wanted to go to bed for the rest of the day. I explained to her that I just felt so ill that I really had to go, which I don't think she understood, but if I'd have felt fine then I would genuinely have stayed with her.

Arranging a 3rd date then became a bit of a problem as she kept cancelling on me at the last minute. I did think at the time that it was because of my poor showing the morning after our second date but I needn't have worried as I received an interesting text from her on the morning of our 3rd date. In it she said that she liked being with me but only as a friend and that she'd been seeing someone else at the same time and wanted to see how things worked out with him. I wasn't devastated but I was disappointed and decided to cancel as I just didn't feel like seeing her that evening.

So that was that, and I didn't attempt to contact her. A month or so later I received a text from her out of the blue asking if I wanted to go out for a pre-Christmas 2010 drink. I didn't see any harm in it so I agreed, and whilst it was a bit awkward at first, we had a really good time. A funny thing did happen though during the afternoon as whilst we were sitting outside having a drink and a smoke, a woman came over to our table and basically sat down with us and started chatting me up. This is an extremely rare occurrence for me and we swapped contact details when she had to go, although my Aussie friend actually seemed quite pissed off at this and left soon after. When I did try to contact the flirty woman at a later date, she palmed me off, so nothing ever came of it, but it was quite good for my ego.

I then received another interesting text from her a few days after Christmas. In it she poured her heart out to me and went on a bit of a rant about how all men were arseholes as the guy she'd chosen over me had dumped her on Christmas Day; what a nice chap! I was sympathetic with her to a point but the irony certainly wasn't lost on me.

Date 56

"Two lumps, please. You're the bee's knees, but so am I."

My last ever date using match.com and I won't be going back there in a hurry as I've deleted my profile. Date number 56 was a truly lovely lady. She was about 6 years younger then me and a self-confessed Katy Perry lookalike, although that was more to do with people commenting on the likeness rather than her being arrogant. We met for a couple of drinks near Hampton Court and agreed to meet again for a second date. We were in email contact for the next week or so then one day she deleted me from Facebook without explanation and I didn't hear from her again. A few months later, however, I was trying out a free dating website in which users could leave feedback for people they'd met, and out of the blue (as I didn't know she was on the site), she left the following message: "A real gentleman - genuine, intelligent, honest & down to earth. Too good for someone like myself." It was very sweet of her to say that about me but I have no idea what she was talking about when saying that I was too good for her as I really wanted to see her again and it makes me sound like I have a superiority complex.

Date 55

"I lost my faith in womanhood."

This will go down as the most mental and scariest person that I've met so far on my internet dating travails, and even now I still get shivers down my spine when I think about her a year later. Unbelievably, things got off to a very promising start and we actually went out for a few months.

Our first date was surprisingly fantastic as, for some reason, I wasn't looking forward to meeting her at all, and we seemed to click straight away. We met along the South Bank at about 8pm and after numerous pub stops, found ourselves in Soho at 3am. At this point we were both absolutely hammered, and, whilst standing outside a pub trying to get our bearings, she inexplicably just walked off without me, saying she had to get home. As I live out in the sticks I'd missed my last train home by about three hours so I chased after her and luckily managed to catch her up. I didn't have a clue where I was and I had no idea how I was going to get home so I asked her if I could sleep on her sofa. She would have been well within her rights to refuse and I would have accepted that, but thankfully she agreed and so we went back to hers. I promised her that there wouldn't be any funny business and that I just needed a place to sleep, and true to my word I slept on her sofa and went home the next morning.

We then met up for a second date a few days later around the London Bridge area. I have to say that it wasn't very pleasant as she was in an extremely grumpy mood the whole evening and very distant. However, despite this we met up again a few days later in Richmond and then a week after that we went to Soho and visited a Noel Fielding art exhibition. It largely used Bryan Ferry as its muse so I was in my element. After food and drink we ended up going back to hers and sleeping together for the first time.

By this time we were in constant contact and would speak on the phone every night. Although we were getting on really well I had become very conscious of her severe mood swings and hyper-sensitivity. The first sign of it came when I went round to hers one day to bring her some food as she was off work ill. Beforehand, she'd started sending me really dirty texts and then proceeded to tell me that she liked things done with her neck and hair. I wasn’t entirely sure what she meant so asked a friend and he told me to take along a garrotte and comb! Anyway, as it turned out, during sex, she liked her hair being pulled and she also liked to be throttled and strangled. I tried to do what she wanted but I just felt extremely uncomfortable so after a while said that I couldn’t. She was a bit pissed off and asked me if I had any kinks. I couldn’t really think of any so said that I watched porn sometimes. She was so disgusted and horrified by my admission that she kicked me out of her flat! I managed to patch things up with her, although in retrospect I wish I hadn't. Little things like this would then occur over the coming weeks where I felt like I was treading on egg-shells and having to watch what I said.

The next date which really sticks out started off very well but descended into a farce by the end. I took her to Primrose Hill and we had a lovely long walk as it was a beautiful July evening. I then took her to a restaurant in Hampstead and she then suggested we go back to hers via Tesco to get some booze to carry on drinking. When we got back to hers I sat down on the sofa whilst she was in her bedroom for a few minutes and inexplicably she came back out wearing her pyjamas and dressing gown and said she was going to bed and that I could watch tv. I was obviously a little confused and was trying to wrack my brains for something that I might have said to upset her over-sensitive self during the previous half hour; I couldn't think of anything though. Then, to make matters worse, before she went to bed she put the tv on for me and as a Vincent Cassel film was on (I cannot stand the French fella), I happened to comment that he was punching above his weight by being married to Monica Bellucci as I said that she was absolutely stunning and he clearly is not. What a huge error of judgement on my part that was as I would later find out. At this point I wished that I was at home but I was a bit stuck considering it was 1am so I went to bed to try and sleep. We were both wide awake for hours, but I didn't know that she was too as it transpired that she was in a huff with me and had been pretending to be asleep whilst simultaneously ignoring me. The reasons being that Monsieur Cassel is her favourite actor and she didn't like me insulting him, and on our first date I'd told her that she was stunning (which she was) and by her weird logic I'd upset her by saying that Signora Bellucci was too! No? I don't get it either.

I can't remember how, but we managed to patch things up but alas there were more fun and games around the corner. We'd been going out for about six weeks at this stage and she wanted me to go to a friend of hers birthday. Normally I would have said 'yes' but the party was due to take place in a really nasty, chavvy club in Clapham on a Friday night and I just could not entertain the thought of attending. The idea of going somewhere like that in Clapham of all places filled me with absolute dread as it is a setting absolutely alien to what I am about. I was also due to see her on the Thursday and Saturday nights so I thought that would be ok if I ducked out of this hell-like scenario. I was honest with her about my reasons for not going and she flew into an absolute rage by sending me abusive texts and emails for a couple of days. She then rang me up as if nothing had happened and when I told her that I wasn't happy with the abuse she'd been sending me, she put the phone down on me and had the audacity to email me the next day demanding to know why I was ignoring her! At this point I'd had enough so I told her that I wanted to call it a day to which she sent me some really bizarre emails about how I clearly had issues and that I'd been leading her on and she accused me of being all sorts of things. As I hadn't heard from her for a few days I thought that that was that.

I then the made one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made in my life. She sent me a text out of the blue asking if we could meet up to discuss things. I always like to give people another chance and to sort things out in an adult way so I agreed and we hooked up and she went on the charm offensive and apologised profusely so I forgave her. I still don't know why I did. She also let slip that she wasn't used to men saying 'no' to her and that she always got her own way, so me not bowing down to her every whim was a new experience for her.

A couple of days later she was due to go to Australia for a few weeks so she invited me around to hers and in all fairness we had a lovely evening of food and drink. Evenings like this were why I liked being with her as she could be extremely good company. She had so many good qualities which explains why I kept wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt, whereas early on and in the cold light of day, I should have taken note of the warning signs and ran in the opposite direction.

The next morning we said our goodbyes as she went down under. During the three weeks she emailed every day telling me how much she missed me, which I found bizarre and uncomfortable (which I told her) as we hadn't been going out long at all and she should have just been enjoying herself. She would also complain if my replies were too short!

Anyway, she arrived back after her trip and rang me as soon as she got in the door of her flat and we met up the next day at South Bank. We had a lovely day and she bought me loads of presents and we were getting on really well. When the evening was over I sort of knew that she wanted me to go back to hers but by the same token I didn't want to be presumptuous, so as she didn't say anything I went to make my way home and she asked me to go back with her although I sensed she had the hump on the way home. When we were back at hers she said she was going to Clapham the next day to meet a friend and wanted to leave her flat at 12pm and as I was going there to change trains she wanted to travel there with me. I actually had to be home the next day a bit earlier than that so I said I had to leave hers at 11am. Later on when we were in bed she told me that she was really angry with me because I had to leave at 11am the next day and she went into one of her moods despite the fact I would be spending the best part of 24 hours with her so I wasn't impressed.

The next morning she prodded me at 7:30am and said that she wanted me to leave, so I went in the lounge and took the presents she'd bought me out of my bag and left them on the floor, said goodbye then departed. I then remembered that I'd lent her a book while she was away and so I went back, knocked on her door and very politely asked her for it to which she obliged (Pies and Prejudice by Stuart Maconie if you were wondering). Feeling quite angry, but in actuality a bit relieved, I made my way to the station then realised my train wasn't due for another couple of hours, so I rang up a friend to tell him what had happened, bought a coffee and wandered around the not so delightful surroundings of Purley until I could get home.

I can't emphasise enough how much in the end she actually scared me with her mood swings, and I'm not sure if I was dreaming it or not but I have quite a clear memory of seeing her going through my mobile phone on the last morning I was with her.

I spent the next few weeks in constant fear of her contacting me, but she never did.

Date 54

"The passing of time."

An interesting evening with this Canadian woman. She worked for a big film company so we had a lot to talk about in terms of movies and the like, so I was in my element. She also told me that she used to work as a PA for Roxy Music guitarist, Phil Manzanera, and that one day Bryan Ferry rang up and was a bit surly. I think that that anecdote was my favourite part of the night in retrospect, as I love to hear anything to do with the white dinner jacketed Geordie crooner.

After a couple of drinks, she said on our way home that she'd like to see me again, and told me to contact her. So I emailed her a couple of days later asking about a second date. She didn't respond for about four or five weeks, and in her reply she said she wanted just to be friends. In the end I didn't actually reply to her, which I know is rude, but I just thought that if she takes so long to respond then what's the point?

Date 53

"Heaven knows I'm miserable now."

This solitary date turned out to be one of the most disappointing finales that I'd experienced thus far.

Having e-mailed each other extensively and entertainingly for about a month we agreed to meet up for drinks. I have to say that I wasn't really very excited beforehand, but that was probably due to the fact that by this point I'd been on so many dates in a relatively short space of time, that I was probably suffering from a bit of burn out along with the suffering of constant disappointments along the way.

Then I was taken completely by surprise, as she absolutely blew me away, which has rarely happened to me during my time spent internet dating. She was absolutely stunning, and looked nothing like her profile pictures so I didn't even recognise her when she approached me. She was brilliant company and a lot of fun, and I thought that we got on really well. We spent a good 6 hours drinking then went for a meal.

On the way out of the restaurant at the end of the night she suddenly turned to me and demanded that I kiss her, and so I obliged. Afterwards, thinking that I'd read the signals right, I then asked her if she wanted to see me again. She then inexplicably 'ummed' and 'ahhed' a bit, started to laugh uncontrollably and said 'sorry, but no.' I was absolutely crest-fallen, and probably because I was quite drunk, just turned away and walked off without saying bye. I then trudged back to the station, dragging my coat along the ground behind me. Although it's only a five minute walk normally, it must have taken me about half an hour as I seemed to do it in slow motion as I just felt so dejected.

During my journey home I felt guilty for just walking off so I texted her to thank her for the evening and although she replied I can't remember what she said. I obviously never heard from her again and felt quite down the next day, as although she was being honest, it just seemed such a bizarre way to end a night. Since then I have given up on trying to read people's thoughts and signals.

Date 52

"I won't share you."

I went on three dates with this woman, who was a few years older than me and going through an amicable divorce, over the course of about three months as she had to keep going to Bangladesh on business for long periods of time.

The first two meetings were very enjoyable and although we didn't really have much in common, we got on extremely well and she was very good company. On the third date in Angel we had a lovely evening involving drinks and a meal and I ended up going back to her place in Walthamstow and sleeping with her.

The next day I texted her on my way home to thank her for the evening and then got an e-mail from her a couple of days later saying she liked my company but could we be just friends. I replied and said this was fine and never saw or heard from her again, which was disappointing to say the least as I did quite fancy her.

In retrospect, I can't help thinking that the reason she ceased all contact with me was because I put my uncanny cat whispering talents into practice. After consistently telling me how unfriendly her two feline companions were and how they never went near her, I instantly had both of them asleep on my knee and purring in unbridled contentment, so this clearly made her jealous as she'd never seen them behave like this before and I simply had to be jettisoned by her. Or maybe not...

Date 51

"But don't forget the songs that made you smile, and the songs that made you cry."

For this date (a Welsh lady, a couple of years older than me) we had intended to go and see Sherlock Holmes at the Prince Charles cinema in Leicester Square. As it happened we met outside and because the film wasn't due to start for another half an hour, we decided to go for a pint. We never made it to the film and spent the rest of the evening drinking in various bars.

We both had a very pleasant evening and, as we had similar music tastes, reminisced almost exclusively about bands from our teenage years. She said to me at the end of the night that she'd enjoyed the evening but wanted to just be friends and I agreed with her. We've since met up again for drinks a few times, and we keep in fairly regular e-mail contact. A really lovely person.

UPDATE: A few years on and I'm going to have to change my opinion on her as she's one of the most flakiest people I've ever met. The final straw was when she contacted me a couple of weeks beforehand to see if I wanted to go and see a Juliana Hatfield/Evan Dando gig. I said yes and was really excited about it. She contacted me a couple of times to see where I wanted to sit and to let me know that she was about to order the tickets. The day before the gig she emailed me to say that it had slipped her mind and that she'd let me know on the day of the gig whether we were still going. I'd presumed we were up until the last minute but in the end I never heard from her again and she never apologised for ruining my evening (when I'd turned down an invite to the cinema with someone else). I could even have gone on my own or taken someone else as there were plenty of tickets left but in the end there wasn't time and I wondered why she even asked me in the first place.

Date 50

"I smoke because I'm hoping for an early death."

My second date on Match.com was with a New Zealand girl, whom I think was the same age as me. Like the last date, she also seemed very keen to meet up and sent me her mobile number after only a couple of messages. I can't remember who asked who first, but I suggested that we meet at a tapas bar in King's Cross after only exchanging a few texts, so I didn't really know much about her at all.

It was an ok evening but a couple of things stick out which annoy me a bit in retrospect. Firstly, despite claiming to be a non-smoker, she proceeded to smoke all my cigarettes during the course of the evening, as she obviously didn't bring her own as she didn't smoke. And secondly, despite drinking for about 3 hours or more; she only bought me one drink all night. That was partly my fault as I'm a fast drinker so instead of waiting for her to finish I'd head to the bar and get us both one, but she just never offered so I could hardly ask her to stump up the cash as I was on my best behaviour.

After exchanging a few dating stories (I have a few), she told me how she could never say 'no' to men she didn't want to see again so she never replied to them. What was more interesting, however, was an anecdote she mentioned about someone she'd been on a date with, which some mutual friends had set up for her. I can't remember if they went on more than one date, but as he was quite keen on her, he messaged her a few times about seeing her again and was met with stone cold silence each time. It got to a point in which he contacted the mutual friends to find out if she was interested in him and out of embarrassment or because she instructed them to do so, they made up a story and told him that she'd moved back to New Zealand just because she couldn't tell him herself that she didn't want to see him again.

She was quite good company, but I guess the only real highlight of the night was her scarily accurate impression of Cheryl Cole. On the strength of that I e-mailed her the next day to see if she fancied hooking up again, and, believe it or not, she didn't reply and I never heard from her again and so I just left it at that.

Another thing which I found quite interesting during the evening was the fact that one of the perks of working for a media company meant that for some reason she had free and unlimited access to Match.com, which prompted me to surmise that she probably smoked a lot of men's cigarettes and had drinks bought all night for her, never to see them again.

Date 49

"Miserable Lie."

Having decided to take a break from the crazy world of internet dating, I didn't go on any dates for about 6 months. That was until Match.com reeled me in with a one week free trial, which I tentatively accepted out of curiosity. After the week was up I was sent another offer by them in which I was given 2 months for the price of one, and, because I'd been getting quite a lot of interest from other members, I decided to take them up on that deal as well.

My first Match.com date (and incidentally my first date of 2010) seemed very keen to meet me from the off and gave me her mobile number after a couple of messages. I thought this was a bit quick so stalled a bit until a few more messages then she asked if she could ring me for a chat. So, after speaking to her on the phone and getting a good first impression, she asked if I'd like to meet up, which I agreed to.

She was about 4 or 5 years older than me and very quirky. Her appearance was very bohemian and a bit hippyish and she had an absolutely bizarre hairstyle, which I can only describe as containing a woollen type thing knitted into her hair! She was very striking in appearance and had a very unconventional, yet classic dress sense, but I have to say that I gauged some disappointment in her eyes when she saw me.

In the first bar we went to, we were just about to sit down to have a drink when someone called her name from across the bar. It was a friend of hers and he came over with another woman and asked her what she was doing there. She said she was on a date and his face lit up: "Ah, me too! Guardian Soulmates?" "No," she replied: "Match!" He then informed us that it was apparently the most popular bar in London for first dates!

For the rest of the night, and from my point of view anyway, we got on really well. She was very witty and outgoing and I have to say that I enjoyed her company a lot and was attracted to her. After drinking solidly for about six hours we then went back to the station and before I could say anything, she told me that she really wanted to see me again. I concurred with her view and told her I'd be in touch.

So, I texted her a day or so later to ask about a second date and she responded in the affirmative, but said she was busy for the next week or so, so she'd call me to make arrangements. I didn't hear anything back from her so contacted her again a week or so later and heard nothing. A few weeks later I thought I'd try her one last time and she replied saying she'd had some bad news and wasn't dating anymore, so I left it. Seeing as though she appeared to still be regularly signing in to the site, the cynical side of me led me to conclude that this excuse was bullshit, which was a shame.