Date 192

"As merry as the days were long, I was right and you were wrong."

These two dates happened 6 months ago in December 2020 so they're not exactly fresh in my memory but I'll do my best.

The first one came at a time when you could eat and drink outside and thankfully, despite it being December, we met on a lovely mild and sunny day. We went for a walk around a nature reserve and then had lunch outside. First impressions were really good as we got on and I really fancied her.

At the time we arranged the second date you could still dine al fresco, however, as it was a few days after Christmas, the rules were suddenly changed and all eating and drinking establishments were closed. I'd booked lunch in a really fancy place round the corner from me so then we had a problem.

I'd suggested that we could postpone the date for a bit as there wasn't much to be done as you couldn't go in people's houses either and not many places were open. She allayed my fears and as she was an amazing cook, she said she'd make a really nice picnic and we'd make the best of the situation. Problem solved.

On the morning of the date, she texted me and there was no mention of a picnic and she said that as the restaurant I'd booked was closed that I'd better have a plan B worked out. No pressure then.

As luck would have it, I did pull it out the bag. Just. Most cafes decided to close but luckily a couple hadn't if you looked hard enough. So we had coffee and pastries and we even managed to find somewhere that was selling pizza slices. It was again a beautiful if chilly day and we sat on the beach and watched the sun go down. It was as romantic a thing that could have happened but then she had to go home as it was getting cold and dark!

However, largely due to Lockdown, I never saw her again. The winter weather became awful and nowhere was open and as we didn't live that close to each other, there was nothing we could do really. She was also very strongly against getting the vaccine. This was in the days before it was on the horizon though so I can guarantee that she's had her two jabs now as it was becoming quite obvious that she was a very contrary person and was an expert on everything. 

We still texted for a for a couple of months and she asked me to film myself playing guitar and singing a song by The Smiths, as she liked them too. I did that and she loved it. A week or so later I did another for her, although it may have been another band, and she went off on a rant asking me how many other women I'd sent it to besides her. This was when I began to cool towards her as it was such a bizarre and insecure reaction. I think it was safe to say that she tended to blow very hot and cold...

One morning she said she was going to be nearby (even though she wasn't technically allowed to be) and basically wanted to come round mine to have sex. Given that the rules were very strict at this time in terms of not being able to meet someone inside, and I knew she had numerous support bubbles (as was her wont), I would have said no. She didn't give me the opportunity to reply though as she she had found the thing she needed to buy closer to home so wouldn't be in my area.

If it hadn't been for Lockdown then I'm sure we would have gone on more dates as she did have lots of good qualities that I look for in someone but I'm not sure whether we'd have been quite suited due to her very alpha personality and her firm assertion that my tennis racquet is no bigger than a squash one despite it being the industry standard length. That's not a euphemism by the way, just an example of her always being right. 

Date 119

"A friendship sadly lost?"

To me, living less than 20 miles away from a potential girlfriend is no distance at all. My last meaningful relationship involved going to North London every couple of weeks so I'm happy to travel. When replying to my first message on Plenty of Fish, Date 119 was up front and warned me that she wasn't interested in a long-distance relationship. My response was that we only lived 18.3 miles apart so then she said, ok, well if it doesn't bother you then lets meet up for a drink!

I was really excited about meeting up with her and as she lived in Eastbourne I said I'd venture over to her if she suggested a pub as I'd only been once or twice, so my knowledge of the place was virtually zero. I wanted to be on top form as well as I was keen to impress her...however, that bit didn't quite go to plan.

The previous night I'd been out with a friend in Hove, and there's no other way of putting this, but I got absolutely shitfaced. She put me in a taxi home but for some strange reason I asked the cab to drop me off at a village green about 15 minutes walk from my house. The next thing I can remember was being woken up by three young 'samaritans' at 4am asking me if I needed an ambulance...still on the village green! I can only assume that I passed out or just fell asleep. They at first thought I was a dog which I can only guess was because I had a furry hood on and a peak cap, and no doubt I was snoring my head off which probably sounded like growling. When they realised I was a male human, they actually dialled 999 as they thought I'd collapsed but I assured them that I was merely drunk so they cancelled the call. They then went above and beyond the call of duty by walking me all the way home. I was so grateful to them and feel very lucky that they found me as things could have been much worse. When I woke up the next day, I was so embarrassed as I'd never done anything like that before and have always managed to get myself home even when very inebriated. Besides guilt and embarrassment, my stomach didn't feel too good either. Luckily, I wasn't out until the evening so I stayed in bed for as long as I could but all I could manage to eat was a slice of toast and about 3 crisps all day. I was determined to go on my date though!

Door to door it took me about an hour and a half to get there. I also arrived about half an hour early so went for a stroll, then ordered a coke and sat in the pub, still not feeling great. Even though she lived about 10 minutes away she still managed to be half an hour late so I was in there quite a while, probably looking a bit worse for wear.

When she did rock up I wasn't disappointed, and forgive me for my shallowness, but she was the most beautiful woman I've ever met. Even though she was 49 and therefore 9 years older than me, she genuinely looked like someone in their mid-thirties. She was also the spit of Suranne Jones, which was brilliant as she happens to be a celebrity crush of mine. At various points of the night, I thought I was actually having a drink with the real Ms Jones, but this could have been down to the fact that I might have still been drunk from my previous night's escapades. For the rest of the evening I just had a water and a coffee and explained the reason for this, which she found funny. I think that that was a real disadvantage though as a combination of tiredness and sobriety probably didn't show me in a true light.

Besides this setback, I thought that we got on well, although we clearly didn't have the same music tastes. She asked me what I liked and I said The Smiths. She then went on to surmise that because of this I must like U2 and Coldplay as well. I stared at her blankly.

At the end of the night I got the impression that she wanted to see me again, however, when I texted her the next day, she said yes but only as friends. I was very disappointed but I said that was ok.

A week or so later I contacted her to see if she fancied visiting Brighton one evening. She said she would have done but she happened to be away when I'd suggested a night. A few days later she blocked me on Facebook despite there having been no further contact between us. I can only assume that she was offended by my profile picture which captures the moment that I met Brian Blessed, so she's obviously not a fan.

Date 59

"I've seen you smile, but I've never really heard you laugh."

After another brief hiatus from dating, I decided to give OkCupid another go. And, boy, is it difficult to get a reply on there, let alone a date, which is highlighted by the fact that I've only met two women off it after being sporadically on it for a year (technically, it should have been more as at least two girls agreed to meet me for drinks but never replied when I tried to arrange them).

As I'd alluded to in an earlier post, being on a free site doesn't mean that you're going to go on loads of dates, as, on paper, OKCupid is full of intelligent and like-minded people supposedly looking to meet others. However, being a free site does often mean that there are going to be lots of members and this results in predominantly women being bombarded with messages (including a lot from socially inept freaks). Another reason could be that with a pay site, members are possibly more likely to go on dates to get their money's worth, which I think is backed up by the high number of dates I've been on through pay sites compared to the low number on free sites. Having said all that, though, this could all be bollocks as maybe people are just becoming more choosy, super fussy, up their own arses or just plain rude.

To the date itself. We'd been e-mailing for a good few months, and, although her constant overuse of the acronym 'LOL' was a bit annoying (a real pet hate of mine, which, surely should be a punishable offence), she seemed nice. Anyway, she asked if I'd like to meet for a drink and as she fancied coming to London, she travelled up from Brighton to see me. We had a very pleasant afternoon and evening drinking along the South Bank, and although we were still in text contact the following week and she did ask if I wanted to meet up again but things just fizzled out and we never did. I also wasn't overly enamoured by her assertion that I was the spitting image of Coronation Street's Steve McDonald. I've since asked a number of friends and they assure me that this isn't the case. At all. No, sir. Really, I don't. Look, I don't resemble him in any shape or form whatsoever.

UPDATE: 2014

Upon moving to Brighton in early 2014, she actually made contact with me through OKCupid again. We met up for drinks and it was nice to see her. But, there was something odd about her though that I just couldn't put my finger on and we never saw each other again.