Date 98

"So you go, and you stand on your own, and you leave on your own."

This date nearly didn't happen as she cancelled on me initially. We'd been chatting via email very regularly for a couple of weeks and we set a date to meet. I was really looking forward to meeting her as she used to write me some very long and funny emails, however, a couple of days beforehand she got in touch to say that the previous night she'd gone on a fourth date with someone else and she would have felt bad seeing me as she wanted to see how things would go with him. I was very disappointed, and told her so, but I said it was fair enough. I also had a feeling that I'd hear from her again, and lo and behold, she sent me an email a few weeks later.

She said she nearly didn't email me but something had reminded her of me and so we continued where we left off. I asked her what had happened to the other guy she was dating and she said they'd gone on one more date but then she decided he wasn't for her as he didn't like films or television! She obviously asked if we could meet up and I said yes.

When she'd cancelled initially I had vowed not to see her if she did email me again but when it came down to it I just thought: my social life is shite at the moment plus she did sound intriguing. I have to say though, that the excitement I had first time around wasn't there because I did feel a little bit like I was second best.

We met up in a pub in Brighton and it was absolutely rammed. She was late also so I ended up shuffling around the place with a pint in my hand for 15 minutes really accentuating the fact that I was waiting for someone and not just in there drinking on my own. I'd nearly finished my drink when she turned up and the first thing she did was comment on how the pub smelt like a toilet so she went up to the bar and told them to do something about it, which they actually did and in no time the whole place was smelling fresh again! She also introduced me to a liqueur called Tuaca. We had a few shots each and it was beautiful. Apparently, according to her, it's pretty much a Brighton thing so not many people have heard of it and it's difficult to buy unless you're in the bar trade.

So, after a few drinks she said she had to go and when I got on the bus I received a text from her saying:

'It was absolutely lovely to meet you. I didn't feel any chemistry on my part but we have loads in common and I'd really like to stay in touch if you'd also like that?'

She also asked if I wanted to go to see Interstellar with her the next day (she'd already seen it once) but I couldn't as I had other plans. I thought it was a nice text from her and I think she was right but it did make me think how had she gone on 5 dates with this other guy yet had made up her mind so quickly over me.

We did meet up again a couple of weeks later as I wanted to go and see What We Do in the Shadows and it turned out to be my second favourite film of the year so far. We've since become good friends and cinema buddies.

Date 97

"I'm tired and I, I want to go to bed."

The most remarkable thing about this date from Guardian Soulmates was actually the weather, as it was apparently the warmest Halloween on record. So we actually spent the initial part of the evening sitting outside a pub on Brighton beach as it was such a beautiful evening.

I've never really understood what people mean by this when they say it, but she had a really kind and caring aura about her. I can't articulate it very well but there was something about her that had a very calming effect on me. She was also absolutely hilarious.

It was therefore, very strange when she basically just buggered off after we'd eaten. I don't think it was even 8pm and as soon as we were outside the restaurant she said she had to go and hot-footed it out of there.

It was very weird. I didn't fancy her but I wanted to say to her that it had been lovely to meet her and I hoped we could stay in touch, but her abrupt exit stopped me from doing so afterwards and I assumed that she couldn't wait to get away from me!

As it turned out though, she emailed me the next evening and pretty much said exactly what I was thinking:

'It was lovely to meet you last night and you are certainly one lovely human. I didn't have that elusive spark but I would be happy to meet up again for a half-pint and a mooch. Sorry I darted off, I was actually really worn out...'

She had actually mentioned that she lived next door to very noisy students, and would regularly be kept awake by what she initially thought was a very squeaky hamster wheel, but upon further investigation it turned out to be them just shagging. 

Date 96

"Hair brushed and parted."

It's really difficult to get replies on free dating sites. I imagine this is because they are over-subscribed, and from female friends I know who are on them, women apparently get inundated. I still don't see why I rarely get responses though as I write proper messages so it's clear that I've read their profiles and I try to be funny. A previous date said to me once that I'm not handsome but she found me attractive, so maybe that's where the first impressions problem lies...or it could just be that my jokes are really bad.

Anyway, I digress. The point I'm also making is that I do get replies on pay sites so I tend to go back to them. I don't think I've ever had a one month subscription on a pay site and not had at least one date from it. 

So, I went back onto Guardian Soulmates and someone actually replied to me and we met up for a few drinks. It was fine and she was very nice and we got on well enough, but neither of us made plans for a second date. One thing I have to say is that her profile pics looked nothing like her and they were at least 5 years old, AT LEAST. So when I saw her coming towards me I actually just guessed it was her. This is not me being shallow either but my pics are always up to date, so it's not really too much to ask that others do the same. I had a magnificent head of hair in my 20's and as much as I'd love to put those pics up it's not really fair to do so! Not that she was bald or anything...

Date 95

"We can go for a walk where it's quiet and dry 

and talk about precious things."

Date 95 took 6 months to reply to me from when I first sent her a message. Yes, you read that correctly - 6 frickin' months. I didn't even have a subscription on Match anymore and so when you're not a paid up member, Match don't even reveal who has contacted you. So I had to do a bit of detective work before deciding that I should take out a one week membership in order to reply.

Our first date was a lot of fun as we met for drinks and then went for a meal. She was very smart, although her clothes were very 1980's, but that didn't detract from the fact that she was very attractive.

We seemed to get on well and I was very pleased when she agreed to a second date. However, it turned out to be a bit shit.

For date number 2, she suggested that we could meet along the seafront and go for a walk as it was a really warm Saturday afternoon. So, we strolled up to Zoe Ball & Fatboy Slim's tiny palace and back again, which took a couple of hours. Along the way she refused the offer of a coffee or ice cream and I'd stupidly presumed that we were then going to head into Brighton to a pub or restaurant, as it was still only the afternoon.. When I suggested this she claimed to be meeting her sister for dinner later on so I ended up being home by 6pm. I hadn't mentioned doing something afterwards when we'd been in contact beforehand as I'd just automatically assumed we would be. How ridiculously presumptuous of me.

I have to confess though that during this second date, we did struggle a bit in terms of things to talk about and she didn't actually have much to say for herself. I also felt like I was doing all the talking and asking all the questions, and I did get the impression that she wasn't interested in finding out anything about me or my interests.

I don't think she really was meeting her sister but I decided to take the hint and so I just left it. Isn't it amazing how an absence of alcohol can change one's perceptions of others? It's a shame though as I did fancy her.

Date 94

"And if you ever need self-validation, just meet me in the alley

 by the railway station."

I ended up going on 5 dates with this woman, but in the end I just wasn't feeling it, although I'm not sure if my thinking was influenced by outside forces.

Meeting through Match, our first date was in a pub near Brighton Station. It was good fun, although she did seem very keen as she asked me about a second date on only our second drink. I was a bit taken aback and said yes as she wanted to go to the cinema anyway.

We went to see Guardians of the Galaxy and it was amazing and definitely my favourite film of the year so far, and in my eyes, the best one yet of the Marvel franchise. We also went for a Thai meal beforehand so all in all it was a good night.

The third date got a little messy as we met in the same pub as our first date, had a couple of pints then headed to a restaurant for steak, where we also shared a bottle of red. Afterwards, we found a fantastic pub where I made a new friend straight away. There was a guy sitting at the bar wearing a Newcastle United top so I automatically gravitated towards him and he was actually Steve the landlord and was originally from Wallsend. We chatted to him for a bit then ordered another bottle of red to share and found a seat. After we finished off that, she advised me to get ANOTHER bottle to share and when I went up to the bar, Steve called me over to introduce me to Donna from South Shields. It was like being back home, although they both found it hilarious that I didn't have an accent anymore so I was referred to as the Posh Geordie for the rest of the evening.

Our THIRD bottle of wine brought the inevitable snogging at our table...with my date, not Steve. Which then continued out onto the streets in the torrential rain and the station. Remarkably I woke up the next day hangover free...what witchcraft was this at work?

The three dates I'd had with her had been fun and I liked her but I wasn't besotted by her. Then, through the magic of Facebook it turned out that we had a mutual friendship with Date 91. Date 91 kindly sent me a message to inform me of the following:

"If you like her, all well and good, but proceed with caution...... Extreme caution!!!!!!! Too many dramas to write about."

She told me one story about her and I had noticed that she was a bit intense, but our dates had been good so far. She also told me that she was giving me friendly advice as she'd known her for 15 years or so...although as a friend of a friend rather than a close mate.

We'd made arrangements to go to a cricket match in Hove to see Sussex play Glamorgan in a floodlit match.

It was a dull game but a good time overall as I brought along a picnic, we had a few beers and also witnessed a very inebriated guy falling out of his chair, not being able to get up and being escorted out of the ground by some stewards. I can't pretend though that I didn't have some doubts in the back of my mind as I was noticing more and more how intense she was. Whilst there we arranged to meet again in a couple of Saturdays time for an evening event.

I then went on holiday to Italy for a few days and got a text message as soon as I arrived asking if I wanted to go to a Brighton football match with her on the same day before the Saturday evening event we were due to attend. I didn't want to go, so I politely declined, but I don't know why.

In the end she went to the football with a work colleague and we met in the evening as planned to see the first episode with Peter Capaldi as the new Doctor Who at the cinema (thankfully Date 83 wasn't there). It was reasonably entertaining and we went to a pub afterwards for a couple of drinks.

I did a lot of thinking over the rest of the weekend as things didn't feel right as I just wasn't looking forward to seeing her again and I wasn't getting that frisson of excitement whenever I heard from her. In the end I contacted her and was honest by saying that I'd done a lot of thinking and that I'd rather we were just friends. She replied the next day and was fine about it and said she felt the same.

I'm not sure how influenced I was by Date 91's warnings but I did feel relieved after I ended things so I think that I made the right decision. I had also noticed that she was getting more and more intense so maybe I dodged a bullet by getting out while the going was still good. She didn't do anything wrong but I think sometimes you just have to go with your instincts.

Date 93

"Did I really walk all this way."

I was still on a mission to avoid using pay-sites and so my next date came courtesy of OKCupid; I was certainly getting my money's worth.

We met along Brighton sea front and went for a wander, as it was a glorious mid-Summer evening, before we found a nice pub near Hove. We had a few drinks and she was quite good company but there just wasn't any spark or mutual attraction.

She was a few years older than me and a bit of a posh party girl and former chalet girl, so it was clear that we didn't mix in the same circles as I'm a rough Geordie lad. I liked her but we just didn't have anything in common.

When we left the pub she said bye then buggered off to catch her bus and I didn't have a clue where I was so I ended up roaming the streets for quite a while until I used the moonlight and direction of the sea to eventually locate my bus stop about 30 minutes walk away.

Date 92

"Oh, the alcoholic afternoons."

I appeared to be on quite a roll here, as this was the third person I'd met in a row off Plenty of Fish. It's a rarity to even get a reply, let alone a date so I wonder what I was doing right.

We met in my favourite Brighton pub, at the time it was the only one I could ever remember the name of, on another Sunday afternoon. She turned up late and, I have to say in a completely disheveled state. She'd been up late drinking until the early hours of the morning so had only recently got out of bed to come and meet me. And to demonstrate how hungover she was; she proceeded to down two double Bloody Marys in fairly quick succession.

Besides her not being as fresh as a daisy, she also had a very abrasive sense of humour. And for some reason she was very keen to know exactly what my working history was including start and finish dates of every job I'd done. What the hell was that all about?! I also told her that I occasionally did freelance writing and she went off on a rant about how writers are completely narcissistic and big-headed etc. because they have the arrogance to suppose that everyone wants to read what they'd written. I have to admit that when she was in full rant mode I actually nearly got up and left,

It's safe to say that she didn't make a very good impression on me at all, but as we were leaving she asked if we could be friends. Unsurprisingly, I haven't tried to keep that 'friendship' going.

Date 91

"You're just the same as I am."

Another Plenty of Fish date and another normal person shocker!

I had a very enjoyable evening with this Irish lady and we even ventured into a few pubs that I didn't know existed....which isn't very difficult considering my knowledge of Brighton drinking establishments is disgraceful.

We had exactly the same taste in bands and films, which is always a bonus and at the end of the night she said that I was a male version of her. My only quibble is that she's a Manchester United season ticket holder, but being objective I have to admire her loyalty as she drives to every home match despite the distance!

We did get on very well but I don't think that we fancied each other and so haven't met up again. However, we are still in contact and I can see us being gig buddies at the very least. This also means that I now have one friend in Brighton besides next door's cat.

She also turned out to be a 'mutual' friend of Date 94 and gave me some interesting advice about her, but more of that to come.

Date 90

"Paint a Vulgar Picture."

I haven't blogged for ages, partly because my dates have been brief and incident free but mainly because I've been on the receiving end recently and read a blog that someone had written about me.

It felt very strange and I didn't like it as it didn't show me in a very good light. Unfairly so in my opinion. I don't intend to write a counter-blog but all I will say on the matter is that the 'blogger' in question had followed the old adage that one should never let the facts get in the way of a good story. As Flavor Flav said numerous times: 'Don't believe the hype.'

Anyway, on to a brief and incident free date night. I met Date 90 through Plenty of Fish and she was actually a lot of fun and very good company. So much so, that there's not really much to say about her as, despite her mad hair, she was a very nice person. I don't think there was anything romantic between us but we did meet up again and had another good time working our way round a few pubs in Brighton. Plus, she wants me to be on her pub quiz team! She did actually have a couple of good dating stories though, about the men of PoF which I can't not divulge.

The first one involved a man who lived in a house boat in Brighton Marina. For their date he wanted to meet on his boat for dinner but she declined so they decided in the end to meet in his camper van in Asda carpark, which is located in the Marina complex. She wasn't that impressed because he turned up wearing shorts and the romantic dinner for two consisted of a ploughman's lunch. At the end of the night he intimated that he wanted her to stay the night but when she said no he told her to leave and drove off back the short distance to his house boat and left her to find her way out of the marina on her own late at night!

She then mentioned a male stripper who'd messaged her on PoF. I was intrigued and I asked what he was like. She said she didn't know as she didn't reply to him as, in her words, it had occurred to her that he'd seen so many tits in his time that he'd only be disappointed by hers even though she though hers were good. I think I'll leave it there...

Date 89

"And if you think peace is a common goal, that goes to show how little you know."

I'd only exchanged a few messages with this person from Match before she suggested we meet up for an afternoon drink as she was in Brighton clothes shopping one Sunday. The day actually coincided with a pathetic 'March for England' through Brighton which involved a load of so called hardmen looking for a fight in the name of nationalism. The pub I picked for us to meet at was actually the scene of the most violent confrontation of the day which occurred, unbeknownst to me, about 10 minutes before I arrived. The picture below was taken from inside the pub.

   The Brighton Argus (2014)

When I got there I'd had no idea what had happened as it had just been cleared up, although my date had arrived slightly earlier during the aftermath. I like my dates dangerous.

We only had a few drinks but I thought that we'd got on well and she was very attractive. Unfortunately, I contacted her the next day about a second date and she declined stating that she thought that we were at different stages in our life and she didn't know where it could go. Whilst I don't really know what she meant, at least she was honest.

During our drinks she told me about a couple of guys she'd been out on with dates previously. One of them turned out to be a racist homophobe and the other one was the most serious and non-humourous man she'd apparently ever met. Unbelievably she went out on three dates with both of them! What must she have thought of me to not want to meet up again?!

Date 88

"To tease, torment and tantalise."

My second date in Brighton and my second date using good old Tinder.

I've said it before, but Tinder is really odd. I don't understand why, when I get a match and message someone, the vast majority of the time they never reply. Why have they swiped right in the first place? It can hardly be the cut of my jib either as most people don't even have any text on their profiles: just pictures; so it's not as if there's much to go on.

With this person we messaged for a while and the chat wasn't that earth-shattering, but the novelty of someone actually replying to me kept things going even when she took a week to respond. I was quite surprised when she asked me for a drink as I didn't think she was that bothered so I really didn't have any expectations. As it turned out though, she was lovely and we got on really well.

We had about 4 or 5 drinks and I found her great company. She had some great such stories such as a wine bar nearby an ex used to take her to that was allegedly run and owned by a male porn star. I haven't been able to locate it yet, but I'm still trying.

It also turned out to be her first internet date, which became obvious to me when she actually asked me at the end of the night whether I'd like to go on another date! I'm not used to this honesty and lack of game playing so I automatically said I'd love to. And thus we parted ways and I felt very positive as she wanted to see me again, right?

I texted her the next day and asked if she was free at the weekend. She replied and said no but didn't say when she'd next be free. I didn't hear from her for a week so texted her again and asked whether she fancied another drink the following weekend. She never responded, so I left it because I clearly misread what she meant when she said she wanted to go on another date...

Date 87

"Why is the last mile the hardest mile?"

This was my first experience of dipping my toe into the Brighton dating ocean and not much happened really.

I went back onto Guardian Soulmates as I presumed that it would provide a rich seam of the cream of Brighton female residents, but I've clearly been spoilt by London all these years as they haven't got many members on there. One girl did really catch my eye though and thankfully she replied to me and we went out on a date.

Luckily I'd found a really cool pub a couple of weeks before so we met there. She was extremely attractive and I found her very engaging and good company. We stayed for a few hours and got quite drunk and I thought we'd had a good night.

Sadly this didn't prove to be the case in her eyes though as I when I contacted her the next day to ask about a second date, she made it very clear that she didn't want to go on another one with me. One good thing did come out of this though as she'd just completed the Brighton Half Marathon and this really did inspire me as I'm now going to be running in it in February 2015. So, wish me luck as I'm going to need it...

Date 86

"What she asked of me at the end of the day: Caligula would have blushed."

Hmmm, Tinder's a bit weird, isn't it? I tried it out for a few months and had one solitary date through it. I never got remotely close to getting a date with anyone else bar this next entry. There have been mutual matches along the way, but not many, and none of them have replied to me. Which I just don't get as when one has only got pictures to go on and very little text, if any, then what sort of message am I meant to send to get a response.

Anyway, I digress. With this person, we quickly moved on to email then texting and I found out that she was the ex wife of a famous stand up comedian. Well, I say famous but I hadn't actually heard of him, but people I know had and he's apparently on things like Mock the Week a fair bit. I googled him and there are plenty of videos of him doing his routine on you tube and he did seem quite funny. 

We communicated a fair bit before we actually met and I noticed a couple of things about her such as her mentioning her ex husband every other sentence and also the fact that she was very frisky most of the time. I'm not averse to naughty texts but I do find it a bit odd them being so full on before we've even been out together...

We decided to meet in Clapham one evening for drinks and what struck me first was her bizarre accent. I think she's a year older than me so in her *ahem* mid-30s, and despite living on the south coast and South London for most of her life, apart from 2 or 3 years as a student in Liverpool, she spoke exactly the same as Bubble from Absolutely Fabulous! It was really weird and I asked her about it but she couldn't explain why she did. She was also as frisky in the flesh as she was by text. She couldn't keep her hands off me and after only one drink she moved in for the kill and snogged my face off inside the pub. She also said to me afterwards that when she walked in and first saw me, she wanted to fuck me...which I'll take as a compliment. 

Something else which she did in real life too which I alluded to above was talk about her ex husband... A LOT. I brought it up afterwards and she claimed she didn't but she's in denial as I actually felt I'd been on a date with him too. She'd had a rough ride with him and from what she'd said, he sounded like an arsehole, but most of her anecdotes, good and bad, involved him. I felt sorry for her but I found it a bit awkward when she kept launching herself on me and mentioning him all the time.

I ended the night a bit early as we were both a bit tipsy, walked her to the station then got my train home. She then rang me on the train for a chat! I can't remember what we said but I do recall it being a bit awkward. I then got home and she kept ringing me again. However, this was the night in which some people may recall; my neighbour was having a party which culminated in the police having to be called when he threatened to beat me and my sister's boyfriend up. She was ringing me throughout all of this despite me texting her to tell her the situation and that I couldn't speak to her, yet she still wasn't getting the message!

In the following days, we were still in text contact and I was honest with her and said that I wasn't looking for anything serious. I am, but just not with her. She said she was the same and then proceeded to send me a few naked pictures of herself...which I didn't reciprocate. She was then going away for a week with friends to a rented cottage in Chichester. I say friends, but there were actually going to be about 20 of them including children. She then said that I should come and visit her there so she could have her wicked way with me...how frickin' weird would that have been with me just turning up one night with all those people there? It never happened and things then just fizzled out really and my sole Tinder experience (thus far) had ended with me unscathed...relatively.