Date 195

"I know that I'm the most inept that ever stepped."

I was meant to go on a date with this person about 4 or 5 years ago but she cancelled rather abruptly and I remember her being quite arsey about it. For some reason she'd stuck in my mind and I was surprised that she now had 3 children as when we'd been in contact previously, she only had 2. More of this later.

Although I remembered her, she definitely had no recollection of me and even contacted me first on Hinge, which I was surprised at.

We were going to meet near me in Brighton for our first date, as she was nearby due to her job one evening, but she kept changing plans and pubs had just reopened so it was difficult to be spontaneous as a lot of places only took bookings, although I did find a couple that did walk-ins. In the end she asked if I wanted to meet her in Worthing the following week as that's where she lived. I barely know Worthing so she suggested a pub but also made me book it, which I found a bit odd as I was coming to visit her. I did book a table but even after that she queried whether I'd got the right one and whether we'd be able to get food so she was coming across as very bossy.

During our texts I was definitely having my doubts about meeting her due to her constant nagging and teasing which she clearly found funny but wasn't. We'd spoken on the phone and although I'm originally from Newcastle, my accent has pretty much gone bar the odd word or phrase as I've lived down south for so long. So then she took to constantly referring to me as a fake geordie, would make jokes about my lack of hair on top and my education. Although she came across as very confident, I sensed that she also had a chip on her shoulder and was probably quite insecure. I can take a joke but I found it odd to be like this when you've not even met someone.

It took me just over an hour door to door to get to the pub (I got there by train) and I was a bit early. Even though she lived 15 minutes walk away she managed to be 20 minutes late. She did ring to tell me but I'd already been sitting on my own for about 10 minutes.

When she did decide to rock up I was really surprised by how her photos didn't do her justice as she was so attractive. Her choice of pub was excellent too as it was a microbrewery and did the best pizzas. However, they were probably the best bits of the night as I don't think I've met anyone so full of themselves and also so critical of others.

Everything I said, she seemed to have an opinion on and let me know how my life choices were wrong and how she'd have done them differently. I've mentioned in this blog before how I used to care for my Mum full-time for a decade until she passed away a few years ago. I decided to take some time off and do my own thing and now I have a new job and different life lined up. However, she even saw fit to criticise me for the time it has taken me to stop being a carer and get a new career. I'm very laid back and not in any way confrontational but even I had to tell her that she'd crossed the line.

As mentioned earlier, in the last few years she'd had another child with someone she'd met from a dating site at the time we were meant to meet about 4 years ago. In fact, she possibly cancelled our date as she'd met the father of her child. However, this man has nothing to do with their son and never sees him, which I think is largely due to him having alcohol and drug issues. I'd never judge someone else on their life choices as these things just happen and I'm very sympathetic to situations like that, but I found it almost breathtaking on her part that she could be so critical and judgemental about me. 

As it happens, I don't think she liked me anyway as after the pizza she said she had a pounding headache and would it be ok if she could go home. As much as I was attracted to her, her abrasiveness was a turn-off and neither of us contacted the other. I wouldn't have been able to reach her high standards anyway.

Date 157

"I'm spellbound, oh but a woman divides."

This was another very rare occasion in all the years I've been doing this, that I thought wow! However, this was during and not after the first date.

Giving Tinder another go, I wasn't amazingly into her before we met and the feeling before we went for drinks was that of nervous dread that the date wouldn't last long rather than excitement. I knew as soon as I saw her that we'd get on though. And that we did.

I was straight away attracted to her and we also had the same interests, in particular; a mutual love for Twin Peaks and cats. We drank for a good five hours or more and she could certainly put them away and to me, the signals were there that she liked me as well with her being very touchy feely and tactile. It was definitely one of my favourite first dates and I felt she was the complete package.

On the way back to the bus stop, by which time we were both quite drunk, she said that she wanted to see me again but that there hadn't been any fireworks for her. I found this quite an odd thing to say and at first thought this was a negative thing but she assured me that she'd had a great time and that we should go to the cinema for our next date. At this stage we'd still just been communicating via Tinder and without me asking, she made sure to give me her phone number and instructed me to contact her to arrange date two. In theory this sounded promising but the 'fireworks' comment put a lot of doubt in my mind, even though I tried to tell myself otherwise.

We texted for a few days and were in the process of arranging a trip to the flicks when the messages just stopped from her. I knew her birthday was the day after Halloween so I waited until then to make contact again to wish her happy birthday and see if she replied. She did but I felt if I hadn't been in touch then I wouldn't have heard from her. I mentioned meeting up again and she said she still wanted to but not for a couple of weeks as she was busy at work and the texts stopped again.

I waited until the week she said she was free and she suggested we go and see Widows the following week on a Tuesday night, so I felt positive again. Three hours before we were due to meet she cancelled due to work commitments. I was a bit pissed off as that really was short notice but I still wanted to see her so asked if she was free the following week. She was and we made plans again.

I didn't hear from her again so texted her the day before to check we were still on and she said she was up for it if I still fancied it. So the date took place and we caught up a bit before the film started. After it had finished I suggested something to eat but she declined saying she was tired even though it was 8pm and went home but she said she'd had a great time and wanted to meet again.

The next day I messaged her to see if she fancied coming to mine for dinner in a couple of weeks time but she said she was busy on the days I suggested and that she'd looked at her diary and was busy with work and social commitments until after Christmas so I decided to take the hint and leave it. Rumours of my unimaginative cooking had somehow clearly reached her...

Date 111

"The hills are alive with celibate cries."

I got the impression with this person after a few dates that she was taking me for a ride, so when things ended I was a bit disappointed but not at all surprised. On her Guardian Soulmates profile her blurb about herself was in the form of a poem and so I sent her an equally poetic first message. When she replied she seemed to be genuinely thrilled by my creativeness, although she did ask if I had just copied and pasted the same poem to other women as a first message; which I found a bit strange as I'd included her name in it and had incorporated her interests and other aspects of her profile into it...

Our first date actually took place at the same pub I'd met Date 110, as I'd relayed the story back to her and she wanted to meet there to see if something similarly funny would happen. It didn't but it was still a very fun night and we actually managed to share two bottles of wine between us. I'd also arrived there feeling a bit ill and by the end of the night my voice had completely gone and didn't come back for a few days as I had a very bad throat infection.

I really fancied her and I was very pleased when she agreed to a second date and so I booked us a table at a really posh vegetarian restaurant in Brighton. It was again a fun night and we went through a lot of wine, and whilst I waiting for her; one of the Hairy Bikers walked past me. She did have funny fashion sense though and I'm still not sure about the outfit she wore, which included a very tight dress and thigh-high velvety boots. She did give me a big smacker on the lips though when I walked her to the bus-stop.

Even though we'd been on a couple of dates, I still felt that I didn't know much about her and because she was going into hospital for an operation on her nose; I wouldn't be able to see her again for another month or so. In between dates I didn't really hear from her much besides the odd, short text and it was quite common for messages then to just stop abruptly. I did message her in hospital though to see how she was getting on which I think was good for brownie points.

When we did eventually meet up for our next date she suggested we should go for a walk and pub expedition, which I wan't that sure about. She was due to get the bus over to where I live, as it's quite countryish but as it was a freezing cold and windy day she decided to drive over as her newly operated on nose was feeling painful. When I met her in the pub though, she seemed genuinely pleased to see me and I was feeling in good spirits so bought her lunch too. It was very pleasant despite a flatulent dog sitting near us polluting our meal; and she actually asked the dog owner to take it outside!

Even though she was worried about her nose and the coldness, we went for a long walk over the hills near me and I showed her Steve Coogan's house. We then went back into my village and found to our displeasure that every cafe and coffee shop was closed so we had to venture into a pub which was hosting a wake. It wasn't completely dissimilar to a scene from the tv series Shameless and there seemed to be quite a lot of tension in the air along with an abundance of tattoos and buggies. She said she was going out to the cinema with a friend that night so when she left it was only about 5pm, and because she was driving, we'd barely had anything to drink.

When I messaged her again the next day about another date, I asked if she wanted me to book a table at another restaurant and she said that sounded good and that she'd get back to me when she'd sorted some childcare out. Ten days later I'd heard nothing and texted her to see if she still wanted to go out for a meal. She replied and said she'd not been able to get a babysitter and apologised for not letting me know...She also said that, as she was having an extension built at her house, she couldn't afford to go out for a meal so we could we just go to the cinema the following week instead.

We agreed to meet at a pub the following Saturday and she ended up being half an hour late. I'd also bought us a £22 bottle of wine to share and she never once offered to go half's or contribute to it. Afterwards we went to the cinema, which I'd booked seats for, and she kept her coat on for the whole film. It finished at 11;15pm and I'd presumed that as she was low on cash, she'd be going straight home. This wasn't the case though and as we neared my bus-stop she told me that she was going to meet some friends in a pub and then basically just fucked off without me.

This really pissed me off unsurprisingly and I vowed never to contact her again after this grand act of rudeness. A couple of weeks later though, I still felt a bit intrigued by her and texted her casually to say that I was going to be in Brighton on the evening of Good Friday at a friend's 40th birthday and told her which cocktail bar we'd be in. She replied and said that her goddaughter was staying with her then and that they'd be out in town anyway so they'd pop in. I then instantly regretted mentioning it to her and pretty much forgot about it as I didn't expect her to turn up anyway. As it happened, she texted me during my friend's birthday and said she had been in Brighton but had gone home feeling ill and couldn't make it...

Exactly a month after our fourth and final date, she sent me a text out of the blue, saying that she thought that we were both in agreement that we were not right for each other and she wished me good luck for the future. I thought it was interesting that she spoke for me there although she was probably right! I had always though that our dating had been a very one-sided experience though as I'd always arranged everything and I tended to initiate making contact. Not seeing her very often over a period of a few months wasn't very good for momentum either and in retrospect she wasn't that interested in me; with lust probably being my main motivation.

Date 92

"Oh, the alcoholic afternoons."

I appeared to be on quite a roll here, as this was the third person I'd met in a row off Plenty of Fish. It's a rarity to even get a reply, let alone a date so I wonder what I was doing right.

We met in my favourite Brighton pub, at the time it was the only one I could ever remember the name of, on another Sunday afternoon. She turned up late and, I have to say in a completely disheveled state. She'd been up late drinking until the early hours of the morning so had only recently got out of bed to come and meet me. And to demonstrate how hungover she was; she proceeded to down two double Bloody Marys in fairly quick succession.

Besides her not being as fresh as a daisy, she also had a very abrasive sense of humour. And for some reason she was very keen to know exactly what my working history was including start and finish dates of every job I'd done. What the hell was that all about?! I also told her that I occasionally did freelance writing and she went off on a rant about how writers are completely narcissistic and big-headed etc. because they have the arrogance to suppose that everyone wants to read what they'd written. I have to admit that when she was in full rant mode I actually nearly got up and left,

It's safe to say that she didn't make a very good impression on me at all, but as we were leaving she asked if we could be friends. Unsurprisingly, I haven't tried to keep that 'friendship' going.