Monday, 6 July 2020

Date 185

"They cannot touch you now."

My very first Lockdown date and it was pretty much business as usual.

I was genuinely really looking forward to this date, as we'd texted quite a lot beforehand, and she'd said that she was too. I was also a bit nervous about what happens on a date during a pandemic when you want to snog?

She drove from Eastbourne to meet me via seeing a friend nearby and parked down my street as I'm near the seafront and it was a ridiculously hot day and was close to 30 degrees. And what did she do upon greeting me? She ran up to me and said "I know we're meant to be social-distancing but it's rude not saying hello properly." Then she flung her arms around me and gave me a hug....

What the hell did she do that for? I'd only recently been allowed to hug my niece and sister days earlier as we'd formed a bubble. I was utterly shocked. Who else had she been doing that to? From our texts, I'd built up a clear understanding that she'd been obeying the guidelines. I'd witnessed people doing this as Brighton had largely ceased social-distancing when the first restrictions had been lifted after 6 weeks or so, but it really knocked me for 6 as I've not even been in a shop for 3 months. At least she didn't snog me though, I guess.

We'd pre-arranged to have a picnic of sorts and I provided the drinks and ordered an Indian takeaway from Deliveroo. As I was using my app, I paid for it and she said she'd go to a cashpoint and pay me back. She also had more food than me, so it wasn't cheap.

Besides the unsolicited hugging, she wasn't really quite what I expected either. Although we only had one alcoholic drink, as she was driving, I got the impression that she was a huge drinker. When we'd first messaged on Bumble, she'd asked if she could reply the next day as she was drunk and all her stories were about alcohol-related escapades. We've all got stories like that but she seemed to have more than most. It had also been her birthday a couple of days earlier and she sent me a photo of her presents, which were mainly all different varieties of bottles of Jack Daniels. There must have been about 25.

She did seem fun but I was still reeling from cuddlegate, so really wasn't sure about her.

After a few hours she had to get back and before she left she said instead of going to the cashpoint, she'd buy me a meal on our second date, which although presumptuous, was fair enough.

Over the next couple of days we texted as normal and on the Saturday night, she was having another birthday party at her house with friends from work. It started at 6pm and she was still drinking at 4am. This backed up my 'alcoholic' theory plus to pre-empt a recent statement by the Police Federation, I pondered the notion that "drunk people cannot socially-distance."

I know she was still drinking at that time as that was the last text that I received from her. I never heard from her again, which I thought might have been her suffering from Jack Daniels poisoning, but as she deleted me from Bumble, I believe she thought it was ok to ghost me. I did send another text which she didn't reply to either just to confirm my suspicions.

It's probably the case that I dodged a bullet due to various reasons but ghosting people after you've had food, drinks and even your parking paid for is just not acceptable. With unwanted physical human contact all I got in return.

Thursday, 12 March 2020

Date 184

"And so I drank one, it became four."

This date had taken ages to sort out as she only seemed to reply once a week on Tinder. She complained that it was because she wasn't receiving notifications when she got a message, but when I suggested that we could communicate via Whatsapp, she said the last person she gave her number to ghosted her so she refused.

Although I didn't notice until she mentioned it, she was a bit drunk when she turned up as she'd been to a friend's beforehand and had already downed a couple of vodkas. So, unfortunately after two gin and tonics she said she had to go home as she was feeling drunk...

I liked her as she was funny but I was put off a little bit when she said that she'd lived in Manchester and Liverpool for quite a while in her 'youth' but couldn't remember much about either city as she used to smoke a LOT of weed. I smoked a lot of weed in my 20's but I have no losses of memory during those times.

I never heard back from her though and I didn't want to make contact as her saying she was a bit drunk may have just been an exit strategy, which in hindsight it probably was as surely she couldn't have been that pissed after a couple of vodkas and G&T's?! I sort of did want to hear from her again but I've learnt my lesson from messaging people when they clearly weren't into me and Id rather not know than being rejected again.

Thursday, 27 February 2020

Date 183

"I wish I could laugh."

To describe the 6 weeks that we dated as intense would be an understatement but it also unfortunately ended as quickly as it had began. Maybe I should have expected this from someone who'd been divorced twice but was still in their mid-30's, however, I'm not one to be judgemental.

Things moved fast almost immediately as our first date involved meeting for drinks, a meal and a passionate snog on a train platform followed by the cinema and sleeping together the next night.

I was the first person she'd spoken to and met on a dating app so she must have thought that all the bad things she'd heard had been exaggerated. We then got into a routine of going to each other's homes for dinner, sex and incessant chat and laughter. We really did laugh a lot. I don't think I've done so before with anyone.

I sort of had my doubts about her though. Just small things initially such as her constant use of annoying phrases/words/expressions like 'smashed it,' everyone was a 'legend' and everything was 'awesome.' And her spelling was woeful. Despite having only been going out a few weeks she wanted to go on holiday together and she'd regularly text me saying she was concerned that I'd lose interest in her as she couldn't have more children (she had 3). Her children and 2 ex-husbands were constant sources of topics she'd talk to me about and I'm amazed that she actually married 2 of the biggest bell-ends I've ever heard been told about. Utter useless, immature bastards. One of them even let himself into her house one morning when we were still in bed, even though they'd been separated for a year and it wasn't his house.

She came from a family of high achievers and after hearing her talk on the phone to some of her staff, I got the impression that she could be brutal and normally got what she wanted. However, this was coupled with clear self-esteem issues as she had booked in for a boudoir photo shoot and had made up her mind to have a boob job this year.

I liked being with her though as she was funny, kind and an amazing cook. However, I still had my guard up until Valentine's day. I'm not one for celebrating this ridiculous day but I bought some chocolates for her and we went out for dinner, though this was more due to having a night out than getting lovey-dovey due to a commercial pr event. We spent the night together and I even started rebuilding one of her son's Lego Hogwarts models as she'd dropped it and he was upset.

We had the most incredible homemade roast the next day at hers and I finally felt that I could let my guard down. I always like to take things slowly and she was really growing on me.

We made plans for her to come to mine a few days later to spend the night. In the days that followed, for some reason, I had a funny feeling about her. I'm not one for paranoia or jealousy but by some of the things she'd said to me, I felt that she'd met someone else. Then she cancelled coming over to mine saying that she was ill and I received a text from her a day later dumping me:


I was surprised and I felt sad. And that was that...I think that we could have at least talked about things first and I feel that ending things by text isn't really the done thing by a straight down the line kinda girl. I've also got some expensive looking shampoo and conditioner that she left at mine if anyone wants them. First come, first served though. 

Wednesday, 29 January 2020

Date 182

"Pass the pub that wrecks your body."

I had an early warning that this person was going to be flakey after she cancelled our first date 12 hours after we'd arranged it. We hadn't been chatting very long at all on Tinder (about 20 minutes) when she asked if I wanted to meet up the next day. I had a suspicion that she was a bit tipsy but said yes, not really expecting it to happen, and I was proved right.

She lives in Croydon and had initially suggested I meet her there but I said it was just as easy that we meet somewhere more fun in London. The next day I contacted her to confirm whether we were still meeting and she bottled it by asking if we could postpone as she said that the festive period had caught up on her and she wasn't feeling very good; so I was probably right that she'd been a bit drunk the night before.

We'd pencilled in to meet at the SouthBank the following weekend and I was surprised when I texted her the day before to check if the date was still on and she said it was. So I made my way into the capital again and when she rocked up she didn't look like her pictures. I sort of knew it was her as a blonde woman was heading towards me smiling, but I'm not sure I would have known otherwise. There was definitely a resemblance but I suspect that her profile pics were a few years out of date.

We had drinks and a meal and, although I'd enjoyed her company, I was ready to go home but she insisted on going to another pub. I think she just wanted to continue drinking but it was getting close to 11pm and I was more interested in not missing my train back to Brighton.

We said our goodbyes at Waterloo and I suggested that she could come to Brighton if she wanted another date. She seemed very keen and we discussed it again briefly by text but then the messages stopped very abruptly and I never heard from her again...This was probably for the best though and I can only assume that January caught up on her.

Date 181

"So, goodbye."

I assume that this will turn out to be the last date that I meet from Guardian Soulmates considering it will be ceasing to exist from June onwards, and I deleted my profile about 2 days before they made it free for everyone.

It was a great site to be on in London and when I used to live there I met lots of interesting people through it. However, my experiences haven't been great on it the last few years with barely anyone replying to messages and a month's subscription coming in at a whopping £32!!!! I never understood where the money went for that as every time I contacted them about something like glitches on the app, it never got sorted and the format it used hadn't really been updated in the 15 or so years that it was active. I assume a lot of the non-swiping apps will become equally as obsolete soon as why spend a month messaging people and getting nothing back when at least with swipe sites the matching capability means you're halfway there to exchanging messages with someone.

I digress though. I met my last GSM date for coffee and cake that lasted probably under an hour and it was ok. She was quite insistent about a second one so we met for drinks but that was quite quick too and was probably only 2 drinks worth.

The pub date was definitely more fun but I'm not really a fan of cafe dates. Plus she'd made more of an effort to dress up. Our third date was meant to be the pub again but she postponed it due to there being a bad weather forecast, which turned out not to be true. So, it didn't take place but not for a very good reason. When we did rearrange it was for coffee again and I genuinely can't remember anything about it.

These took place in January and February, so before Lockdown, and I've obviously not seen her since but she's still in fairly regular contact, usually sending me links to news stories that are a couple of days out of date. So, she's either bored or just trying to keep a dialogue going. She's a nice person but I'm not sure if we'd meet up again as I just don't know what we'd do as she's usually only ever out for a short period of time before she has to get back.

Farewell Guardian Soulmates.....

Monday, 30 December 2019

Date 180

"Your youth may be gone but you're still a good man."

Before we met, and at her suggestion, we had a Facetime chat. I normally don't like doing that but it was great. We spoke for about 2 hours and it felt like we'd had our first date. I decree that it should be the way forward.

After our chat, she was very keen to meet and although she lived about an hour away from me near the Surrey/Sussex border, she was happy to drive over to me on a Sunday. I was surprised that she was so enthusiastic with her being 10 years younger than me and an absolute stunner, but we'd got on really well on Facetime, so what could go wrong?

Well...nothing really, but sadly she just wasn't into me when we met in the flesh. It was a beautiful sunny winter's day and we walked into Brighton along the seafront, seemingly continuing where we'd left off from our previous chat.

I bought her coffee and cake and we had a mooch around the shops, even managing to bump into some friends of mine along the way. I felt very comfortable with her and it was a really lovely afternoon. 

We made our way back to mine after an hour or so and she popped into my flat briefly for a nose around. I also gave her a small Christmas present (chocolate coffee thing from Waitrose), which she seemed really happy with and said she'd open it on the 25th. 

I got a text from her the next day thanking me for the afternoon but saying that she hadn't felt that old elusive, possibly mythical, spark. And that was the last I heard from her. I wasn't surprised as I'd sensed a possible disappointment emanating from her during the date. I thought she might have got in touch with me on Christmas Day regarding her present as I knew she loved coffee and chocolate but perhaps she just doesn't like Waitrose. 

Date 179

"If you must write prose and poems, the words you use should be your own."

I didn't know this before I met this woman for coffee, but she's a tv presenter, radio presenter and journalist. She also writes articles about online dating in national newspapers.

Although the date only lasted an hour or so, I got a good vibe from her and she was funny, good looking, friendly and ten years older than me. I came away feeling happy and I felt she wanted to see me again. She filled me in all her media work and she's got a very big internet presence so it wasn't difficult to find her articles.

The next day I texted her to enquire about another date and she suggested another coffee one...I found this totally unimaginative and uninspiring but I said yes anyway, thinking she'd choose somewhere to go but then I never heard back from her.

I wasn't that bothered really as I found the offer of another possible coffee date a bit boring so a few weeks later I suggested going out for drinks over Christmas. I'd not heard anything for a while so deleted her number on my phone. Then a few days after Christmas, I got a text from her out of the blue saying she still had family staying but when they were gone she'd contact me about meeting up for drinks. I never did hear from her again.

As someone who claims to be a 'dating expert' I can only assume that she's never read any of her own articles.