Tuesday, 20 October 2020
Friday, 2 October 2020
Monday, 7 September 2020
"The sun shines out of our behinds."
After getting nowhere on other dating apps, I made the decision to go back to the dark side and join Plenty of Fish. It's a strange site and not one I've had much luck on in the past. The last couple of times I've ventured back, I've ended up deleting my profile after a couple of hours and vowing to never return.
This time around it's been the same as nobody replies to my messages but I think that's possibly because I'm not the man that women are looking for if the live feeds are anything to judge by; but more of that later.
This date was very quick. We met for coffee and she looked nothing like her pictures. I knew she was a few years older than me but the photos on her profile were quite possibly ten years out of date. When she approached me at our meeting place, I half thought that she was a stranger about to ask me for directions, such was the difference in likeness. Also, her profile said that she liked the occasional cigarette, however, her hacking smoker's cough told me otherwise. So, unusually for me, I made my excuses and left after a solitary mocha.
Getting back to PoF then. The site now has a live streaming section where potential dates get on cam and in theory communicate to potential dates, but it's not private and anyone can observe and even interact. Except, that doesn't appear to happen. In reality, it's mostly used for potential suitors to get high with other people whilst listening to grime music at full blast. I've never streamed on it myself, but I dip in and out for the novelty value, and I don't even think that people are on there to date. I've witnessed people taking drugs, film themselves driving, at work, at the pub, having arguments, have their family members join in. It's endless and I've even shown a couple of friends and they're shocked at the way people are willing to broadcast their car crash lives for all to see without being embarrassed. Has anyone else witnessed this? Is this just another medium to be attention-seeking with reality tv shows on hiatus? Are narcissists born or made?
"It's so lonely on a limb."
This was my second date since the lockdown restrictions had been relaxed and we met after a short exchange of messages on Bumble. I think pubs had just opened again but we chose to meet at an outside bar area along the seafront in which some beach huts had been turned into serving areas. However, we took our own drinks and sat on some outside tables until she'd run out of beer and, with initial trepidation, bought a can from one of the serving huts.
It was a really nice evening and it was the first time I'd been out at night since March, so it felt completely alien walking home when it was dark. We laughed a lot and it was also good to have some company after months of solitude.
She messaged me a few days later and said that she'd had a good time with me but that she felt there wasn't a spark, however, she asked whether I was free the following week to go out for drinks as friends. And since then I've actually met up with her virtually every week. Weird, huh?
We've been to a few beer gardens and even attended an outdoor comedy event at Brighton Open Air Theatre, which, despite getting drenched, was the most wonderful experience after months of not being able to go anywhere.
Monday, 6 July 2020
My very first Lockdown date and it was pretty much business as usual.
I was genuinely really looking forward to this date, as we'd texted quite a lot beforehand, and she'd said that she was too. I was also a bit nervous about what happens on a date during a pandemic when you want to snog?
She drove from Eastbourne to meet me via seeing a friend nearby and parked down my street as I'm near the seafront and it was a ridiculously hot day and was close to 30 degrees. And what did she do upon greeting me? She ran up to me and said "I know we're meant to be social-distancing but it's rude not saying hello properly." Then she flung her arms around me and gave me a hug....
What the hell did she do that for? I'd only recently been allowed to hug my niece and sister days earlier as we'd formed a bubble. I was utterly shocked. Who else had she been doing that to? From our texts, I'd built up a clear understanding that she'd been obeying the guidelines. I'd witnessed people doing this as Brighton had largely ceased social-distancing when the first restrictions had been lifted after 6 weeks or so, but it really knocked me for 6 as I've not even been in a shop for 3 months. At least she didn't snog me though, I guess.
We'd pre-arranged to have a picnic of sorts and I provided the drinks and ordered an Indian takeaway from Deliveroo. As I was using my app, I paid for it and she said she'd go to a cashpoint and pay me back. She also had more food than me, so it wasn't cheap.
Besides the unsolicited hugging, she wasn't really quite what I expected either. Although we only had one alcoholic drink, as she was driving, I got the impression that she was a huge drinker. When we'd first messaged on Bumble, she'd asked if she could reply the next day as she was drunk and all her stories were about alcohol-related escapades. We've all got stories like that but she seemed to have more than most. It had also been her birthday a couple of days earlier and she sent me a photo of her presents, which were mainly all different varieties of bottles of Jack Daniels. There must have been about 25.
She did seem fun but I was still reeling from cuddlegate, so really wasn't sure about her.
After a few hours she had to get back and before she left she said instead of going to the cashpoint, she'd buy me a meal on our second date, which although presumptuous, was fair enough.
Over the next couple of days we texted as normal and on the Saturday night, she was having another birthday party at her house with friends from work. It started at 6pm and she was still drinking at 4am. This backed up my 'alcoholic' theory plus to pre-empt a recent statement by the Police Federation, I pondered the notion that "drunk people cannot socially-distance."
I know she was still drinking at that time as that was the last text that I received from her. I never heard from her again, which I thought might have been her suffering from Jack Daniels poisoning, but as she deleted me from Bumble, I believe she thought it was ok to ghost me. I did send another text which she didn't reply to either just to confirm my suspicions.
It's probably the case that I dodged a bullet due to various reasons but ghosting people after you've had food, drinks and even your parking paid for is just not acceptable. With unwanted physical human contact all I got in return.
Thursday, 12 March 2020
This date had taken ages to sort out as she only seemed to reply once a week on Tinder. She complained that it was because she wasn't receiving notifications when she got a message, but when I suggested that we could communicate via Whatsapp, she said the last person she gave her number to ghosted her so she refused.
Although I didn't notice until she mentioned it, she was a bit drunk when she turned up as she'd been to a friend's beforehand and had already downed a couple of vodkas. So, unfortunately after two gin and tonics she said she had to go home as she was feeling drunk...
I liked her as she was funny but I was put off a little bit when she said that she'd lived in Manchester and Liverpool for quite a while in her 'youth' but couldn't remember much about either city as she used to smoke a LOT of weed. I smoked a lot of weed in my 20's but I have no losses of memory during those times.
I never heard back from her though and I didn't want to make contact as her saying she was a bit drunk may have just been an exit strategy, which in hindsight it probably was as surely she couldn't have been that pissed after a couple of vodkas and G&T's?! I sort of did want to hear from her again but I've learnt my lesson from messaging people when they clearly weren't into me and Id rather not know than being rejected again.
Thursday, 27 February 2020
To describe the 6 weeks that we dated as intense would be an understatement but it also unfortunately ended as quickly as it had began. Maybe I should have expected this from someone who'd been divorced twice but was still in their mid-30's, however, I'm not one to be judgemental.
Things moved fast almost immediately as our first date involved meeting for drinks, a meal and a passionate snog on a train platform followed by the cinema and sleeping together the next night.
I was the first person she'd spoken to and met on a dating app so she must have thought that all the bad things she'd heard had been exaggerated. We then got into a routine of going to each other's homes for dinner, sex and incessant chat and laughter. We really did laugh a lot. I don't think I've done so before with anyone.
I sort of had my doubts about her though. Just small things initially such as her constant use of annoying phrases/words/expressions like 'smashed it,' everyone was a 'legend' and everything was 'awesome.' And her spelling was woeful. Despite having only been going out a few weeks she wanted to go on holiday together and she'd regularly text me saying she was concerned that I'd lose interest in her as she couldn't have more children (she had 3). Her children and 2 ex-husbands were constant sources of topics she'd talk to me about and I'm amazed that she actually married 2 of the biggest bell-ends I've ever heard been told about. Utter useless, immature bastards. One of them even let himself into her house one morning when we were still in bed, even though they'd been separated for a year and it wasn't his house.
She came from a family of high achievers and after hearing her talk on the phone to some of her staff, I got the impression that she could be brutal and normally got what she wanted. However, this was coupled with clear self-esteem issues as she had booked in for a boudoir photo shoot and had made up her mind to have a boob job this year.
I liked being with her though as she was funny, kind and an amazing cook. However, I still had my guard up until Valentine's day. I'm not one for celebrating this ridiculous day but I bought some chocolates for her and we went out for dinner, though this was more due to having a night out than getting lovey-dovey due to a commercial pr event. We spent the night together and I even started rebuilding one of her son's Lego Hogwarts models as she'd dropped it and he was upset.
We had the most incredible homemade roast the next day at hers and I finally felt that I could let my guard down. I always like to take things slowly and she was really growing on me.
We made plans for her to come to mine a few days later to spend the night. In the days that followed, for some reason, I had a funny feeling about her. I'm not one for paranoia or jealousy but by some of the things she'd said to me, I felt that she'd met someone else. Then she cancelled coming over to mine saying that she was ill and I received a text from her a day later dumping me: