Date 174

"Work is a four letter word."

I sensed that there would be problems here as she didn't seem to ever take a day off work. Being a nurse and also running her own business in London and Cornwall meant that she never stopped.

We met along the Southbank one evening, as she uncharacteristically was taking a couple of days off. There was an incredibly powerful downpour as she was on her way to meet me so had to walk around the bar in her bare feet as her socks and shoes were absolutely drenched.

We went for dinner too and got on really well, although her taste in music is rather questionable. After eating, we went to the bar at the Royal Festival Hall and witnessed a rather bizarre event. A woman was happily tapping away at her MacBook, surrounded by empty plastic cups, and every so often would lean over and vomit all over the floor, but was making no effort to get to the toilet or clean it up. In the end my companion talked to the bar staff and they intervened to help her out, as she was absolutely shitfaced and in a really bad way.

That obviously didn't hinder the night though and we had a bit of a snog (me and my date, not the drunk vomity girl). We also discussed having a second date where she'd come and visit me in Brighton.

I didn't really hear much from her as she apparently wasn't taking another day off for another month or so. I did get a text from her a few weeks later saying she was going to be in Brighton for work on a Sunday so she could see me for a little bit. As it happened, I was meant to be having friends round and she was actually going to be in Crawley, which is about 20 miles from me. I couldn't cancel my friends coming round as it was such short notice so suggested she could come over afterwards. She said that she didn't fancy waiting in her car for a few hours (which isn't what I had meant, plus she hadn't given me any indication of when or if she'd actually make it over to Brighton) and she had to be up early for work the next day. I did enquire when her next day off would be and she thought she had a solitary Friday off soon. I asked if we should pencil it into our diaries but she didn't respond and that day came and went, and I've not heard from her since.

We did get on really well but when someone likes Elbow, I see that as a big red flag. Along with being mostly unavailable due to work commitments.

Date 173

"Do you think you've made the right decision this time?"

We'd initially agreed to meet just for drinks in London but nearer the time she asked if there were any exhibitions that I wanted to go to. I suggested the Stanley Kubrick exhibition at the Design Museum in Kensington, as it was about to finish and I'd been wanting to go for ages.

We went for a Friday afternoon so I got the tickets and met her up there. I knew straight away that she wasn't my type but she seemed nice anyway. It was a really fascinating collection of memorabilia from all his films and being a particularly big fan of The Shining: I loved it.

We were only in there for just over an hour though, as it wasn't that big so went to a pub afterwards nearby. We had a couple of drinks, which she saw as recompense for the £20 tickets, and she then toddled off to a work colleague's leaving drinks. I then headed back to Victoria Station and spent the train journey home wondering why I hadn't just gone to the exhibit on my own.

Date 172

"I never talk to my neighbour."

An odd thing happened at the beginning of our first date. She turned up a bit late and said that she could only stay for a little while as she was a stand-up comedian and she'd just received a call to say that she had a gig, which she had forgotten about. She seemed really nice and we had a couple of drinks.

I did, however, think that this was an elaborate ruse as she'd never mentioned before that she was a comedian. And when I asked her about contacting her about a second date she said that just after she'd been reminded about her gig, she dropped her phone down the toilet and it was drying off at home in a bowl of rice...

Bizarrely though, when I got home I did some detective work and she is a stand-up comedian, and a funny one at that. The story about her phone was also true as when she'd got a new one, she texted me and we made plans for a second date.

Although we both live in Brighton, I was in London for a couple of days and she met me at the Southbank as I had tickets for BUG with Adam Buxton, and we also had dinner at Ping Pong. It was a really enjoyable night, but it was evident that there was no chemistry between us.

I moved a couple of weeks ago and I now live a couple of streets away from her, so she came round for coffee to check out my new gaff. Thankfully she liked it but I don't think she'll be dropping by anytime soon to borrow some sugar. I also went for a walk with her along the seafront and she told me that she'd recently not turned up for a date as she forgot, but essentially blamed it on the poor guy as he hadn't reminded her...despite him remembering to be there.

Date 171

"Panic on the streets of Birmingham."

This was quite an unmemorable date but not in a bad way. It was very normal and nothing bad or out of the ordinary happened. We had a few drinks and talked mostly about music and films.

She had a very striking appearance with her being tall and very blonde and I also thought that I detected a Scandinavian accent, but it turned out that she was actually from the Midlands. I found her attractive, but there wasn't really a spark. I texted her the next day and asked about meeting up again and she said yes, but as friends and that was absolutely ok with me.

Quite soon after, we both moved to the same area in Brighton and met up again for drinks and a catch-up. It was actually a really good evening and we talked about going to gigs and hanging out. And I've not heard anything from her since.

Date 170

"But now you make me feel so ashamed."

I'd been really looking forward to this date but it turned out to be a non-event. Although I always take compliments from people I've not yet met before with a pinch of salt, it's still nice to receive them. She'd sent me texts about how she really fancied me and that she liked the shape I made (new one on me).

As it turned out, I don't think she did fancy me and when I asked her about the other expression, she became quite annoyed and said it meant that she liked my body shape...We had a few drinks and it was pleasant enough but we weren't on the same wavelength and she didn't have that much to say.

We lived quite near each other so got the same bus home and when we got on the top deck she saw someone she knew, and this embarrassed her for whatever reason, probably because she'd have to explain at a later time who I was (which she intimated).

I texted her later to thank her for the evening, which she responded to, but after that I didn't hear from or try to make contact with her.

Date169

"In the room downstairs, he sat and stared."

I'd held back on writing this up as our first date had been in August. It felt fairly brief as we only had a few drinks, and although I knew that I liked her, I was really surprised when she contacted me about a second date.

She suggested we go and do a pub quiz and it was great fun. Although we didn't win, it was an inspired thing to do on a date and she totally hooked me in with her brains, wit and attractiveness. We also shared a somewhat unwanted thing in common in that we're both adult orphans at relatively young ages.

I felt reasonably upbeat about things but then I didn't hear from her about meeting again so I just presumed I wouldn't and I pretty much forgot about her until she messaged me out of the blue in October. I'd recently moved fairly near her so she suggested we go for drinks. Again, it was fairly brief and during the evening she said she was super busy at work and wanted to take things slowly with me. I initially took this to mean that she wanted to get to know me, then I thought she meant friends. And then when we were on our way out she started telling me how cool I looked and that she loved my parka jacket and glasses, so I was sort of getting mixed messages and didn't really know what she meant.

Through all the time I'd known her, she didn't give much away and didn't text much either. Out of all the women who I've met over the last couple of years, she seemed closest to what I look for in a relationship. Being a university lecturer, she said she wouldn't be able to meet up until after her reading week and that she'd contact me then.

I hadn't heard from her a month or so later, but had found out about another pub quiz near me so I asked her to that and she agreed to come. It was a really fun quiz and considering we were only a 2 person team, we finished 5th out of 20. We also actually won the plasticine round:

The theme was rude food and her filthy mind had the idea of making Spaghetti Bollocksnese. To set the record straight: I created the spaghetti and she did the rest. For our efforts we won a bottle of wine and our creation earned a place on their plasticine shelf of fame to be displayed in the pub.

It was a really fun night, but I also realised that whilst we're a great quiz team partnership, I could sense that she's not interested in me in a romantic way. I also wasn't that impressed by her sending messages on her phone solidly for the first 10/15 minutes of the evening, leaving me to stare into the abyss.

I took the bottle of wine home and put forward the idea that we could toast our win in the new year, but I'm not sure if she was that keen...but I suppose it depends on how much plasticine she receives for Christmas.