Date 138

"If you're so funny, then why are you on your own tonight?"

After meeting for drinks in Lewes (sort of halfway between where we both live), getting on really well and sharing a snog at the train station; a rare second date was agreed upon.

I booked a table for a restaurant in Brighton and we were due to meet the following week. We texted a bit for a few days after and when she didn't reply to one I sent on a Thursday night, I thought nothing of it. I had a really busy weekend where I was out all the time and thought about texting her but didn't.

At 9am on the dot on Monday morning I received a text from her cancelling our second date because I hadn't contacted her over the weekend. She told me I was great company and funny but the 'communication void' meant she wasn't feeling it. I explained that she hadn't replied to my last text and when I first meet someone it's a difficult balancing act as if you text someone too much and they're not into that sort of thing then that can come over as being too intense. I love a good text back and forth but I guess I was just playing it cool. She then said that her instincts told her that me not asking how she was over the weekend didn't bode well and that she wanted to be chased.

I reasoned with her that she hadn't contacted me either and these things work both ways, but she was quite dismissive of that. And after also explaining that I'd been looking forward to seeing her again and that I felt she'd totally misread me, I realised by her responses that she'd made her mind up so I wished her good luck in the future and left it. I genuinely don't think that I'd done anything wrong and surely the fact that I was seeing her again in a few days and I'd arranged the second date was an indicator of my positive intentions. Apparently not.

Date 137

"And everything she wants costs money."

This was the first of three different dates that I went on in succession where I was really annoyed by each outcome.

This one started off well with this woman, who is a nursing home carer by day and a horror writer by night (apparently a book she had published a number of years ago had been top of the best seller's list in Germany). Our first date was good as we had a lot in common, particularly in terms of films and it was actually a relief to get on with someone.

However, for the second date, things became a bit more clearer. I booked us a table at an Indian restaurant and during the night we shared a bottle of wine and had a couple of espresso martinis. When the bill came for just over £80, she kept her head firmly down and never took her eyes off her phone. I lingered on it for a while, checking it was all in order and still she said nothing. It got to the stage where it was embarrassing so I put my card down and paid for it all. She never even said thank you...

This is the first time that I'd been on an early date and the other person hadn't offered to go halves. I'm happy to pay for everything when I've been seeing someone a while but not after a couple of dates. I just don't believe in it and I was shocked that she expected me to foot the whole bill. During the night she also said that I'd displayed a couple of red flags to her which she was wary of, but she obviously wouldn't tell me what they were. She also got quite serious towards the end and went into depth about a bad past relationships she'd had and she was critical of me that I'd never been in a one for more than 6 months.

I'm not sure why, but it was probably due to the alcohol afterglow, that I agreed to a third date. I completely regret it now and I don't know why, but I booked a table at another restaurant. I chose Côte, which to me is a good solid restaurant and quite reasonable but through the whole meal she kept going on about how it was the poshest place she'd ever been to. At the end, I asked for the bill and she did exactly the same thing by avoiding eye contact and looking at her phone, whilst I inspected the damage. I just couldn't pay for another meal so I asked if she wanted to go halves. She looked absolutely shocked. After fumbling through her bag she begrudgingly coughed up £30 so I just paid the rest. I then went to the toilet and when I got back to the table she was gone. I actually thought she'd stormed off but when I got outside she was having a smoke and a sulk. She then made a big deal about having to go to the cash machine as she hadn't planned on paying for her meal.

We went on to a pub and all the way there she kept going on about the bill and that I must be a feminist. I also found out that she was quite Conservative and although I'm in no way a political animal; our values and ideologies seemed to be at opposite ends of the political spectrum. She had a real chip on her shoulder too, but I couldn't quite put my finger on what.

When I eventually got home a bit later, she went on a text rant and exclaimed that she was insulted that I asked her to contribute to the bill. Added to the fact that she had terrible dress sense and resembled Zoe Ball (not her fault, but I'm not a fan), I decided to leave it.

Date 136

"I danced my legs down to the knees."

Another contender for shortest date ever with this self-confessed Goth Raver.

She lived very close to me so I suggested that we meet in a pub in my village, about halfway between us as I presumed that we could both drink. I walked there and for some reason, even though she lived 5 minutes away on the bus, she chose to drive.

So, after rocking up in her Goth attire, complete with thick black tights on a very warm evening, she had one lemonade, talked about herself and all the raves that she would be attending for half an hour then said she had to go. I'm not sure if this was to do with my crap jokes or the x-factor auditions standard singer who'd just started her act in the pub. Regardless of this, I really thought that she could have made more of an effort as she didn't seem interested in anything that I had to say and had clearly decided that she wouldn't be staying long beforehand.

Date 135

"The lies are so easy for you."

During an occasional Tinder revisit, that normally ends in me not matching with anyone then deleting the app after 3 days, I began chatting with this Lewes dwelling individual.

She sent me a message during a drunken evening out with her sister, with her sibling telling her to ask me out for a drink, so we met in Lewes a few days later.

She looked nothing like her pictures. I only knew it was her as the pub that she'd chosen was quiet and I pretty much guessed it was her when she came through the door largely because she had dark hair. I knew she was a few years older than me and I'm not suggesting she lied about her age, but it felt like the scene in The Office when David Brent went on his first internet date, so I just hope that when I said "oh, for fuck's sake" under my breath that it wasn't audible.

I didn't want to appear rude as she was a nice person (if a little economical with the truth) so I stayed for two drinks then made my excuses and left.

Date 134

"And if you have five seconds to spare, then I'll tell you the story of my life."

Things really moved fast with this Guardian Soulmater after we'd exchanged initial messages, although I can't remember who initiated contact first.

She lived in South West London, which didn't bother me despite the distance, as I'd lived and worked in that area for over 20 years. And after a few emails she began to text incessantly and would Facetime me of an evening fairly regularly. This was quite fun in the beginning but it got really annoying as for about the first two weeks she was shitfaced every single night so her late night calls were essentially drunken ramblings. I also got a bit fed up one night when a drunk friend of hers was there with her when she called on Facetime and began interrogating me about my past dating experiences, so I ended that call prematurely.

I was sort of intrigued by her at the same time as she used to be a tv and theatre actress, so we set a date to meet. A few days before this, she suddenly had the house to herself and asked me at short notice to stay the night. Initially I said yes but then had to attend an important last minute meeting early the next day so told her I couldn't make it. She didn't take it well and behaved like a spoilt child which set alarm bells ringing and I started to not look forward to meeting her. I'd also been put off as her husband still lived in the marital home with her and the children as they hadn't finalised their divorce yet so all this seemed a bit complicated, so maybe it was just as well I didn't go to hers.

When we did meet at the South Bank she was good company as we had dinner and drinks, but it was very obvious that she knew nothing about me as in all the time we'd been in contact, she'd just talked about herself and her life but had forgotten to ask me anything. We did share a brief snog at the end of the night though, so it wasn't all bad!

We kept in sporadic contact afterwards but I've not heard from her for a couple of months so I doubt our paths will cross again.

Date 133

"And when a train goes by, it's such a sad sound."

This date and I had first made contact about 18 months previously through Tinder. We had been going to meet up but she cancelled last minute and disappeared.

Then a couple of months ago she contacted me out of the blue and we got chatting again, spoke on the phone then finally decided to go on a belated first date.

As she lives in Kent, we worked out that Hastings is roughly half-way between us so met for lunch. I'm sorry if any Hastings residents are reading this but it is an absolute shithole. Although I'm only quoting lyrics by The Smiths for this blog, it's a shame I can't use one of Morrissey's solo efforts and describe it as 'the coastal town that they forgot to close down,' as although that song isn't about Hastings, it really could be.

I know Hastings a little bit through Date 99, so I found a cafe in the old town area as it is actually quite decent and different from the rest of the place. So, we had coffee and lunch and then she announced to me that she had a chiropodist's appointment so had to go. I genuinely think she did but I'd have appreciated a bit of notice as I consequently missed my train, had to wait an hour for the next one then ended up getting home 3 hours later due to the vagaries of Southern Railways.

Before she left though, we made plans for a second date a week or so later in Lewes, which is a lot easier for me to get to. However, that never took place as she cancelled at the last minute and when I suggested rearranging she said yes, but she saw me in the role of friend rather than anything romantic.

I was a bit disappointed as I was looking forward to seeing her again but she is one of the flakiest people I know. I've not seen her again but she sporadically contacts me then disappears; as is her wont. She's also a bit humourless at times as I found out when I was being a bit jokey in some text messages and she got quite passive aggressive and told me in no uncertain terms that I was annoying her and she didn't appreciate me besmirching her character, which I really wasn't doing. On second thoughts, I'm probably better off without her!

Date 132

"Too freely on your lips."

This was the first and hopefully the last time that I get absolutely shit-faced on a first date. You'd think I'd know by now. I really can't comprehend what came over me or what happened.

She asked me out for a drink with her first email and apparently we'd exchanged a good few messages a couple of years back and then she'd disappeared; she was actually a bit put out that I couldn't remember this!

When we first met, I thought I'd only stay for a couple as my first impressions told me that there wasn't really a connection. However, we kept ordering large glasses of red wine and we were there until closing time. By this point we were both pretty drunk but inexplicably we found another pub which was open late. I don't remember what we talked about but I do recall towards the end of the night ordering straight cokes as I wasn't feeling too clever.

Upon leaving the pub and walking up a long, steep street with her, I just can't recall what happened in between. However, my last memory before I got into a taxi at the top of the street was us snogging! I don't know how the night led to this, I don't know who instigated it and I don't know how long it lasted. My memory was hazy at best.

I woke up the next morning with a moderately bad hangover and a feeling that I wasn't fussed about seeing her again. I didn't know why but I had a couple of flashbacks to some things she'd said towards the end of the evening that I found a bit odd, but I couldn't remember what exactly. I texted her in the afternoon to see how she was coping and she replied to my first text but not to my follow up. I didn't pursue her any further, nor did I hear from her again.

I was also quite regretful about getting so drunk, but more because there were parts of the night that I couldn't remember as opposed to anything embarrassing happening. Never again...

Date 131

"Do you see me when we pass?"

I don't think this person really knew what she was looking for. She'd recently moved back to Brighton after living in America for a number of years, in which time she'd been married and divorced.

She was quite hard to pin down at first. After I suggested we meet up, she insisted on talking on the phone first. After giving her my number, she kept saying she'd call on certain nights and never did. In the end we never spoke on the phone but ended up meeting for a quick coffee one afternoon weeks later, after she'd messed me around a bit.

The coffee lasted less than an hour but I think we got on well and she talked about meeting again for a second date. Although, I wasn't very keen on one of her suggestions, which was to go and see a Country and Western band; however, I didn't outwardly show my lack of enthusiasm for that idea. Saying that though, I would have gone along if asked as I had a good feeling about her and wanted to see her again.

A couple of days later my Mum went into hospital with pneumonia and never came home, although she's now doing very well in a Nursing home in Hove. On the day this happened I got a text from Date 131 asking if we could meet up the following week and I also explained the situation to her.

I didn't hear from her until 2 or 3 weeks later when I got a message saying:

I was a bit disappointed that she'd changed her mind, but as I said at the beginning: I don't think she knew what she wanted. As it happens, I did actually bump into her briefly about 6 weeks later just as I was about to meet Date 132! I've not seen her since though.

Date 130

"Because you let yours flail into public view."

I ventured back onto Guardian Soulmates after receiving a delightful opening message from this Brighton social worker.

I used to have a line on my profile in which I described myself as having the lower body of a footballer but the upper body of a darts player, and her opening email stated that she possessed the lower body of a javelin-thrower and the upper body of a page 3 girl. She'd charmed me.

We shared the same sense of humour and her texts were hilarious. We had a lot in common too with other things like music and shared a similar outlook on life.

We met in a pub I'd never been to before and I was extremely impressed with the choice of location as it had milk stout on tap! We got on well and shared a kiss outside and agreed to meet up again.

She suggested we meet at the same pub a couple of weeks later as it specialised in pies and she wanted to try one. However, the second date was the polar opposite of the first. She didn't make any effort at all and seemed completely disinterested in me. I was actually quite taken aback and the pies were also very average.

As we shared another kiss outside when we were waiting for her taxi and because she said she wanted to see me again, I thought maybe I'd imagined her apparent apathy. I hadn't though and we never had a third date.

I initially enquired about seeing her again and she kept being quite vague but said we could meet up the following week. However, when I contacted her again she said she enjoyed our dates but didn't feel any spark between us. I was quite disappointed as I was attracted to her, but I'd guessed that would be the case after the subdued second date. Maybe, it was just as well though as she wasn't nearly as funny in real-life. Ouch!

Date 129

"Kitchen aromas aren't very homely."

My first date of the new year and I again made a resolution to not pay a subscription for online dating, so I went back to OKCupid. This lasted all of one date as it turned out.

As was becoming quite common, '129' cancelled last minute when we were due to meet for drinks on a Friday night, due to an issue with her builder. She did however suggest that we should meet for a meal the following night, which was probably a better plan.

So, I booked a table at a Thai restaurant in Hove, which I'd been wanting to try out for a while. The date was uneventful and all I can really remember was that we had to wait 90 minutes for our main course, even though we'd been told that we had to vacate the table after two hours. which they thankfully didn't enforce. It was actually the second time I'd been to this group of restaurants, and despite its rave reviews, I've never been very taken by the cuisine.

She was a perfectly nice person but there was absolutely zero chemistry between us and I was impressed when she said as much at the bus stop. 

So, same shit, different year...