Date 166

"Her skirt ascends for a watching eye."

London was my destination again, but as she lived in Kent it was halfway for both us and it was also a really good first date. Things had gone really fast as we'd only been chatting for about a day when she asked if we could meet and we did a couple of days later after a lot of texting.

I really fancied her straight away, although at one point I thought she'd done a runner as she went to the bar and took her coat and bag and 15 minutes later she hadn't returned. She then reappeared and said there'd been an accident behind the bar in which a load of glasses had been dropped. The bar staff initially had told her to wait but eventually suggested she use a different bar, which was when she came running out to ease my abandonment fears as she was worried that I thought she had left me. During her bar wait an odd man came up to her to ask how long she'd been waiting...hold that thought.

After having a few more drinks at one of the BFI's other bars we made our way out to get something to eat and a man came running after us shouting: "Daleks! Daleks!" We all just looked at each other for a few seconds and he said we looked like two people he'd seen watching a Dr Who film that had just been shown. And yes, he was also the odd man who'd been talking to her at the bar. He walked off in a very disappointed manner and we just had a bit of a giggle, whilst making our way to Ping Pong, which pretty much blew her away.

After a bit of a snog at Victoria Station we made our separate ways home. Although we'd got on really well I wasn't sure how much she liked me. However, over the next week we texted constantly and she even rang me up a few times for a chat. Due to childcare responsibilities she only had every other weekend and Wednesdays free so we couldn't see each other for 10 days as the following Saturday night she was seeing Bon Jovi...well, no-one's perfect.

It was great being in so much contact and she'd always tell me how my texts always made her smile and laugh and we shared a very similar dark sense of humour.

On her next free Wednesday we met in London again and I took her to a really posh French steak restaurant in Soho, which she loved. She looked beautiful too (which I told her) and said that she was going to wear a very sexy outfit but decided against it due to the unseasonal gale force winds...damn the weather!

After the meal we went to the pub next door and pretty much snogged the whole time and did so back at Victoria Station. Things seemed to be going well.

The next night I went into London again with a Brighton friend to see Adam Buxton's BUG so I told her all about my last couple of dates with the Kent lady. Just before I'd met my friend, I'd received a text from my date asking what I was up to and asking about my day.

On the way home I hadn't heard from her again in response, and it was quite late at night. She was still online, which was unusual for her as she normally went to bed early. She hadn't replied to my text though and was quite vague when I sent her another one. Though nothing was obviously wrong, I had a bad feeling. The sort you get when you've had a lot of contact with someone and you get used to their habits and nuances.

I then didn't hear from her for the next three days. This was extremely unusual and I feared the worst. I knew what was coming but I waited to see if she got in touch with me.

On our dates she'd told me some interesting stories about her marriage and previous relationships. Apparently her ex-husband had been very controlling and it sounded like it hadn't been a happy one for a while, but she was shocked when he asked for a divorce. Another recent relationship she'd been in was with a cocaine addict. Initially she'd get worried and paranoid if she hadn't heard from him for 12 hours. Then he'd go missing for days and he eventually confessed that he'd been on cocaine binges with prostitutes, however, he convinced her that he'd just take drugs with them and nothing else, which she believed. She kept giving him chances but he'd keep go missing again and finally admitted that he'd also been having sex with the hookers. This is when she broke things off.

After feeling quite sad from not hearing from her for a few days I texted to see if everything was ok. She replied instantly and said they were but she'd been too busy to text me. I then asked if everything was ok between us and she said no. She said that I made her smile and laugh and that she wanted there to be fireworks and that I wasn't her 'forever guy.' I said that's fine but we'd had two really good dates and that it was pretty uncool to just not to say anything. She apologised and said our chats and dates had been great and she should have said something. I asked her what she wanted to do and she said call it a day and I agreed and that was that. Everything was amicable but I shouldn't have had to have contacted her for the privilege of finding out that I'd been dumped. I was also very confused as to how she'd gone off me so quickly.

I was deeply disappointed but 'drowned my sorrows' by scoring some coke and partying with some escorts.

Date 152

"Girl Afraid"

This is probably the most extreme example of how people can turn out to be very different from their online, or in this case telephone, persona.

During the week before our date, this woman began ringing me up every night and we'd talk for 3 or 4 hours at a time. She was confident, hilarious, charming but a bit intense. For her job she spent most of her time on the phone and did the occasional voiceover for her clients' telephone information services, and her voice was very sexy and her enunciation was very pleasing on the ear.

As we had so much in common music and humour-wise, she'd already arranged our second date before the first one had happened. And she saw us meeting and getting on for our first date as being a formality. This was also her first dabble in the world of internet dating and I think she got carried away with things.

I thought she was great too but every time she'd make plans for the future with us, I'd say let's get Sunday over with (the day we met) and take things from there as there is the possibility that we wouldn't get on. She'd told all her friends and family about me and she also was so desperate to meet me that she tried to see me before, firstly, she asked me to come to a friend's party with her which I turned down as I said that would be weird as I'd not met her yet and the second time she wanted me to meet her for drinks near where she lived and spend the night with her, either with her or in the spare room. On this occasion I was doing something else.

During our time on the phone she'd find it difficult to hang up and the first time we spoke until 2am. Another time we'd talked for 3 hours and she texted me afterwards to say that I was difficult to let go of. She also said on more than one occasion that our calls and texts had been the most romantic few days of her life. I found that weird. I enjoyed talking to her and I was really looking forward to meeting her but the language she used in those cases worried me a bit.

Finally the day came to meet and it was a total anti-climax. It was underwhelming and flat. But not due to my efforts.

She'd warned me beforehand that although she appeared outgoing on the phone, she was a total introvert and extremely shy. She drove to my village from Kent and was over an hour late as she'd got the time wrong but that was ok as she'd let me know and she was coming to me. I knew she was nervous so I wanted to try and make her feel at ease and I wanted to impress her so I bought her flowers, chocolate and a CD. I don't normally do that on a first date and I won't again.

She didn't look anything like her pictures. If we hadn't been talking on the phone when she got out her car then I wouldn't have known it was her. She had no make-up on and looked a bit scruffy. She had very nicotine-stained teeth too which was a turn-off. In her photos she'd looked glamourous and she'd also sent me a pic of her going to a party the night before and she was stunning. I genuinely felt like she hadn't gone to any effort to meet me, whereas I felt that I did.

We went for coffee initially, then a pub and she wasn't the person I'd been speaking to for hours on the phone. It felt like I was with an imposter. She told me she was on edge as she'd never met a 'stranger' off the internet before, as she put it, but even taking that into consideration; she came across as cold and unfriendly. Before we'd met she told me that the first thing she was going to do was run over to me and snog my face off...that never happened as she was very stand-offish.

After lunch we went for a long walk along the Brighton coastline, where she chain-smoked, and although the conversation flowed, I got the impression she didn't want to be there. However, despite all this I wanted to see her again as I felt sure that if we met for a second date then her nerves would be gone and her loving, funny and warm personality from our phone calls would come out. I tried to make the day less nerve-wracking for her and put her at ease. I'd also probably fallen into a trap a bit as all the things she'd said we could do together in the future sounded fun.

She had other ideas though. I contacted her afterwards but she ghosted me for a few days and sent me this text:

I had my phone next me all night and no call came through. This really disappointed me as I'd said after the date that I wanted to see her again. Even though the date had been a bit shit I'd hoped that we had enough in common to show that there was potential. I'm also sure that I'm just the same online as I am in real life. I replied by saying that I'd not blocked her as there was no reason why I would have and told her to take care. She must have really not liked me in person...

Date 133

"And when a train goes by, it's such a sad sound."

This date and I had first made contact about 18 months previously through Tinder. We had been going to meet up but she cancelled last minute and disappeared.

Then a couple of months ago she contacted me out of the blue and we got chatting again, spoke on the phone then finally decided to go on a belated first date.

As she lives in Kent, we worked out that Hastings is roughly half-way between us so met for lunch. I'm sorry if any Hastings residents are reading this but it is an absolute shithole. Although I'm only quoting lyrics by The Smiths for this blog, it's a shame I can't use one of Morrissey's solo efforts and describe it as 'the coastal town that they forgot to close down,' as although that song isn't about Hastings, it really could be.

I know Hastings a little bit through Date 99, so I found a cafe in the old town area as it is actually quite decent and different from the rest of the place. So, we had coffee and lunch and then she announced to me that she had a chiropodist's appointment so had to go. I genuinely think she did but I'd have appreciated a bit of notice as I consequently missed my train, had to wait an hour for the next one then ended up getting home 3 hours later due to the vagaries of Southern Railways.

Before she left though, we made plans for a second date a week or so later in Lewes, which is a lot easier for me to get to. However, that never took place as she cancelled at the last minute and when I suggested rearranging she said yes, but she saw me in the role of friend rather than anything romantic.

I was a bit disappointed as I was looking forward to seeing her again but she is one of the flakiest people I know. I've not seen her again but she sporadically contacts me then disappears; as is her wont. She's also a bit humourless at times as I found out when I was being a bit jokey in some text messages and she got quite passive aggressive and told me in no uncertain terms that I was annoying her and she didn't appreciate me besmirching her character, which I really wasn't doing. On second thoughts, I'm probably better off without her!

Date 82

"I started something. Typical me, typical me, typical me, typical me, typical me, typical me, typical me, typical me. I started something and now I'm not too sure."

Yet again Guardian Soulmates got me excited and yet again it was the same end result.

This person had contacted me when my subscription had run out, so I left it a few weeks before I replied. I wanted to respond to her immediately, but the cynical and tight part of me was loathe to fork out another thirty odd quid for a month when in theory I could reply and then get no response, as has happened before.

The thing is though, she'd sent such a great opening message and we had so much in common that it was untrue, so it wasn't much of a risk. We then exchanged a few really long emails as we had so much to talk about and it became clear that she was basically me in a skirt....except she was good looking and slim.

When we met up, we immediately got on and the conversation never dried up. Our favourite films were exactly the same, we even loved less know niches like 'Kitchen Sink Dramas.' We went to all the same gigs and had been at a Breeders gig recently standing near each other, unbeknownst to us at the time. Just everything in terms of tv and books as well; we had exactly the same tastes. As it was mid-week we had 4 drinks each and to be honest, I think that's pretty good for a school night date.

It got to about 10pm, and as she lived in Kent we called it a night, and I went home quite happy.

I then contacted her the next morning to say I'd had a lovely evening and would she like to do it again. She replied a couple of days later:

'I had a lovely evening too but am not sure there was anything more than a friends thing there for me. You may well have felt the same anyway, but for me I don't think it would be right to meet for another date. I hope that's OK and that you find what you're looking for.'

I replied and said I was disappointed as I thought we'd got on but said good luck for the future.

I appreciate her honesty but I thought that as we'd had such a good evening and had so much in common that surely it was worth meeting again, or at least staying in touch as gig buddies etc. I suppose with online dating if it's not love at first sight then some people don't really want to find out if others are slow growers. I thought there was potential to work on but maybe it was just an attraction thing so it was probably for the best. I did sort of think afterwards that if she didn't want to go on another date with me then no-one else will, which is completely irrational as at the end of the day it's all about that elusive chemistry blah, blah, blah.

I think that this will be my last blog entry for a while and it might indeed be the last in this blog. I'm hopefully moving to Brighton in a couple of months which means there's no point going on any dates in London now and I've removed all my profiles from all the sites I was a member of. Whether I continue the blog in Brighton; I'm not sure but I wouldn't rule it out. And you never know as I might meet someone not through a dating website and live happily ever after...

Date 71

"And if a double-decker bus crashes into us."

My second date on GSM in 3 months, and it nearly didn't happen at all. We'd been in contact for a couple of weeks and decided to meet up, and had set the day, but when I emailed her to ask about the time and place; she never replied.

I'm super organised when it comes to meeting up with people, so if I haven't heard from them on the day then I'll chase them up (this happens a lot). However, on this occasion I didn't, simply because I thought if she's so disorganised then why should I? Plus, I'd also assumed that she'd gone off the idea of meeting up, which isn't exactly rare with online dating.

Then at about 5:30pm on the day that we were meant to be meeting I received this from her:

"If you'd changed your mind about meeting up this evening, that's fine. But you should have at least had the decency to let me know so I knew what was going on and could have made other plans."

I was obviously quite annoyed by this, seeing as though she was the one who'd ignored my email, so I replied telling her this and attaching the message I'd received no response to. She replied later that evening saying sorry and claiming that she never got the email that I'd originally sent to her, which I'm not quite sure I believe, plus she did actually go out that evening so in fact clearly made other plans. I then just left it as I really wasn't bothered about seeing her after she'd sent me such an arsey message without even bothering to check the facts. I also thought that if she's like this before we've even met then what's she going to be like in person.

A few days later she emailed me asking if we could try meeting up again and to be honest, I wasn't fussed but thought that I might as well, if only to see what she was like and because of the possibility that it could make a good blog entry. I also wanted to find out whether her obsession with Chas n Dave was genuine as well (it was).

So, we met up in central London about a week or so later and we actually had a really enjoyable evening. We just kept going from bar to bar and ended up both missing our last trains home because each time I suggested we should go to the station, she just kept telling me that she wanted to keep on drinking and that we should stay out and think about the consequences later. So we continued our quest to keep finding bars that were still open.

In the end we had to call it a night as we ran out of places that didn't require an exorbitant entry fee, and the last hour or so was actually spent trudging around Soho aimlessly with no luck, so in retrospect in the time we wasted doing that, we could have actually made our last trains. Thus, getting home was actually a complete pain in the arse as we both had to get the night bus (locating our respective bus stops was a mission in itself and took ages but at least I know where mine is now), so I didn't end up getting back to my flat until 3:30am. Bizarrely, even though she lives in Kent, she actually beat me and got home before me.

We texted each other a bit on the bus and when we got home and then for a couple of days I didn't hear anything, so I emailed her to see if she fancied going out again. To no great surprise, she replied and said that she'd had a brilliant night but that we weren't a 'romantic match' but we could still hang out if I wanted. I have to say that I was quite disappointed because I thought that as we had stayed out so late, she must have been enjoying my company and I was surely worth another go as we'd both had a good time, but at least she was honest.

We then met up a few weeks later and spent the afternoon in Richmond Park and had a really pleasant time. I also have to report that she was correct in us not being a romantic match. Clearly she is much wiser than me, although my judgement is sometimes swayed when lots of alcohol is involved on first dates, plus I think that when someone appears and acts normal then it's such a relief to me that I probably mistake having a good time for a possible future romance.

We've hooked up another time since then, and whilst she is very nice company, we've not really got that much in common which was highlighted by the fact that when I met her in London, she wanted me to go all the way back to a theatre near her in Kent (where she'd just come from), so that we could meet Will Young (currently appearing in Cabaret) at the stage door as she'd been to see the musical twice already and one of her friends, who works at the theatre, said s/he'd introduce them. I politely declined her offer...

She then contacted me some time later to see if I wanted to go with her and her aunt (yes, really) to see Ghostbusters at the cinema for a special showing where you could shout out the script in unison as it went along. I have to confess that I took this as my cue to run to the hills...