Date 71

"And if a double-decker bus crashes into us."

My second date on GSM in 3 months, and it nearly didn't happen at all. We'd been in contact for a couple of weeks and decided to meet up, and had set the day, but when I emailed her to ask about the time and place; she never replied.

I'm super organised when it comes to meeting up with people, so if I haven't heard from them on the day then I'll chase them up (this happens a lot). However, on this occasion I didn't, simply because I thought if she's so disorganised then why should I? Plus, I'd also assumed that she'd gone off the idea of meeting up, which isn't exactly rare with online dating.

Then at about 5:30pm on the day that we were meant to be meeting I received this from her:

"If you'd changed your mind about meeting up this evening, that's fine. But you should have at least had the decency to let me know so I knew what was going on and could have made other plans."

I was obviously quite annoyed by this, seeing as though she was the one who'd ignored my email, so I replied telling her this and attaching the message I'd received no response to. She replied later that evening saying sorry and claiming that she never got the email that I'd originally sent to her, which I'm not quite sure I believe, plus she did actually go out that evening so in fact clearly made other plans. I then just left it as I really wasn't bothered about seeing her after she'd sent me such an arsey message without even bothering to check the facts. I also thought that if she's like this before we've even met then what's she going to be like in person.

A few days later she emailed me asking if we could try meeting up again and to be honest, I wasn't fussed but thought that I might as well, if only to see what she was like and because of the possibility that it could make a good blog entry. I also wanted to find out whether her obsession with Chas n Dave was genuine as well (it was).

So, we met up in central London about a week or so later and we actually had a really enjoyable evening. We just kept going from bar to bar and ended up both missing our last trains home because each time I suggested we should go to the station, she just kept telling me that she wanted to keep on drinking and that we should stay out and think about the consequences later. So we continued our quest to keep finding bars that were still open.

In the end we had to call it a night as we ran out of places that didn't require an exorbitant entry fee, and the last hour or so was actually spent trudging around Soho aimlessly with no luck, so in retrospect in the time we wasted doing that, we could have actually made our last trains. Thus, getting home was actually a complete pain in the arse as we both had to get the night bus (locating our respective bus stops was a mission in itself and took ages but at least I know where mine is now), so I didn't end up getting back to my flat until 3:30am. Bizarrely, even though she lives in Kent, she actually beat me and got home before me.

We texted each other a bit on the bus and when we got home and then for a couple of days I didn't hear anything, so I emailed her to see if she fancied going out again. To no great surprise, she replied and said that she'd had a brilliant night but that we weren't a 'romantic match' but we could still hang out if I wanted. I have to say that I was quite disappointed because I thought that as we had stayed out so late, she must have been enjoying my company and I was surely worth another go as we'd both had a good time, but at least she was honest.

We then met up a few weeks later and spent the afternoon in Richmond Park and had a really pleasant time. I also have to report that she was correct in us not being a romantic match. Clearly she is much wiser than me, although my judgement is sometimes swayed when lots of alcohol is involved on first dates, plus I think that when someone appears and acts normal then it's such a relief to me that I probably mistake having a good time for a possible future romance.

We've hooked up another time since then, and whilst she is very nice company, we've not really got that much in common which was highlighted by the fact that when I met her in London, she wanted me to go all the way back to a theatre near her in Kent (where she'd just come from), so that we could meet Will Young (currently appearing in Cabaret) at the stage door as she'd been to see the musical twice already and one of her friends, who works at the theatre, said s/he'd introduce them. I politely declined her offer...

She then contacted me some time later to see if I wanted to go with her and her aunt (yes, really) to see Ghostbusters at the cinema for a special showing where you could shout out the script in unison as it went along. I have to confess that I took this as my cue to run to the hills...

Date 55

"I lost my faith in womanhood."

This will go down as the most mental and scariest person that I've met so far on my internet dating travails, and even now I still get shivers down my spine when I think about her a year later. Unbelievably, things got off to a very promising start and we actually went out for a few months.

Our first date was surprisingly fantastic as, for some reason, I wasn't looking forward to meeting her at all, and we seemed to click straight away. We met along the South Bank at about 8pm and after numerous pub stops, found ourselves in Soho at 3am. At this point we were both absolutely hammered, and, whilst standing outside a pub trying to get our bearings, she inexplicably just walked off without me, saying she had to get home. As I live out in the sticks I'd missed my last train home by about three hours so I chased after her and luckily managed to catch her up. I didn't have a clue where I was and I had no idea how I was going to get home so I asked her if I could sleep on her sofa. She would have been well within her rights to refuse and I would have accepted that, but thankfully she agreed and so we went back to hers. I promised her that there wouldn't be any funny business and that I just needed a place to sleep, and true to my word I slept on her sofa and went home the next morning.

We then met up for a second date a few days later around the London Bridge area. I have to say that it wasn't very pleasant as she was in an extremely grumpy mood the whole evening and very distant. However, despite this we met up again a few days later in Richmond and then a week after that we went to Soho and visited a Noel Fielding art exhibition. It largely used Bryan Ferry as its muse so I was in my element. After food and drink we ended up going back to hers and sleeping together for the first time.

By this time we were in constant contact and would speak on the phone every night. Although we were getting on really well I had become very conscious of her severe mood swings and hyper-sensitivity. The first sign of it came when I went round to hers one day to bring her some food as she was off work ill. Beforehand, she'd started sending me really dirty texts and then proceeded to tell me that she liked things done with her neck and hair. I wasn’t entirely sure what she meant so asked a friend and he told me to take along a garrotte and comb! Anyway, as it turned out, during sex, she liked her hair being pulled and she also liked to be throttled and strangled. I tried to do what she wanted but I just felt extremely uncomfortable so after a while said that I couldn’t. She was a bit pissed off and asked me if I had any kinks. I couldn’t really think of any so said that I watched porn sometimes. She was so disgusted and horrified by my admission that she kicked me out of her flat! I managed to patch things up with her, although in retrospect I wish I hadn't. Little things like this would then occur over the coming weeks where I felt like I was treading on egg-shells and having to watch what I said.

The next date which really sticks out started off very well but descended into a farce by the end. I took her to Primrose Hill and we had a lovely long walk as it was a beautiful July evening. I then took her to a restaurant in Hampstead and she then suggested we go back to hers via Tesco to get some booze to carry on drinking. When we got back to hers I sat down on the sofa whilst she was in her bedroom for a few minutes and inexplicably she came back out wearing her pyjamas and dressing gown and said she was going to bed and that I could watch tv. I was obviously a little confused and was trying to wrack my brains for something that I might have said to upset her over-sensitive self during the previous half hour; I couldn't think of anything though. Then, to make matters worse, before she went to bed she put the tv on for me and as a Vincent Cassel film was on (I cannot stand the French fella), I happened to comment that he was punching above his weight by being married to Monica Bellucci as I said that she was absolutely stunning and he clearly is not. What a huge error of judgement on my part that was as I would later find out. At this point I wished that I was at home but I was a bit stuck considering it was 1am so I went to bed to try and sleep. We were both wide awake for hours, but I didn't know that she was too as it transpired that she was in a huff with me and had been pretending to be asleep whilst simultaneously ignoring me. The reasons being that Monsieur Cassel is her favourite actor and she didn't like me insulting him, and on our first date I'd told her that she was stunning (which she was) and by her weird logic I'd upset her by saying that Signora Bellucci was too! No? I don't get it either.

I can't remember how, but we managed to patch things up but alas there were more fun and games around the corner. We'd been going out for about six weeks at this stage and she wanted me to go to a friend of hers birthday. Normally I would have said 'yes' but the party was due to take place in a really nasty, chavvy club in Clapham on a Friday night and I just could not entertain the thought of attending. The idea of going somewhere like that in Clapham of all places filled me with absolute dread as it is a setting absolutely alien to what I am about. I was also due to see her on the Thursday and Saturday nights so I thought that would be ok if I ducked out of this hell-like scenario. I was honest with her about my reasons for not going and she flew into an absolute rage by sending me abusive texts and emails for a couple of days. She then rang me up as if nothing had happened and when I told her that I wasn't happy with the abuse she'd been sending me, she put the phone down on me and had the audacity to email me the next day demanding to know why I was ignoring her! At this point I'd had enough so I told her that I wanted to call it a day to which she sent me some really bizarre emails about how I clearly had issues and that I'd been leading her on and she accused me of being all sorts of things. As I hadn't heard from her for a few days I thought that that was that.

I then the made one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made in my life. She sent me a text out of the blue asking if we could meet up to discuss things. I always like to give people another chance and to sort things out in an adult way so I agreed and we hooked up and she went on the charm offensive and apologised profusely so I forgave her. I still don't know why I did. She also let slip that she wasn't used to men saying 'no' to her and that she always got her own way, so me not bowing down to her every whim was a new experience for her.

A couple of days later she was due to go to Australia for a few weeks so she invited me around to hers and in all fairness we had a lovely evening of food and drink. Evenings like this were why I liked being with her as she could be extremely good company. She had so many good qualities which explains why I kept wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt, whereas early on and in the cold light of day, I should have taken note of the warning signs and ran in the opposite direction.

The next morning we said our goodbyes as she went down under. During the three weeks she emailed every day telling me how much she missed me, which I found bizarre and uncomfortable (which I told her) as we hadn't been going out long at all and she should have just been enjoying herself. She would also complain if my replies were too short!

Anyway, she arrived back after her trip and rang me as soon as she got in the door of her flat and we met up the next day at South Bank. We had a lovely day and she bought me loads of presents and we were getting on really well. When the evening was over I sort of knew that she wanted me to go back to hers but by the same token I didn't want to be presumptuous, so as she didn't say anything I went to make my way home and she asked me to go back with her although I sensed she had the hump on the way home. When we were back at hers she said she was going to Clapham the next day to meet a friend and wanted to leave her flat at 12pm and as I was going there to change trains she wanted to travel there with me. I actually had to be home the next day a bit earlier than that so I said I had to leave hers at 11am. Later on when we were in bed she told me that she was really angry with me because I had to leave at 11am the next day and she went into one of her moods despite the fact I would be spending the best part of 24 hours with her so I wasn't impressed.

The next morning she prodded me at 7:30am and said that she wanted me to leave, so I went in the lounge and took the presents she'd bought me out of my bag and left them on the floor, said goodbye then departed. I then remembered that I'd lent her a book while she was away and so I went back, knocked on her door and very politely asked her for it to which she obliged (Pies and Prejudice by Stuart Maconie if you were wondering). Feeling quite angry, but in actuality a bit relieved, I made my way to the station then realised my train wasn't due for another couple of hours, so I rang up a friend to tell him what had happened, bought a coffee and wandered around the not so delightful surroundings of Purley until I could get home.

I can't emphasise enough how much in the end she actually scared me with her mood swings, and I'm not sure if I was dreaming it or not but I have quite a clear memory of seeing her going through my mobile phone on the last morning I was with her.

I spent the next few weeks in constant fear of her contacting me, but she never did.