Date 157

"I'm spellbound, oh but a woman divides."

This was another very rare occasion in all the years I've been doing this, that I thought wow! However, this was during and not after the first date.

Giving Tinder another go, I wasn't amazingly into her before we met and the feeling before we went for drinks was that of nervous dread that the date wouldn't last long rather than excitement. I knew as soon as I saw her that we'd get on though. And that we did.

I was straight away attracted to her and we also had the same interests, in particular; a mutual love for Twin Peaks and cats. We drank for a good five hours or more and she could certainly put them away and to me, the signals were there that she liked me as well with her being very touchy feely and tactile. It was definitely one of my favourite first dates and I felt she was the complete package.

On the way back to the bus stop, by which time we were both quite drunk, she said that she wanted to see me again but that there hadn't been any fireworks for her. I found this quite an odd thing to say and at first thought this was a negative thing but she assured me that she'd had a great time and that we should go to the cinema for our next date. At this stage we'd still just been communicating via Tinder and without me asking, she made sure to give me her phone number and instructed me to contact her to arrange date two. In theory this sounded promising but the 'fireworks' comment put a lot of doubt in my mind, even though I tried to tell myself otherwise.

We texted for a few days and were in the process of arranging a trip to the flicks when the messages just stopped from her. I knew her birthday was the day after Halloween so I waited until then to make contact again to wish her happy birthday and see if she replied. She did but I felt if I hadn't been in touch then I wouldn't have heard from her. I mentioned meeting up again and she said she still wanted to but not for a couple of weeks as she was busy at work and the texts stopped again.

I waited until the week she said she was free and she suggested we go and see Widows the following week on a Tuesday night, so I felt positive again. Three hours before we were due to meet she cancelled due to work commitments. I was a bit pissed off as that really was short notice but I still wanted to see her so asked if she was free the following week. She was and we made plans again.

I didn't hear from her again so texted her the day before to check we were still on and she said she was up for it if I still fancied it. So the date took place and we caught up a bit before the film started. After it had finished I suggested something to eat but she declined saying she was tired even though it was 8pm and went home but she said she'd had a great time and wanted to meet again.

The next day I messaged her to see if she fancied coming to mine for dinner in a couple of weeks time but she said she was busy on the days I suggested and that she'd looked at her diary and was busy with work and social commitments until after Christmas so I decided to take the hint and leave it. Rumours of my unimaginative cooking had somehow clearly reached her...

Date 156

"It just wasn't like the old days anymore." 

I've not been on a date for ages, and although I've not been as proactive as usual; it's not been for the want of trying. This date, which I'll mention a bit later was the last one I'd been on and that was in June!

The not going on dates thing has largely been down to setting them up and then the other person has either cancelled or mysteriously disappeared. I've also dealt with a few oddballs along the way too. The last date I was meant to go on had all been going well in the initial stages. We'd arranged a time, day and location and had been texting regularly. In the week before our meet up for drinks I'd sent her a text that she hadn't replied to or even opened. Then I knew she was away for the weekend so didn't want to force the matter. I texted her on a Monday morning (a few days before our Friday date) to check if we were still on and received this reply:

Erm, ok....

More recently I'd been in contact with someone off Bumble for about 2 days. She rung me a couple of times and after speaking to her (she mainly spoke at me) I was genuinely scared of her and worried about her state of mind. I would never normally do this but I panicked a bit and blocked her and she proceeded to leave me three abusive and very unsettling voicemails from three different phone numbers between 3 and 7am. At least I found out that even if you block someone on an iphone, they can still leave voicemails.

I also received a drunken 1am phonecall from someone I dated a couple of years ago telling me that the reason she didn't pursue me is because I'm gay. Which was news to me as I had no idea.

Onto this actual date now. It was a really good one. We met along the Southbank on a really beautiful day and we seemed to get on well. We had drinks for a few hours then went for dinner and ended the evening with a lot of snogging.

And then of course I tried to make plans for a second date but she never got back to me. Dating's not what it used to be.

Date 155

"Oh, I know I'm alone."

I was excited beforehand by this date as we were a similar age and seemed to really like the same music. In fact she'd contacted me initially due to our shared love of The Smiths.

Although it was a bit of a trek for me, we met in a pub over the road from where she had been attending a ukulele group and it was a good choice as they served milk stout and the barman was very knowledgeable. That was the best part of the date though.

I was sitting at a table near the back and she came over to me and I have to say that I wouldn't have know it was her as she didn't look like her pictures, not in a bad way though, I just think that they were old. I could instantly tell by her eyes though that she was disappointed by me. After a few minutes I got the distinct impression that she didn't want to be there.

Although we talked about music for a bit, and we did indeed like all the same stuff, she declared that she was coming down with a cold. It was her round and she went and got me a drink then said she felt ill so had to leave. I was then left the unenviable task of drinking alone on a date so I downed it pretty quick and left.

I had genuinely thought she was ill but I didn't hear from her again so I suspect it was just an exit plan. I was pretty disappointed because I definitely fancied her and thought there was potential due to having other things in common too but I guess I wasn't the type of guy she was looking for, and she made up her mind pretty quickly!

Date 154

"But oh, my darling, why did you change?" 

Of all the blog entries that I've written I think that this one neatly encapsulates modern dating. It's still fresh in my memory so I still feel a bit hurt and sad which doesn't make sense as she turned out to be a bit of a dick in retrospect.

A couple of months before, I'd deleted all my profiles on all the dating sites that I belonged to but decided to give online dating another chance, so signed up for a week's subscription with Guardian Soulmates. We seemed to get on very well after exchanging a few messages and then switching to Whatsapp at her suggestion. She was an incessant texter so things became very intense, very quickly and we were pretty much in contact virtually all day every day, which I always found a bit strange from her end as I couldn't work out how she could maintain her job but still send me messages all the time. We also got into a routine where, without fail, one of us (predominantly her at first) would text to say good morning and good night. That's a really nice thing when it's happening bit when it abruptly stops it's not such fun.

An early drawback, however, was the fact that I live in Brighton and she's in East London. That wasn't really an issue at first though. I think we met after 10 days to two weeks after we'd first been in contact and I'd agreed to go and meet her along the SouthBank after work. We were both so nervous (most unlike me) but we hadn't needed to be as we got on great. I really fancied her and it was one of my favourite first dates. So much so that I didn't get home until about 1:30 am as we kept going to different pubs and from my point of view I didn't want the night to end.

Still being very much in contact, a couple of days later she had a free Friday evening so I suggested she come and visit me in Brighton after work. She agreed at first but then offered up an excuse a bit later. As it turned out she just went home and had a few drinks on her own and she first mentioned how distance might be a problem. I was in London the next day for a friend's birthday and I intimated meeting up afterwards but we didn't.

We then set up the following Saturday as our next date. She said she'd definitely come to Brighton and fancied the cinema. So, I messaged her about times and films and said I could book us tickets then a restaurant afterwards. At this point she got a bit funny and said how she didn't want to be tied down and hated having plans but preferred to do things last minute and that she'd probably only have time for a meal and drinks as she had responsibilities in her life.

A couple of days later she asked if I'd like to come to London again as she'd got free tickets for a matinee musical in the West End called Ruthless. This was when I started to realise that she liked to do things on her terms. However, I agreed because I wanted to see her again and I don't mind going to London as it's easy to get to from Brighton anyway.

I wasn't as nervous/excited as I had been for the first date and to be honest I was a bit apprehensive. This is quite normal for second dates anyway as I think there's more riding on them than a first date and they're relatively make or break. As it turned out we had another great time. She loved the musical and I have to agree that it was entertaining (even though it wasn't really my thing). She then took me to a very exclusive cocktail bar where we had espresso martinis and then an amazing restaurant.

Towards the end of the night we got into some deep conversations about our lives and I told her some pretty personal and sad stuff about that I'd endured growing up. Upon hearing this she cried a few times and I had to comfort her. Although, it might have been the drink, I genuinely thought that we had a connection and on the train going home she was needlessly apologising for her tears but also saying how she'd had a great time and that she'd definitely be coming to Brighton for our third date. The third date never happened.

At this point I'll touch upon what different people we were and how our lives were miles apart. I've never been married and I don't have any children. Having lived in London for over 20 years: most of my friends live there. I've been in Brighton for just over 4 and I don't know that many people and my social life goes in peaks and troughs and revolves around gigs, live comedy and the cinema.

She's 3 years older than me, has 3 children (2 at university and 1 living with her some of the time), is divorced and until a year ago had been in an 8 year relationship until he cheated on her. She also lives in a mansion, drives a BMW 4x4 and has worked in the city most of her life.

Things then started to change. The previous year she'd told me she had gone totally mad on the partying front, been on a lot of dates and one night stands, but she was settling down this year due to her family. I'd suggest meeting up but she'd say she didn't have the time then would would send me selfies of her at stupid o'clock, shitfaced in various bars.

We had a very deep text conversation one evening in which she wanted to know what I was looking for in a relationship, what she was looking for and whether we were compatible. I found it quite weird and she said that she couldn't give me children as she didn't want any more and I said that wasn't a priority of mine anyway. We both came to the conclusion that we'd enjoyed the dates so far and wanted to see how things went but that we were both happy with how things were going. She kept reiterating the distance between us and and other things like being busy at work and wanting to spend more time with her family. I said that due to all these things we could call it a day but she didn't want to and that she was comfortable with our arrangement.

Even though I'd not instigated that conversation it made me feel that things were going to progress but they actually got worse. The texts decreased after that and she stopped the good morning and good night ones. I also felt that she was getting a bit mean to me and she would go on rants about how to live my life. To illustrate this, during the most recent bank holiday weekend I wasn't really up to much but the weather was lovely and I was out and about but spending time in my garden reading. It was really relaxing. She was at some very messy barbecues and I said I was jealous, although I wasn't particularly. She got a bit angry for some reason and told me I needed to expand my social life and there was nothing stopping me from having my own bbq, getting loads of people round last minute and cracking open the Jack Daniels. She'd do this with other things too and really tell me what to do, I was very close during these times of actually telling her we should call it a day as she was becoming more passive aggressive. From then on she'd regularly send me messages telling me I should be going out if I had nothing to do or when friends were busy and it got to the point where I'd dread her asking and I felt guilty for not being out one night even if I had been the previous one.

In all this time, she hadn't mentioned meeting up again either. I'd suggested it but she said she was busy packing for her holiday so wouldn't be socialising and then proceeded to go out every night the week beforehand and get pissed after work, so I thought I'd wait for her to mention it. I'd still be hearing from her every day but there'd been a mood change. She then went to Spain for a long weekend and was still texting me during it apart from one day. She'd also stopped putting kisses on her texts, which is a small but noticeable thing.

I happened to be in London for a comedy show on the day she was coming back from Spain. I think she was on the beach then waiting for her flight and her messages were very jokey and it felt like how she used to be.

The next day I texted her to see if she was tired as she'd got back relatively late and had to go in work and she'd said she was busy so I thought I'd let her get on with it. Four days later and I'd not heard anything from her so I dropped her a text on the Friday and she said she'd been busy with family stuff and then proceeded to reel off the social piss-ups she'd been to that week. I thought I'd just go out and say it and asked her when she fancied coming to Brighton and she wrote me a long text in which she said if she did it would only be on a platonic level.

She also said she'd been thinking about things and that she didn't want to give me the impression we could be anything other than friends and that she wasn't the right person for me in terms of time, distance and commitments.

I was out with a friend when I received it which was good as we spoke about it for a bit. I then slept on it and spent the next day mulling it over and working out what to say in response if anything. On Saturday evening I got a text from her demanding why I hadn't replied...

I said I was still processing things and in all honesty I didn't know what to say as I felt that what she said wasn't open for discussion. She said she was just being honest and didn't want me to think she was being dismissive; which is what she was doing, surely?

I asked her a couple of questions but she didn't answer them and then I didn't hear from her. So on the Monday I texted her to ask why things had changed since we'd had the deep discussion a couple of weeks beforehand. She reiterated that her family and job came first and that she didn't have the time to commit to me, plus she said she wasn't romantically inclined towards me and wasn't feeling it but that I should give her a heads up if I ever fancied a drink in London. Ruthless indeed...

Date 153

"And I would like to give you what I think you're asking for."

Having cancelled our first planned meeting due to her head not being in the right place, and after a loss of contact for a month; we set up a coffee date for a Saturday afternoon in Brighton.

Being a scout leader, Disney obsessive and self-confessed crazy person, I was a bit worried that we wouldn't be compatible. She let me know at regular intervals as to how crazy she was.

I also found out that she had a voracious sexual appetite. Eight days before we were due to meet, I was out on, what turned out to be, a very substantial pub crawl in Lewes with a male former work colleague. We'd intended to meet for a few pints at midday and still found ourselves drinking at around 9pm. I got a text from crazy Daisy that her Ann Summers party had been cancelled and that she was out on the piss near where she lived. She wanted me (and my friend) to come and meet her and then go back to hers to spend the night (I'm not sure if she meant my friend for that part though). When I received the text I was on the train home very inebriated and just wanted to go to sleep. I did give it some thought though, as her explicit texts were very persuasive, but getting home when I did and not having a hangover the next day proved to be the best decision I could have made, especially as I had a Morrissey gig the next evening!

On my way to meet her the following week for coffee, she texted me to ask if I'd be wearing a red carnation and waiting for her under a clock. I asked how I'd recognise her and she said I'd know it was her as she'd be the nutty one...which is no mean feat on the concourse of Brighton station.

We had coffee and lunch at a cafe (which she kindly paid for her) and she talked about sex the whole time. This also included showing me pictures on her phone of her dressed up in a couple of sexy Christmas underwear outfits. After going for a walk along the seafront, in which she talked about sex, we went to the pub for a couple of drinks and she told me what she wanted to do to me sex-wise. She had to go home to take her 19 year old son to a party and then wait for him for four hours and bring him back when it had finished. However, she kept thinking up plans how to have her wicked way with me that evening. Her best one was have me go back with her then go to the cinema while her son was at his party and not watch a film but sit at the back while we did stuff under a coat....

I turned down this classy suggestion and said we should call it a day while the going was still good. On the bus home, she texted me to say she couldn't read me and wondered what I'd thought of her. I could have taken the easy option and said I'd meet her for a second date, get home and regret it, then worry about meeting her again, go through with it and not enjoy myself. I then had a bit of an epiphany and decided to take the brutally honest route. I told her that I couldn't see anything between us other than something sexual (which I'm not even sure I could see anyway). This offended her and she got arsey. I've never had a fuck buddy before, so it's not something I've ever enquired about with anyone but she really wasn't impressed with my suggestion. 

After going on a bit of a rant saying she didn't want to be anyone's friend with benefits and that why couldn't I just see how things go between us, she said she'd step aside so I could meet someone else and that we're both at different stages of our lives in terms of what we're looking for. I got home and felt a huge sense of relief. What a crazy afternoon.

Date 152

"Girl Afraid"

This is probably the most extreme example of how people can turn out to be very different from their online, or in this case telephone, persona.

During the week before our date, this woman began ringing me up every night and we'd talk for 3 or 4 hours at a time. She was confident, hilarious, charming but a bit intense. For her job she spent most of her time on the phone and did the occasional voiceover for her clients' telephone information services, and her voice was very sexy and her enunciation was very pleasing on the ear.

As we had so much in common music and humour-wise, she'd already arranged our second date before the first one had happened. And she saw us meeting and getting on for our first date as being a formality. This was also her first dabble in the world of internet dating and I think she got carried away with things.

I thought she was great too but every time she'd make plans for the future with us, I'd say let's get Sunday over with (the day we met) and take things from there as there is the possibility that we wouldn't get on. She'd told all her friends and family about me and she also was so desperate to meet me that she tried to see me before, firstly, she asked me to come to a friend's party with her which I turned down as I said that would be weird as I'd not met her yet and the second time she wanted me to meet her for drinks near where she lived and spend the night with her, either with her or in the spare room. On this occasion I was doing something else.

During our time on the phone she'd find it difficult to hang up and the first time we spoke until 2am. Another time we'd talked for 3 hours and she texted me afterwards to say that I was difficult to let go of. She also said on more than one occasion that our calls and texts had been the most romantic few days of her life. I found that weird. I enjoyed talking to her and I was really looking forward to meeting her but the language she used in those cases worried me a bit.

Finally the day came to meet and it was a total anti-climax. It was underwhelming and flat. But not due to my efforts.

She'd warned me beforehand that although she appeared outgoing on the phone, she was a total introvert and extremely shy. She drove to my village from Kent and was over an hour late as she'd got the time wrong but that was ok as she'd let me know and she was coming to me. I knew she was nervous so I wanted to try and make her feel at ease and I wanted to impress her so I bought her flowers, chocolate and a CD. I don't normally do that on a first date and I won't again.

She didn't look anything like her pictures. If we hadn't been talking on the phone when she got out her car then I wouldn't have known it was her. She had no make-up on and looked a bit scruffy. She had very nicotine-stained teeth too which was a turn-off. In her photos she'd looked glamourous and she'd also sent me a pic of her going to a party the night before and she was stunning. I genuinely felt like she hadn't gone to any effort to meet me, whereas I felt that I did.

We went for coffee initially, then a pub and she wasn't the person I'd been speaking to for hours on the phone. It felt like I was with an imposter. She told me she was on edge as she'd never met a 'stranger' off the internet before, as she put it, but even taking that into consideration; she came across as cold and unfriendly. Before we'd met she told me that the first thing she was going to do was run over to me and snog my face off...that never happened as she was very stand-offish.

After lunch we went for a long walk along the Brighton coastline, where she chain-smoked, and although the conversation flowed, I got the impression she didn't want to be there. However, despite all this I wanted to see her again as I felt sure that if we met for a second date then her nerves would be gone and her loving, funny and warm personality from our phone calls would come out. I tried to make the day less nerve-wracking for her and put her at ease. I'd also probably fallen into a trap a bit as all the things she'd said we could do together in the future sounded fun.

She had other ideas though. I contacted her afterwards but she ghosted me for a few days and sent me this text:

I had my phone next me all night and no call came through. This really disappointed me as I'd said after the date that I wanted to see her again. Even though the date had been a bit shit I'd hoped that we had enough in common to show that there was potential. I'm also sure that I'm just the same online as I am in real life. I replied by saying that I'd not blocked her as there was no reason why I would have and told her to take care. She must have really not liked me in person...

Date 151

"Bought on stolen wine."

This was a successful date in terms of us both really getting on but sadly there was no romance between us, however, we're still in touch as friends.

Having the same taste in music was a rare treat for me so it was good to talk about our favourite bands and she's definitely got excellent potential to be a gig buddy (writing this has made me wonder why I didn't invite her to one I went to on my own to the other night...so at least this has jogged my mind if nothing else!). She's also allergic to beer and wine, which is a very unfortunate side-effect from a bout of malaria years earlier, thus making her tastes in alcohol quite specific. I think that I may be allergic to red wine too but I only seem to get a reaction after two bottles.

Date 150

"I was only joking when I said I'd like to smash every tooth in your head."

I've no idea how we ended up actually meeting as we weren't going to be compatible.

This didn't have anything to do with compatability but the first thing I noticed about her was how awful her teeth were. I realised why she had her mouth closed on all her profile pics as her teeth were either crooked, missing or decaying. She also seemed a bit drunk when she turned up too.

We had a couple of drinks but the date pretty much consisted of her reading out live texts from friends of hers in a Whatsapp group as a couple of them were in hospital having minor operations. She was laughing her head off but funnily enough I wasn't as amused, due to not knowing them, so I called an end to proceedings in an amicable manner before things got out of control.

Date 149

"Still ill."

I was quite patient with this date but didn't get much back in return. Things had been a bit unusual to start off with as after chatting for a while and agreeing to meet up, she asked if we could become friends on Facebook as her mother (yes, that's right...her mother!) wanted to make sure that I was real.

She also revealed shortly before our first date that she'd been married to another woman for 19 years and so wasn't very experienced when it came to dating. This didn't faze me whatsoever and I was surprised when she said how relieved she was by my reaction as other men she'd told this to, had run a mile; which in this day and age is a very sad state of affairs.

We were due to meet in Brighton for drinks on a Friday night, however, she cancelled with a few hours notice as she said that her mum was ill so she had no-one to babysit her children. We then rearranged for the following Friday night. I then didn't hear from her so I contacted her on the Thursday to check whether we were still on and she asked if we could meet for coffee on the Saturday instead. I was losing interest at this point and was going to say no as coffee dates never lead to anything in my experience, plus I felt this was a downgrade. In the end I agreed and we met in a cafe.

She was very pleasant and open about her marriage and said that although she didn't label herself as bisexual, she had been out with men before she met her ex-wife and was looking to date people regardless of their gender. We only met for about an hour and made plans to meet again. I'm not sure if I fancied her but I was happy to see her again.

I booked a restaurant for a Friday night a couple of weeks later and then a couple of days before, she cancelled due to illness. I texted her again a week or so later to see if she was still interested in meeting up and she said yes and that she'd contact me again when her cold had gone. I never heard from her again.

Date 148

"I must put you behind me tonight."

I've probably said this before but this is when online dating can be such a mindfuck. I've no idea why I keep putting myself through it (probably because I'm addicted and stupidly optimistic).

This solitary date is up there with one of the best I've ever been on. I met this 42 year old restaurant manager in my current favourite craft beer establishment in Brighton, and all the signs pointed to there being a mutual liking for one another. When I first saw her, it may sound crass, but her pictures didn't do her justice as she was beautiful. I had been extremely nervous about this date as we hadn't had much contact and the last time I came to this pub, the date was a disaster.

We stayed in the pub all night until closing time and I really didn't want it to end. We had so many things in common and the conversation really flowed. We got chatting to a couple on another table and told them we were on a first date and every time my companion went to the toilet or outside for a smoke, they said how much she'd told them she was enjoying the date and how she really liked me. In retrospect this probably didn't do me any favours as it possibly gave me a false sense that she liked me more than she actually did. She was also very touchy feely which all the experts in magazines say is a good thing! Right?

We even snogged and planned our next date, then held hand hands as we got in our respective taxis.

I was cautious but quite excited the next day about her. I even told my sister about the date and I never tell her about any of them, such was my misguided optimism. We texted during the day about our respective hangovers and things were going well until I asked if she was free to meet up the following week. She said she would be but was working in London between Monday and Thursday, so I suggested Friday. She didn't reply until the next day and there was a definite shift in tone as she said she now had friends visiting for the weekend but didn't suggest an alternative. I then asked when she was next about and she didn't answer the question but again reiterated how busy she was at work and that she had a really bad cold. The texting stopped and so I messaged her the next day and asked if she was feeling any better and got no reply.

I waited a few days and after not hearing from her I sent the following message and got the following reply:

Due to the fact that she hadn't responded to my previous text and the radio silence, I had been expecting this but I did feel sad even though I had been trying to prepare myself. I was definitely guilty of getting too excited but I'd been hopeful due to the signs she'd been giving off initially. I, of course, over-analysed her response as I found it patronising telling me to keep looking and if she's so busy then why is she dating? The date had been great and communication the following day had gone well but the day after that there was a definite sea change which I can only put down to her sobering up and coming to her sense as I really thought I was worth a second date.

Date 147

"When usually it's nothing."

My last date of 2017 and it was quite a brief one and certainly not as dramatic as the one a few days earlier. Which was definitely a good thing.

I think we matched on Tinder and she was very keen to meet up after not really being in contact that much. Despite not knowing much about each other, I was surprised by how much we had in common, and we certainly had a lot to talk about. However, after 2 or 3 drinks she said she had a party to go to so I was home before 8pm.

I genuinely got the impression that she did have other plans, although she hadn't told me beforehand and she didn't want another date so it was a good, solid exit strategy regardless. Maybe first dates should only last a few drinks just to see what someone is like instead of the drunken affairs they sometimes turn into.

Date 146

"There's a club if you'd like to go. You could meet somebody who really loves you. So you go and you stand on your own, and you leave on your own. And you go home and you cry and you want to die."

This was a disaster. And alcohol and Tinder really don't mix well (neither do craft beer and Jack Daniels for that matter).

About 5 days before our first date, I'd received a message from this lady at about 10pm on a Saturday night, desperately trying to get me to come out with her into Brighton. She was child-free and wanted to hit the bars and clubs. I had loads on the next day so politely declined her request, or else I would have done.

By this point I'd already got the idea that she was quite a party girl. She was also not the type of woman that I normally went on dates with, but I liked being out of my comfort zone and was quite excited about meeting her. 

In the lead up to our date, for about 4 or 5 days in a row, she messaged me to ask where and when we were meeting. Each time I'd tell her the time and send her a link to either a map or the website of the bar. I found this really odd and a bit irritating (I've no idea why she couldn't just scroll back up to when she'd previously asked me) and when it came to it I had to meet her at a bus stop as she was incapable of finding the place even though it was really simple. 

When I met her off the bus she looked like she was on a mission. She was completely done up in clubbing gear with leather trousers and really elaborate shoes etc. and she did look very glamourous. She stopped off to get some cigarettes, then we embarked on the 5 minute easy walk to the bar I'd chosen. 

We got on pretty well and I really did fancy her. Her taste in music left a lot to be desired but she was knowledgeable and open-minded to other sorts. She was really funny too and didn't seem to possess a filter. We live very near each other and she'd lived in my village for a bit, and still frequents it on a regular basis. I was quite surprised that she's also permanently barred from a couple of pubs, though strangely she didn't know why...

We drank solidly for about 5 hours and if the date had ended there then that would have been great. The bar had stopped serving as it was after midnight and we were just about to go our separate ways home when she persuaded me to go to a gay club with her.

Now I really was out of my comfort zone. I'm really not a clubbing person but I went along with it and even started dancing with her. I. NEVER. DANCE. We were very drunk when we went in and kept on drinking. Then things went a bit weird. I can't remember exactly what happened but I'd been doing things like twirling her around etc. and for some reason she really forcibly pushed me away. I was a bit shocked then went to the toilet and when I returned she was talking to someone else. I kept my distance then sat down for a bit. I later went back to where we'd been and couldn't see her so messaged to her ask if she'd left, but got no reply. Then a smiling guy came up to me and put his arm round me and I asked him if he knew where my 'friend' was. I think he knew her as he took me to her as she was somewhere else in the club with other people. I tried to talk to her but couldn't hear what was she saying as the music was so loud. She really looked pissed off so I just left.

For some reason, instead of getting a taxi, I walked all the way home, which is probably a good 80 minute stroll. It's not a particularly safe route either as you pretty much have to walk along a dual carriageway for part of it. On the plus side though, I completed my 10,000 steps for the day even before I'd been to bed.

There'd been a time early on in the club where I was going to get her mobile number, call it a night and just leave. As we'd just been communicating through Tinder (and I didn't have her number) I sent her a message when I finished my journey to tell her I'd got home and asked her what had happened. She never replied so I actually deleted her from Tinder because I figured I wouldn't hear from her and I actually didn't want to know anyway. 

The next day I was still drunk when I woke up and felt terrible as I just didn't know what had gone on. I'm convinced that I didn't do anything wrong but I kept playing it through my mind for days afterwards. I spoke to a few people about it and it seems possible that she had always intended to go clubbing afterwards and might have just wanted me to go with her, but then wasn't really bothered about me being there when we'd got in, as she seemed to know other people there. She had been openly sending texts while we were still in the first bar (not good dating etiquette) so maybe she was arranging to meet people in there. I've got no idea really and it's just something I'm going to have to put down to experience and remember in the future to leave when the going is good...especially when things start getting messy.

Date 145

"I know the wind-swept mystical air."

This continued the theme of quick, unmemorable dates.

I'd not had an active membership on Guardian Soulmates for about 6 months and this person had actually sent me a message quite a few months ago but I'd not received a notification to my inbox so I'd not picked it up. After a few messages she asked if we could talk on the phone. I hate doing this but I can understand why people want to before agreeing to go on a date and I must have come across ok as we did meet up. Bizarrely though, I've had times where a date has been arranged then they've wanted to speak beforehand and after hearing me have cancelled so I'm quite conscious of this happening. The weirdest example of this was a woman who called me from what sounded like a gale force wind-swept mountain top. I couldn't hear a word she was saying and after a few minutes I asked if we could speak a bit later, preferably somewhere a bit quieter, and she called off our date saying we wouldn't be compatible even though we never spoke again...so I clearly failed some sort of audibility test.

Back to this date, and it lasted possibly a couple of drinks. She was very nice and good looking and I thought perhaps there'd be a second date as she said that every date she'd been on had led to at least a second one. I was the exception to the rule though as I enquired about another one but she said she'd met someone else. I wasn't too disappointed.

Date 144

"And death for no reason is murder."

I can barely remember anything about the first date, in which we met in a pub, but she was very keen to meet up again so we must have got on.

The following week we met for tapas (and drinks afterwards) and I found out that she had a unicorn obsession, but this was counter-balanced by her love of Star Wars; so that was ok...Although I wasn't completely bowled over by her, I liked the pace at which things were going and she did seem like a genuinely very nice person. I really enjoyed this date.

Our third date was due to be a Christmas roast but she cancelled due to illness and then went home to her parents in the north for the festive period. I received a text from her on Christmas Day and she asked me about meeting up again when she was back. I replied but never heard from her again, so I never did get to hear about her work's murder/mystery party in which she went as Dr. Fumbles (I was genuinely looking forward to this after she'd sent me pictures of her in her outfit!)!

Date 143

"I went to London and I..."

Another date where not much happened. When I think back I'm also amazed that I went all the way into London to meet her too.

She lived on the Isle of Wight and we'd been chatting on Whatsapp for a while so there didn't appear to be much chance we were going to meet due to the distance. However, she was staying in Guildford with family (where she used to live) and suggested a date. I'm still surprised that I agreed though as I didn't have anything on in London and it was a relatively quick date as she didn't want anything to eat so it only lasted a few drinks, plus all the times she kept going outside for a cigarette. I didn't fancy her at all and I presume she felt the same.

We kept in touch for a bit but there was never any question that we were going to meet up again although the most memorable thing she did for me was give me a heads up when a Lego Star Wars Millennium Falcon had its price slashed to under £100 so we both bought it!!! (Our mutual liking of Star Wars Lego led to me actually buying her a small spaceship for our date!).

I didn't hear from her for a while then I got a message from her asking how I was but I think it was only to let me know that she had a boyfriend who she'd met locally. 

Date 142

"Alabaster crashes down."

As I've said countless times before, I'm not a fan of coffee dates and I don't believe I've had one that's led to a second meet-up. And this proved to be the case as well.

It probably lasted only about an hour and a half so there's not much to say at all. I don't remember which site it was from although I'm pretty sure it was courtesy of a rare match on Bumble.

The lady in question worked for an airline and she kept making jokes about the fact that she was having her bathroom done at home and her toilet wasn't stable and if you sat on it then it was liable to go through the floor, so she loved using other lavatory facilities as she didn't have to hover. That is seriously the only thing I can remember her saying to me.

She bought me cake with our coffee so I bought her lunch and we must have spoken about things other than loos as we made plans to meet again for drinks.

Drinks then got got downgraded to coffee and coffee got downgraded to nothing as I never heard from her again.

Date 141

"I crack the whip and you skip."

This was a rare occasion where I really wasn't that fussed about meeting this person, but she seemed very keen and persistent so I agreed to a date. I think she'd contacted me initially through one website and it hadn't gone anywhere and then she messaged me on OKCupid and I felt guilty so when she asked about meeting up I said yes. Which was a bit stupid on my part but because I have so many people cancel on me (I could probably do a blog of equal length on the dates that never happened), I didn't want to do that.

During our brief initial messages, and on her profile, she'd made quite a point of saying how she loved dressing up and attending things like Torture Garden, which is a fetish club. I think she also portrayed herself as a mild-mannered lawyer by day and a rubber clad party animal by night. We met at about 7pm so I guess it was still daytime for her as she seemed very shy and there wasn't really much to talk about.

She was a very nice person but I was a bit relieved when she had to leave early due to her experiencing back pain. I think this was genuine as she went through quite an elaborate routine of squirming in her seat and looking in a lot of discomfort. Or it could have been a restrictive leather outfit she had on underneath.

Date 140

"Who said I'd lied to her?"

I'm not a big fan of coffee dates but relatively brief cafe meets like these are what they were made for.

I met this larger than life lady in a cafe along the seafront. All her profile photographs looked different but I knew it was her when she turned up as her booming voice, shock of ginger hair and garish dress sense gave her away. She had one of the loudest laughs I think I've heard before and I've met Brian Blessed!

She was quite an odd character and not really very self-aware. She also reminded me a bit like a female version of Colin Hunt from the Fast Show. We had a couple of cuppas then called it a day.

I'd noticed during the date that she was quite confrontational and when I got home she sent me a text rant about how I 'lied' about my height. Which is completely untrue. I'm 5'7'' and I can be a bit sensitive about being a shortarse because people have cancelled dates with me due to my height. There are also plenty of profiles that state they won't reply to messages from men under 6 feet. However, I always put my correct height on my profile as what's the point in being economical with the truth when Danny DeVito rocks up instead of the expected George Clooney?

When I assured her that's how tall I am, she backtracked a lot and said I couldn't help being that height. She also said she was a dickhead and couldn't help that either!

Date 139

"Who comes sliding down the banister?"

I'm all for a date being informal but I've never known anyone go to such little effort when supposedly trying to make a good first impression on someone. In fact if I ever write a book about dating (unlikely as I'm clearly so rubbish at it) then this would be covered in the chapter 'How not to get a second date.'

Initially this teaching assistant by day/polercise instructor by night had said she'd drive to Brighton to meet me but as she wouldn't be able to drink I told her that it was ok for me to get the bus to Eastbourne (where she lived) if she wanted alcohol. This was a bad plan on so many levels. It took me about 90 minutes door to door to get to her and as I've only been there a couple of times, I let her choose the venue.

To my horror upon arrival, she'd picked the shittiest Wetherspoons imaginable (this is a bit unfair as I once went to one in Kingston in which I was scared to go to the loo on my own), and this pretty much set the tone for the night. She informed me that she was coming straight from teaching a class, so I assumed she'd have had time to shower; but no. Up she rocked still in her sweaty kit and super-greasy hair (which in fairness was a common look in that pub that night). When I went in to kiss her on the cheek by means of a polite greeting, there was a smell emanating from her which I couldn't tell was B.O. or her really bad teeth.

I went to the bar to get us drinks and she ordered a pint of lime and soda, which came to a princely sum of 80p; so she wasn't having alcohol. We then ventured upstairs and before we'd even sat down she'd seen someone she knew and gone over to chat to her at another table. She was there a good 5 minutes and I was fully prepared to walk out at this complete lack of manners and awareness. As I'd just started my pint of Guinness, I decided to stay. When she did eventually wander back to me, I couldn't get a word in edge ways. Every time I tried to say something she'd turn the conversation round to something that had happened to her.

After about 20 minutes her friend then came over to our table and started chatting to her. At this point I went to the bar to down a JD & coke, as she was still on her lime and soda. I then popped to the toilet and upon my return, told her that I needed to get my bus home. Who would have imagined that an evening with a poledancer could be so dull!