Date 153

"And I would like to give you what I think you're asking for."

Having cancelled our first planned meeting due to her head not being in the right place, and after a loss of contact for a month; we set up a coffee date for a Saturday afternoon in Brighton.

Being a scout leader, Disney obsessive and self-confessed crazy person, I was a bit worried that we wouldn't be compatible. She let me know at regular intervals as to how crazy she was.

I also found out that she had a voracious sexual appetite. Eight days before we were due to meet, I was out on, what turned out to be, a very substantial pub crawl in Lewes with a male former work colleague. We'd intended to meet for a few pints at midday and still found ourselves drinking at around 9pm. I got a text from crazy Daisy that her Ann Summers party had been cancelled and that she was out on the piss near where she lived. She wanted me (and my friend) to come and meet her and then go back to hers to spend the night (I'm not sure if she meant my friend for that part though). When I received the text I was on the train home very inebriated and just wanted to go to sleep. I did give it some thought though, as her explicit texts were very persuasive, but getting home when I did and not having a hangover the next day proved to be the best decision I could have made, especially as I had a Morrissey gig the next evening!

On my way to meet her the following week for coffee, she texted me to ask if I'd be wearing a red carnation and waiting for her under a clock. I asked how I'd recognise her and she said I'd know it was her as she'd be the nutty one...which is no mean feat on the concourse of Brighton station.

We had coffee and lunch at a cafe (which she kindly paid for her) and she talked about sex the whole time. This also included showing me pictures on her phone of her dressed up in a couple of sexy Christmas underwear outfits. After going for a walk along the seafront, in which she talked about sex, we went to the pub for a couple of drinks and she told me what she wanted to do to me sex-wise. She had to go home to take her 19 year old son to a party and then wait for him for four hours and bring him back when it had finished. However, she kept thinking up plans how to have her wicked way with me that evening. Her best one was have me go back with her then go to the cinema while her son was at his party and not watch a film but sit at the back while we did stuff under a coat....

I turned down this classy suggestion and said we should call it a day while the going was still good. On the bus home, she texted me to say she couldn't read me and wondered what I'd thought of her. I could have taken the easy option and said I'd meet her for a second date, get home and regret it, then worry about meeting her again, go through with it and not enjoy myself. I then had a bit of an epiphany and decided to take the brutally honest route. I told her that I couldn't see anything between us other than something sexual (which I'm not even sure I could see anyway). This offended her and she got arsey. I've never had a fuck buddy before, so it's not something I've ever enquired about with anyone but she really wasn't impressed with my suggestion. 

After going on a bit of a rant saying she didn't want to be anyone's friend with benefits and that why couldn't I just see how things go between us, she said she'd step aside so I could meet someone else and that we're both at different stages of our lives in terms of what we're looking for. I got home and felt a huge sense of relief. What a crazy afternoon.

Date 138

"If you're so funny, then why are you on your own tonight?"

After meeting for drinks in Lewes (sort of halfway between where we both live), getting on really well and sharing a snog at the train station; a rare second date was agreed upon.

I booked a table for a restaurant in Brighton and we were due to meet the following week. We texted a bit for a few days after and when she didn't reply to one I sent on a Thursday night, I thought nothing of it. I had a really busy weekend where I was out all the time and thought about texting her but didn't.

At 9am on the dot on Monday morning I received a text from her cancelling our second date because I hadn't contacted her over the weekend. She told me I was great company and funny but the 'communication void' meant she wasn't feeling it. I explained that she hadn't replied to my last text and when I first meet someone it's a difficult balancing act as if you text someone too much and they're not into that sort of thing then that can come over as being too intense. I love a good text back and forth but I guess I was just playing it cool. She then said that her instincts told her that me not asking how she was over the weekend didn't bode well and that she wanted to be chased.

I reasoned with her that she hadn't contacted me either and these things work both ways, but she was quite dismissive of that. And after also explaining that I'd been looking forward to seeing her again and that I felt she'd totally misread me, I realised by her responses that she'd made her mind up so I wished her good luck in the future and left it. I genuinely don't think that I'd done anything wrong and surely the fact that I was seeing her again in a few days and I'd arranged the second date was an indicator of my positive intentions. Apparently not.

Date 135

"The lies are so easy for you."

During an occasional Tinder revisit, that normally ends in me not matching with anyone then deleting the app after 3 days, I began chatting with this Lewes dwelling individual.

She sent me a message during a drunken evening out with her sister, with her sibling telling her to ask me out for a drink, so we met in Lewes a few days later.

She looked nothing like her pictures. I only knew it was her as the pub that she'd chosen was quiet and I pretty much guessed it was her when she came through the door largely because she had dark hair. I knew she was a few years older than me and I'm not suggesting she lied about her age, but it felt like the scene in The Office when David Brent went on his first internet date, so I just hope that when I said "oh, for fuck's sake" under my breath that it wasn't audible.

I didn't want to appear rude as she was a nice person (if a little economical with the truth) so I stayed for two drinks then made my excuses and left.

Date 133

"And when a train goes by, it's such a sad sound."

This date and I had first made contact about 18 months previously through Tinder. We had been going to meet up but she cancelled last minute and disappeared.

Then a couple of months ago she contacted me out of the blue and we got chatting again, spoke on the phone then finally decided to go on a belated first date.

As she lives in Kent, we worked out that Hastings is roughly half-way between us so met for lunch. I'm sorry if any Hastings residents are reading this but it is an absolute shithole. Although I'm only quoting lyrics by The Smiths for this blog, it's a shame I can't use one of Morrissey's solo efforts and describe it as 'the coastal town that they forgot to close down,' as although that song isn't about Hastings, it really could be.

I know Hastings a little bit through Date 99, so I found a cafe in the old town area as it is actually quite decent and different from the rest of the place. So, we had coffee and lunch and then she announced to me that she had a chiropodist's appointment so had to go. I genuinely think she did but I'd have appreciated a bit of notice as I consequently missed my train, had to wait an hour for the next one then ended up getting home 3 hours later due to the vagaries of Southern Railways.

Before she left though, we made plans for a second date a week or so later in Lewes, which is a lot easier for me to get to. However, that never took place as she cancelled at the last minute and when I suggested rearranging she said yes, but she saw me in the role of friend rather than anything romantic.

I was a bit disappointed as I was looking forward to seeing her again but she is one of the flakiest people I know. I've not seen her again but she sporadically contacts me then disappears; as is her wont. She's also a bit humourless at times as I found out when I was being a bit jokey in some text messages and she got quite passive aggressive and told me in no uncertain terms that I was annoying her and she didn't appreciate me besmirching her character, which I really wasn't doing. On second thoughts, I'm probably better off without her!