Showing posts with label david brent. Show all posts
Showing posts with label david brent. Show all posts

Saturday, 5 August 2017

Date 135


"The lies are so easy for you."


During an occasional Tinder revisit, that normally ends in me not matching with anyone then deleting the app after 3 days, I began chatting with this Lewes dwelling individual.

She sent me a message during a drunken evening out with her sister, with her sibling telling her to ask me out for a drink, so we met in Lewes a few days later.

She looked nothing like her pictures. I only knew it was her as the pub that she'd chosen was quiet and I pretty much guessed it was her when she came through the door largely because she had dark hair. I knew she was a few years older than me and I'm not suggesting she lied about her age, but it felt like the scene in The Office when David Brent went on his first internet date, so I just hope that when I said "oh, for fuck's sake" under my breath that it wasn't audible.


I didn't want to appear rude as she was a nice person (if a little economical with the truth) so I stayed for two drinks then made my excuses and left.

Wednesday, 26 October 2016

Date 123


"Fame, fame, fatal fame."


I'm choosing to look back on this date as the one and only time so far in my life that I got to snog a TV personality.

We'd only exchanged a few messages on Bumble and actually met up really quickly. She lived in North London and I happened to be spending a couple of days away in the capital so we met a few hours after I'd checked into my hotel room.

As we hadn't really 'spoken' much beforehand, I was quite surprised when we were choosing a location to meet that she suggested an alleyway for a shag. Of course she was only joking and said she instantly regretted saying that, so eventually we settled on my old favourite the South Bank. When I met her at Embankment tube station, I was instantly attracted to her and we seemed to hit it off straight away, especially after a few drinks at the BFI Benugo Bar (the scene of many a failed date for me). It was here that I also learnt her claim to fame; she'd played a starring role in the Channel 4 tv series Educating the East End and had also been on some tv dating shows over the years...so she clearly wasn't shy.

Afterwards we went for something to eat and I think shared a couple of bottles of wine and got very merry and I enjoyed my first proper snog of the year. At the tube station I also asked her if she wanted to come back to my hotel bar and she said she definitely would have but as bad luck would have it, the GCSE results were coming out the next day so she had to be in school bright and early.

So, we parted ways and I went back to my hotel for a night cap. Whilst there she rang me to say she'd got home alright and that she'd had a lovely evening. Still feeling that the night was young I stayed at the bar drinking until 4am, talking shite to the staff whilst being plied with free cocktails that they were trying out on me. When two members of staff, who were visiting from other hotels in the chain, left me on my own to sit somewhere else, I took that as my cue to go up to my room.

I felt absolutely awful the next day and instantly regretted not going to bed at midnight when I had the chance. I was meeting a very good friend of mine from Twitter for the first time to go to the flicks and I was really in a bad way. We went to see David Brent: Life on the Road, which was so funny, and I really thought I was going to pass out in the cinema. My stomach was turning somersaults and I had the sweats and the shakes badly. Then, weirdly towards the end of the film, I suddenly felt back to normal again.

On my way home, I received a text from her saying the GCSE results had been rubbish and she'd speak to me soon as she was going to bed. A couple of days later she rang me but I missed her call because it was 2AM and I was ASLEEP!

Two days after the missed call she texted me to ask how I felt about us because she was worried about logisitics. I said I wanted to see her again and she felt the same and that she liked me and thought that I was handsome and genuine, which made me wonder if she was actually blind and that I hadn't noticed. She had a dissertation to complete and said could she finish it first then we could meet again. It was due to be handed in a week or so later so I said that was fine.

I'd still not heard anything a fortnight later and messaged her to see how it had gone and I got no response. A week after that I thought I'd give it one more shot and again I got no reply, so I thought I'd leave it. Then a few days after that she sent me a long text apologising and saying she hadn't been in touch purely because she was busy with work and her family and that she'd be in contact me properly in a week. She also said I could pursue other leads if I wanted to (which I found a bit weird) but also that she really wanted to see me again and that she was thinking of me.

That was almost six weeks ago and I've still not heard from her. Bloody celebs.