Date 135

"The lies are so easy for you."

During an occasional Tinder revisit, that normally ends in me not matching with anyone then deleting the app after 3 days, I began chatting with this Lewes dwelling individual.

She sent me a message during a drunken evening out with her sister, with her sibling telling her to ask me out for a drink, so we met in Lewes a few days later.

She looked nothing like her pictures. I only knew it was her as the pub that she'd chosen was quiet and I pretty much guessed it was her when she came through the door largely because she had dark hair. I knew she was a few years older than me and I'm not suggesting she lied about her age, but it felt like the scene in The Office when David Brent went on his first internet date, so I just hope that when I said "oh, for fuck's sake" under my breath that it wasn't audible.

I didn't want to appear rude as she was a nice person (if a little economical with the truth) so I stayed for two drinks then made my excuses and left.

Date 130

"Because you let yours flail into public view."

I ventured back onto Guardian Soulmates after receiving a delightful opening message from this Brighton social worker.

I used to have a line on my profile in which I described myself as having the lower body of a footballer but the upper body of a darts player, and her opening email stated that she possessed the lower body of a javelin-thrower and the upper body of a page 3 girl. She'd charmed me.

We shared the same sense of humour and her texts were hilarious. We had a lot in common too with other things like music and shared a similar outlook on life.

We met in a pub I'd never been to before and I was extremely impressed with the choice of location as it had milk stout on tap! We got on well and shared a kiss outside and agreed to meet up again.

She suggested we meet at the same pub a couple of weeks later as it specialised in pies and she wanted to try one. However, the second date was the polar opposite of the first. She didn't make any effort at all and seemed completely disinterested in me. I was actually quite taken aback and the pies were also very average.

As we shared another kiss outside when we were waiting for her taxi and because she said she wanted to see me again, I thought maybe I'd imagined her apparent apathy. I hadn't though and we never had a third date.

I initially enquired about seeing her again and she kept being quite vague but said we could meet up the following week. However, when I contacted her again she said she enjoyed our dates but didn't feel any spark between us. I was quite disappointed as I was attracted to her, but I'd guessed that would be the case after the subdued second date. Maybe, it was just as well though as she wasn't nearly as funny in real-life. Ouch!