Date 138

"If you're so funny, then why are you on your own tonight?"

After meeting for drinks in Lewes (sort of halfway between where we both live), getting on really well and sharing a snog at the train station; a rare second date was agreed upon.

I booked a table for a restaurant in Brighton and we were due to meet the following week. We texted a bit for a few days after and when she didn't reply to one I sent on a Thursday night, I thought nothing of it. I had a really busy weekend where I was out all the time and thought about texting her but didn't.

At 9am on the dot on Monday morning I received a text from her cancelling our second date because I hadn't contacted her over the weekend. She told me I was great company and funny but the 'communication void' meant she wasn't feeling it. I explained that she hadn't replied to my last text and when I first meet someone it's a difficult balancing act as if you text someone too much and they're not into that sort of thing then that can come over as being too intense. I love a good text back and forth but I guess I was just playing it cool. She then said that her instincts told her that me not asking how she was over the weekend didn't bode well and that she wanted to be chased.

I reasoned with her that she hadn't contacted me either and these things work both ways, but she was quite dismissive of that. And after also explaining that I'd been looking forward to seeing her again and that I felt she'd totally misread me, I realised by her responses that she'd made her mind up so I wished her good luck in the future and left it. I genuinely don't think that I'd done anything wrong and surely the fact that I was seeing her again in a few days and I'd arranged the second date was an indicator of my positive intentions. Apparently not.

Date 62

"If you're so very entertaining,

then why are you on your own tonight?"

This date pretty much sums up the pitfalls which can occur with internet dating and why a lot of the time it can be a frustrating and not very pleasurable experience.

My 3rd date from OKCupid and one that really came out of the blue. She messaged me first which was surprising as I hadn't logged on at the site for a few months so I'm amazed that I cropped up in her search. Anyway, her mails were the funniest I've ever read and we shared a love of Forbrydelsen (the Danish tv police drama phenomenon translated as The Killing) amongst other things, so I was intrigued. She even compared herself to Forbydelsen lead character, Detective Inspector Sarah Lund, by claiming that she owned an extensive range of knitwear and had a great arse in jeans, which was a bit cocky to say the least.

After a few days of exchanging really, very funny e-mails, she sent me her mobile number and told me to call her one night which was very forward of her. I'm not particularly fond of talking on the phone at the best of times, so speaking to a complete stranger and potential date was a bit nerve-wracking. I rang her anyway and we had a good chat although neither of us mentioned going on a date as I think maybe we were both waiting for the other to ask and I couldn't gauge whether she wanted to or not. I left it about a day then asked her about meeting up and she agreed thankfully and started texting me a fair bit.

We met up at a bar and she was one of the most confident and self-assured people that I've ever come across, which was plainly evident when she started happily conversing with a German party in their native tongue, whose reserved table we were temporarily trespassing on.

I've said this many times before, but from my point of view we got on really well as she was hilarious. I also thought she liked me too when at one point she said: 'I'm sorry, but I have to say this. How the hell are you single as you're really interesting and fantastic company?! You're not married are you?!' I didn't really know how to respond but surely that's a good sign if someone says that you on a date, right?

I, therefore, thought that there would be a good chance of us meeting again. How wrong I was. I messaged her a couple of days later, after not hearing a peep from her, to enquire about a second date and she completely ignored it and I never heard from her again. Whilst it's disappointing to receive a message back saying 'no, thank you,' it's much more preferable to being met with stone, cold silence. Honesty is always the best policy as you can't expect every girl to like you so that's fair enough, but when you've actually met someone in person and they know that you're waiting to hear back from them, then to say nothing is just bloody rude and very arrogant. She works for a major bank in the city and is obviously experienced in screwing people over, so I clearly got served by a true playa.

UPDATE (February 2012): About 5 months after our solitary date, I was having a quick browse on OKCupid. I happened to see her profile and decided to click on it for a bit of a nose and it transpired that she was now living in New York. The next morning there was an email waiting in my inbox from her telling me about her big move and asking how I was. I didn't really want to reply but because I have manners (unlike her): I did.

I happened to mention that I was now on match.com. She then went on a bit of a rant about how I should be going to gigs and meeting women rather than bothering with dating sites and that said sites don't work as they're more geared towards social networking than finding romance.

I have to say that what she said makes sense particularly the social networking part, however, there are a number of points where her argument falls down slightly. Firstly, why is she still actively using a dating website if it's so easy to acquire dates from other means. Secondly, when using these sites I've always believed that you should treat others as you'd liked to be treated yourself, therefore, not replying to someone after a date even just to say 'no, thank you' is really bad form and a perfect example of how so many people just see internet dating as a big game. Thirdly, how difficult is it to meet girls at gigs? I go to a lot of gigs with friends, where I catch up with them and we watch the band in question. How is it possible to start going round a venue and chatting women up with a band performing and the music blaring out. It's difficult enough trying to get a good position to see when it's packed, then when the gig is over there's a mad scramble to get out of the door. And finally, my sister and another friend of mine are both in happy and long-term relationships with men they've met off Guardian Soulmates. Whilst I believe they are in the minority and have been extremely lucky; they are proof that dating sites can work as you usually meet people you'd never normally come into contact with.

Oh, well, it's probably just as well that we didn't go on that second date after all...

Date 44

"If you're so very good looking, why do you sleep alone tonight?"

I had a fantastic night and at the time I had high hopes of a second date. We got on really well as she had a fantastically wicked sense of humour, although I think a lot of the time alcohol plays a huge part in determining how well a date goes, and we spent a good 5 or 6 hours together. We'd also attended the same university, although at different times as I'm about 5 or 6 years older than her, and actually lived in the same area at the same time for a few years.

Anyway, as things turned out she didn't want to go on a second date but wanted to stay friends. I was obviously disappointed at yet another rejection and I also felt I was probably at a slight disadvantage because of the fact that I was the first internet date she'd been on and so she probably wanted to see what else was out there. However, at least she was honest and completely up front about things.

We ended up meeting again for a quick drink (6 months after our date) and I think she was spot on about just being friends, however, we never saw or spoke to each other again after that.

As an aside to this she told me that she'd been in a relationship for the last 3 months with someone she'd met down her local pub. Subsequently, I saw a picture of him on Facebook and I was surprised when I saw that he looked like a Hell's Angel; complete with a shaved head and a long, pure ginger goatee type beard. I immediately felt relieved that it was my personality she wasn't attracted to and not my looks.