Date 150

"I was only joking when I said I'd like to smash every tooth in your head."

I've no idea how we ended up actually meeting as we weren't going to be compatible.

This didn't have anything to do with compatability but the first thing I noticed about her was how awful her teeth were. I realised why she had her mouth closed on all her profile pics as her teeth were either crooked, missing or decaying. She also seemed a bit drunk when she turned up too.

We had a couple of drinks but the date pretty much consisted of her reading out live texts from friends of hers in a Whatsapp group as a couple of them were in hospital having minor operations. She was laughing her head off but funnily enough I wasn't as amused, due to not knowing them, so I called an end to proceedings in an amicable manner before things got out of control.

Date 79

"Bigmouth la la la la la la."

I was certainly on a roll in regards to free dating sites, with OKCupid again providing my next date. She made contact first and sent me a message, but for some reason I'd completely forgotten about it and didn't actually reply until 2 weeks later which is most unlike me. After only a couple of emails she hinted that she was very keen to meet me so we decided to hook up for a drink.

During the first drink, we appeared to be getting on, although saying that, I can't remember too much about her apart from her having a very strong but lovely Northern Irish accent and her being a freelance cookery writer. I'm also not sure if we had much in common.

She'd arrived at the bar before me and bought the first round of drinks, so when I asked her if she wanted another she 'ummed' and 'arrred' for a good 30 seconds before saying yes. This wasn't a good sign but I went up and got them anyway. However, when I brought them back to our table she said she had to go soon as she came up with a fairly elaborate story about her boss wanting to talk to her about a writing project even though it was her night off. She was very chatty, so much so that when we'd finished our second drink she kept me for another half an hour or so talking, in which we could have had another drink. I didn't quite get that.

This was one of the quickest dates I'd been on for ages and I got the impression that she'd made up her mind about me very quickly due to her indecision regarding the second drink. I didn't bother to contact her again, however, we had been playing Words with Friends and although she played her move that night, when I played mine, she stopped and the game was never completed. I probably was more annoyed about this as I hate winning word games due to a forfeit.

Date 38

"Bigmouth strikes again."

A really great evening and I'm still struggling to comprehend why it ended so badly.

I had a lot in common with this Blackpool lass and I was very attracted to her as well, which is always a bonus. We had very similar music tastes and she'd just moved down to London after living in Newcastle for the last few years so there was plenty to talk about.

The evening got off to an amusing start when I found us some seats in a really busy bar. We were happily enjoying our pints, when after a while a guy leaned over to her and said 'I've just seen Bob (I can't remember what his real name was) arrive. Pass it along the line as we need to sing him happy birthday.' She just looked at him with a blank expression and said: 'who's Bob?' He then got quite annoyed and informed us that we were sitting in reserved seats for a birthday party. She asked him if he wanted us to move and with a very deadpan expression he looked at her solemnly and said 'yes.' We stayed in our seats for another 5 minutes or so out of principle then we upped and left when I spied some nice armchairs for us so we could go and laugh at our minor indiscretion and sit and speculate as to which person at the bar was the legendary yet enigmatic Bob.

We then went for a meal and continued drinking late into the night. I really enjoyed the evening and she was hilarious despite me being the butt of every joke, and everything so far had gone very well until we got to the station. I then made the fatal error of having the absolute audacity of telling there that I'd had a great time and would like to see her again and would she like to do the same. Her face then turned to thunder. She looked at me with complete contempt and accused me of taking things too seriously. Being slightly taken aback I told her that I was just laying my cards on the table in saying that I 'd be really happy to do it again. She then intimated that I was a weirdo and stormed off. Which was a shame as I was just about to ask her to marry me.

I felt awful all the way home and even worse the next morning as I'd really enjoyed her company and I felt I'd completely blown everything by being honest and not playing by the rule book of Swingers by saying nothing then contacting her three days later. That would have been money. As it turned out I mailed her a week later, as it's possible I'd imagined the whole thing, and told her I'd enjoyed our date and would she like to hook up again. She never replied.