Date 196

"Because you're evil and you lie."

Before I talk about this date, I need to mention that a totally different woman should have been written about here, but unfortunately she did one of the most pathetic things possible and didn't turn up. We had meant to meet a couple of weeks before but I'd messaged her on the day to check that we were still on but she said that a family member of hers had been pinged by the Covid app. Although this was perfectly believable, I only found out as I'd sent her a text so I wonder if she was going to let me know.

About a week later she got in contact and asked if we could rearrange. I sat on it for a couple of days because I wondered if she was completely reliable and in the end thought what's the harm as she was local to me. We arranged a time and location at a pub in Hove.

I turned up, bought a pint and after 15 minutes realised that she wasn't coming. I then sent her a message on Whatsapp and she'd blocked me. I don't know how anyone can behave like that. It's the lowest of the low and, even though it says everything about her, I felt a bit humiliated. I reported her to Tinder as she's still on there and they've done nothing and she's got a profile on Bumble too. I can't comprehend in any way that someone can think not turning up for a date is acceptable. Answers on a postcard, please.

Now to the date that took place. I decided to take out a full subscription on Hinge and give it another go. I matched with quite a few women initially but in the end this was the only person I went on a date with. And she was great.

She was funny, good looking, intelligent and I genuinely thought that my luck had changed and I felt really comfortable talking to her. She lived in London so I said that I was happy to meet her at the South Bank. It was the first time I'd been there probably since 2019 and only the second time I'd ventured into London this year.

We met in my old favourite, the BFI bar, had a couple of beers then moved onto cocktails. And we eventually ended up in Wagamamas for some food. We spent a good 6 hours together then she got the tube back with me to Victoria. I thought this was a good sign as if I wasn't into someone then I'd have gone home a different way and she'd actually come to the South Bank via Waterloo. I also wouldn't have stayed out that long.

I went home feeling confident that there'd be a second date and she asked me to message her when I got back home; which I did.

However, I woke up the next morning and she'd sent me a message saying that it had been nice to meet me but she hadn't felt any chemistry. I felt so disappointed by this and a bit sad as I thought we'd got on well but I'm always appreciative when people are honest so I responded thanking her for the evening too. Looking at the bigger picture though, I was just impressed that she actually turned up...

Date 167

"I'm just a country mile behind the world."

Finally a date in Brighton! I decided to have a brief dalliance again with Tinder. With 'brief' being the operative word. Tinder is widely thought of as a hook-up site but I'm clearly doing things wrong as I've only ever had standard dates on it.

This woman was very hard to get much out of but we swapped numbers and arranged a first date. Which was no easy thing to organise either. The only time she was free to meet was 9pm on a Thursday evening in Hove. She dismissed the first pub I suggested out of hand, claiming it was too middle-aged; which it really isn't, but she settled on my second choice.

I live a bit out in the sticks so aimed to get to the pub for 8:45pm. On the bus I got a text from her at 8:30pm saying she'd be getting there at 9:30pm. No apology or asking if that was ok for me, just stating a fact. So I went for a wander down by the seafront to kill some time.

When she arrived she looked absolutely stunning and had really made an effort but didn't like my choice of table and didn't say sorry for being late. She didn't drink either so had 2 orange juices and the date finished at 11pm. It was fine but she came across as really ditzy and I got the impression that she was just living in her own little bubble with not much idea what was going on outside of her life.

I did fancy her though and texted her the next day to see if she wanted to go out for dinner. She said yes but only if we could do it again on a Thursday night at 9pm (9:30pm probably in reality) as she had Zumba. The place I had in mind closed at 10pm so that wasn't an option so I left it with her. Meeting for dates only on late Thursday evenings did seem odd.

Eventually she got back to me a few days later on a Tuesday and said she was free that night so I booked a table at a Tapas restaurant for 8pm. She arrived still speaking on her phone, which made for an awkward minute or two, and her eye make-up had all smudged due to the positioning of her mobile. I did tell her so she rushed up to the toilet to put it right.

We had a lovely meal and she was really impressed with the food and restaurant. She did seem really young for her age though and quite immature. Although she was nearly 39 and only a few years younger than me, she could easily have been in her early 20's, which she constantly spoke about. She also seemed to be really out of touch with things: bemoaning her flatmate for shopping online, which she'd never done before and she'd never used a streaming service like Netflix and didn't really know what one was. She didn't like alcohol, coffee or tea either.

I never normally do this but I paid for her dinner. I'd had a glass or two of wine and she was only on orange juice so it seemed easier too. Again it was a brief date too as she didn't want to go elsewhere afterwards so it lasted the same time as the first one.

I contacted her the next day and asked her if she wanted to come to dinner at mine sometime and she sent this reply:

Unsurprisingly, when I suggested a couple of dates for her to come over, she didn't open them in Whatsapp and I never heard from her again. Which, is probably just as well as my cooking is shite.

Date 129

"Kitchen aromas aren't very homely."

My first date of the new year and I again made a resolution to not pay a subscription for online dating, so I went back to OKCupid. This lasted all of one date as it turned out.

As was becoming quite common, '129' cancelled last minute when we were due to meet for drinks on a Friday night, due to an issue with her builder. She did however suggest that we should meet for a meal the following night, which was probably a better plan.

So, I booked a table at a Thai restaurant in Hove, which I'd been wanting to try out for a while. The date was uneventful and all I can really remember was that we had to wait 90 minutes for our main course, even though we'd been told that we had to vacate the table after two hours. which they thankfully didn't enforce. It was actually the second time I'd been to this group of restaurants, and despite its rave reviews, I've never been very taken by the cuisine.

She was a perfectly nice person but there was absolutely zero chemistry between us and I was impressed when she said as much at the bus stop. 

So, same shit, different year...

Date 121

"It's time the tale were told." 

This was my first experience of meeting someone through the dating app Bumble. It's similar to Tinder, with the only main difference being that if you match with someone then only the female can send the first message; and if she doesn't make contact with you within 24 hours then she disappears from your match list. I'd used it for a while on and off and had a fair few matches but no-one had interacted with me until this person did. I'd actually got to the point where I thought it was some sort of scam where most of the members' profiles were fake so I was very surprised when we ended up arranging to meet for a date.

She lived in Brighton too and I suggested that we meet at a bar in Hove. The first one we went to was absolutely heaving, a man at the bar kept staring at both of us in a really uncomfortable manner and they'd stopped serving food, so we went to one round the corner.

The next pub was much better and we shared a bottle of wine and had a cheeseboard. I thought that we got on really well and I was definitely attracted to her and wanted to see her again as she was very funny too. So, the next day I texted her about a second date and she seemed very keen to meet up. So much so that she said she was busy the next weekend so couldn't see me then but could we go to the cinema a few days later just to keep the momentum going.

We went to see Tale of Tales and the film was the best thing about the date. It didn't really feel like a date to be honest though as we barely spoke. We were going to meet beforehand to get a drink but she was so late that we got to our seats just before the film started. I really enjoyed it but she found it a bit too weird. She then had to go home straight afterwards as she worked in Camden so had to get up early the next morning for the commute. She said she was sorry that we couldn't go for a drink afterwards but when I asked her about another date she became very vague.

I hadn't heard from her a week later so I texted her to ask about a third date. She replied with:

"Thanks for the lovely offer but I'm going to decline."

I thought that was a bit rude and patronising so I just deleted her number and didn't respond. She'd seemed really up for going out again and considering we hardly uttered a word to each other for the second date, I don't really know what made her change her mind.

Date 119

"A friendship sadly lost?"

To me, living less than 20 miles away from a potential girlfriend is no distance at all. My last meaningful relationship involved going to North London every couple of weeks so I'm happy to travel. When replying to my first message on Plenty of Fish, Date 119 was up front and warned me that she wasn't interested in a long-distance relationship. My response was that we only lived 18.3 miles apart so then she said, ok, well if it doesn't bother you then lets meet up for a drink!

I was really excited about meeting up with her and as she lived in Eastbourne I said I'd venture over to her if she suggested a pub as I'd only been once or twice, so my knowledge of the place was virtually zero. I wanted to be on top form as well as I was keen to impress her...however, that bit didn't quite go to plan.

The previous night I'd been out with a friend in Hove, and there's no other way of putting this, but I got absolutely shitfaced. She put me in a taxi home but for some strange reason I asked the cab to drop me off at a village green about 15 minutes walk from my house. The next thing I can remember was being woken up by three young 'samaritans' at 4am asking me if I needed an ambulance...still on the village green! I can only assume that I passed out or just fell asleep. They at first thought I was a dog which I can only guess was because I had a furry hood on and a peak cap, and no doubt I was snoring my head off which probably sounded like growling. When they realised I was a male human, they actually dialled 999 as they thought I'd collapsed but I assured them that I was merely drunk so they cancelled the call. They then went above and beyond the call of duty by walking me all the way home. I was so grateful to them and feel very lucky that they found me as things could have been much worse. When I woke up the next day, I was so embarrassed as I'd never done anything like that before and have always managed to get myself home even when very inebriated. Besides guilt and embarrassment, my stomach didn't feel too good either. Luckily, I wasn't out until the evening so I stayed in bed for as long as I could but all I could manage to eat was a slice of toast and about 3 crisps all day. I was determined to go on my date though!

Door to door it took me about an hour and a half to get there. I also arrived about half an hour early so went for a stroll, then ordered a coke and sat in the pub, still not feeling great. Even though she lived about 10 minutes away she still managed to be half an hour late so I was in there quite a while, probably looking a bit worse for wear.

When she did rock up I wasn't disappointed, and forgive me for my shallowness, but she was the most beautiful woman I've ever met. Even though she was 49 and therefore 9 years older than me, she genuinely looked like someone in their mid-thirties. She was also the spit of Suranne Jones, which was brilliant as she happens to be a celebrity crush of mine. At various points of the night, I thought I was actually having a drink with the real Ms Jones, but this could have been down to the fact that I might have still been drunk from my previous night's escapades. For the rest of the evening I just had a water and a coffee and explained the reason for this, which she found funny. I think that that was a real disadvantage though as a combination of tiredness and sobriety probably didn't show me in a true light.

Besides this setback, I thought that we got on well, although we clearly didn't have the same music tastes. She asked me what I liked and I said The Smiths. She then went on to surmise that because of this I must like U2 and Coldplay as well. I stared at her blankly.

At the end of the night I got the impression that she wanted to see me again, however, when I texted her the next day, she said yes but only as friends. I was very disappointed but I said that was ok.

A week or so later I contacted her to see if she fancied visiting Brighton one evening. She said she would have done but she happened to be away when I'd suggested a night. A few days later she blocked me on Facebook despite there having been no further contact between us. I can only assume that she was offended by my profile picture which captures the moment that I met Brian Blessed, so she's obviously not a fan.

Date 110

"Does the body rule the mind or does the mind rule the body? I dunno."

I'd agreed to go on a date with this person from OKCupid a few months before but I actually cancelled it. The reason being that before we were due to meet up, she told me that she was polyamorous. I hadn't heard of this before but she explained in basic terms to me that she had more than one sexual partner and that rather than fuck buddies she saw it as them being really good friends who could be intimate with each other and hang out together, but it wasn't just about sex. She also said that the key to it was that all of them were honest with each other so they all knew about what was going on.

At the time we were due to go on a date originally she was seeing two guys, with one of them being polyamorous and the other not being so, but they both knew about the other guy. As I wasn't familiar with the concept I explained to her that I was looking for a relationship with one person and she completely understood and so we never met up then.

However, a few months later I regretted the decision and so I got in contact with her again and we met in Hove for drinks and a cheeseboard. As it turned out she was a truly lovely person and we had a lot in common. There wasn't any chemistry between us though and she actually said that to me halfway through the evening! She did also say that she was having a lovely time and was enjoying the evening and I was in agreement.

During the date something a bit weird happened though as a woman in very tight leather trousers started going to all the tables trying to take selfies with other girls. She came up to my date and did this but then wanted her to properly kiss her and take a picture of it! My date didn't want to and physically squirmed, and so the woman moved onto another table and tried to do the same with other women. Then she moved onto the men of the pub but inexplicably completely ignored me. Which is a shame as I was well up for it...We couldn't work out if she was doing it for a dare or she was a swinger as the bloke she was with started trying to take selfies too, but he soon gave up due to a lack of interest from others.

At the end of the evening I was very kindly given a lift to my bus stop (by the polyamorous lady, not the leather trousered swinger) and, although we've not met up again, we've stayed in touch as she really is a genuinely lovely person.

Date 93

"Did I really walk all this way."

I was still on a mission to avoid using pay-sites and so my next date came courtesy of OKCupid; I was certainly getting my money's worth.

We met along Brighton sea front and went for a wander, as it was a glorious mid-Summer evening, before we found a nice pub near Hove. We had a few drinks and she was quite good company but there just wasn't any spark or mutual attraction.

She was a few years older than me and a bit of a posh party girl and former chalet girl, so it was clear that we didn't mix in the same circles as I'm a rough Geordie lad. I liked her but we just didn't have anything in common.

When we left the pub she said bye then buggered off to catch her bus and I didn't have a clue where I was so I ended up roaming the streets for quite a while until I used the moonlight and direction of the sea to eventually locate my bus stop about 30 minutes walk away.