Date 85

"Spineless swines, cemented minds."

Having had my move to Brighton fall through at the last minute I became bored and thought: I know, I'll go back on to Guardian Soulmates and make the most of London again until I find another house to move to.

Having exchanged a few messages, she seemed pretty cool so I suggested drinks. She lives sort of Islington way and as I'm a gent I asked if she fancied meeting up in Angel. For her that's a few stops on the tube and for me it takes about an hour and 15 minutes door to door. She actually chose the pub and what a great choice it was, although I got lost and had to ask about 4 people along the way how to get there. Miraculously, I was only 5 minutes late.

I  really fancied her and we seemed to have a lot to talk about, including our geek like obsession with Jaws and sharks in general. There was a fancy dress party going on at the same time so I got to high five SuperTed on his way back from the toilets as no-one had guessed who he was apart from me. We had 3 pints each, which I think was good for a school night then she said she had to go, as, being a Primary school teacher, she had to get home at a reasonable hour for class the next day.

I had a good feeling from the night and texted her the next day to see if she wanted to go out again. She never replied, which there really is no excuse for. I just hope that the children she teaches have better manners than her. And I'll be crossing my fingers that the ladies of Brighton don't possess such ignorance...if I ever get there.

Date 3

"For message received, loud and clear."

It was now Autumn 2006, and being the glutton for punishment that I am, I went back to Love at Lycos for one more date.

I'd had a lot of contact with this person beforehand via phone and email so I wasn't nervous at all as we seemed to have developed a good rapport, even though we didn't have much in common. We agreed to meet for our first date at a pub on Oxford Street and I was amazed when she came up to me as she looked absolutely nothing like her profile pictures (I think she'd had them professionally done), and if I'm completely honest, as first shallow impressions go, I was a bit disappointed. I feel a bitch for saying this but she was unrecognisable, and although I'm no George Clooney, my profile photographs are always up to date as what's the point in being deceptive about one's appearance when it's going to be the first thing that someone notices (or in my case didn't notice as I didn't know it was her) when you meet them?

Putting all this aside though, we did actually get on very well and I actually really enjoyed the evening so we mutually agreed to meet for a second date.

Date number 2 started off at the London Aquarium, in which I was mesmerised by their wonderful collection of sharks, and it ended back at her place...

She was originally from Essex and a nurse, and lived with one of her colleagues, which made it all the more surprising as to how much her flat resembled an absolute pig-sty. Being in possession of a Psychology A-Level I think that I'm more than well qualified to theorise that this was them rebelling against their workplace being so sanitised and clean. There were discarded pizza boxes, clothes, underwear, full ash-trays and junk just strewn everywhere and they were both so lazy that instead of tidying up, they just made little walkways amongst the rubbish to navigate through.

Despite this, I did enjoy her company as she was a very fun and caring person and we actually went out for a couple of months, taking in the sights of London Zoo, Camden, Southbank and her bedroom along the way. Then one day, after spending the night at hers, we arranged for our next jaunt to involve taking in the London Dungeons. However, when I tried to contact her later, I was met with a wall of silence, so after a week or so of trying to get hold of her and being ignored, I just took the hint, left it and never saw or heard from her again. I also left the world of internet dating for another year until I discovered Guardian Soulmates...