Date 195

"I know that I'm the most inept that ever stepped."

I was meant to go on a date with this person about 4 or 5 years ago but she cancelled rather abruptly and I remember her being quite arsey about it. For some reason she'd stuck in my mind and I was surprised that she now had 3 children as when we'd been in contact previously, she only had 2. More of this later.

Although I remembered her, she definitely had no recollection of me and even contacted me first on Hinge, which I was surprised at.

We were going to meet near me in Brighton for our first date, as she was nearby due to her job one evening, but she kept changing plans and pubs had just reopened so it was difficult to be spontaneous as a lot of places only took bookings, although I did find a couple that did walk-ins. In the end she asked if I wanted to meet her in Worthing the following week as that's where she lived. I barely know Worthing so she suggested a pub but also made me book it, which I found a bit odd as I was coming to visit her. I did book a table but even after that she queried whether I'd got the right one and whether we'd be able to get food so she was coming across as very bossy.

During our texts I was definitely having my doubts about meeting her due to her constant nagging and teasing which she clearly found funny but wasn't. We'd spoken on the phone and although I'm originally from Newcastle, my accent has pretty much gone bar the odd word or phrase as I've lived down south for so long. So then she took to constantly referring to me as a fake geordie, would make jokes about my lack of hair on top and my education. Although she came across as very confident, I sensed that she also had a chip on her shoulder and was probably quite insecure. I can take a joke but I found it odd to be like this when you've not even met someone.

It took me just over an hour door to door to get to the pub (I got there by train) and I was a bit early. Even though she lived 15 minutes walk away she managed to be 20 minutes late. She did ring to tell me but I'd already been sitting on my own for about 10 minutes.

When she did decide to rock up I was really surprised by how her photos didn't do her justice as she was so attractive. Her choice of pub was excellent too as it was a microbrewery and did the best pizzas. However, they were probably the best bits of the night as I don't think I've met anyone so full of themselves and also so critical of others.

Everything I said, she seemed to have an opinion on and let me know how my life choices were wrong and how she'd have done them differently. I've mentioned in this blog before how I used to care for my Mum full-time for a decade until she passed away a few years ago. I decided to take some time off and do my own thing and now I have a new job and different life lined up. However, she even saw fit to criticise me for the time it has taken me to stop being a carer and get a new career. I'm very laid back and not in any way confrontational but even I had to tell her that she'd crossed the line.

As mentioned earlier, in the last few years she'd had another child with someone she'd met from a dating site at the time we were meant to meet about 4 years ago. In fact, she possibly cancelled our date as she'd met the father of her child. However, this man has nothing to do with their son and never sees him, which I think is largely due to him having alcohol and drug issues. I'd never judge someone else on their life choices as these things just happen and I'm very sympathetic to situations like that, but I found it almost breathtaking on her part that she could be so critical and judgemental about me. 

As it happens, I don't think she liked me anyway as after the pizza she said she had a pounding headache and would it be ok if she could go home. As much as I was attracted to her, her abrasiveness was a turn-off and neither of us contacted the other. I wouldn't have been able to reach her high standards anyway.

Date 194

"Hello, I am the ghost of Troubled Joe."

Having used the same apps for ages with the same results, I thought I'd try Hinge properly. It's not quite a swipe app as the premise is that you comment on people's profile photos or like them, then if you're lucky that person will invite you to chat with them.

I tried the app for a few weeks and in that time not one person acknowledged my 'witty' comments or 'liked' me back. And with the two women who I went on dates with (2nd one in the next post), they just 'liked' one of my photos. In trying to be different by encouraging people to leave comments, I like the fact that it's using a different model but, having spoken to a male friend who left numerous comments without any response too, it's just being used as a swipe app....

Having not been on a pub date since last year, I was genuinely really nervous about this but that's probably more down to the fact that it was also the first time I'd been inside a pub this year too. I thought that the place I'd booked a table for would be really busy at 4:30pm but we were the only ones in there for a couple of hours on a Sunday afternoon until some people arrived around early evening. As the kitchen was closed also (presumably due to them not expecting many people in) we were given the first round of drinks free. Thanks, Brewdog!

To the date itself: I really liked her and I thought that we got on. She was 7 years younger than me but despite this we still had the same reference points and very similar things in common. We stayed for about 5 hours until we were kicked out at 9:30pm as presumably that was their designated closing time and not because we'd been behaving badly.

We then went for a burger and afterwards I walked her to the station and she gave me a hug and we spoke about seeing each other again. 

Unfortunately I never saw or heard from her as she ghosted me. I contacted her about a second date and she ignored me. Having spent a good 7 hours with her I thought she'd enjoyed my company and I had a good feeling about her but maybe she woke up the next day and thought I wasn't for her. Which is fine as I've been in that situation before but to not say anything to someone when they contact you is unforgivable. It's certainly not the first time I've been ghosted after a date and it won't be the last but I'll never understand how someone can lack such basic manners and not just say no thank you.

On the plus side though, she'd been for afternoon tea with some friends before she met me and brought me along some cakes so I had them for my breakfast the next day and they were ultimately the best thing I could take from my first date on Hinge.

Date 193

"You say: " 'Ere long done do does did," words which could only be your own."

This was my first and probably last date using Facebook Dating. It's a really basic part of the FB app and although I seemed to match with people they tended to come and go and disappear a lot.

It didn't feel like a proper date either as she wanted to just meet for a walk as she said she only did that to weigh people up before committing to a proper date. I thought that was probably a sensible way to do things and judging by the stories she told me of men she'd previously met, I can absolutely understand her strategy. I won't repeat them as I wouldn't be able to do them justice but every one was jaw-dropping. There are some absolute weirdos out there.

We met along the seafront near me and I could tell after a couple of minutes what she was going to be like as the first thing she shouted out was "look at the nuts on that!" And she proceeded to have a conversation with a couple with a dog about the size of their and her dog's testicles. Her dog was at home.

We walked for about an hour or so and she mainly talked about herself or shouted out at someone about something or other at regular intervals. She definitely seemed like a character and was sort of entertaining.

She texted me the next day and I replied then I didn't hear anything. I was basically waiting for her to respond but after 2 days she sent me this:

The spelling of 'heard' was obviously a bit of a worry as was the fact that she was having a go at me when she's the one that hadn't replied. This has happened to me numerous times where you don't hear from someone for a while and you message them and they get annoyed because they feel that you're pressuring them or they haven't got back to you for a reason. It's a no win situation though as I've encountered some women who expect you to text them even when you're waiting for them, like her. I explained myself but she still thought I was in the wrong and I didn't hear from her again.

Date 192

"As merry as the days were long, I was right and you were wrong."

These two dates happened 6 months ago in December 2020 so they're not exactly fresh in my memory but I'll do my best.

The first one came at a time when you could eat and drink outside and thankfully, despite it being December, we met on a lovely mild and sunny day. We went for a walk around a nature reserve and then had lunch outside. First impressions were really good as we got on and I really fancied her.

At the time we arranged the second date you could still dine al fresco, however, as it was a few days after Christmas, the rules were suddenly changed and all eating and drinking establishments were closed. I'd booked lunch in a really fancy place round the corner from me so then we had a problem.

I'd suggested that we could postpone the date for a bit as there wasn't much to be done as you couldn't go in people's houses either and not many places were open. She allayed my fears and as she was an amazing cook, she said she'd make a really nice picnic and we'd make the best of the situation. Problem solved.

On the morning of the date, she texted me and there was no mention of a picnic and she said that as the restaurant I'd booked was closed that I'd better have a plan B worked out. No pressure then.

As luck would have it, I did pull it out the bag. Just. Most cafes decided to close but luckily a couple hadn't if you looked hard enough. So we had coffee and pastries and we even managed to find somewhere that was selling pizza slices. It was again a beautiful if chilly day and we sat on the beach and watched the sun go down. It was as romantic a thing that could have happened but then she had to go home as it was getting cold and dark!

However, largely due to Lockdown, I never saw her again. The winter weather became awful and nowhere was open and as we didn't live that close to each other, there was nothing we could do really. She was also very strongly against getting the vaccine. This was in the days before it was on the horizon though so I can guarantee that she's had her two jabs now as it was becoming quite obvious that she was a very contrary person and was an expert on everything. 

We still texted for a for a couple of months and she asked me to film myself playing guitar and singing a song by The Smiths, as she liked them too. I did that and she loved it. A week or so later I did another for her, although it may have been another band, and she went off on a rant asking me how many other women I'd sent it to besides her. This was when I began to cool towards her as it was such a bizarre and insecure reaction. I think it was safe to say that she tended to blow very hot and cold...

One morning she said she was going to be nearby (even though she wasn't technically allowed to be) and basically wanted to come round mine to have sex. Given that the rules were very strict at this time in terms of not being able to meet someone inside, and I knew she had numerous support bubbles (as was her wont), I would have said no. She didn't give me the opportunity to reply though as she she had found the thing she needed to buy closer to home so wouldn't be in my area.

If it hadn't been for Lockdown then I'm sure we would have gone on more dates as she did have lots of good qualities that I look for in someone but I'm not sure whether we'd have been quite suited due to her very alpha personality and her firm assertion that my tennis racquet is no bigger than a squash one despite it being the industry standard length. That's not a euphemism by the way, just an example of her always being right. 

Date 191

"It's a hideous trait."

I met for a really long walk and coffee with this person a few weeks before Christmas. She lives less than 10 minutes away from me and I think it was the day that Sussex went into Tier 2...I really miss those heady days of freedom and fun.

I was enchanted by her, although this was probably lust as she was extremely attractive and I was impressed with her dress sense. Although we'd had a lot in common and had quite similar interests, namely horror films and ghost stories, I wasn't sure afterwards if she was that into me as she hadn't asked me anything about myself (more of this later), however, a couple of hours after our date, she texted me asking about meeting up again so she was clearly keen.

Besides not asking me about myself, I was also a bit concerned by certain behavioural patterns that she was gradually displaying. She'd been recently banned for drink-driving but she bizarrely wouldn't take responsibility for it, claiming that a friend had been buying her doubles or trebles, which she thought were singles. Like most people, I have very strong opinions about drink-drivers and I have no idea why anyone would have one drink let alone how ever much she'd had, then get into her car and crash into another car. In order to keep her job, her dad has been acting as her unpaid chauffeur to drive her to and from work when required.

We went for dinner a couple of weeks later when you could still go somewhere to eat and drink outside. It was a nice evening even though, again, she didn't ask me anything but I think I was just overwhelmed to eat, drink and interact with someone. She also suggested meeting again after Christmas and doing something similar. However, a couple of days later she texted me to say that she wasn't feeling herself due to Christmas and COVID, so could we just be friends and go for walks as she wasn't feeling herself and didn't want to complicate matters. 

I was fine with that as I was having my doubts and these were further compounded by a rant she began to go on about a friend. She'd been in a support bubble with a friend but had had someone over to her house who wasn't this person. Her support bubble friend found out and unsurprisingly cancelled that arrangement and told her that she didn't want to be friends anymore as she felt let down and was hurt. As per before, she had no idea why her friend was 'overreacting' and didn't see what she had done wrong. She didn't want to take any responsibility and weirdly felt she was the victim here.

I've not seen her since but she did message me over Christmas and said that she'd stayed at her parents' house along with another household for a few days over the festive period. Which was obviously nothing to do with her either.

Date 190

"I'd get such a shock, I'd probably jump in the ocean."

This date took place in early November, so when COVID restrictions were considerably less strict, although we only met for a coffee on the beach.

We'd been in quite a bit of contact through texting and had planned to meet a bit later on when the pubs were due to open again but she wanted to see if there was any chemistry first, as we were going to have to wait for a good few weeks yet. And it's just as well we did as there was zero chemistry... She'd been very sexually explicit early on with our texting, although that's not what all our conversations were about. 

When we met, she wasn't really what I was expecting and didn't have much to say so we only had one coffee. I was also a bit taken aback when she gave me a peck on the cheek when we said goodbye at her car. She's the second date to do that during COVID and I just don't get how that's happening as I've not done that to anyone since the pandemic started.

We did keep in touch via text for a while afterwards but they just fizzled out. I would have been happy to see her again but I think she felt the same way about me and I could tell that the texts were different after meeting as she became quite vague. I also think that she'd been on a date inside a pub with someone a few days earlier (even though at the time you weren't allowed to meet someone from a different household inside), and she'd been quite secretive regarding that. We definitely weren't compatible though and it was quite ironic that we met on the beach as she couldn't swim.

Date 189

"I need to cling to something." 

I sort of got the brush-off initially from this person and I wish in retrospect that I hadn't contacted her again, but these thing happen. I'd been chatting to her on PoF (yes, I know) and she'd asked if I wanted to continue the discussion over a beer. I said yes and made a couple of suggestions of bars, as she lived near me. Then silence for a couple of days. So, I messaged her again to see if she was up for it and she said we could do the Saturday but she'd let me know by lunchtime that day, but didn't. I wish I'd left it there but gave her a few more days and contacted her on the Saturday morning. At this point she inexplicably said that she hadn't replied because she thought that all bars and restaurants were closed in Brighton...this hasn't been the case for months and complete bullshit on her part. She then said that she was going to play bingo on the Saturday evening with a friend but we could meet in a pub at 9:30pm. I informed her that all pubs shut at 10pm, which she seemed not to know and tried to convince me that there'd be some around open until 11pm. So, she'd changed her tune from thinking that none were open to there being ones open until 11pm.

I was getting the impression that I was dealing with someone who wasn't the sharpest tool in the box as I'm aware that the Covid rules are confusing but they haven't changed in Brighton significantly for a while. Her grammar was appalling too e.g. not knowing the difference between your and you're, constantly saying things like 'where was you going' instead of 'where were you going.' I'm prepared to give people some slack but these are basic things.

The next day she changed her mind and didn't want to meet for drinks but instead wanted to go for a walk along the seafront. This was fine with me as I've not been going to many pubs either or inside places. This wasn't going to be for a few days and in the intervening period I was getting a bit worried about her. She constantly questioned me about my job, not believing me when I told her what I do. She belittled me as on my profile it states that I've not been in a relationship for longer than a year, rather than finding out why. And at night-time she'd send me suggestive pictures of her, saying she was hot and bothered, then go to sleep. 

The day came to meet and she was going to be 30 minutes late, although she gave me an hour or so's notice but she had a dentist's appointment so it decreased the date time. We met along the seafront and sat on the beach talking while she again questioned me about my job and relationship history. She also told me that her last couple of dates had involved going out with two 'chauvinists', with one buying her chips and taking her on the amusements on Brighton Pier and the other involving sunbathing on the beach for hours in a skimpy bikini. I thought these were odd things to do on first dates, but each to their own. 

Despite all this, I was quite intrigued by her but I was getting the impression that she had very low self-esteem as she kept asking what I thought of her. I said at the end of the date that we should go out for a drink next time and I genuinely meant it. The following day I was out in the evening and then she was out the next evening but she kept sending me texts asking if she thought we'd just be mates and whether I fancied her. I did fancy her and told her but thought it was odd that she kept asking. Then on the Sunday she said she'd been asked out on another date but didn't know whether to go on it or not as she didn't know if I was into her; bear in mind we'd met for the first time about 3 days earlier. I don't know if she went on the date but she started getting really passive aggressive. I'd texted her the previous evening with a question that she never answered, so I waited for her to message me and she got really angry, demanding to know why I hadn't texted her. If I didn't reply to her texts within a short amount of time she'd just send me question marks hurrying me up. During this time I'd mentioned about going for drinks and reminding her that I'd said that at the end of our first date but she kept changing the subject. 

On the final day of us texting, I was getting a bit scared of her and she reminded me of a couple of women I'd been out with before who'd behaved like this. So after some jokey texts she said; "arnt (sic) we going out again?" I said yes, so let's meet for drinks then. She replied by saying that I was only saying that because she'd brought it up. I said no, that wasn't the case and she said "oh, well that's a big coincidence." So, I blocked her. 

I've never had to do that before with women I've been out on a date with but I couldn't stand the passive aggression anymore. We'd only met 4 days earlier and she was so intense when these things are meant to be fun. I wanted to meet her again, even though there were loads of red flags but it just seemed that if I then said that we shouldn't then she'd go ballistic. I definitely fancied her but I thought that if she was making me feel uncomfortable after one date then what was the point in getting into an argument? It had also got to the stage that whatever I said was the wrong thing so I felt that I was treading on eggshells. I think that she may have had issues...