Date 123

"Fame, fame, fatal fame."

I'm choosing to look back on this date as the one and only time so far in my life that I got to snog a TV personality.

We'd only exchanged a few messages on Bumble and actually met up really quickly. She lived in North London and I happened to be spending a couple of days away in the capital so we met a few hours after I'd checked into my hotel room.

As we hadn't really 'spoken' much beforehand, I was quite surprised when we were choosing a location to meet that she suggested an alleyway for a shag. Of course she was only joking and said she instantly regretted saying that, so eventually we settled on my old favourite the South Bank. When I met her at Embankment tube station, I was instantly attracted to her and we seemed to hit it off straight away, especially after a few drinks at the BFI Benugo Bar (the scene of many a failed date for me). It was here that I also learnt her claim to fame; she'd played a starring role in the Channel 4 tv series Educating the East End and had also been on some tv dating shows over the years...so she clearly wasn't shy.

Afterwards we went for something to eat and I think shared a couple of bottles of wine and got very merry and I enjoyed my first proper snog of the year. At the tube station I also asked her if she wanted to come back to my hotel bar and she said she definitely would have but as bad luck would have it, the GCSE results were coming out the next day so she had to be in school bright and early.

So, we parted ways and I went back to my hotel for a night cap. Whilst there she rang me to say she'd got home alright and that she'd had a lovely evening. Still feeling that the night was young I stayed at the bar drinking until 4am, talking shite to the staff whilst being plied with free cocktails that they were trying out on me. When two members of staff, who were visiting from other hotels in the chain, left me on my own to sit somewhere else, I took that as my cue to go up to my room.

I felt absolutely awful the next day and instantly regretted not going to bed at midnight when I had the chance. I was meeting a very good friend of mine from Twitter for the first time to go to the flicks and I was really in a bad way. We went to see David Brent: Life on the Road, which was so funny, and I really thought I was going to pass out in the cinema. My stomach was turning somersaults and I had the sweats and the shakes badly. Then, weirdly towards the end of the film, I suddenly felt back to normal again.

On my way home, I received a text from her saying the GCSE results had been rubbish and she'd speak to me soon as she was going to bed. A couple of days later she rang me but I missed her call because it was 2AM and I was ASLEEP!

Two days after the missed call she texted me to ask how I felt about us because she was worried about logisitics. I said I wanted to see her again and she felt the same and that she liked me and thought that I was handsome and genuine, which made me wonder if she was actually blind and that I hadn't noticed. She had a dissertation to complete and said could she finish it first then we could meet again. It was due to be handed in a week or so later so I said that was fine.

I'd still not heard anything a fortnight later and messaged her to see how it had gone and I got no response. A week after that I thought I'd give it one more shot and again I got no reply, so I thought I'd leave it. Then a few days after that she sent me a long text apologising and saying she hadn't been in touch purely because she was busy with work and her family and that she'd be in contact me properly in a week. She also said I could pursue other leads if I wanted to (which I found a bit weird) but also that she really wanted to see me again and that she was thinking of me.

That was almost six weeks ago and I've still not heard from her. Bloody celebs.

Date 122

"And who hears when animals cry?"

Back to Tinder I went and not much to report.

I shared a few Guinness's with this very friendly and effervescent individual, and we actually got on very well as she was very chatty too. All that I can remember from our conversations though was her telling me that her brother's cat had befriended a local fox. Apparently they used to knock about together and sunbathe in the back-garden after forming an unlikely alliance against the not so welcoming neighbourhood cats.

Given that that's the only thing I can recall about her probably didn't bode well for meeting up again, but after wisely deciding not to end the night with a few shots, we actually planned to meet for a second date involving dinner as the evening had actually been enjoyable.

However, when I contacted her again she claimed to have met someone else (very quick work on her part!), so I didn't get the chance to be regaled with any more unusual animal anecdotes.

Date 121

"It's time the tale were told." 

This was my first experience of meeting someone through the dating app Bumble. It's similar to Tinder, with the only main difference being that if you match with someone then only the female can send the first message; and if she doesn't make contact with you within 24 hours then she disappears from your match list. I'd used it for a while on and off and had a fair few matches but no-one had interacted with me until this person did. I'd actually got to the point where I thought it was some sort of scam where most of the members' profiles were fake so I was very surprised when we ended up arranging to meet for a date.

She lived in Brighton too and I suggested that we meet at a bar in Hove. The first one we went to was absolutely heaving, a man at the bar kept staring at both of us in a really uncomfortable manner and they'd stopped serving food, so we went to one round the corner.

The next pub was much better and we shared a bottle of wine and had a cheeseboard. I thought that we got on really well and I was definitely attracted to her and wanted to see her again as she was very funny too. So, the next day I texted her about a second date and she seemed very keen to meet up. So much so that she said she was busy the next weekend so couldn't see me then but could we go to the cinema a few days later just to keep the momentum going.

We went to see Tale of Tales and the film was the best thing about the date. It didn't really feel like a date to be honest though as we barely spoke. We were going to meet beforehand to get a drink but she was so late that we got to our seats just before the film started. I really enjoyed it but she found it a bit too weird. She then had to go home straight afterwards as she worked in Camden so had to get up early the next morning for the commute. She said she was sorry that we couldn't go for a drink afterwards but when I asked her about another date she became very vague.

I hadn't heard from her a week later so I texted her to ask about a third date. She replied with:

"Thanks for the lovely offer but I'm going to decline."

I thought that was a bit rude and patronising so I just deleted her number and didn't respond. She'd seemed really up for going out again and considering we hardly uttered a word to each other for the second date, I don't really know what made her change her mind.

Date 120

"Has the Perrier gone straight to your head?"

Another quick Tinder date which only lasted a couple of drinks despite us having a lot in common with music etc. As she commuted into London each day she left after about an hour as she had to get up early the next day. I took this to mean that she probably wasn't interested in another date but I contacted her the next day anyway and, not to any great surprise, she wasn't in favour of meeting up again.

It was a very uneventful date and the only two things I can remember about her were that she used to be in a band in which she played bass-guitar sitting down cross-legged on stage dressed in a Victorian outfit, and that she'd claimed to have invented a new drink. Her drink of choice was a lager spritzer in which she had half a lager put into a pint glass with soda water then added to the brim. This confused many a bar-person as to what to charge her but also enabled her to drink pint after pint without getting absolutely hammered.

Date 119

"A friendship sadly lost?"

To me, living less than 20 miles away from a potential girlfriend is no distance at all. My last meaningful relationship involved going to North London every couple of weeks so I'm happy to travel. When replying to my first message on Plenty of Fish, Date 119 was up front and warned me that she wasn't interested in a long-distance relationship. My response was that we only lived 18.3 miles apart so then she said, ok, well if it doesn't bother you then lets meet up for a drink!

I was really excited about meeting up with her and as she lived in Eastbourne I said I'd venture over to her if she suggested a pub as I'd only been once or twice, so my knowledge of the place was virtually zero. I wanted to be on top form as well as I was keen to impress her...however, that bit didn't quite go to plan.

The previous night I'd been out with a friend in Hove, and there's no other way of putting this, but I got absolutely shitfaced. She put me in a taxi home but for some strange reason I asked the cab to drop me off at a village green about 15 minutes walk from my house. The next thing I can remember was being woken up by three young 'samaritans' at 4am asking me if I needed an ambulance...still on the village green! I can only assume that I passed out or just fell asleep. They at first thought I was a dog which I can only guess was because I had a furry hood on and a peak cap, and no doubt I was snoring my head off which probably sounded like growling. When they realised I was a male human, they actually dialled 999 as they thought I'd collapsed but I assured them that I was merely drunk so they cancelled the call. They then went above and beyond the call of duty by walking me all the way home. I was so grateful to them and feel very lucky that they found me as things could have been much worse. When I woke up the next day, I was so embarrassed as I'd never done anything like that before and have always managed to get myself home even when very inebriated. Besides guilt and embarrassment, my stomach didn't feel too good either. Luckily, I wasn't out until the evening so I stayed in bed for as long as I could but all I could manage to eat was a slice of toast and about 3 crisps all day. I was determined to go on my date though!

Door to door it took me about an hour and a half to get there. I also arrived about half an hour early so went for a stroll, then ordered a coke and sat in the pub, still not feeling great. Even though she lived about 10 minutes away she still managed to be half an hour late so I was in there quite a while, probably looking a bit worse for wear.

When she did rock up I wasn't disappointed, and forgive me for my shallowness, but she was the most beautiful woman I've ever met. Even though she was 49 and therefore 9 years older than me, she genuinely looked like someone in their mid-thirties. She was also the spit of Suranne Jones, which was brilliant as she happens to be a celebrity crush of mine. At various points of the night, I thought I was actually having a drink with the real Ms Jones, but this could have been down to the fact that I might have still been drunk from my previous night's escapades. For the rest of the evening I just had a water and a coffee and explained the reason for this, which she found funny. I think that that was a real disadvantage though as a combination of tiredness and sobriety probably didn't show me in a true light.

Besides this setback, I thought that we got on well, although we clearly didn't have the same music tastes. She asked me what I liked and I said The Smiths. She then went on to surmise that because of this I must like U2 and Coldplay as well. I stared at her blankly.

At the end of the night I got the impression that she wanted to see me again, however, when I texted her the next day, she said yes but only as friends. I was very disappointed but I said that was ok.

A week or so later I contacted her to see if she fancied visiting Brighton one evening. She said she would have done but she happened to be away when I'd suggested a night. A few days later she blocked me on Facebook despite there having been no further contact between us. I can only assume that she was offended by my profile picture which captures the moment that I met Brian Blessed, so she's obviously not a fan.

Date 118

"Oh, but please put your tongue away."

I'm really surprised that this woman from Plenty of Fish only wanted to see me for a couple of dates as I thought that she was quite into me.

On our first date, I fancied her but I didn't really feel that there was much chemistry between us, however she was quite tactile with me and kept touching me (my arm, leg etc. obviously!) and urging me to keep moving closer to her. We had a few drinks and kissed a little bit too.

We agreed to see each other again the next week and she cancelled an HOUR before we were due to meet. Door to door it takes me nearly an hour to get to the pub we'd said we'd go to and I was all dressed up and just about to leave my house when she let me know. Five minutes or so later and I'd have been on the bus. I wasn't impressed. She said she'd had to work late but I still don't know how she couldn't have let me known earlier. I wasn't really that bothered about seeing her again but she insisted that we meet up the following week.

For our second date (take 2) I was actually very taken by her in a complete reversal to date one. We found a bar open until midnight, drank a fair bit, made arrangements for date three and even had a proper snog.

Sadly date three never materialised. I texted her the next day to see if she wanted me to book a restaurant and five days later she replied and said 'you are a lovely bloke but just not for me.' I wasn't that disappointed but I was more annoyed at myself for agreeing to another date after she'd cancelled at such short notice.

Date 117

"I just feel that we're going no place."

Even though I went on three dates with this woman from Plenty of Fish, there's really not much to say. We got on well, all the dates were good fun and she's genuinely very funny. I haven't seen or heard from her for a while as our communications just fizzled out despite discussing meeting up again.

In fact the most memorable thing that really stands out is this amazing Salad Nicoise that I ordered on our third date:

All I can really say is that she's a lovely person and if we meet up again then we might make good friends.