Date 82

"I started something. Typical me, typical me, typical me, typical me, typical me, typical me, typical me, typical me. I started something and now I'm not too sure."

Yet again Guardian Soulmates got me excited and yet again it was the same end result.

This person had contacted me when my subscription had run out, so I left it a few weeks before I replied. I wanted to respond to her immediately, but the cynical and tight part of me was loathe to fork out another thirty odd quid for a month when in theory I could reply and then get no response, as has happened before.

The thing is though, she'd sent such a great opening message and we had so much in common that it was untrue, so it wasn't much of a risk. We then exchanged a few really long emails as we had so much to talk about and it became clear that she was basically me in a skirt....except she was good looking and slim.

When we met up, we immediately got on and the conversation never dried up. Our favourite films were exactly the same, we even loved less know niches like 'Kitchen Sink Dramas.' We went to all the same gigs and had been at a Breeders gig recently standing near each other, unbeknownst to us at the time. Just everything in terms of tv and books as well; we had exactly the same tastes. As it was mid-week we had 4 drinks each and to be honest, I think that's pretty good for a school night date.

It got to about 10pm, and as she lived in Kent we called it a night, and I went home quite happy.

I then contacted her the next morning to say I'd had a lovely evening and would she like to do it again. She replied a couple of days later:

'I had a lovely evening too but am not sure there was anything more than a friends thing there for me. You may well have felt the same anyway, but for me I don't think it would be right to meet for another date. I hope that's OK and that you find what you're looking for.'

I replied and said I was disappointed as I thought we'd got on but said good luck for the future.

I appreciate her honesty but I thought that as we'd had such a good evening and had so much in common that surely it was worth meeting again, or at least staying in touch as gig buddies etc. I suppose with online dating if it's not love at first sight then some people don't really want to find out if others are slow growers. I thought there was potential to work on but maybe it was just an attraction thing so it was probably for the best. I did sort of think afterwards that if she didn't want to go on another date with me then no-one else will, which is completely irrational as at the end of the day it's all about that elusive chemistry blah, blah, blah.

I think that this will be my last blog entry for a while and it might indeed be the last in this blog. I'm hopefully moving to Brighton in a couple of months which means there's no point going on any dates in London now and I've removed all my profiles from all the sites I was a member of. Whether I continue the blog in Brighton; I'm not sure but I wouldn't rule it out. And you never know as I might meet someone not through a dating website and live happily ever after...

Date 81

"So drink, drink, drink and be ill tonight."

I exchanged a few messages with this woman on Guardian Soulmates, and as my subscription was running out; I gave her my email address. When my stint on GSM ended, I never heard from her so I presumed she wasn't bothered about staying in contact and I just forgot about her.

Then, completely out of the blue, about 3 months later, I received an email from her apologising for not being in touch and asking me if I wanted to go out on a date.

As I tend to do on dates, I got to the bar a bit early and grabbed a much coveted diner style booth and waited quite a while for her to arrive as she was running very late. When she did rock up, although I knew it was her (as I'd told her where I was sitting), she looked so much older and different to her profile pictures. After a couple of drinks, we seemed to be getting on fine, then I made my only mistake of the night. The bar I'd picked is always quite busy and seats are at a premium, hence why I always stake out the booth seats beforehand and then pounce when they become free. After about an hour, two women came over and asked if they could share the booth. I thought this was really cheeky and instead of saying no, I let them 'join' us. I hate being so well mannered and accommodating sometimes but I couldn't refuse their request. As it turned out they were right noisy bastards and we gleaned from their no holds-barred and loud conversation that they were a lesbian couple on a first date too.

After a while we decided to move on and went to a Mexican restaurant for dinner where we sank numerous mojitos too. By the time we'd finished I wanted to go elsewhere but she was actually really drunk (she had been quite pissed after a couple of drinks at the bar, which meant that for the rest of the evening I wasn't sure what she was talking about half the time), so she called it a night and as we said our goodbyes at Waterloo, she told me to call her.

I emailed her a few days later, as I had tickets for a comedy event for someone I knew that she really liked, and asked her if she wanted to come too but she said she was ill and I never heard from her again.

Date 80

"God, how sex implores you."

After dabbling with the free sites for a while, I decided to go back to good old Match. Having spoken on the phone as well as exchanging a fair few messages with this woman, I suggested that we go for drinks in Richmond. As we both lived in the same area she suggested that we meet at the bus stop to get there rather than at the destination itself. I thought this was a bit weird as it meant we'd have to share a bus journey which could turn out to be awkward but I just went with it.

When we did meet at the bus stop she realised the implications of this and suggested we get separate buses! I didn't know if she was actually joking or not but we got the same bus anyway and it was absolutely fine and not awkward at all. As it turned out we got on really well, both got pretty hammered, and for only the second time on a first date, we got a cab back to hers, where she made me a halloumi sandwich (not a euphemism) and we had sex. Considering I'd been experiencing a personal drought for almost two years, I was amazed as to how well things went as in theory things could have been over VERY quickly...but thankfully they weren't. The next day brought one of the shortest walks of shame that I'd ever done and I was home in about 20 minutes.

The following week we went for dinner but I didn't go back to hers as she was getting up early the next morning to leave for a holiday. While she was away, she rang me up for a chat one night and I noticed something that worried me a little bit. While we were talking, she suddenly blurted out: 'I can hear typing, is that you typing? Are you sending a message to someone else on Match while you're speaking to me?' On this occasion she wasn't joking. I denied it as I wasn't doing anything of the sort and in fact I hadn't even been on my laptop all day so was just on the phone to her whilst I was lying on my bed.

That was all very odd, but we still agreed to go out again when she got back. We went to Richmond again as we had on our first date and the end result was the same as we went back to hers. Something then hilarious or unfortunate happened the next morning; depending on how you look at things. We were having sex again and she was on top. We'd been going for ages and I felt that I was just about to reach the point of no return, when suddenly I got the most painful cramp I'd ever experienced in my left calf. She thought I was moaning because I was enjoying things so I had to tell her very quickly that she needed to get off me and I began running round her flat trying to get rid of the cramp. What a disturbing image that must have been. Unfortunately, as it was the morning I had to go and although she saw the funny side, she made me feel bad for leaving her hanging.

We were both busy the following week so I didn't see her again until a very impromptu get together on a Sunday night where things started to unravel. This was effectively our 4th date and I went round to her flat and we had something to eat then went to bed. She seemed to be in a bit of a funny mood and for some reason things weren't really happening. While we were lying there she said to me 'if I get pregnant then I'm not getting an abortion.' I didn't say anything. What was I meant to say? After a few minutes of awkward silence she then demanded to know why I was being so quiet. I told her that I didn't know what to say and she started crying. At this point in time I was pretty confused and she then said something that I thought was way below the belt. However, before I go into this I need to fill in a bit of background. I've spent the last few weeks wondering if I should make this public as it's so personal but here goes.

For the last few years, myself and my sister have been part time carers for my seriously ill mother. We both had full time jobs but left them to take on this responsibility as she has Parkinson's Disease and is unable to look after herself anymore. It's an enormous ask for both of us but we just about manage and we both fulfill freelance jobs to keep things ticking over. This may sound like we don't have any spare time but in actuality we have active social lives because we act as a team. All this means really is that sometimes we can't do things on the spur of the moment and that we co-ordinate between us who looks after her if one of us is out. However, sometimes I may need a day or two's notice to be able to go out. I'm always honest with people from the start about the situation and it hasn't hindered my sister as she's in a very serious relationship with a guy she met off Guardian Soulmates over two years ago and he's so supportive it's untrue. My life is still fairly normal but it just so happens that at this moment in time I have some responsibilities.

I'm used to being teased about this from previous women I've met through dating and I think that it has scared some off, particularly Date 55, who ended our relationship because of it. So, I wasn't very impressed when after her tears had subsided, she forcibly told me that I might as well be married with children because I couldn't drop everything for her and be at her beck and call. I explained to her that the two situations were completely different. I don't think anyone these days can just drop everything at a moment's notice and there were times when I couldn't see her as she was on holiday or had work commitments. I'd rather I didn't have these responsibilities but shit happens and who knows what the future holds? She also told me that I should warn people by stating on my dating profile about the situation I'm in.

Things had become a bit weird so I told her I thought it was best if I just went home. She texted me the next day and said she was sorry that she'd been all serious and we exchanged texts on and off for a couple of days. I then didn't text her for a few days and she sent me an arsey one saying that I'd made it clear that I wasn't keen on her and that she wanted to say she'd had fun and wished me good luck in the future. I replied by saying I'd had a lot of fun too and I wished her good luck as well...and that was that.

Date 79

"Bigmouth la la la la la la."

I was certainly on a roll in regards to free dating sites, with OKCupid again providing my next date. She made contact first and sent me a message, but for some reason I'd completely forgotten about it and didn't actually reply until 2 weeks later which is most unlike me. After only a couple of emails she hinted that she was very keen to meet me so we decided to hook up for a drink.

During the first drink, we appeared to be getting on, although saying that, I can't remember too much about her apart from her having a very strong but lovely Northern Irish accent and her being a freelance cookery writer. I'm also not sure if we had much in common.

She'd arrived at the bar before me and bought the first round of drinks, so when I asked her if she wanted another she 'ummed' and 'arrred' for a good 30 seconds before saying yes. This wasn't a good sign but I went up and got them anyway. However, when I brought them back to our table she said she had to go soon as she came up with a fairly elaborate story about her boss wanting to talk to her about a writing project even though it was her night off. She was very chatty, so much so that when we'd finished our second drink she kept me for another half an hour or so talking, in which we could have had another drink. I didn't quite get that.

This was one of the quickest dates I'd been on for ages and I got the impression that she'd made up her mind about me very quickly due to her indecision regarding the second drink. I didn't bother to contact her again, however, we had been playing Words with Friends and although she played her move that night, when I played mine, she stopped and the game was never completed. I probably was more annoyed about this as I hate winning word games due to a forfeit.

Date 78

"So, phone me, phone me, phone me."

I've never been a fan of Plenty of Fish (has anyone had any good experiences from it?) but I thought that I'd give it another try, despite having been on it before and deleting my profile on both occasions and vowing never to go back.

At first, we exchanged a few brief messages that weren't really going anywhere, then one night she emailed in the early hours of the morning saying she was drunk and did I want to meet her the following evening. I didn't read it until the morning so replied and said yes. I waited for her response as to what she wanted to do all day then finally got a message at about 5 or 6pm saying she was now going out with a friend so could she cancel? I wasn't happy as I don't know why she'd bothered to ask in the first place and I'd kept open my evening. I can't remember how I responded but it was brief and I wasn't bothered about actually meeting her.

I assumed I'd never hear from her again, but a month or so later I got a message from her with her mobile number late one Saturday night, asking me to call her. I did and we must have spoken for about 4 hours or so. We did the same the next few nights and spoke at length about everything and anything. During one of the conversations things did get a bit saucy but ultimately we both got a bit shy and nothing happened!

We met up for drinks a couple of days later and had a great night and seemed to be really comfortable with each other as we had been on the phone. She was very attractive and while we were at a restaurant towards the end of the night, she laid her cards on the table and said she really wanted to see me again; to which I agreed.

On our way back to the station we were holding hands and had a bit of a kiss on the platform and she re-iterated how she wanted to see me again, and on the way home she texted me to say thanks for a wonderful evening.

As she'd kept emphasising how much she wanted to go on a second date, I though this meant that a second date was a distinct possibility...see, I can read signals. We exchanged a few texts the next day then they just stopped. She'd been made redundant the day before our date so I thought not hearing from her was because she was busy job hunting. She took a week to reply to my last text then after me responding they stopped again. I left it another week and asked how she was getting on with her job search and she replied saying she'd found a new one, so I then asked about a second date and she never replied, so, I just left it. I'm not really sure what happened as I was keen to see her again too, but she did strike me as being a bit flaky. I did think a lot about contacting her again but in the end I didn't because what would be the point.

Date 77

"And tell me how long before the right one?"

Having not been on a date for almost 5 months, this one really came out of the blue. After giving up on pay-sites, I had occasionally been looking back on OKCupid in the intervening period, without much success. Then a week or so ago (late May) I received a reply from this person.

Her profile was very sparse, but what she did say was funny, she was also attractive AND was a fan of The Smiths. I only sent a reasonably short message to her and to my amazement she responded with an essay. In that reply she also intimated about meeting up. So, we agreed to do so after a couple of messages.

In between the time I first messaged her and to us meeting just over a week later, we had a lot of email contact back and forth and she was absolutely hilarious. When this happens, you get used to the daily routine  of hearing from this person all day and you begin to look forward to it. Being the same age, we had the exact same taste in music, films and TV and there always seemed to be so much to say to each other. It became quite intense and it's quite odd really because you tend to build up an imaginary 'picture' of what someone is going to be like before you've met them and you think you know them better than you actually do.

As is sometimes the case, I was very excited about meeting her. I didn't want to be though...This may sound like a strange statement, but with dates, I prefer to not really think about them beforehand and I try and lower my expectations so as not to be disappointed if things don't go well. She seemed to be looking forward to it too and I was getting butterflies in my stomach days in advance, which is extremely rare for me.

We met in a bar on the Southbank at 6pm and I got there a bit early and acquired perfect 'booth' seats which are like gold dust in this particular bar as it's so popular. When she turned up, I was impressed and she looked absolutely stunning. We then spent the next few hours having very surreal conversations and just getting to know each other better. I was having a ball and I remember there being a lot of laughter. She also had some great stories to tell and I was absolutely starstruck when I found out that she knew two members of one of my favourite bands, Veronica Falls, and they were always dropping by her house!

As we'd had a few drinks, we needed food so moved onto a restaurant, shared a bottle of wine then had one last drink before she said she needed to go home. So, I walked her to her bus stop, made sure she got on alright and kissed her goodbye.

By now it was around 11:30 pm so we'd spent a good 5 and a half hours together and I thought that things had gone well. I messaged her when I got home and said that I'd really enjoyed myself and would she like to come out with me again later in the week as I was thinking about going to an event that I knew she'd want to go to. Normally, I leave these things a day or two but I thought what's the point in playing games, so what the hell.

I didn't hear from her until late the next evening and she simply sent me a reply saying she'd had fun but was busy every night that week and sorry. I responded by saying that wasn't a problem and whether she was free again another time. I never heard from her after that.

I'm not really sure what happened, but I guess I just liked her more than she liked me. Being so excited beforehand did worry me as I knew I'd be disappointed if things didn't go to plan and that proved to be the case. On occasions in the past, I have found that women have wanted to see me again when I haven't been really bothered and vice versa, so it's possible that when I'm enthusiastic then women are perhaps not as interested. Saying that though, I'm sure I'm just myself and I think I was for this date.

I don't mind if she wasn't that into me as it would be ridiculous to agree to see me again if she didn't want to. However, I'd got into a bit of a routine of being in so much contact with her and I thought that her response to my request of a second date was rude and it just seemed rather abrupt. I suppose I'm also quite surprised when a date lasts quite a long time and they don't want to see you again, as surely you'd just go home after a couple of drinks if you weren't enjoying the company?

Anyway, I'm still feeling quite sad a couple of days later, which I know is completely irrational and ridiculous after one date, but I really liked her. Which maybe says it all...

I do, however, think that she's the closest woman I've ever been on a date with that matches what I'm looking for...although without the ignorance and headfuckery obviously.

Finally, to paraphrase Pointless' wonderful Richard Osman: at least I got an anecdote out of it.

Date 76

"See the luck I've had can make a good man turn bad."

My first date of 2013 and any thoughts I had that a new year would bring about a change in my fortunes were quickly dashed here.

Having gone back to OKCupid to try my luck again, I was quite optimistic even before I'd met this person. She'd seemed very keen to meet me and sent me her phone number and times when she was free after only a few messages without me asking, so things did seem very promising and for the first time in ages, I was actually excited about this date rather than nervous.

Even before the date started though, my evening got off to a very bad start. Just as I was about to catch my train, I went to a cash point and the ATM inexplicably swallowed my card without warning, so thanks for trying to ruin my night: HSBC. There was absolutely no reason for this to happen as I'd entered the right pin and I wasn't overdrawn. I just didn't know what to do as I only had about a fiver in my wallet. What do you do in a situation like that as I could hardly turn up on a date without any money? I was very close to ringing her up and cancelling but my Knight in Shining Armour suddenly appeared in the form of my sister's boyfriend! Luckily he hadn't gone into work that day as he'd been doing stuff from home, so he drew some cash out for me and even lent me his Oyster card, and I even made my train...what a man.

Despite that little drama and the fact that my train was severely delayed, I managed to get to the bar we were meeting in at the right time and although she was fashionably 15 minutes late it didn't really matter as it gave me time to cancel my debit card and catch my breath.

When she did turn up we seemed to hit it off straight away and we had so much to talk about. Being 4 years older than me meant that we had almost identical reference points in terms of music and she was also a History teacher which was useful as I used to work in that sector. However, something that I think probably put me at a disadvantage was the fact that she was doing some thing where she wasn't going to be drinking any alcohol for the whole of January. I don't really understand these sorts of things as I sometimes go for a whole month without any booze and I don't even notice so I can only imagine that she's normally a big drinker.

After a couple of drinks (soft ones for her) we called it a night as it was getting late and at the end of the evening I was actually surprised by how much I'd fancied her. We said our goodbyes and although I'm always pessimistic about second dates, I thought there was a really good chance of her wanting to meet up again as the evening had been a good laugh and, in my eyes, there was a lot of potential.

How wrong I was. I sent her a message the next day saying that I'd had a really enjoyable evening and I asked her if she wanted to meet up again and she replied by saying: 'nice to meet you too but I think I'd like to leave it as one night.' Although she was being honest, I found that a bit patronising (anyone else think that too?). And after brushing these knock-backs aside in the past I am actually starting to seriously wonder what women are actually looking for and what (if anything) I'm doing wrong. I also think that if she'd had her beer goggles on then another date would have happened. Possibly.