Date 152

"Girl Afraid"

This is probably the most extreme example of how people can turn out to be very different from their online, or in this case telephone, persona.

During the week before our date, this woman began ringing me up every night and we'd talk for 3 or 4 hours at a time. She was confident, hilarious, charming but a bit intense. For her job she spent most of her time on the phone and did the occasional voiceover for her clients' telephone information services, and her voice was very sexy and her enunciation was very pleasing on the ear.

As we had so much in common music and humour-wise, she'd already arranged our second date before the first one had happened. And she saw us meeting and getting on for our first date as being a formality. This was also her first dabble in the world of internet dating and I think she got carried away with things.

I thought she was great too but every time she'd make plans for the future with us, I'd say let's get Sunday over with (the day we met) and take things from there as there is the possibility that we wouldn't get on. She'd told all her friends and family about me and she also was so desperate to meet me that she tried to see me before, firstly, she asked me to come to a friend's party with her which I turned down as I said that would be weird as I'd not met her yet and the second time she wanted me to meet her for drinks near where she lived and spend the night with her, either with her or in the spare room. On this occasion I was doing something else.

During our time on the phone she'd find it difficult to hang up and the first time we spoke until 2am. Another time we'd talked for 3 hours and she texted me afterwards to say that I was difficult to let go of. She also said on more than one occasion that our calls and texts had been the most romantic few days of her life. I found that weird. I enjoyed talking to her and I was really looking forward to meeting her but the language she used in those cases worried me a bit.

Finally the day came to meet and it was a total anti-climax. It was underwhelming and flat. But not due to my efforts.

She'd warned me beforehand that although she appeared outgoing on the phone, she was a total introvert and extremely shy. She drove to my village from Kent and was over an hour late as she'd got the time wrong but that was ok as she'd let me know and she was coming to me. I knew she was nervous so I wanted to try and make her feel at ease and I wanted to impress her so I bought her flowers, chocolate and a CD. I don't normally do that on a first date and I won't again.

She didn't look anything like her pictures. If we hadn't been talking on the phone when she got out her car then I wouldn't have known it was her. She had no make-up on and looked a bit scruffy. She had very nicotine-stained teeth too which was a turn-off. In her photos she'd looked glamourous and she'd also sent me a pic of her going to a party the night before and she was stunning. I genuinely felt like she hadn't gone to any effort to meet me, whereas I felt that I did.

We went for coffee initially, then a pub and she wasn't the person I'd been speaking to for hours on the phone. It felt like I was with an imposter. She told me she was on edge as she'd never met a 'stranger' off the internet before, as she put it, but even taking that into consideration; she came across as cold and unfriendly. Before we'd met she told me that the first thing she was going to do was run over to me and snog my face off...that never happened as she was very stand-offish.

After lunch we went for a long walk along the Brighton coastline, where she chain-smoked, and although the conversation flowed, I got the impression she didn't want to be there. However, despite all this I wanted to see her again as I felt sure that if we met for a second date then her nerves would be gone and her loving, funny and warm personality from our phone calls would come out. I tried to make the day less nerve-wracking for her and put her at ease. I'd also probably fallen into a trap a bit as all the things she'd said we could do together in the future sounded fun.

She had other ideas though. I contacted her afterwards but she ghosted me for a few days and sent me this text:

I had my phone next me all night and no call came through. This really disappointed me as I'd said after the date that I wanted to see her again. Even though the date had been a bit shit I'd hoped that we had enough in common to show that there was potential. I'm also sure that I'm just the same online as I am in real life. I replied by saying that I'd not blocked her as there was no reason why I would have and told her to take care. She must have really not liked me in person...

Date 151

"Bought on stolen wine."

This was a successful date in terms of us both really getting on but sadly there was no romance between us, however, we're still in touch as friends.

Having the same taste in music was a rare treat for me so it was good to talk about our favourite bands and she's definitely got excellent potential to be a gig buddy (writing this has made me wonder why I didn't invite her to one I went to on my own to the other night...so at least this has jogged my mind if nothing else!). She's also allergic to beer and wine, which is a very unfortunate side-effect from a bout of malaria years earlier, thus making her tastes in alcohol quite specific. I think that I may be allergic to red wine too but I only seem to get a reaction after two bottles.

Date 150

"I was only joking when I said I'd like to smash every tooth in your head."

I've no idea how we ended up actually meeting as we weren't going to be compatible.

This didn't have anything to do with compatability but the first thing I noticed about her was how awful her teeth were. I realised why she had her mouth closed on all her profile pics as her teeth were either crooked, missing or decaying. She also seemed a bit drunk when she turned up too.

We had a couple of drinks but the date pretty much consisted of her reading out live texts from friends of hers in a Whatsapp group as a couple of them were in hospital having minor operations. She was laughing her head off but funnily enough I wasn't as amused, due to not knowing them, so I called an end to proceedings in an amicable manner before things got out of control.

Date 149

"Still ill."

I was quite patient with this date but didn't get much back in return. Things had been a bit unusual to start off with as after chatting for a while and agreeing to meet up, she asked if we could become friends on Facebook as her mother (yes, that's right...her mother!) wanted to make sure that I was real.

She also revealed shortly before our first date that she'd been married to another woman for 19 years and so wasn't very experienced when it came to dating. This didn't faze me whatsoever and I was surprised when she said how relieved she was by my reaction as other men she'd told this to, had run a mile; which in this day and age is a very sad state of affairs.

We were due to meet in Brighton for drinks on a Friday night, however, she cancelled with a few hours notice as she said that her mum was ill so she had no-one to babysit her children. We then rearranged for the following Friday night. I then didn't hear from her so I contacted her on the Thursday to check whether we were still on and she asked if we could meet for coffee on the Saturday instead. I was losing interest at this point and was going to say no as coffee dates never lead to anything in my experience, plus I felt this was a downgrade. In the end I agreed and we met in a cafe.

She was very pleasant and open about her marriage and said that although she didn't label herself as bisexual, she had been out with men before she met her ex-wife and was looking to date people regardless of their gender. We only met for about an hour and made plans to meet again. I'm not sure if I fancied her but I was happy to see her again.

I booked a restaurant for a Friday night a couple of weeks later and then a couple of days before, she cancelled due to illness. I texted her again a week or so later to see if she was still interested in meeting up and she said yes and that she'd contact me again when her cold had gone. I never heard from her again.

Date 148

"I must put you behind me tonight."

I've probably said this before but this is when online dating can be such a mindfuck. I've no idea why I keep putting myself through it (probably because I'm addicted and stupidly optimistic).

This solitary date is up there with one of the best I've ever been on. I met this 42 year old restaurant manager in my current favourite craft beer establishment in Brighton, and all the signs pointed to there being a mutual liking for one another. When I first saw her, it may sound crass, but her pictures didn't do her justice as she was beautiful. I had been extremely nervous about this date as we hadn't had much contact and the last time I came to this pub, the date was a disaster.

We stayed in the pub all night until closing time and I really didn't want it to end. We had so many things in common and the conversation really flowed. We got chatting to a couple on another table and told them we were on a first date and every time my companion went to the toilet or outside for a smoke, they said how much she'd told them she was enjoying the date and how she really liked me. In retrospect this probably didn't do me any favours as it possibly gave me a false sense that she liked me more than she actually did. She was also very touchy feely which all the experts in magazines say is a good thing! Right?

We even snogged and planned our next date, then held hand hands as we got in our respective taxis.

I was cautious but quite excited the next day about her. I even told my sister about the date and I never tell her about any of them, such was my misguided optimism. We texted during the day about our respective hangovers and things were going well until I asked if she was free to meet up the following week. She said she would be but was working in London between Monday and Thursday, so I suggested Friday. She didn't reply until the next day and there was a definite shift in tone as she said she now had friends visiting for the weekend but didn't suggest an alternative. I then asked when she was next about and she didn't answer the question but again reiterated how busy she was at work and that she had a really bad cold. The texting stopped and so I messaged her the next day and asked if she was feeling any better and got no reply.

I waited a few days and after not hearing from her I sent the following message and got the following reply:

Due to the fact that she hadn't responded to my previous text and the radio silence, I had been expecting this but I did feel sad even though I had been trying to prepare myself. I was definitely guilty of getting too excited but I'd been hopeful due to the signs she'd been giving off initially. I, of course, over-analysed her response as I found it patronising telling me to keep looking and if she's so busy then why is she dating? The date had been great and communication the following day had gone well but the day after that there was a definite sea change which I can only put down to her sobering up and coming to her sense as I really thought I was worth a second date.

Date 147

"When usually it's nothing."

My last date of 2017 and it was quite a brief one and certainly not as dramatic as the one a few days earlier. Which was definitely a good thing.

I think we matched on Tinder and she was very keen to meet up after not really being in contact that much. Despite not knowing much about each other, I was surprised by how much we had in common, and we certainly had a lot to talk about. However, after 2 or 3 drinks she said she had a party to go to so I was home before 8pm.

I genuinely got the impression that she did have other plans, although she hadn't told me beforehand and she didn't want another date so it was a good, solid exit strategy regardless. Maybe first dates should only last a few drinks just to see what someone is like instead of the drunken affairs they sometimes turn into.

Date 146

"There's a club if you'd like to go. You could meet somebody who really loves you. So you go and you stand on your own, and you leave on your own. And you go home and you cry and you want to die."

This was a disaster. And alcohol and Tinder really don't mix well (neither do craft beer and Jack Daniels for that matter).

About 5 days before our first date, I'd received a message from this lady at about 10pm on a Saturday night, desperately trying to get me to come out with her into Brighton. She was child-free and wanted to hit the bars and clubs. I had loads on the next day so politely declined her request, or else I would have done.

By this point I'd already got the idea that she was quite a party girl. She was also not the type of woman that I normally went on dates with, but I liked being out of my comfort zone and was quite excited about meeting her. 

In the lead up to our date, for about 4 or 5 days in a row, she messaged me to ask where and when we were meeting. Each time I'd tell her the time and send her a link to either a map or the website of the bar. I found this really odd and a bit irritating (I've no idea why she couldn't just scroll back up to when she'd previously asked me) and when it came to it I had to meet her at a bus stop as she was incapable of finding the place even though it was really simple. 

When I met her off the bus she looked like she was on a mission. She was completely done up in clubbing gear with leather trousers and really elaborate shoes etc. and she did look very glamourous. She stopped off to get some cigarettes, then we embarked on the 5 minute easy walk to the bar I'd chosen. 

We got on pretty well and I really did fancy her. Her taste in music left a lot to be desired but she was knowledgeable and open-minded to other sorts. She was really funny too and didn't seem to possess a filter. We live very near each other and she'd lived in my village for a bit, and still frequents it on a regular basis. I was quite surprised that she's also permanently barred from a couple of pubs, though strangely she didn't know why...

We drank solidly for about 5 hours and if the date had ended there then that would have been great. The bar had stopped serving as it was after midnight and we were just about to go our separate ways home when she persuaded me to go to a gay club with her.

Now I really was out of my comfort zone. I'm really not a clubbing person but I went along with it and even started dancing with her. I. NEVER. DANCE. We were very drunk when we went in and kept on drinking. Then things went a bit weird. I can't remember exactly what happened but I'd been doing things like twirling her around etc. and for some reason she really forcibly pushed me away. I was a bit shocked then went to the toilet and when I returned she was talking to someone else. I kept my distance then sat down for a bit. I later went back to where we'd been and couldn't see her so messaged to her ask if she'd left, but got no reply. Then a smiling guy came up to me and put his arm round me and I asked him if he knew where my 'friend' was. I think he knew her as he took me to her as she was somewhere else in the club with other people. I tried to talk to her but couldn't hear what was she saying as the music was so loud. She really looked pissed off so I just left.

For some reason, instead of getting a taxi, I walked all the way home, which is probably a good 80 minute stroll. It's not a particularly safe route either as you pretty much have to walk along a dual carriageway for part of it. On the plus side though, I completed my 10,000 steps for the day even before I'd been to bed.

There'd been a time early on in the club where I was going to get her mobile number, call it a night and just leave. As we'd just been communicating through Tinder (and I didn't have her number) I sent her a message when I finished my journey to tell her I'd got home and asked her what had happened. She never replied so I actually deleted her from Tinder because I figured I wouldn't hear from her and I actually didn't want to know anyway. 

The next day I was still drunk when I woke up and felt terrible as I just didn't know what had gone on. I'm convinced that I didn't do anything wrong but I kept playing it through my mind for days afterwards. I spoke to a few people about it and it seems possible that she had always intended to go clubbing afterwards and might have just wanted me to go with her, but then wasn't really bothered about me being there when we'd got in, as she seemed to know other people there. She had been openly sending texts while we were still in the first bar (not good dating etiquette) so maybe she was arranging to meet people in there. I've got no idea really and it's just something I'm going to have to put down to experience and remember in the future to leave when the going is good...especially when things start getting messy.