Date 48

"Oh, yes, you can kick me, and you can punch me, and you can break my face but you won't change the way I feel."

This was the last time I went on a date with someone off Soulmates, and I've not been back on the site over 18 months later.

After a lot of e-mail communication with this girl, who I think was 5 years younger than me, we met for our first date at the Southbank. I can't really remember that much about it but it was fun and we drunk a lot and ended up sharing a kiss, and she was very keen for a second date.

For our next rendezvous, we went and had a very nice meal at a tapas restaurant near Waterloo and afterwards we drunk a substantial amount at a really grotty pub nearby. By the time we got out she was extremely pissed, and being a strong girl, she more or less dragged me into an alleyway and pinned me up against the wall and snogged me without coming up for air. The fun then really started when we got back to Waterloo station. As I was about to bid farewell and get my train home, she asked me to come back to hers. I politely declined purely on the basis that it was a school night and that she was completely legless. I was then taken aback by her reaction as she, without warning, landed a very firm punch to my shoulder and immediately burst into tears. I didn't really know exactly what to do, as believe it or not, I'd never experienced anything like this on a second date so I spent the next 15 minutes or so comforting her on the Waterloo concourse while she wept uncontrollably. When she stopped crying we eventually parted our separate ways in order to both catch our respective last trains home.

I have to say that I was quite gob-smacked by the evening's finale and when I got home I received a text from her saying that she was completely devastated and she'd completely understand if I didn't want to go on any more dates. In retrospect I should have just walked away but I actually felt sorry for her and decided to give her another chance. Big mistake.

For our third date she suggested we should go to a Japanese restaurant near where she lived in Brixton and I have to say that it was a lovely little place and the food was superb. We then ended up going back to her flat, but nothing happened and all we did was sleep, although she did at one stage start a big argument with me as I wanted to pop outside for a cigarette, and she completely lost it with me. Despite her short fuse though, she definitely had qualities that I liked about her, and although I was having my doubts, I didn't want to make a rash decision that I might regret.

Anyway, our fourth and final date occurred a week or so later and she was very intense and stroppy, and accused me all night of looking at every other woman wherever we went amongst other things. We then both made our separate ways home and I remember her having a face like thunder when I said goodbye to her.

The next day she then proceeded to send me a stream of very abusive texts and e-mails. They were very muddled and I can't remember them that well but I think she was basically accusing me of looking at other women as part of a pre-prepared strategy to make her dislike me. I suggested to her that maybe we should concentrate on being friends to which she emphatically said she didn't want my friendship and promptly deleted me from Facebook.

I automatically assumed that that was the last I'd heard from her when a few days later she sent me a very long and non-abusive e-mail apologising and saying that she was emotionally immature and that she'd been hasty in lashing out at me. I accepted her apology and being the big softie I am, accepted her new friend's request on Facebook.

A couple of weeks later she sent me an e-mail suggesting that we should go out as friends for a few drinks during Christmas. Being the festive season and not being online much, I took all of two days to reply and agreed to said request but bizarrely she deleted me again from Facebook and I never heard from her. The phrase 'dodging a bullet' springs to mind.

After this experience I decided that I'd had enough of internet dating. That was until Match.com hooked me in with a special offer to join their website about 6 months later...

Date 47

"Media Whore."

This was quite a pleasant evening spent in a bar in Wimbledon. We only had a few drinks and I honestly can't remember anything about her, not that she was incredibly boring, and the conversation was fine, but nothing stands out apart from the fact that talentless Abi Titmuss used to be a close childhood friend of hers (I know, that is really scraping the proverbial barrel!).

She told me afterwards that 'I'd popped her internet dating cherry' and she texted me a few times so I e-mailed her to see if she wanted to hook up again. Her reply made me feel like I'd been rejected for a job interview as it actually went along the lines of 'I regret to inform you that I won't be taking this any further, but good luck in the future.'

Date 46

"Coyness is nice."

This 'coy' lass from Billingham is by far the closest friend I have made from my many forays into internet dating. We're still very much in contact and see each other on a fairly regular basis, mainly to stalk the wonderful Adam Buxton at BUG from the front row, which he hosts at the BFI every couple of months. The great man himself even commented at one of the November 2010 shows how we both looked very cool in our almost matching thick, black rimmed glasses; so he's clearly on to us.

After a number of very enjoyable dates, I decided that we'd be better off as friends and we still get on really well almost 2 years later.

Probably the most explosive and entertaining incident to occur during one of our dates happened one evening when we were sitting outside a bar on Charing Cross Road having a drink and a smoke on an absolutely freezing cold night. We were deep in conversation when a severely pissed up city boy/Essex lad, not very resplendent in a grey suit and matching waistcoat, and heavily resembling the maverick snooker player Ronnie O'Sullivan, launched himself at our table to acquire a lighter without so much as a please or thank you. We just stared at him as he tried to light his cigarette without any luck, then forcibly tossed said lighter back onto our table claiming it was broken. He then walked off and I breathed a sigh of relief only for my companion to shout back at him that his flies were undone, which they actually were. He then stormed back to our table demanding a working cigarette lighter, and then grabbed my ladyfriend's bag on his ultimately fruitless quest for a tiny, hand-held flame. A very minor struggle ensued and when he'd realised that he wasn't going to get what he wanted, he proceeded to clear our table by smashing our drinks and ash tray onto the ground. Then, to top things off he drunkenly stumbled off up the street shouting back at me over and over that I was a fucking c*nt, which I was simply aghast at, having not said a word to him during the whole altercation! If only he'd taken the time to get to know me better.

Date 45

"How can you stay with a fat girl who'll say: "would you like to marry me? And if you like you can buy the ring."

Again, another fun night which involved visiting and sampling Richmond's finest public houses, but nothing more than that, and we never met up again.

The only thing that sticks in my memory from this night was a text I received from her before we were due to meet in which she warned me that she'd put on a lot of weight since her profile photographs were taken. She then followed this up with 'don't worry as I'm not morbidly obese or anything!' As it turned out she looked exactly the same as her pictures so I've no idea what she was talking about.

Date 44

"If you're so very good looking, why do you sleep alone tonight?"

I had a fantastic night and at the time I had high hopes of a second date. We got on really well as she had a fantastically wicked sense of humour, although I think a lot of the time alcohol plays a huge part in determining how well a date goes, and we spent a good 5 or 6 hours together. We'd also attended the same university, although at different times as I'm about 5 or 6 years older than her, and actually lived in the same area at the same time for a few years.

Anyway, as things turned out she didn't want to go on a second date but wanted to stay friends. I was obviously disappointed at yet another rejection and I also felt I was probably at a slight disadvantage because of the fact that I was the first internet date she'd been on and so she probably wanted to see what else was out there. However, at least she was honest and completely up front about things.

We ended up meeting again for a quick drink (6 months after our date) and I think she was spot on about just being friends, however, we never saw or spoke to each other again after that.

As an aside to this she told me that she'd been in a relationship for the last 3 months with someone she'd met down her local pub. Subsequently, I saw a picture of him on Facebook and I was surprised when I saw that he looked like a Hell's Angel; complete with a shaved head and a long, pure ginger goatee type beard. I immediately felt relieved that it was my personality she wasn't attracted to and not my looks.

Date 43

"But not much more."

Very pleasant evening but we didn't have much in common apart from us both being born in the same city, however, she must be the only Geordie never to have heard of Jackie Milburn.

Not really much else to say other than the fact that she was very nice and there'd been a lot of e-mail contact between us beforehand so I'd pretty much guessed how things would pan out, and neither of us attempted to arrange a second date.

Date 42

"Still, I must speak frankly..."

A boozy evening and one of my most enjoyable first dates. We'd hardly had any contact beforehand so I was probably the most nervous I've ever been before meeting someone off Soulmates. Thankfully, we got on well and yet again drank a lot.

However, when I e-mailed her a couple of days later to ask about another date she said that she didn't 'forsee a romance' between us. I was a bit disappointed, but I appreciated her honesty.

We've stayed in touch and still see each other on a fairly regular basis two years later and she's definitely one of my favourite drinking partners and a lot of fun to hang out with.