Date 110

"Does the body rule the mind or does the mind rule the body? I dunno."

I'd agreed to go on a date with this person from OKCupid a few months before but I actually cancelled it. The reason being that before we were due to meet up, she told me that she was polyamorous. I hadn't heard of this before but she explained in basic terms to me that she had more than one sexual partner and that rather than fuck buddies she saw it as them being really good friends who could be intimate with each other and hang out together, but it wasn't just about sex. She also said that the key to it was that all of them were honest with each other so they all knew about what was going on.

At the time we were due to go on a date originally she was seeing two guys, with one of them being polyamorous and the other not being so, but they both knew about the other guy. As I wasn't familiar with the concept I explained to her that I was looking for a relationship with one person and she completely understood and so we never met up then.

However, a few months later I regretted the decision and so I got in contact with her again and we met in Hove for drinks and a cheeseboard. As it turned out she was a truly lovely person and we had a lot in common. There wasn't any chemistry between us though and she actually said that to me halfway through the evening! She did also say that she was having a lovely time and was enjoying the evening and I was in agreement.

During the date something a bit weird happened though as a woman in very tight leather trousers started going to all the tables trying to take selfies with other girls. She came up to my date and did this but then wanted her to properly kiss her and take a picture of it! My date didn't want to and physically squirmed, and so the woman moved onto another table and tried to do the same with other women. Then she moved onto the men of the pub but inexplicably completely ignored me. Which is a shame as I was well up for it...We couldn't work out if she was doing it for a dare or she was a swinger as the bloke she was with started trying to take selfies too, but he soon gave up due to a lack of interest from others.

At the end of the evening I was very kindly given a lift to my bus stop (by the polyamorous lady, not the leather trousered swinger) and, although we've not met up again, we've stayed in touch as she really is a genuinely lovely person.

Date 109

"What to be said of her?"

If my previous date had been rude then this one took things to a new level. We'd been chatting for a few days on Match and very last minute on a Saturday night, she asked me if I fancied meeting up for a drink an hour or so later.

The pub we actually met in first was rammed due to it being full of Brighton football fans so I took her to my favourite pub. This may not have been a good idea for a first date though, as when I went down to the toilets, a man had passed out from a suspected heroin overdose in a cubicle. When the owner was trying to ascertain what had happened she asked me to go elsewhere even though I was mid-flow weeing into a urinal. I told her that I wasn't physically able to do so!

Anyway, I digress, as we shared a bottle of wine (me and my date, not the heroin OD guy) and got on very well, mostly talking about our vinyl collections...

We then went to a restaurant and it was the second establishment we'd been to that night in which an ambulance had to be called. Thankfully this time it wasn't class A drug related (well, I don't think it was) but just a poor old guy who'd taken a tumble going down the stairs. Luckily he was ok after being checked over by a paramedic.

I wouldn't normally do this, but I'd had an enjoyable night and I was feeling generous, so I paid for her dinner too. I'm quite happy to do this when I've been seeing someone for a while but this was probably the first time I'd done this on a first date. I wish I hadn't in retrospect.

At the end of the night she told me that she'd had a really fun evening and so I contacted her the next day to see if she fancied a second date. She never replied. Not even a thanks but no thanks. Some people...

Date 108

"And people are rude and cruel to you."

This set the record as the shortest date that I've ever been on. I think that it lasted less than half an hour, although it felt longer as it was awkward from start to finish.

I can't actually remember which site she was on (probably Match) but as soon as I met her, I knew that it had been a mistake. We met in a pub and the first thing I asked her was where she lived in Brighton. I've only lived here a short time so I don't know it that well and to me that's a normal question to ask on a date. Bizarrely, she refused to tell me and said something along the lines of that she didn't want to reveal any information like that to me and that I should just assume that she lives in Brighton....

When she said that, I actually thought about just getting up and leaving. I very nearly did but I kept my composure and tried to make small talk with her, being conscious not to ask any personal questions! I suppose she'd maybe had a bad experience in the past, hence her being on the defensive but it seemed quite a strange reaction and an odd way to begin a date.

After I'd finished my drink I asked her if she wanted another one, purely out of politeness and she ummed and aahed a bit and said that she had to meet her daughter at the station. I then said goodbye to her outside and she asked me where I was going. I pointed in the direction of my bus stop and she said she she was going to Hanover, so in her parting gift I found out where she lived and that she wasn't meeting her daughter as the station is in completely the opposite direction...

Date 107

"The Death of a Disco Dancer."

I'd spoken to this date on a few different sites in which we'd agreed to meet up but then she'd always disappear so I had an idea that she was a bit flaky.

I think that we eventually arranged a date on Guardian Soulmates and we met for drinks in Brighton on a Saturday night. She was a bit older than me and really funny, although I don't think that I was the one for her as she said she liked bad boys. I found this quite amusing considering she was in her mid 40's and a mother of two children, but after hearing some anecdotes about bad boys she'd dated; then who am I to judge?

After we'd been to a couple of pubs she took me to the Green Door Store. It's a well known gig venue but they have club nights too. She said she needed to dance. I can't dance. I'm scared of dancing. The word 'dance' makes me break into a cold sweat. Even when I'm drunk I'm too self-conscious to dance.

She dragged me onto the dance floor and I just watched her. I couldn't join in so she started dancing with other people. I badly wanted to dance with her and I still maintain that if it had been an Alternative, Indie or 80's night then I would have, but the music was of a terrible soft rock variety. I stood on the sidelines with a drink and sort of tapped my feet a bit and pretended to look like I was having fun whenever she stomped past me and made eye-contact. She told me afterwards that she often popped in on her way home of an evening for a dance on her own. Is that a common thing? Am I missing out?

We actually agreed to meet again just before Christmas but she cancelled a day before and when I tried to rearrange she never replied. I can't stop thinking that if only they'd played the music to the Hokey-Cokey that night, then a second date would have happened as that's a dance that I know the moves to.

Date 106

"I thought that if you had an acoustic guitar, then it meant that you were a protest singer."

This was partly a band audition and partly a date as this person from match had contacted me after seeing that I mentioned that I played guitar on my profile. We got chatting and I sent her a demo of me playing; she liked it and so we met up for a drink.

She'd been living overseas for a long time and had recently moved back to Brighton after running a music newspaper/magazine abroad and being the lead singer in a band. I checked out some of her stuff online and she really could sing. She was also a voiceover artist. 

Now that she'd been back in the UK for a couple of months, she wanted to form a duo and she needed a guitarist; and that was where I supposedly came in. We discussed meeting up for a jamming session and to see if we could work together, which was exciting.

In terms of the date part, I found it quite difficult to work her out as she was really drunk when she turned up. She'd met a friend for dinner beforehand so had already made good headway in terms of red wine consumption. I think we only ended up having a couple of drinks as she was trying to drink a lot of water at the same time as having a couple more glasses of wine. I liked her but towards the end I was struggling to make much sense of her which was why we called it an earlyish night.

She texted me the next day saying it had been great to meet me and she profusely apologised for her inebriated state. She said she'd also be in touch in terms of us getting together for the band thing. I never heard from her and contacted her a couple of months later and she said she'd been busy and would let me know when things had calmed down, so I just left it.

Date 105

"Pass the pub that saps your body."

I met this Welsh lady through Match and it was an unusually incident free date.

We initially met for coffee on a Sunday in late summer and ended up going for a pub roast. It was the worst roast I've ever had and it was just like one of those ready-meals that you stick in the oven and pierce the lid...but like one when they first came out in the 1980's! The vegetables were under-cooked, the portions of everything were stingy e.g two roast potatoes, a sliver of meat etc. I was then amazed when she declared it to be one of the best she'd had.

We went to another pub and I introduced her to the joy of drinking Tuaca and she opened up a tiny bit more as she'd been fairly quiet. We only had a couple of drinks before she had to go but I thought that there was a good chance we'd meet up again as despite her taste buds not working, she'd been good company.

I emailed her to inquire about a second date and she replied thusly:

"As you know I'm pretty new to this site and have a couple more dates coming up soon. I just think I should go on more dates for a while and keep my options open for now."

I wonder how I compared to her other dates.

Date 104

"No hope, no harm. Just another false alarm."

I knew as soon as I first laid eyes on this Jersey Lady in the flesh that we were going to get on, and it also helped that she was beautiful. We started messaging each other through Match and agreed to a date fairly quickly. There was a slight logistical problem, in that she lived in North London whereas I'm in Brighton now, but I just happened to be staying in the big smoke for a couple of days and she happened to be off for the week when I was going to be there, so that worked out perfectly.

We met in an old favourite of mine: the Benugo Bar at the BFI along the South Bank and we instantly clicked. We got fairly tipsy but after about 4 hours she had to go and meet a friend for dinner so I walked her to the restaurant she was going to and then I went off and had a meal on my own. Before we went our separate ways though, she said that she wanted to see me again.

For our second date she wanted to come to Brighton so I made arrangements to meet her at the station. Unbeknownst to us at the time, the Saturday that we were meeting on was Brighton Pride. If I didn't know beforehand then I knew when I got into the centre. When I got into town I just couldn't move as the whole place was completely rammed and I couldn't get to the station as the parade was taking place. She called me to say that her train had got in so in the end I had to run in front of a float and dive through the crowd on the other side and hotfoot it to meet her. From then on we went from pub to pub and had a couple of meals. We also had our first snog, in the queue for a cash-point, which I was told at a later date was a very disappointing first kiss. We had an amazing day and watched the sun go down on the beach. It was nearly time for her to go home and I just didn't want the day to end so I asked her if she wanted to come back to mine. She shared the same sentiments as me and agreed. By this time we were more than merry and made a schoolboy/girl error of opening a bottle of wine when we arrived back at my house...I wish we'd had a cup of tea.

We managed to have sex during the night but when she woke up the next morning she had the Hangover from Hell. She couldn't get up as she felt so sick and had a throbbing headache but she had to get home to London. I live out in the sticks so I'm not really that near the station and I couldn't drive her as although I didn't really have a hangover; I still felt drunk so I didn't want to take the car. I said I'd pay for a taxi for her but she refused and so I walked her into my village and put her on a bus to the centre. I don't know how she made it home without throwing up but thankfully she was ok, despite it taking her over 2 hours to get home by bus, train and tube!

Afterwards we both admitted that her coming back to mine probably shouldn't have happened, mainly because she was such a nauseous waker, but we were getting on so well that it seemed a good idea at the time...The next couple of dates involved me going to London for the day and then her coming back to Brighton again on another weekend, and on both occasions we went home alone at the end of the evening as, despite the fact we were talking on the phone every week and texting every day, we wanted to take things slowly.

By this time we'd been going out for a couple of months and I was due to be staying in London again for a few days. I was going to see Morrissey in Hammersmith so I stayed at a hotel about 20 minutes walk from the venue.

I enjoyed it a lot but I was looking forward to the next night as we were going to be seeing each other again. I met her after work the next day and we went out for dinner and then went back to my hotel where we slept together for only the second time. She took the next day off work and didn't end up going home until 10:30pm the next night as we mostly spent the day in bed, only surfacing for food.

During the next few days she appeared very distant and vague, and so finally I asked her what was up. She rang me that night and said she wasn't feeling it and that us living too far away was a problem. We had a very frank discussion and by the end of it she admitted that she'd just been over-thinking things and that she wished she hadn't said anything to me as she wanted to keep seeing me. Things then seemed back on track again.

She was due to see me a couple of weeks later in Brighton, but due to engineering works we met in Littlehampton and I treated her to a Birthday celebration. I booked a table at the below restaurant, which was on the seafront and bought her dinner.

The food was beautiful and we had a long walk along the beach afterwards...again watching the sun go down. It was very romantic and the only downside to the day was that one of the presents that I bought her was the Spaced boxset, which she hated when she saw it. I thought it was a good neutral comedy to buy but I should have known it wouldn't be up her street as she's a big Miranda fan. Besides that, things appeared to be going really well again.

A couple of weeks later she accompanied me to one of my closest friend's 40th Birthday at a pub in Notting Hill where she met some of my best friends. It was lovely being there with her and I felt so proud when introducing her to people. I stayed over at her flat for the first time and she made me a roast dinner the next day, which was restaurant standard and I went back to Brighton in the evening. The only problem was my snoring, however, which meant I was banished to her spare-room half-way through the night.

We didn't see each other again for a good few weeks due to both of us being busy but to make up for it we planned to spend 3 nights together! It would be the most time we'd so far spent with each other and we were both giddy with excitement in the days leading up to it, even going so far as to text each other how many sleeps we had left each day. We'd been getting on brilliantly and were face-timing as much as we could and we could just talk about anything with each other and were never lost of words.

The weekend came and she journeyed down to meet me in Brighton on the Friday afternoon as she had taken the day off and fancied a jaunt away from London. I'd booked a table for dinner in the evening and then we headed back to her flat in North London afterwards, where I again had to relocate to the spare-room after she'd had her wicked way with me. The next evening I'd bought us tickets to see my favourite comedian, Adam Buxton, in Islington and it was quite a fun night as there were other acts on too.

The next day, after sleeping in the spare-room again, we went out for further adventures as she'd bought us tickets to The Crime Uncovered Exhibition at the Museum of London. It was fascinating and a subject I'm really interested in, having just completed a course in Forensic Psychology. She seemed a bit grumpy, but I thought that that was just her as in all the time we'd known each other she was grumpy EVERY morning. That evening I was going to see Garbage at Brixton Academy with two other friends of mine. I'd bought the tickets months ago but she still wanted me to stay at hers even though she had work the next day and so I made my way to the venue on my own. It was really enjoyable and I didn't end up getting back to hers until nearly midnight. We tried sleeping together again but my nasal antics woke her up so I volunteered to take the sofa as I wanted her to feel refreshed for work. I couldn't have the spare-room as she was having a lodger move in the next day and the room was newly-prepared for him. The next morning we said our goodbyes as she went to work and I went back to Brighton a couple of hours later.

That was the Monday and on the Tuesday our relationship was over. She'd started being a bit distant again so I knew what she was thinking. I again asked her what was going on and she said she'd ring me that night. I knew what was coming and waited until the evening when I got a text late saying could she ring me the next night as she was really tired. I said no, so she reluctantly face-timed me and told me she wasn't feeling it and that my snoring and the distance was a problem. I tried to hold it together but I cried a bit, which made things a bit awkward as she started crying and abruptly finished the call.

I was really upset but not entirely surprised as I'd been paranoid ever since she'd said she wasn't feeling it the first time round. We didn't have anything in common whatsoever, in terms of music, film, tv etc. however we just got on and I'd always told her that this was a good sign as we didn't need to have common ground.

A week later I'd heard nothing more but I couldn't get her out of my head so I texted her to tell her that I missed her. She replied and said she was sorry and that she cared about my well-being but she had to be true to me. We then face-timed a again a few days later and we spoke through things for a good hour and a half. She said the snoring and distance weren't really the problem but she stopped feeling it for me halfway through our weekend together and became irritated by me being there and she couldn't stop herself snapping at me (this is exactly what happened to me with Date 99 when we had our ill-fated trip to New York). I asked her if we could try and work things out and she said although she'd missed our texts and being in touch she hadn't actually missed me and had just been getting on with things. We both started to cry at various points and she had to go off for a few minutes on one occasion as she said she couldn't bare to see me upset. However, we still shared the odd laugh and I'm very grateful for her to have the balls to explain to me what went wrong. I knew there was no going back which gave me closure and we both agreed to cease all contact with each other. She blew a kiss at me and then that was that.

She assured me that it wasn't anything that I'd said or done, which I think is true but I still don't how you can be excited to see someone one day then go off them over night. She would often tell me that in between us seeing each other she would wish her life away as she just wanted to be with me and I felt the same. To me the distance didn't matter either as I felt that it meant we'd always make the most of our dalliances together and they'd always be special. Whilst I have my imperfections, she wasn't Mary Poppins herself. She drank a lot, was a real party girl and would ring me so drunk I couldn't work out what she was saying sometimes and I was once woken up by her at 2am one night as she was crying in a taxi because she was so pissed. Her grumpiness was a pain sometimes but I just accepted these things as I really liked everything about her and I'm a very tolerant and easy-going person. She broke my tiny heart but I just think she doesn't know what she wants and I wonder if she's looking for something that doesn't exist. I wasn't experiencing the initial butterflies I used to get when I saw her but I still loved being with her and I still got excited when I was due to meet her. Doesn't that just happen over time?

I will remember our time together fondly though and I respect her decision totally.