Date 53

"Heaven knows I'm miserable now."

This solitary date turned out to be one of the most disappointing finales that I'd experienced thus far.

Having e-mailed each other extensively and entertainingly for about a month we agreed to meet up for drinks. I have to say that I wasn't really very excited beforehand, but that was probably due to the fact that by this point I'd been on so many dates in a relatively short space of time, that I was probably suffering from a bit of burn out along with the suffering of constant disappointments along the way.

Then I was taken completely by surprise, as she absolutely blew me away, which has rarely happened to me during my time spent internet dating. She was absolutely stunning, and looked nothing like her profile pictures so I didn't even recognise her when she approached me. She was brilliant company and a lot of fun, and I thought that we got on really well. We spent a good 6 hours drinking then went for a meal.

On the way out of the restaurant at the end of the night she suddenly turned to me and demanded that I kiss her, and so I obliged. Afterwards, thinking that I'd read the signals right, I then asked her if she wanted to see me again. She then inexplicably 'ummed' and 'ahhed' a bit, started to laugh uncontrollably and said 'sorry, but no.' I was absolutely crest-fallen, and probably because I was quite drunk, just turned away and walked off without saying bye. I then trudged back to the station, dragging my coat along the ground behind me. Although it's only a five minute walk normally, it must have taken me about half an hour as I seemed to do it in slow motion as I just felt so dejected.

During my journey home I felt guilty for just walking off so I texted her to thank her for the evening and although she replied I can't remember what she said. I obviously never heard from her again and felt quite down the next day, as although she was being honest, it just seemed such a bizarre way to end a night. Since then I have given up on trying to read people's thoughts and signals.

Date 52

"I won't share you."

I went on three dates with this woman, who was a few years older than me and going through an amicable divorce, over the course of about three months as she had to keep going to Bangladesh on business for long periods of time.

The first two meetings were very enjoyable and although we didn't really have much in common, we got on extremely well and she was very good company. On the third date in Angel we had a lovely evening involving drinks and a meal and I ended up going back to her place in Walthamstow and sleeping with her.

The next day I texted her on my way home to thank her for the evening and then got an e-mail from her a couple of days later saying she liked my company but could we be just friends. I replied and said this was fine and never saw or heard from her again, which was disappointing to say the least as I did quite fancy her.

In retrospect, I can't help thinking that the reason she ceased all contact with me was because I put my uncanny cat whispering talents into practice. After consistently telling me how unfriendly her two feline companions were and how they never went near her, I instantly had both of them asleep on my knee and purring in unbridled contentment, so this clearly made her jealous as she'd never seen them behave like this before and I simply had to be jettisoned by her. Or maybe not...

Date 51

"But don't forget the songs that made you smile, and the songs that made you cry."

For this date (a Welsh lady, a couple of years older than me) we had intended to go and see Sherlock Holmes at the Prince Charles cinema in Leicester Square. As it happened we met outside and because the film wasn't due to start for another half an hour, we decided to go for a pint. We never made it to the film and spent the rest of the evening drinking in various bars.

We both had a very pleasant evening and, as we had similar music tastes, reminisced almost exclusively about bands from our teenage years. She said to me at the end of the night that she'd enjoyed the evening but wanted to just be friends and I agreed with her. We've since met up again for drinks a few times, and we keep in fairly regular e-mail contact. A really lovely person.

UPDATE: A few years on and I'm going to have to change my opinion on her as she's one of the most flakiest people I've ever met. The final straw was when she contacted me a couple of weeks beforehand to see if I wanted to go and see a Juliana Hatfield/Evan Dando gig. I said yes and was really excited about it. She contacted me a couple of times to see where I wanted to sit and to let me know that she was about to order the tickets. The day before the gig she emailed me to say that it had slipped her mind and that she'd let me know on the day of the gig whether we were still going. I'd presumed we were up until the last minute but in the end I never heard from her again and she never apologised for ruining my evening (when I'd turned down an invite to the cinema with someone else). I could even have gone on my own or taken someone else as there were plenty of tickets left but in the end there wasn't time and I wondered why she even asked me in the first place.

Date 50

"I smoke because I'm hoping for an early death."

My second date on Match.com was with a New Zealand girl, whom I think was the same age as me. Like the last date, she also seemed very keen to meet up and sent me her mobile number after only a couple of messages. I can't remember who asked who first, but I suggested that we meet at a tapas bar in King's Cross after only exchanging a few texts, so I didn't really know much about her at all.

It was an ok evening but a couple of things stick out which annoy me a bit in retrospect. Firstly, despite claiming to be a non-smoker, she proceeded to smoke all my cigarettes during the course of the evening, as she obviously didn't bring her own as she didn't smoke. And secondly, despite drinking for about 3 hours or more; she only bought me one drink all night. That was partly my fault as I'm a fast drinker so instead of waiting for her to finish I'd head to the bar and get us both one, but she just never offered so I could hardly ask her to stump up the cash as I was on my best behaviour.

After exchanging a few dating stories (I have a few), she told me how she could never say 'no' to men she didn't want to see again so she never replied to them. What was more interesting, however, was an anecdote she mentioned about someone she'd been on a date with, which some mutual friends had set up for her. I can't remember if they went on more than one date, but as he was quite keen on her, he messaged her a few times about seeing her again and was met with stone cold silence each time. It got to a point in which he contacted the mutual friends to find out if she was interested in him and out of embarrassment or because she instructed them to do so, they made up a story and told him that she'd moved back to New Zealand just because she couldn't tell him herself that she didn't want to see him again.

She was quite good company, but I guess the only real highlight of the night was her scarily accurate impression of Cheryl Cole. On the strength of that I e-mailed her the next day to see if she fancied hooking up again, and, believe it or not, she didn't reply and I never heard from her again and so I just left it at that.

Another thing which I found quite interesting during the evening was the fact that one of the perks of working for a media company meant that for some reason she had free and unlimited access to Match.com, which prompted me to surmise that she probably smoked a lot of men's cigarettes and had drinks bought all night for her, never to see them again.

Date 49

"Miserable Lie."

Having decided to take a break from the crazy world of internet dating, I didn't go on any dates for about 6 months. That was until Match.com reeled me in with a one week free trial, which I tentatively accepted out of curiosity. After the week was up I was sent another offer by them in which I was given 2 months for the price of one, and, because I'd been getting quite a lot of interest from other members, I decided to take them up on that deal as well.

My first Match.com date (and incidentally my first date of 2010) seemed very keen to meet me from the off and gave me her mobile number after a couple of messages. I thought this was a bit quick so stalled a bit until a few more messages then she asked if she could ring me for a chat. So, after speaking to her on the phone and getting a good first impression, she asked if I'd like to meet up, which I agreed to.

She was about 4 or 5 years older than me and very quirky. Her appearance was very bohemian and a bit hippyish and she had an absolutely bizarre hairstyle, which I can only describe as containing a woollen type thing knitted into her hair! She was very striking in appearance and had a very unconventional, yet classic dress sense, but I have to say that I gauged some disappointment in her eyes when she saw me.

In the first bar we went to, we were just about to sit down to have a drink when someone called her name from across the bar. It was a friend of hers and he came over with another woman and asked her what she was doing there. She said she was on a date and his face lit up: "Ah, me too! Guardian Soulmates?" "No," she replied: "Match!" He then informed us that it was apparently the most popular bar in London for first dates!

For the rest of the night, and from my point of view anyway, we got on really well. She was very witty and outgoing and I have to say that I enjoyed her company a lot and was attracted to her. After drinking solidly for about six hours we then went back to the station and before I could say anything, she told me that she really wanted to see me again. I concurred with her view and told her I'd be in touch.

So, I texted her a day or so later to ask about a second date and she responded in the affirmative, but said she was busy for the next week or so, so she'd call me to make arrangements. I didn't hear anything back from her so contacted her again a week or so later and heard nothing. A few weeks later I thought I'd try her one last time and she replied saying she'd had some bad news and wasn't dating anymore, so I left it. Seeing as though she appeared to still be regularly signing in to the site, the cynical side of me led me to conclude that this excuse was bullshit, which was a shame.

Date 48

"Oh, yes, you can kick me, and you can punch me, and you can break my face but you won't change the way I feel."

This was the last time I went on a date with someone off Soulmates, and I've not been back on the site over 18 months later.

After a lot of e-mail communication with this girl, who I think was 5 years younger than me, we met for our first date at the Southbank. I can't really remember that much about it but it was fun and we drunk a lot and ended up sharing a kiss, and she was very keen for a second date.

For our next rendezvous, we went and had a very nice meal at a tapas restaurant near Waterloo and afterwards we drunk a substantial amount at a really grotty pub nearby. By the time we got out she was extremely pissed, and being a strong girl, she more or less dragged me into an alleyway and pinned me up against the wall and snogged me without coming up for air. The fun then really started when we got back to Waterloo station. As I was about to bid farewell and get my train home, she asked me to come back to hers. I politely declined purely on the basis that it was a school night and that she was completely legless. I was then taken aback by her reaction as she, without warning, landed a very firm punch to my shoulder and immediately burst into tears. I didn't really know exactly what to do, as believe it or not, I'd never experienced anything like this on a second date so I spent the next 15 minutes or so comforting her on the Waterloo concourse while she wept uncontrollably. When she stopped crying we eventually parted our separate ways in order to both catch our respective last trains home.

I have to say that I was quite gob-smacked by the evening's finale and when I got home I received a text from her saying that she was completely devastated and she'd completely understand if I didn't want to go on any more dates. In retrospect I should have just walked away but I actually felt sorry for her and decided to give her another chance. Big mistake.

For our third date she suggested we should go to a Japanese restaurant near where she lived in Brixton and I have to say that it was a lovely little place and the food was superb. We then ended up going back to her flat, but nothing happened and all we did was sleep, although she did at one stage start a big argument with me as I wanted to pop outside for a cigarette, and she completely lost it with me. Despite her short fuse though, she definitely had qualities that I liked about her, and although I was having my doubts, I didn't want to make a rash decision that I might regret.

Anyway, our fourth and final date occurred a week or so later and she was very intense and stroppy, and accused me all night of looking at every other woman wherever we went amongst other things. We then both made our separate ways home and I remember her having a face like thunder when I said goodbye to her.

The next day she then proceeded to send me a stream of very abusive texts and e-mails. They were very muddled and I can't remember them that well but I think she was basically accusing me of looking at other women as part of a pre-prepared strategy to make her dislike me. I suggested to her that maybe we should concentrate on being friends to which she emphatically said she didn't want my friendship and promptly deleted me from Facebook.

I automatically assumed that that was the last I'd heard from her when a few days later she sent me a very long and non-abusive e-mail apologising and saying that she was emotionally immature and that she'd been hasty in lashing out at me. I accepted her apology and being the big softie I am, accepted her new friend's request on Facebook.

A couple of weeks later she sent me an e-mail suggesting that we should go out as friends for a few drinks during Christmas. Being the festive season and not being online much, I took all of two days to reply and agreed to said request but bizarrely she deleted me again from Facebook and I never heard from her. The phrase 'dodging a bullet' springs to mind.

After this experience I decided that I'd had enough of internet dating. That was until Match.com hooked me in with a special offer to join their website about 6 months later...

Date 47

"Media Whore."

This was quite a pleasant evening spent in a bar in Wimbledon. We only had a few drinks and I honestly can't remember anything about her, not that she was incredibly boring, and the conversation was fine, but nothing stands out apart from the fact that talentless Abi Titmuss used to be a close childhood friend of hers (I know, that is really scraping the proverbial barrel!).

She told me afterwards that 'I'd popped her internet dating cherry' and she texted me a few times so I e-mailed her to see if she wanted to hook up again. Her reply made me feel like I'd been rejected for a job interview as it actually went along the lines of 'I regret to inform you that I won't be taking this any further, but good luck in the future.'