Date 67

"I Want the One I Can't Have."

It appears (for me anyway) that second dates have become very scarce of late. Some first dates I've been glad not to see again, other first dates I've hoped would want to hook up again but in my heart of hearts I've known they wouldn't; and then there are some first dates like this one where I've been left feeling disappointed to have not been given a second chance. That's not to suggest that I'm arrogant or up my own arse, but when you've had a really good time and they appear to have done so as well then why not do it again, even if it's just to see if a friendship develops?

After messaging her first and then emailing for a week or so, the lady in question asked me out for a drink. I couldn't initially make the evenings she suggested, but we agreed on a date a couple of weeks later as she was going to be away during half term on a school skiing trip. That clue gives away the fact that she's a teacher, however, she also co-stars in a current tv advert, but I'll not be saying which one.

As we'd been in fairly regular contact through email and she wasn't going to be online during her ski trip, she gave me her mobile number and told me to text her while she was away. Which I did and it was nice to stay in touch and to be kept informed about her adventures on and off the pistes of Austria.

We agreed to meet up the day after she got back and in the end it was a bit of a last minute thing getting a location sorted out as she was out during the day having an extended boozy lunch with friends, so it was difficult to get hold of her. She lives quite near me so it wasn't a huge problem as we were meeting fairly locally in Hampton Court, but I didn't get a response from her until it was getting close to 7pm so I had to get my skates on as we'd agreed to meet at 7:30pm.

As it happens I was early, but she was even earlier and texted from the pub to ask me what drink I wanted and to tell me that she was sat at the bar. As I was only about a minute away, I let her know that I'd be through the door in a few seconds. Then, just as I was about to go in: I let a really tall, scruffy, physical freak of a man with long greasy hair and dodgy glasses through the door before me. As I was following him in, I saw her face look in absolute horror in his direction and then turn to complete relief as he walked past her...and then we both saw each other and burst out laughing.

That was a really good ice-breaker of sorts as it was a really funny start to the evening, although I'm not sure that the greasy haired guy was overly pleased at the muffled giggles emanating from our table every time he walked past us during the night.

The whole night was really fun and the conversation easily flowed and I haven't laughed so much or felt so comfortable on a date for a very long time. She seemed to be laughing a lot and enjoying herself too. However, that may have been helped by the fact that she was a little bit tipsy when she turned up, and I think that she must have had a fair bit beforehand as she ordered a glass of water with her red wine.

We stayed almost to closing time and as we left to go our separate ways home: she said that she'd had a wonderful night and that she felt that she'd known me for years, which I thought was a good sign as I felt the same. She was absolutely hilarious, good looking and she really did enchant me with her company.

I decided to email her the next day and I basically said that I'd had a really enjoyable night and that if she wanted to go out again then to let me know (in hindsight, I shouldn't have left it so open-ended). She took a couple of days to reply and in the email she didn't mention anything about meeting up again, but just told me about her rubbish day at work and asked me how mine had been. I found the fact that she'd completely skirted the issue of another date really strange, so I just responded in a similar manner asking about her day etc. I received another email from her then nothing more.

Normally in these cases, I can usually take the hint but as she'd made such a good first impression on me, I decided to try one more time and so I texted her, about a week later, asking if she fancied going out for another drink. She replied and said that she felt bad, but she was going on a date with someone she'd been in contact with for a while the next week and that she hated mucking people around. She said she'd had a real laugh when we met, and so could we keep it as friends?

I responded by saying that I'd had a real laugh too and that of course friends was alright. She texted me a couple of days later asking my opinion on a band that she liked and after exchanging a few texts they just stopped and I never heard from her again.

In the end I was glad to finally get a straight forward reply from her, even if it wasn't the response that I was after, as although I'd guessed what the outcome would be, I still felt a bit in limbo for a couple of weeks as I always try to be optimistic. I probably didn't have much of a chance anyway, considering she had another date lined up.

Oh Christ, I've just thought...she can't be going out with that chap with greasy hair and dodgy glasses, can she?! What an absolute cad and a dark horse he turned out to be.

UPDATE (April 2012): After admitting defeat with Date 67, I presumed that I'd never see her again. I'd deleted her from my phone and hadn't had any contact with her for over two months, however, one Sunday morning I thought that I'd give it one last try. As I didn't have her number in my phone, I eventually found it after going through a load of deleted emails on match.com and I figured that I'd have nothing to lose by getting in touch with her. She'd left a really good impression on me after our first date and so I texted her to see if she fancied going out for another drink. To my absolute amazement, she replied within a minute and said yes. We then texted a bit, back and forth, and agreed to meet up on the Friday night.

As she lives near me, I asked her if she wanted to stay local and then the texts stopped. I hadn't heard anything all week, so texted her on the Thursday night just to make sure we were still on for the following evening and thankfully she replied and suggested that we meet at the BFI Bar along Southbank. So, we initially met there but it was so rammed that we went for a little stroll and found a decent pub near Blackfriars Bridge and, like the first date, got on absolutely splendidly. Although we don't have that much in common, I felt really comfortable in her company and we possess a similar sense of humour and never ran out of things to say, which is always a good start.

After a couple of drinks and her introducing me to the fiendishly addictive game, Draw Something (more of this later), she suggested that we go back to the BFI Bar as it was bound to be less busy. However, when we got there at about 10:30pm, it was still full to the rafters, but we fought our way to the bar anyway. After a few minutes, she asked me if I noticed anything strange about the clientèle, which I hadn't, and she informed me that everyone in there was a woman. After asking a few people, it turned out that it was the Lesbian and Gay Film Festival, which would explain why it was so busy and why I was the only man in there. We only had one drink as the bar closed and she also said that she felt a bit uncomfortable due to it being so packed and because all eyes were on her; so we made our way back to the station and got the same train home as she lived one stop before me. During the journey home she invited me to a party at hers in a couple of months and when she got off, she told me that she'd had a wonderful evening.

I then left it a few days and texted her on the Monday night to see how a wedding she'd been at on the Saturday had gone, and she replied asking me about a friend's Birthday drinks I'd been at in Camden. I replied to that telling her about it and asked her how she was fixed for that week and got nothing. Weirdly though, a day or so later she played a move against me on Draw Something but never replied to my text.

All through the week I still thought that I'd hear back from her and again felt in complete limbo when I didn't receive a reply. Two weeks then went by and still nothing, so I thought I'd give it one last try and so I texted her and asked if she fancied going out for a drink in the next week or so. I never heard back from her but a few hours after I'd sent it she started a game of Draw Something with me and didn't reply to my text.

I've got to say that out of all the 69 dates I've been on, she was by far my favourite. I also didn't feel that I'd forced the issue in any shape or form as I played it cool and I felt that I was very patient. I don't quite understand why she agreed to see me again and then just ignore me completely. I've been on plenty of dates where I've been ignored in the aftermath, which I've always accepted because you get used to it, although it is still plain rude and how can it hurt to just send back a polite 'no thank-you?' However, the thing that I find most bizarre is the fact that after both texts, she'd start a game with me on Draw Something shortly afterwards, despite the fact that we hadn't been playing against each other in between the two texts. I've therefore come to the conclusion that she's just subtly teasing me as she clearly knows that I like her and she knows that I'm waiting for her to reply to me, but I can only assume that she's getting a bit of a kick and having a laugh out of literally playing games with me.

I normally take these things with a pinch of salt but in this case I don't quite get why she's chosen to be a bit of a bitch after we had two fun dates as it's not as though I've messed her around in the slightest. She's 37 and one would have thought that she'd have a mature attitude, although perhaps the fact that she teaches teenagers maybe says it all as their behaviour is clearly rubbing off on her. I've learnt my lesson though and won't be contacting her again which is a shame as I really liked her. I won't be playing my move of Draw Something against her either...