Date 184

"And so I drank one, it became four."

This date had taken ages to sort out as she only seemed to reply once a week on Tinder. She complained that it was because she wasn't receiving notifications when she got a message, but when I suggested that we could communicate via Whatsapp, she said the last person she gave her number to ghosted her so she refused.

Although I didn't notice until she mentioned it, she was a bit drunk when she turned up as she'd been to a friend's beforehand and had already downed a couple of vodkas. So, unfortunately after two gin and tonics she said she had to go home as she was feeling drunk...

I liked her as she was funny but I was put off a little bit when she said that she'd lived in Manchester and Liverpool for quite a while in her 'youth' but couldn't remember much about either city as she used to smoke a LOT of weed. I smoked a lot of weed in my 20's but I have no losses of memory during those times.

I never heard back from her though and I didn't want to make contact as her saying she was a bit drunk may have just been an exit strategy, which in hindsight it probably was as surely she couldn't have been that pissed after a couple of vodkas and G&T's?! I sort of did want to hear from her again but I've learnt my lesson from messaging people when they clearly weren't into me and Id rather not know than being rejected again.

Date 140

"Who said I'd lied to her?"

I'm not a big fan of coffee dates but relatively brief cafe meets like these are what they were made for.

I met this larger than life lady in a cafe along the seafront. All her profile photographs looked different but I knew it was her when she turned up as her booming voice, shock of ginger hair and garish dress sense gave her away. She had one of the loudest laughs I think I've heard before and I've met Brian Blessed!

She was quite an odd character and not really very self-aware. She also reminded me a bit like a female version of Colin Hunt from the Fast Show. We had a couple of cuppas then called it a day.

I'd noticed during the date that she was quite confrontational and when I got home she sent me a text rant about how I 'lied' about my height. Which is completely untrue. I'm 5'7'' and I can be a bit sensitive about being a shortarse because people have cancelled dates with me due to my height. There are also plenty of profiles that state they won't reply to messages from men under 6 feet. However, I always put my correct height on my profile as what's the point in being economical with the truth when Danny DeVito rocks up instead of the expected George Clooney?

When I assured her that's how tall I am, she backtracked a lot and said I couldn't help being that height. She also said she was a dickhead and couldn't help that either!

Date 115

"And the pain was enough to make a shy, bald Buddhist reflect and plan a mass-murder."

I have to say that I wasn't impressed by this date from Plenty of Fish when I initially met her. She lives in the same village which I thought was great as I don't really know anyone really local to me as I live in the sticks a bit.

The pub that I'd suggested we meet in, unbeknownst to me had a busy function going on, so when we both arrived, it was so rammed that we decided to go elsewhere. This wasn't so bad though as we then ventured into a pub that I'd wanted to try since I moved here and it was quite a decent one. What annoyed me a bit though was that we had 2 or 3 drinks and she didn't once offer to buy me or herself one which is a bit rude. I also didn't find her very interested in anything that I had to say.

I didn't plan to contact her again, and I never heard from her either, but a month or so later I texted her. I figured that even if there wasn't a romance between us it would be good to have a local acquaintance to hang out with.

I'm actually really glad that we did meet up as we had a great time, although I don't think it could be classed as a second date. The first time I met her, she made a big point about her being very spiritual and following Buddhist ways and rarely if ever drinking alcohol. However, on this occasion, we went and sat on the beach as it was a gloriously hot afternoon and drank 5 bottles of beer each. We then went to the most amazing Indian restaurant and shared a bottle of wine over dinner. During the afternoon she mentioned to me that she wasn't dating anymore as the internet method didn't agree with her as she felt it was all about rapid gratification, and she preferred taking the time to get to know someone. I don't think anything will happen between us but our second meeting was fun so I hope that at least we can become buddies, especially as she lives so near me.

Something else that was quite funny occurred when she got a text from some friends of hers who were on the beach too, asking if she wanted to meet up. She ignored the text though and had to secretly and stealthily make her way to the toilets as she was drunk and couldn't let them see her like that as they wanted to meet her for a ceremony that she performs in which she isn't meant to have had any alcohol for two years! 

Date 31

"And when I fell on the floor I drank more."

Another date and another Geordie lass.

We'd had a lot of contact beforehand via e-mail and our first date was really good fun. She asked me at the end of the night if I wanted to go to see her best friend sing at a gig the next night and I accepted her invitation.

The second date was a bit weird as I didn't really get to talk to her much as all her friends were there and as I'd only met her the previous night I felt a bit uncomfortable because of the fact that I barely knew her, yet was hanging out with her nearest and dearest. The alarm bells then started to ring on the train home as she bombarded me with a mountain of texts telling me how much she missed me.

We didn't see each other again for a week or so but during the intervening period I was feeling increasingly suffocated by her. Her texts, phone calls and e-mails became relentless. It got to the stage where she was actually texting me every 5 minutes, and if I didn't reply to one within a few minutes she'd just keep on sending them regardless.

The third date also involved going to see her best friend gigging again, which wasn't ideal, but we had a meal and drinks beforehand, and it had got to stage where I thought that I should tell her to slow down a bit as I felt she was coming on too strong, considering we'd only been on two dates. Although, I did have a frank chat with her, the rest of the evening didn't quite go to plan, and this is best summed up with this excerpt from an e-mail I sent to one of my friends:

"I had a chat with her last night and told her that the incessant texting was making me uncomfortable and I also told her that things were going a bit too fast and that at this early stage I didn't want to make promises to her that I couldn't keep. Then I got absolutely hammered, fell over, was in no fit state to get home on my own and ended up sleeping with her..."

That is essentially what happened and the whole evening was a bit of a blur. I was very drunk, which is extremely rare for me as I really can hold my alcohol very well, and at one stage I can remember her pushing me onto one of the sofas at the gig venue. She then proceeded to straddle me and she pinned my arms down so that I couldn't move and started kissing me but I can't remember for how long. I imagine that any on-lookers who spied us must have shared my fear.

I obviously felt really bad the next morning and a bit regretful, but sometimes these things happen and I was a bit appalled by my behaviour.

We'd agreed to meet up again to go to the cinema, but a few days before this I just felt that I had to speak to her as I just knew that things weren't going to work out for us as I knew that she really liked me but I just wasn't feeling the same towards her. In the end I rang her up and told her what I felt and that I just wanted to be friends, and to give her enormous credit, she acted in a very mature manner and took it in a very adult way. She also appreciated my honesty.

We then hooked up a few days later and went to the flicks to see The Damned United and had a meal afterwards. Things were a bit awkward at first but as the evening progressed we got on well. I also felt so guilty that I paid for the cinema tickets and the meal. We haven't seen each other since, however, I know that I made the right decision.