Date 76

"See the luck I've had can make a good man turn bad."

My first date of 2013 and any thoughts I had that a new year would bring about a change in my fortunes were quickly dashed here.

Having gone back to OKCupid to try my luck again, I was quite optimistic even before I'd met this person. She'd seemed very keen to meet me and sent me her phone number and times when she was free after only a few messages without me asking, so things did seem very promising and for the first time in ages, I was actually excited about this date rather than nervous.

Even before the date started though, my evening got off to a very bad start. Just as I was about to catch my train, I went to a cash point and the ATM inexplicably swallowed my card without warning, so thanks for trying to ruin my night: HSBC. There was absolutely no reason for this to happen as I'd entered the right pin and I wasn't overdrawn. I just didn't know what to do as I only had about a fiver in my wallet. What do you do in a situation like that as I could hardly turn up on a date without any money? I was very close to ringing her up and cancelling but my Knight in Shining Armour suddenly appeared in the form of my sister's boyfriend! Luckily he hadn't gone into work that day as he'd been doing stuff from home, so he drew some cash out for me and even lent me his Oyster card, and I even made my train...what a man.

Despite that little drama and the fact that my train was severely delayed, I managed to get to the bar we were meeting in at the right time and although she was fashionably 15 minutes late it didn't really matter as it gave me time to cancel my debit card and catch my breath.

When she did turn up we seemed to hit it off straight away and we had so much to talk about. Being 4 years older than me meant that we had almost identical reference points in terms of music and she was also a History teacher which was useful as I used to work in that sector. However, something that I think probably put me at a disadvantage was the fact that she was doing some thing where she wasn't going to be drinking any alcohol for the whole of January. I don't really understand these sorts of things as I sometimes go for a whole month without any booze and I don't even notice so I can only imagine that she's normally a big drinker.

After a couple of drinks (soft ones for her) we called it a night as it was getting late and at the end of the evening I was actually surprised by how much I'd fancied her. We said our goodbyes and although I'm always pessimistic about second dates, I thought there was a really good chance of her wanting to meet up again as the evening had been a good laugh and, in my eyes, there was a lot of potential.

How wrong I was. I sent her a message the next day saying that I'd had a really enjoyable evening and I asked her if she wanted to meet up again and she replied by saying: 'nice to meet you too but I think I'd like to leave it as one night.' Although she was being honest, I found that a bit patronising (anyone else think that too?). And after brushing these knock-backs aside in the past I am actually starting to seriously wonder what women are actually looking for and what (if anything) I'm doing wrong. I also think that if she'd had her beer goggles on then another date would have happened. Possibly. 

Date 75

"Money Changes Everything."

My third and final date using Lovestruck and I was glad to delete my profile when my 3 month subscription ended. Any replies to messages or profile views from other members ended after about 2 weeks of being on there so I really didn't get my money's worth.

I contacted this person within the first few days of being on the site and she very quickly gave me her phone number...without me even asking for it. So, very soon we agreed to meet in Richmond at 4pm one Saturday afternoon. It went very well and we got on splendidly, although she really hit the red wine and even after eating at a restaurant, she peaked too early and we had to call it a night at about 8pm as she was very merry.

I was very keen to see her again so I texted her a day or so later and asked her if she wanted to go to the flicks. I won't say which film as I'll just be laughed at, but she said yes and seemed very excited. Although, probably by the film I'd suggested rather than seeing me again. Apart from the fact that the cinema's heating had broken down and it was -2 outside, thus forcing us to don scarves and gloves half way through, the film was decent...and ok, I'll give you a clue what we saw: I'm Team Edward all the way. Afterwards she asked me to walk her back to her car which was about 10 minutes away and she then gave me a lift back to near my bus stop, although I had to suddenly jump out at some traffic lights which was a bit of an abrupt end to the evening as I barely could say goodbye and I didn't have a clue how the evening had gone.

I heard from her briefly over Christmas but then the trail went dead. As luck would have it though, I managed to acquire a couple of tickets for my beloved BUG at the BFI (hosted by Adam Buxton). I hadn't been for a year as tickets are like gold dust, but for some bizarre reason there were still a few for sale which is extremely rare as it's almost always sold out very quickly. I'd found out on our first date that she was a big fan of Mr Buxton, although she'd never heard of, let alone been to BUG which I was amazed at. So, although, I hadn't bought them especially for her, I told her that I had a spare and she jumped at the chance.

As it turned out, it was the best BUG I'd been to for ages and some of it was so funny that I couldn't breathe as I was laughing so much. She really enjoyed it too. However, afterwards we had a few drinks and she never once offered to pay for her ticket or buy me drinks. I couldn't obviously ask her for the money and while they were only £15, to me that's just a bit rude, is it not?

Although I got a text from her to thank me for the evening later on, I've not heard from her since so I'm just going to leave it as I actually can't be bothered to chase her. Whilst we got on well, I felt that she wasn't really putting any effort into things as I'd chosen the venues for each date and I still feel her not offering to pay for BUG was a little bit naughty. The fact that she was a smoker also bothered me a little bit too. I stopped smoking almost 4 months ago and it's still a real struggle for me. I realise it's completely hypocritical of me but having to sit out in the freezing cold while she smoked fag after fag before BUG was really unbearable, and maybe I'm better off without the temptation.

Date 74

"I want to leave, you will not miss me."

Having said in my previous blog entry that I quite liked Lovestruck; I am now utterly bored by it and I suspect that there aren't many paid up members on it, which isn't surprising considering how much it costs.

Date 74 was actually the first person to message me when I joined but it took us absolutely ages to finally meet up due to various reasons. Before we'd even met, she'd asked me to go to a gig with her of a band I had no interest in seeing. As I'd found out with Date 66, going to a gig on a date really is a rubbish idea. She said that if I didn't fancy it then we didn't have to and so I was honest with her and replied by saying that they weren't my cup of tea. She then responded sarcastically by telling me that it was nice to see that I was open to new things and offered me some more dates when she was free. I thought that was quite rude considering she'd said it would be fine if I didn't want to go. I then thought that maybe that was just her sense of humour (which hadn't translated very well in email form) so I messaged her back a couple of days later and agreed to meet her on another evening she said she'd be free on. However, she got back to me and said that because I hadn't responded straight away (I received the message from her on a Friday, was out all day on the Saturday and replied to her on the Sunday), that she'd already made other plans!

I thought that was a bit odd but agreed to another time anyway and funnily enough had to cancel due to the fact that I was suffering from a really bad ear infection. She was very understanding and I felt bad but it couldn't be helped. We made another date and she then cancelled on me due to work commitments and so the whole thing really was turning into a saga.

During all this, I was getting a bit fed up with her emails. She continuously kept asking me to go to gigs with her to see obscure bands that I just wasn't interested in. I love going to gigs but not with someone I'd never met before and not to see a band I'd never heard of. I think that, like Date 66, she just had spare tickets that she needed paying for, and the thought of having to fork out for something I didn't want to go to just to do her a favour didn't appeal to me. Another noticeable thing about her messages to me was that she would write very lengthy essays about herself and never ask me about anything. We did finally agree on a date when we were both free, but by this time I wasn't really looking forward to meeting her, but I felt that I couldn't back out of it.

We met one afternoon and I was dreading it a bit, however, this was mainly because I'd stopped smoking the previous week. And, as it happened this was the first online date I'd ever been on as a non-smoker. It was a very strange feeling not to have a pre-date cigarette to supposedly 'calm my nerves' beforehand but it probably helped that she wasn't a smoker either, although that didn't stop me from thinking about tabs the whole time especially when I started drinking.

She was originally from Edinburgh and a midwife but as it turned out she wasn't good company at all. She took the chance to belittle most things I said at every opportunity and her sense of humour was so sarcastic that it was actually bordering on being aggressive. I am now a man in my mid 30's and like many other gentlemen of a similar vintage, we are going a bit thin on top. I'm not bald by any means but I am receding a bit. This is something I'm a bit sensitive about (as most men are) and when she started making jokes about this, I'd had enough and called an end to proceedings, which was the first time that I'd done this myself despite having been on 74 first dates. I can take a joke but I just felt that this was the final straw and I just didn't want to spend any more time with this virtual stranger constantly taking the piss out of everything I said, yet I was expected to be polite and appear interested in what she had to say about herself and her life (which was a lot). I was also disappointed by the fact that she'd been to see The Human League the previous night which I'd have gone to without a second thought, yet the only bands she'd asked me to go to with her were utter shite ones.

Date 73

"I lost my bag in Newport Pagnell."

After permanently deleting or deactivating all my dating profiles on Guardian Soulmates, Match, Plenty of Fish, OKCupid and Tastebuds, my life appeared to have a void in it; so I joined a site that I'd never been on before called Lovestruck.

My first impressions of the site were good in terms of its design and search facilities and it has plenty of members. My only sticking point initially was the price as it's vastly more expensive on a monthly basis than any site that I have ever used before and I don't quite understand how they can justify that. The whole site is geared towards 'busy' professionals who want to date and so you can only sign up if you live in one of 8 cities in the UK e.g. London, Manchester, Birmingham etc. I suppose some people may see that as being a flaw but as I currently live in London; I'm not interested in meeting anyone too far away. Another feature the site offers is that you can show whether you're free for lunch or dinner each day, which is not something I'd ever use as I prefer to exchange a few messages first, although that may appeal to some people.

After initially signing up, I quickly received quite a few winks and a couple of messages and so I was sorely tempted to subscribe but I resisted for a few days as I was still put off by the high price. In the end I signed up for 3 months as the deal they offered for that was significantly lower on a month by month basis.

Funnily enough, after being subscribed for a few weeks, the interest shown in me by others before I became a fully paid up member dropped to virtually zero...hmmm, I wonder why that is? I guess my status as 'fresh meat' wore off pretty quickly.

I wasn't exactly enamoured by Date 73 at first as one of her initial messages informed me that her flatmate thought that I looked like a serial killer. However, after a few more emails she asked me if I fancied meeting for a drink so I said yes.

The date nearly didn't happen as when I was making my way into London, I started to suffer from vertigo and nausea on a train platform and nearly cancelled. It did pass after a while though and I assumed it was just nerves, although after feeling worse the next day I found out that I had an ear infection.

The date itself was fine, and she'd just got back from visiting Newport Pagnell, which was great as it gave this blog entry an easy title. As a lot of you may have noticed; this blog is named after a song by The Smiths, and each dating entry has a lyric or song by them at the beginning, and luckily, Morrissey once mentioned the aforementioned Milton Keynes town in one of their songs.

She was 5 years younger than me, had a subtle Northern accent and was good company but I'm really struggling to say much more about her other than the fact that she occasionally went to the shops in a onesie and having worked in numerous bars in her youth; had discovered, after intensive research, how to make the perfect Gin and Tonic. She was a nice person but I didn't have any burning desire to see her again after the date had finished, and I think that she probably felt the same as we both didn't make any attempt to contact each other again.

Date 72

'BPI, MTV, BBC. Please them, please them. (Sadly, this was your life).'

After valiantly attempting to go out on a date from a few of the free sites I'd been on, I had to admit defeat after a good few months of pro-activity resulting in absolutely bugger all. I, therefore, thought I'd give Match another go because of the fact I'd met some decent lasses from there at the beginning of the year and also due to the fact that they'd sent me a voucher to subscribe for a month with 50% off.

After exchanging a few messages with Date 72, I asked her out for a drink as she's in a band and is a muso like me; so I was absolutely intrigued.

As I was a bit early arriving at the designated venue, I had a bit of a wander around elsewhere to kill some time. I hadn't been on a date for three months or more, and I have to say that I was uncharacteristically nervous. However, whilst strolling around immersed in my own little world, I bumped into my first (and best, if you happen to reading this, sir) boss who I hadn't seen for about six or seven years. This thankfully put me at ease and after a brief chat, I moved onto the bar I'd agreed to meet Date 72 at in much better spirits.

Unfortunately, the bar was absolutely rammed and there was no chance of getting a seat but luckily I had a Plan B up my sleeve, so we moved on to a pub about five minutes away and it was a good choice as we got an excellent table straight away.

Things were a little awkward at first as she was quite distant and mono-syllabic in her replies and she asked me whether she'd told me that she was currently selling her house-boat, to which I responded in the negative, and so she said that she was talking to so many people on Match that she'd forgotten who and what she'd told about herself, which made me laugh, although inwardly of course.

Thankfully though, and after a few drinks the conversation started to flow as she told me about her experiences as a violinist and singer in a band. I hadn't heard of them but they seemed to be doing alright for themselves as they'd played at Glastonbury, had done a few BBC radio sessions and had been used as background music on television. We also shared the same passion for a number of the same bands and she regaled me with stories about meeting various people in the music industry whom I liked.

At the end of the date, we went our separate ways, and to be honest I didn't really know how the date had gone. When we spoke about music, she absolutely fascinated and enchanted me but I did find her a bit humourless. I've come to the conclusion that because I've been on so many dates; I now find it difficult to tell if I like someone or not, so I don't know whether my emotions have become numb or I'm just not meeting the right women.

As it turned out it didn't really matter whether I liked her or not as she sent me a message a couple of days later saying: 'My romance radar detects that there probably wasn't anything between us but it was a nice night, so I just wanted to say so.'

At the time, I was impressed (and amazed) at her maturity and honesty so wasn't too bothered, however, a couples of days later I felt genuinely disappointed as I would have happily seen her again if she'd wanted to. I did reply and I said that it would be cool if we could still hang out but she never got back to me.

Date 71

"And if a double-decker bus crashes into us."

My second date on GSM in 3 months, and it nearly didn't happen at all. We'd been in contact for a couple of weeks and decided to meet up, and had set the day, but when I emailed her to ask about the time and place; she never replied.

I'm super organised when it comes to meeting up with people, so if I haven't heard from them on the day then I'll chase them up (this happens a lot). However, on this occasion I didn't, simply because I thought if she's so disorganised then why should I? Plus, I'd also assumed that she'd gone off the idea of meeting up, which isn't exactly rare with online dating.

Then at about 5:30pm on the day that we were meant to be meeting I received this from her:

"If you'd changed your mind about meeting up this evening, that's fine. But you should have at least had the decency to let me know so I knew what was going on and could have made other plans."

I was obviously quite annoyed by this, seeing as though she was the one who'd ignored my email, so I replied telling her this and attaching the message I'd received no response to. She replied later that evening saying sorry and claiming that she never got the email that I'd originally sent to her, which I'm not quite sure I believe, plus she did actually go out that evening so in fact clearly made other plans. I then just left it as I really wasn't bothered about seeing her after she'd sent me such an arsey message without even bothering to check the facts. I also thought that if she's like this before we've even met then what's she going to be like in person.

A few days later she emailed me asking if we could try meeting up again and to be honest, I wasn't fussed but thought that I might as well, if only to see what she was like and because of the possibility that it could make a good blog entry. I also wanted to find out whether her obsession with Chas n Dave was genuine as well (it was).

So, we met up in central London about a week or so later and we actually had a really enjoyable evening. We just kept going from bar to bar and ended up both missing our last trains home because each time I suggested we should go to the station, she just kept telling me that she wanted to keep on drinking and that we should stay out and think about the consequences later. So we continued our quest to keep finding bars that were still open.

In the end we had to call it a night as we ran out of places that didn't require an exorbitant entry fee, and the last hour or so was actually spent trudging around Soho aimlessly with no luck, so in retrospect in the time we wasted doing that, we could have actually made our last trains. Thus, getting home was actually a complete pain in the arse as we both had to get the night bus (locating our respective bus stops was a mission in itself and took ages but at least I know where mine is now), so I didn't end up getting back to my flat until 3:30am. Bizarrely, even though she lives in Kent, she actually beat me and got home before me.

We texted each other a bit on the bus and when we got home and then for a couple of days I didn't hear anything, so I emailed her to see if she fancied going out again. To no great surprise, she replied and said that she'd had a brilliant night but that we weren't a 'romantic match' but we could still hang out if I wanted. I have to say that I was quite disappointed because I thought that as we had stayed out so late, she must have been enjoying my company and I was surely worth another go as we'd both had a good time, but at least she was honest.

We then met up a few weeks later and spent the afternoon in Richmond Park and had a really pleasant time. I also have to report that she was correct in us not being a romantic match. Clearly she is much wiser than me, although my judgement is sometimes swayed when lots of alcohol is involved on first dates, plus I think that when someone appears and acts normal then it's such a relief to me that I probably mistake having a good time for a possible future romance.

We've hooked up another time since then, and whilst she is very nice company, we've not really got that much in common which was highlighted by the fact that when I met her in London, she wanted me to go all the way back to a theatre near her in Kent (where she'd just come from), so that we could meet Will Young (currently appearing in Cabaret) at the stage door as she'd been to see the musical twice already and one of her friends, who works at the theatre, said s/he'd introduce them. I politely declined her offer...

She then contacted me some time later to see if I wanted to go with her and her aunt (yes, really) to see Ghostbusters at the cinema for a special showing where you could shout out the script in unison as it went along. I have to confess that I took this as my cue to run to the hills...

Date 70

"I left the North, I travelled South."

With my match subscription expiring and none of the free sites bearing any fruit, I decided to venture back onto Guardian Soulmates after almost a year's absence. They sent me a special discount and I signed up again because I'm tight and clearly a dating whore.

My last experience on GSM had been very different from when I'd been on it a few years ago. In the golden years of 2008/9 I went on over 40 dates, yet when I tried it again, after its ill-fated relaunch last year, my time on it was characterised by rarely getting any replies to my messages and only managing to go on two solitary dates. This time around and after a month; the dating and messaging results are similarly barren.

Date 70 had first made contact with me last year when I had my previous subscription. During that time we had exchanged a few messages and then they just fizzled out without us meeting. I was quite surprised, therefore, when she emailed me again this time around, and she was super keen to go out for a drink.

We met up on a Sunday afternoon, went to a couple of bars, had about 4 pints and reminisced about our childhoods. She was a fellow Geordie and only a couple of months older than me, so we'd grown up in exactly the same area at the same time. It was a very pleasant afternoon despite me having to do the vast majority of the talking and she was very nice but after it had finished; I just didn't feel any great longing to see her again. I'm also ashamed to say that throughout the date I kept wondering what had happened in the last episode of The Bridge (one of the best tv shows ever made) and I was dying to get home and watch it, which is never a good sign. I got the impression that she possibly might have wanted another date but I never heard from her and I made no effort to contact her either.

This was a quite a rare experience for me as most of the time I'm quite keen to go on another date with someone, as quite frankly I normally fancy most of the women I meet, but on this occasion I just felt thoroughly underwhelmed. I've also gone on a bit of a rant in other blog entries, where I've often wondered why others haven't wanted to see me again and I think this has given me a bit of an insight into how people have thought when they've met me.