Date 47

"Media Whore."

This was quite a pleasant evening spent in a bar in Wimbledon. We only had a few drinks and I honestly can't remember anything about her, not that she was incredibly boring, and the conversation was fine, but nothing stands out apart from the fact that talentless Abi Titmuss used to be a close childhood friend of hers (I know, that is really scraping the proverbial barrel!).

She told me afterwards that 'I'd popped her internet dating cherry' and she texted me a few times so I e-mailed her to see if she wanted to hook up again. Her reply made me feel like I'd been rejected for a job interview as it actually went along the lines of 'I regret to inform you that I won't be taking this any further, but good luck in the future.'

Date 46

"Coyness is nice."

This 'coy' lass from Billingham is by far the closest friend I have made from my many forays into internet dating. We're still very much in contact and see each other on a fairly regular basis, mainly to stalk the wonderful Adam Buxton at BUG from the front row, which he hosts at the BFI every couple of months. The great man himself even commented at one of the November 2010 shows how we both looked very cool in our almost matching thick, black rimmed glasses; so he's clearly on to us.

After a number of very enjoyable dates, I decided that we'd be better off as friends and we still get on really well almost 2 years later.

Probably the most explosive and entertaining incident to occur during one of our dates happened one evening when we were sitting outside a bar on Charing Cross Road having a drink and a smoke on an absolutely freezing cold night. We were deep in conversation when a severely pissed up city boy/Essex lad, not very resplendent in a grey suit and matching waistcoat, and heavily resembling the maverick snooker player Ronnie O'Sullivan, launched himself at our table to acquire a lighter without so much as a please or thank you. We just stared at him as he tried to light his cigarette without any luck, then forcibly tossed said lighter back onto our table claiming it was broken. He then walked off and I breathed a sigh of relief only for my companion to shout back at him that his flies were undone, which they actually were. He then stormed back to our table demanding a working cigarette lighter, and then grabbed my ladyfriend's bag on his ultimately fruitless quest for a tiny, hand-held flame. A very minor struggle ensued and when he'd realised that he wasn't going to get what he wanted, he proceeded to clear our table by smashing our drinks and ash tray onto the ground. Then, to top things off he drunkenly stumbled off up the street shouting back at me over and over that I was a fucking c*nt, which I was simply aghast at, having not said a word to him during the whole altercation! If only he'd taken the time to get to know me better.

Date 45

"How can you stay with a fat girl who'll say: "would you like to marry me? And if you like you can buy the ring."

Again, another fun night which involved visiting and sampling Richmond's finest public houses, but nothing more than that, and we never met up again.

The only thing that sticks in my memory from this night was a text I received from her before we were due to meet in which she warned me that she'd put on a lot of weight since her profile photographs were taken. She then followed this up with 'don't worry as I'm not morbidly obese or anything!' As it turned out she looked exactly the same as her pictures so I've no idea what she was talking about.

Date 44

"If you're so very good looking, why do you sleep alone tonight?"

I had a fantastic night and at the time I had high hopes of a second date. We got on really well as she had a fantastically wicked sense of humour, although I think a lot of the time alcohol plays a huge part in determining how well a date goes, and we spent a good 5 or 6 hours together. We'd also attended the same university, although at different times as I'm about 5 or 6 years older than her, and actually lived in the same area at the same time for a few years.

Anyway, as things turned out she didn't want to go on a second date but wanted to stay friends. I was obviously disappointed at yet another rejection and I also felt I was probably at a slight disadvantage because of the fact that I was the first internet date she'd been on and so she probably wanted to see what else was out there. However, at least she was honest and completely up front about things.

We ended up meeting again for a quick drink (6 months after our date) and I think she was spot on about just being friends, however, we never saw or spoke to each other again after that.

As an aside to this she told me that she'd been in a relationship for the last 3 months with someone she'd met down her local pub. Subsequently, I saw a picture of him on Facebook and I was surprised when I saw that he looked like a Hell's Angel; complete with a shaved head and a long, pure ginger goatee type beard. I immediately felt relieved that it was my personality she wasn't attracted to and not my looks.

Date 43

"But not much more."

Very pleasant evening but we didn't have much in common apart from us both being born in the same city, however, she must be the only Geordie never to have heard of Jackie Milburn.

Not really much else to say other than the fact that she was very nice and there'd been a lot of e-mail contact between us beforehand so I'd pretty much guessed how things would pan out, and neither of us attempted to arrange a second date.

Date 42

"Still, I must speak frankly..."

A boozy evening and one of my most enjoyable first dates. We'd hardly had any contact beforehand so I was probably the most nervous I've ever been before meeting someone off Soulmates. Thankfully, we got on well and yet again drank a lot.

However, when I e-mailed her a couple of days later to ask about another date she said that she didn't 'forsee a romance' between us. I was a bit disappointed, but I appreciated her honesty.

We've stayed in touch and still see each other on a fairly regular basis two years later and she's definitely one of my favourite drinking partners and a lot of fun to hang out with.

Date 41

"Under the iron bridge we kissed, and although I ended up with sore lips."

I had a very pleasant evening with this teacher and budding actress who had a penchant for roller discos. She'd lived in LA for quite a while and had some really funny stories to tell which involved some random encounters she'd had with Marlon Brando and Robert De Niro while she was there.

At the end of the evening and after a good few drinks had been put away, we both got the same train back and just before she was about to get off at her stop, and much to my surprise, she grabbed me and kissed me.

I'd really enjoyed the night but wasn't surprised when she e-mailed me a couple of days later to say she just wanted to be friends, which was fair enough. We then met up in Wimbledon a week later and had another fun evening which again surprisingly ended with her passionately kissing me at the top of the stairs above the train platform and we agreed to another hook-up. I never saw or heard from her again.

I'm not a piece of meat, you know.