Date 133

"And when a train goes by, it's such a sad sound."

This date and I had first made contact about 18 months previously through Tinder. We had been going to meet up but she cancelled last minute and disappeared.

Then a couple of months ago she contacted me out of the blue and we got chatting again, spoke on the phone then finally decided to go on a belated first date.

As she lives in Kent, we worked out that Hastings is roughly half-way between us so met for lunch. I'm sorry if any Hastings residents are reading this but it is an absolute shithole. Although I'm only quoting lyrics by The Smiths for this blog, it's a shame I can't use one of Morrissey's solo efforts and describe it as 'the coastal town that they forgot to close down,' as although that song isn't about Hastings, it really could be.

I know Hastings a little bit through Date 99, so I found a cafe in the old town area as it is actually quite decent and different from the rest of the place. So, we had coffee and lunch and then she announced to me that she had a chiropodist's appointment so had to go. I genuinely think she did but I'd have appreciated a bit of notice as I consequently missed my train, had to wait an hour for the next one then ended up getting home 3 hours later due to the vagaries of Southern Railways.

Before she left though, we made plans for a second date a week or so later in Lewes, which is a lot easier for me to get to. However, that never took place as she cancelled at the last minute and when I suggested rearranging she said yes, but she saw me in the role of friend rather than anything romantic.

I was a bit disappointed as I was looking forward to seeing her again but she is one of the flakiest people I know. I've not seen her again but she sporadically contacts me then disappears; as is her wont. She's also a bit humourless at times as I found out when I was being a bit jokey in some text messages and she got quite passive aggressive and told me in no uncertain terms that I was annoying her and she didn't appreciate me besmirching her character, which I really wasn't doing. On second thoughts, I'm probably better off without her!

Date 132

"Too freely on your lips."

This was the first and hopefully the last time that I get absolutely shit-faced on a first date. You'd think I'd know by now. I really can't comprehend what came over me or what happened.

She asked me out for a drink with her first email and apparently we'd exchanged a good few messages a couple of years back and then she'd disappeared; she was actually a bit put out that I couldn't remember this!

When we first met, I thought I'd only stay for a couple as my first impressions told me that there wasn't really a connection. However, we kept ordering large glasses of red wine and we were there until closing time. By this point we were both pretty drunk but inexplicably we found another pub which was open late. I don't remember what we talked about but I do recall towards the end of the night ordering straight cokes as I wasn't feeling too clever.

Upon leaving the pub and walking up a long, steep street with her, I just can't recall what happened in between. However, my last memory before I got into a taxi at the top of the street was us snogging! I don't know how the night led to this, I don't know who instigated it and I don't know how long it lasted. My memory was hazy at best.

I woke up the next morning with a moderately bad hangover and a feeling that I wasn't fussed about seeing her again. I didn't know why but I had a couple of flashbacks to some things she'd said towards the end of the evening that I found a bit odd, but I couldn't remember what exactly. I texted her in the afternoon to see how she was coping and she replied to my first text but not to my follow up. I didn't pursue her any further, nor did I hear from her again.

I was also quite regretful about getting so drunk, but more because there were parts of the night that I couldn't remember as opposed to anything embarrassing happening. Never again...

Date 131

"Do you see me when we pass?"

I don't think this person really knew what she was looking for. She'd recently moved back to Brighton after living in America for a number of years, in which time she'd been married and divorced.

She was quite hard to pin down at first. After I suggested we meet up, she insisted on talking on the phone first. After giving her my number, she kept saying she'd call on certain nights and never did. In the end we never spoke on the phone but ended up meeting for a quick coffee one afternoon weeks later, after she'd messed me around a bit.

The coffee lasted less than an hour but I think we got on well and she talked about meeting again for a second date. Although, I wasn't very keen on one of her suggestions, which was to go and see a Country and Western band; however, I didn't outwardly show my lack of enthusiasm for that idea. Saying that though, I would have gone along if asked as I had a good feeling about her and wanted to see her again.

A couple of days later my Mum went into hospital with pneumonia and never came home, although she's now doing very well in a Nursing home in Hove. On the day this happened I got a text from Date 131 asking if we could meet up the following week and I also explained the situation to her.

I didn't hear from her until 2 or 3 weeks later when I got a message saying:

I was a bit disappointed that she'd changed her mind, but as I said at the beginning: I don't think she knew what she wanted. As it happens, I did actually bump into her briefly about 6 weeks later just as I was about to meet Date 132! I've not seen her since though.

Date 130

"Because you let yours flail into public view."

I ventured back onto Guardian Soulmates after receiving a delightful opening message from this Brighton social worker.

I used to have a line on my profile in which I described myself as having the lower body of a footballer but the upper body of a darts player, and her opening email stated that she possessed the lower body of a javelin-thrower and the upper body of a page 3 girl. She'd charmed me.

We shared the same sense of humour and her texts were hilarious. We had a lot in common too with other things like music and shared a similar outlook on life.

We met in a pub I'd never been to before and I was extremely impressed with the choice of location as it had milk stout on tap! We got on well and shared a kiss outside and agreed to meet up again.

She suggested we meet at the same pub a couple of weeks later as it specialised in pies and she wanted to try one. However, the second date was the polar opposite of the first. She didn't make any effort at all and seemed completely disinterested in me. I was actually quite taken aback and the pies were also very average.

As we shared another kiss outside when we were waiting for her taxi and because she said she wanted to see me again, I thought maybe I'd imagined her apparent apathy. I hadn't though and we never had a third date.

I initially enquired about seeing her again and she kept being quite vague but said we could meet up the following week. However, when I contacted her again she said she enjoyed our dates but didn't feel any spark between us. I was quite disappointed as I was attracted to her, but I'd guessed that would be the case after the subdued second date. Maybe, it was just as well though as she wasn't nearly as funny in real-life. Ouch!

Date 129

"Kitchen aromas aren't very homely."

My first date of the new year and I again made a resolution to not pay a subscription for online dating, so I went back to OKCupid. This lasted all of one date as it turned out.

As was becoming quite common, '129' cancelled last minute when we were due to meet for drinks on a Friday night, due to an issue with her builder. She did however suggest that we should meet for a meal the following night, which was probably a better plan.

So, I booked a table at a Thai restaurant in Hove, which I'd been wanting to try out for a while. The date was uneventful and all I can really remember was that we had to wait 90 minutes for our main course, even though we'd been told that we had to vacate the table after two hours. which they thankfully didn't enforce. It was actually the second time I'd been to this group of restaurants, and despite its rave reviews, I've never been very taken by the cuisine.

She was a perfectly nice person but there was absolutely zero chemistry between us and I was impressed when she said as much at the bus stop. 

So, same shit, different year...

Date 128

"Ice water for blood."

This turned out to be my last dalliance on GSM before my subscription ran out, and in retrospect I wish I hadn't bothered as it turned out to be a waste of my valuable time.

We didn't live near each other as she was in Surrey and there was also the fact that she was tee-total so we couldn't meet for a quick drink. This wasn't a problem and when I asked why she didn't drink, she said she just didn't need to. I, therefore, had to be a bit creative, so I suggested that we meet at Kings Cross, go for a coffee and then pay a visit to the Wellcome Collection as there was an exhibition on there called Bedlam: the asylum and beyond, which she and I agreed sounded really interesting.

This was also not going to be for a few weeks as we could only meet on a Saturday and we both had plans for quite a few. In the weeks leading up to it though we were in regular contact and a couple of nights before I relayed the plan and it was set in place. I was really looking forward to it but on the night before we were due to meet she asked if we could postpone! She claimed she had some work to do which would take her all afternoon, and said we could meet for a quick coffee in East Croydon instead. I rejected this idea as it would have taken me a couple of hours to get to Croydon, whereas she was only about 20 minutes away. I was really pissed off that she cancelled at the last minute and I suspect that she got a better offer. She did say we could meet properly in a couple of weeks and, despite my misgivings, I said yes, as I always like to give people another chance.

When organising our date she said she could meet me at 2pm but when I suggested we could have lunch, she said it was too late for her to eat, so she ate beforehand which I didn't really understand as surely she could have moved the time to an earlier one. On the way to see her, I was nervous and excited, which were emotions that I'd not felt for a while, but these became dulled a bit when she was late and I had to go looking for her as she didn't know where our rendezvous point was. When I did locate her she looked like she'd just got up out of bed a few minutes before. I don't expect my dates to wear ball gowns but I always make an effort with my appearance, but she looked more like she was popping out to the corner shop for a pint of milk.

She then didn't want to go to the coffee shop I'd chosen as there was a small queue so we ended up going to a Costa. We only spent about 15 minutes in there then made our way to the exhibition, which was nearby. Once inside she then fucked off and went round the whole place ON HER OWN. ON A DATE!!!! I couldn't believe it. If you're with friends then doing that is acceptable but not when you've just met up with a potential suitor. I sort of did that too but kept making a beeline for her to make conversation but she was in her own world. She then sat down to watch a video on a loop for 20 minutes or so. This really took the piss as while she was doing that I went round the rest of the place and kept going back to her and she was still sitting there. I did this several times and each time I went back there were different people sitting next to her every time.

When she was finally finished with her viewing entertainment she then went round to the finish while I hovered about. Afterwards we went upstairs to look at another floor of a different exhibit and she did the same thing! After a while I said I was really thirsty and suggested we go the cafe downstairs as for some reason I wanted to get to know her properly as apparently we were on a first date.

Whilst sipping our cans of coke in the cafe I decided to quiz her on her no drinking lifestyle. She claimed that she just wasn't fond of alcohol and it just wasn't her thing. I then jokingly said "oh well, at least you're not a recovering alcoholic." She then looked at me in a very strange way and said nothing. After a short silence she confessed to actually being a recovering alcoholic and that she'd not had a drink for 16 years. She'd also been in rehab and had regularly gone to AA meetings. This didn't really bother me at all, and I was sympathetic and tried to make the best of an awkward situation. She then announced that she was meeting friends for dinner and we made our way to Victoria together and departed on our separate journeys home.

To me, the negatives outweighed the positives on this date. To be honest, I didn't find her very friendly and I'm not sure she showed much interest in finding out about me. I also felt that I'd gone to a lot of effort in arranging the date and it also took me about 3 hours to get there. I also felt a bit short-changed as we'd barely had time to speak after her solo voyage round the museum. I was certainly attracted to her and I found her intriguing and wanted to find out more about her, so I messaged her the next day about meeting up again. This is the response that I received back from her:

We barely spoke so I'm not sure where she got her information from regarding my expectations and situation. I expected her to say no and, thinking back, I think that I mistook her mysteriousness for aloofness.

Date 127

"I missed my bed and I soon came home."

I'd been communicating with this Aussie lady via Guardian Soulmates for a little while. She lived in London and I happened to be staying over for a couple of nights as I was seeing the Pixies at Brixton Academy, so we met up the night before.

The BFI bar became yet another scene for one of my first dates and it felt good to be back; although it had probably only been a few months since I'd last been there...We had a few drinks and I assume we went for something to eat, although I can't remember where we ended up going.

The night was going well and as the bars were closing I suggested she came back to my hotel as it had a late licence. I was definitely having fun, but my god could she knock her drinks back! I've never seen anything like it it. Even though I was enjoying her company, it got to 2am and I actually was wondering when she'd leave as I could barely keep awake. This is no criticism of her but I actually just wanted to go up to my room and jump into my bed as I was absolutely exhausted. Luckily the bar staff closed up and, as she had work the next day, she rang for a cab. 

As I escorted her out to the front of the hotel, we shared a snog, but in actual fact I don't think it could be described as such as it was the worst kiss I've honestly ever had in my life. I can't even explain what it was like, but I remember afterwards trying to work out what had actually happened. Despite cleaning the bar out she began to serenade me in the street through the medium of dance until her cab arrived.

I liked her and I think I was attracted to her but I've never been so pleased to get to bed. I didn't stir until midday but she'd actually gone into work on time after only about four hours sleep. Is this the behaviour of a functioning alcoholic or just normal for someone born and bred in Australia?

It was quite close to Christmas and she was going back home for a few weeks so we talked about her visiting me in Brighton when she got back. This never happened however. We texted for a month or so, mostly while she was down under, but I didn't have an overwhelming urge to see her again. I'm not sure why as she's a genuinely lovely person, but maybe she felt the same as the communication just fizzled out between us. I did contact her again a couple of months later and she was seeing someone else so that did make me wonder if she'd been working on her kissing technique.