Date 127

"I missed my bed and I soon came home."

I'd been communicating with this Aussie lady via Guardian Soulmates for a little while. She lived in London and I happened to be staying over for a couple of nights as I was seeing the Pixies at Brixton Academy, so we met up the night before.

The BFI bar became yet another scene for one of my first dates and it felt good to be back; although it had probably only been a few months since I'd last been there...We had a few drinks and I assume we went for something to eat, although I can't remember where we ended up going.

The night was going well and as the bars were closing I suggested she came back to my hotel as it had a late licence. I was definitely having fun, but my god could she knock her drinks back! I've never seen anything like it it. Even though I was enjoying her company, it got to 2am and I actually was wondering when she'd leave as I could barely keep awake. This is no criticism of her but I actually just wanted to go up to my room and jump into my bed as I was absolutely exhausted. Luckily the bar staff closed up and, as she had work the next day, she rang for a cab. 

As I escorted her out to the front of the hotel, we shared a snog, but in actual fact I don't think it could be described as such as it was the worst kiss I've honestly ever had in my life. I can't even explain what it was like, but I remember afterwards trying to work out what had actually happened. Despite cleaning the bar out she began to serenade me in the street through the medium of dance until her cab arrived.

I liked her and I think I was attracted to her but I've never been so pleased to get to bed. I didn't stir until midday but she'd actually gone into work on time after only about four hours sleep. Is this the behaviour of a functioning alcoholic or just normal for someone born and bred in Australia?

It was quite close to Christmas and she was going back home for a few weeks so we talked about her visiting me in Brighton when she got back. This never happened however. We texted for a month or so, mostly while she was down under, but I didn't have an overwhelming urge to see her again. I'm not sure why as she's a genuinely lovely person, but maybe she felt the same as the communication just fizzled out between us. I did contact her again a couple of months later and she was seeing someone else so that did make me wonder if she'd been working on her kissing technique. 

Date 1

"This Night has Opened my Eyes."

Back in the heady days of 2004 I went on my first internet date EVER! And after this experience I'm actually amazed that I went on any more.

Internet dating was very much in its infancy and far from socially acceptable or the norm that it is today. The site in question which I used for my first jaunt was called Love at Lycos, and it actually no longer exists. It was a free website and in the days before sites like Facebook and MySpace, it was a bit of a pioneer in terms of social networking, as, although it was primarily a dating site, it contained a lot of the same features as the aforementioned sites, such as a 'wall' to leave comments on and picture sharing capabilities.

Now to the person in question. On paper it should have been a match made in heaven, though in reality it was far from it. She was originally from Leeds, a producer on 6music (also very much in its infancy) and a huge Smiths and Morrissey fan. So far, so good, I hear you say. Well, that's what I thought, but before I even met her, there were a few warning signs.

The first time the alarm bells started ringing was when she sent me some pictures of her. We'd been in contact for a week or so and she didn't have a profile picture, so she sent some to my email address one day. Before you think that I was put off by her appearance then you're way off the mark as she was quite attractive, however, as I was at work that day, I didn't get the chance to reply until I got home that evening. By which time, along with the email with her pictures, she'd sent a couple more emails asking me why I hadn't replied instantly and that she'd presumed that I hated them etc.

I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt on this occasion, however, something similar happened a couple of days later. In the job I was in at the time, I worked for a Government department and because of security reasons, it was impossible to get a phone signal inside due to the windows being bomb proof. Consequently, we'd been texting each other when I was outside during my lunch hour, then I went back to my desk and didn't switch on my phone again until I was walking to the tube at home time and awaiting me was a stream of texts demanding to know why I was ignoring her! I decided to be very firm with her and explained the valid reason I had by not replying to her texts, but I was starting to get the distinct feeling that she was a tad insecure... Anyway, I'd already agreed to meet her by this time and thought what the hell.

As this was my first experience of meeting anyone for an internet date, I was extremely nervous in the days leading up to it. I'd also told all my work colleagues about it, but because internet dating was quite a new thing, I'd not told them where I'd 'met' her (and I never did), although they may have guessed as I was very vague about it at the time.

So, the big day arrived and we met at Waterloo station before going to Covent Garden and finding a decent enough pub. The first hour went really well as we just talked about music and we seemed to be getting on well. However, things soon changed when she uttered the now immortal phrase (well, I can still remember it clearly): "I don't want to talk about The Smiths anymore, I want to talk about US!!!!!"

Obviously, I was very much taken aback by this as I'd only met her in the flesh an hour before and she wanted to talk about our 'relationship.' I have to also add at this point that although I can remember quite clearly some of the things she said to me, my memory is a little hazy in terms of the timeline of these utterances as it was nearly 7 years ago.

Some other things I recall her saying to me involved her stating that if we went out then I wouldn't be able to have any close female friends, which would have been a big problem as the majority of my friends are female, and I think it was at this point that she even said to me that she could see that I was a bit shocked and that I could leave if I wanted. As it happened we did leave soon afterwards because she was due at 6music's Steve Lamacq's DJ night, but not before she pushed me up against a wall outside the pub and forcibly snogged my face off.

She then embarked on a trip to Australia for three weeks a few days later and on her return, late one night, she sent me a text asking if she could ring me. I'd been working late that night so had gone to bed when I got home as I was absolutely knackered, and because of this I replied explaining the situation and I asked if we could speak the next night because I was so tired, which I genuinely meant as I was quite prepared to talk to her. However, she texted back saying that she got the message and that I'd never hear from her again. Okay...