Date 97

"I'm tired and I, I want to go to bed."

The most remarkable thing about this date from Guardian Soulmates was actually the weather, as it was apparently the warmest Halloween on record. So we actually spent the initial part of the evening sitting outside a pub on Brighton beach as it was such a beautiful evening.

I've never really understood what people mean by this when they say it, but she had a really kind and caring aura about her. I can't articulate it very well but there was something about her that had a very calming effect on me. She was also absolutely hilarious.

It was therefore, very strange when she basically just buggered off after we'd eaten. I don't think it was even 8pm and as soon as we were outside the restaurant she said she had to go and hot-footed it out of there.

It was very weird. I didn't fancy her but I wanted to say to her that it had been lovely to meet her and I hoped we could stay in touch, but her abrupt exit stopped me from doing so afterwards and I assumed that she couldn't wait to get away from me!

As it turned out though, she emailed me the next evening and pretty much said exactly what I was thinking:

'It was lovely to meet you last night and you are certainly one lovely human. I didn't have that elusive spark but I would be happy to meet up again for a half-pint and a mooch. Sorry I darted off, I was actually really worn out...'

She had actually mentioned that she lived next door to very noisy students, and would regularly be kept awake by what she initially thought was a very squeaky hamster wheel, but upon further investigation it turned out to be them just shagging. 

Date 96

"Hair brushed and parted."

It's really difficult to get replies on free dating sites. I imagine this is because they are over-subscribed, and from female friends I know who are on them, women apparently get inundated. I still don't see why I rarely get responses though as I write proper messages so it's clear that I've read their profiles and I try to be funny. A previous date said to me once that I'm not handsome but she found me attractive, so maybe that's where the first impressions problem lies...or it could just be that my jokes are really bad.

Anyway, I digress. The point I'm also making is that I do get replies on pay sites so I tend to go back to them. I don't think I've ever had a one month subscription on a pay site and not had at least one date from it. 

So, I went back onto Guardian Soulmates and someone actually replied to me and we met up for a few drinks. It was fine and she was very nice and we got on well enough, but neither of us made plans for a second date. One thing I have to say is that her profile pics looked nothing like her and they were at least 5 years old, AT LEAST. So when I saw her coming towards me I actually just guessed it was her. This is not me being shallow either but my pics are always up to date, so it's not really too much to ask that others do the same. I had a magnificent head of hair in my 20's and as much as I'd love to put those pics up it's not really fair to do so! Not that she was bald or anything...

Date 95

"We can go for a walk where it's quiet and dry 

and talk about precious things."

Date 95 took 6 months to reply to me from when I first sent her a message. Yes, you read that correctly - 6 frickin' months. I didn't even have a subscription on Match anymore and so when you're not a paid up member, Match don't even reveal who has contacted you. So I had to do a bit of detective work before deciding that I should take out a one week membership in order to reply.

Our first date was a lot of fun as we met for drinks and then went for a meal. She was very smart, although her clothes were very 1980's, but that didn't detract from the fact that she was very attractive.

We seemed to get on well and I was very pleased when she agreed to a second date. However, it turned out to be a bit shit.

For date number 2, she suggested that we could meet along the seafront and go for a walk as it was a really warm Saturday afternoon. So, we strolled up to Zoe Ball & Fatboy Slim's tiny palace and back again, which took a couple of hours. Along the way she refused the offer of a coffee or ice cream and I'd stupidly presumed that we were then going to head into Brighton to a pub or restaurant, as it was still only the afternoon.. When I suggested this she claimed to be meeting her sister for dinner later on so I ended up being home by 6pm. I hadn't mentioned doing something afterwards when we'd been in contact beforehand as I'd just automatically assumed we would be. How ridiculously presumptuous of me.

I have to confess though that during this second date, we did struggle a bit in terms of things to talk about and she didn't actually have much to say for herself. I also felt like I was doing all the talking and asking all the questions, and I did get the impression that she wasn't interested in finding out anything about me or my interests.

I don't think she really was meeting her sister but I decided to take the hint and so I just left it. Isn't it amazing how an absence of alcohol can change one's perceptions of others? It's a shame though as I did fancy her.

Date 94

"And if you ever need self-validation, just meet me in the alley

 by the railway station."

I ended up going on 5 dates with this woman, but in the end I just wasn't feeling it, although I'm not sure if my thinking was influenced by outside forces.

Meeting through Match, our first date was in a pub near Brighton Station. It was good fun, although she did seem very keen as she asked me about a second date on only our second drink. I was a bit taken aback and said yes as she wanted to go to the cinema anyway.

We went to see Guardians of the Galaxy and it was amazing and definitely my favourite film of the year so far, and in my eyes, the best one yet of the Marvel franchise. We also went for a Thai meal beforehand so all in all it was a good night.

The third date got a little messy as we met in the same pub as our first date, had a couple of pints then headed to a restaurant for steak, where we also shared a bottle of red. Afterwards, we found a fantastic pub where I made a new friend straight away. There was a guy sitting at the bar wearing a Newcastle United top so I automatically gravitated towards him and he was actually Steve the landlord and was originally from Wallsend. We chatted to him for a bit then ordered another bottle of red to share and found a seat. After we finished off that, she advised me to get ANOTHER bottle to share and when I went up to the bar, Steve called me over to introduce me to Donna from South Shields. It was like being back home, although they both found it hilarious that I didn't have an accent anymore so I was referred to as the Posh Geordie for the rest of the evening.

Our THIRD bottle of wine brought the inevitable snogging at our table...with my date, not Steve. Which then continued out onto the streets in the torrential rain and the station. Remarkably I woke up the next day hangover free...what witchcraft was this at work?

The three dates I'd had with her had been fun and I liked her but I wasn't besotted by her. Then, through the magic of Facebook it turned out that we had a mutual friendship with Date 91. Date 91 kindly sent me a message to inform me of the following:

"If you like her, all well and good, but proceed with caution...... Extreme caution!!!!!!! Too many dramas to write about."

She told me one story about her and I had noticed that she was a bit intense, but our dates had been good so far. She also told me that she was giving me friendly advice as she'd known her for 15 years or so...although as a friend of a friend rather than a close mate.

We'd made arrangements to go to a cricket match in Hove to see Sussex play Glamorgan in a floodlit match.

It was a dull game but a good time overall as I brought along a picnic, we had a few beers and also witnessed a very inebriated guy falling out of his chair, not being able to get up and being escorted out of the ground by some stewards. I can't pretend though that I didn't have some doubts in the back of my mind as I was noticing more and more how intense she was. Whilst there we arranged to meet again in a couple of Saturdays time for an evening event.

I then went on holiday to Italy for a few days and got a text message as soon as I arrived asking if I wanted to go to a Brighton football match with her on the same day before the Saturday evening event we were due to attend. I didn't want to go, so I politely declined, but I don't know why.

In the end she went to the football with a work colleague and we met in the evening as planned to see the first episode with Peter Capaldi as the new Doctor Who at the cinema (thankfully Date 83 wasn't there). It was reasonably entertaining and we went to a pub afterwards for a couple of drinks.

I did a lot of thinking over the rest of the weekend as things didn't feel right as I just wasn't looking forward to seeing her again and I wasn't getting that frisson of excitement whenever I heard from her. In the end I contacted her and was honest by saying that I'd done a lot of thinking and that I'd rather we were just friends. She replied the next day and was fine about it and said she felt the same.

I'm not sure how influenced I was by Date 91's warnings but I did feel relieved after I ended things so I think that I made the right decision. I had also noticed that she was getting more and more intense so maybe I dodged a bullet by getting out while the going was still good. She didn't do anything wrong but I think sometimes you just have to go with your instincts.

Date 93

"Did I really walk all this way."

I was still on a mission to avoid using pay-sites and so my next date came courtesy of OKCupid; I was certainly getting my money's worth.

We met along Brighton sea front and went for a wander, as it was a glorious mid-Summer evening, before we found a nice pub near Hove. We had a few drinks and she was quite good company but there just wasn't any spark or mutual attraction.

She was a few years older than me and a bit of a posh party girl and former chalet girl, so it was clear that we didn't mix in the same circles as I'm a rough Geordie lad. I liked her but we just didn't have anything in common.

When we left the pub she said bye then buggered off to catch her bus and I didn't have a clue where I was so I ended up roaming the streets for quite a while until I used the moonlight and direction of the sea to eventually locate my bus stop about 30 minutes walk away.

Date 92

"Oh, the alcoholic afternoons."

I appeared to be on quite a roll here, as this was the third person I'd met in a row off Plenty of Fish. It's a rarity to even get a reply, let alone a date so I wonder what I was doing right.

We met in my favourite Brighton pub, at the time it was the only one I could ever remember the name of, on another Sunday afternoon. She turned up late and, I have to say in a completely disheveled state. She'd been up late drinking until the early hours of the morning so had only recently got out of bed to come and meet me. And to demonstrate how hungover she was; she proceeded to down two double Bloody Marys in fairly quick succession.

Besides her not being as fresh as a daisy, she also had a very abrasive sense of humour. And for some reason she was very keen to know exactly what my working history was including start and finish dates of every job I'd done. What the hell was that all about?! I also told her that I occasionally did freelance writing and she went off on a rant about how writers are completely narcissistic and big-headed etc. because they have the arrogance to suppose that everyone wants to read what they'd written. I have to admit that when she was in full rant mode I actually nearly got up and left,

It's safe to say that she didn't make a very good impression on me at all, but as we were leaving she asked if we could be friends. Unsurprisingly, I haven't tried to keep that 'friendship' going.

Date 91

"You're just the same as I am."

Another Plenty of Fish date and another normal person shocker!

I had a very enjoyable evening with this Irish lady and we even ventured into a few pubs that I didn't know existed....which isn't very difficult considering my knowledge of Brighton drinking establishments is disgraceful.

We had exactly the same taste in bands and films, which is always a bonus and at the end of the night she said that I was a male version of her. My only quibble is that she's a Manchester United season ticket holder, but being objective I have to admire her loyalty as she drives to every home match despite the distance!

We did get on very well but I don't think that we fancied each other and so haven't met up again. However, we are still in contact and I can see us being gig buddies at the very least. This also means that I now have one friend in Brighton besides next door's cat.

She also turned out to be a 'mutual' friend of Date 94 and gave me some interesting advice about her, but more of that to come.