Date 178

                                    "A double bed and a stalwart lover for sure."

After chatting quite a lot on Bumble, our first date was arranged only a few hours before we ended up meeting. We both had a free Friday evening so met in a pub near me.

If I can be allowed to be shallow for a moment, I was pleasantly surprised when she walked in the pub as her profile pictures didn't do her justice and she looked a lot younger than she actually was. We got on really well and got pretty drunk and we ended up going back to my flat and sleeping together.

The sex was great. The best I've had in a long time. Although she'd lived in Brighton for years and years, she'd grown up in Croydon and at one point during the night, her previously hidden strong South London accent came to the fore when she said "can I suck your dick?" You had to be there...

We really paid for our drunkenness and lack of sleep in the morning though. She went home in a taxi and straight to bed but I had to make my way to East London to see Newcastle thankfully beat West Ham 3-2. I'm not sure how I got there on only one hour's sleep but the adrenalin and jubilation got me home. This might have been different had we lost.

The next day she texted me and wanted me to go to an event with her in which loads of her friends were going. I felt this was a bit fast to be meeting her friends but she was very insistent and kept going on about it all day, even though I kept saying no. It sounded like a really good show but the thought of meeting her friends felt daunting but she wouldn't let it go. I thought that was that but then she invited herself round after it had finished and drove over.

It was about 8pm on a Sunday night and so we went for a walk along the seafront and went back to my flat for a cup of tea. I liked her but she was becoming really intense and talking about future things and it felt like she thought we were a couple. She was fairly recently divorced so I think she was looking to go straight from that to another serious relationship.

I couldn't see her that week as I was having building work done at my flat so stayed elsewhere for a few days. Her texts were becoming really incessant though, to the extent that if I didn't reply instantly then she would send another one not long after.

I was getting really put off by this and if I didn't reply straight away I'd feel guilty!!! This went on for another week and I just wasn't enjoying being in contact with her. She was a really nice person but every time I thought about having another date it just didn't make me excited.

In the end I thought that I just had to put an end to things. I was worried that she'd react in an adverse way so I got a friend to help me compose a text to her. I know how I feel when I like someone and it's not reciprocated so it's best to let the other person know what's happening. I told her that we'd had a lovely time together but it's not the right thing for me and that I hope she understood. She took a day to respond but she was really nice about it so I got an unusually mature response from someone for a change.

Although I am looking for a meaningful relationship, she just wasn't the woman I want one with.  In spite of the fact that she sounds like Adele (her description of her accent) in the bedroom. And I don't mean her singing voice.

Date 94

"And if you ever need self-validation, just meet me in the alley

 by the railway station."

I ended up going on 5 dates with this woman, but in the end I just wasn't feeling it, although I'm not sure if my thinking was influenced by outside forces.

Meeting through Match, our first date was in a pub near Brighton Station. It was good fun, although she did seem very keen as she asked me about a second date on only our second drink. I was a bit taken aback and said yes as she wanted to go to the cinema anyway.

We went to see Guardians of the Galaxy and it was amazing and definitely my favourite film of the year so far, and in my eyes, the best one yet of the Marvel franchise. We also went for a Thai meal beforehand so all in all it was a good night.

The third date got a little messy as we met in the same pub as our first date, had a couple of pints then headed to a restaurant for steak, where we also shared a bottle of red. Afterwards, we found a fantastic pub where I made a new friend straight away. There was a guy sitting at the bar wearing a Newcastle United top so I automatically gravitated towards him and he was actually Steve the landlord and was originally from Wallsend. We chatted to him for a bit then ordered another bottle of red to share and found a seat. After we finished off that, she advised me to get ANOTHER bottle to share and when I went up to the bar, Steve called me over to introduce me to Donna from South Shields. It was like being back home, although they both found it hilarious that I didn't have an accent anymore so I was referred to as the Posh Geordie for the rest of the evening.

Our THIRD bottle of wine brought the inevitable snogging at our table...with my date, not Steve. Which then continued out onto the streets in the torrential rain and the station. Remarkably I woke up the next day hangover free...what witchcraft was this at work?

The three dates I'd had with her had been fun and I liked her but I wasn't besotted by her. Then, through the magic of Facebook it turned out that we had a mutual friendship with Date 91. Date 91 kindly sent me a message to inform me of the following:

"If you like her, all well and good, but proceed with caution...... Extreme caution!!!!!!! Too many dramas to write about."

She told me one story about her and I had noticed that she was a bit intense, but our dates had been good so far. She also told me that she was giving me friendly advice as she'd known her for 15 years or so...although as a friend of a friend rather than a close mate.

We'd made arrangements to go to a cricket match in Hove to see Sussex play Glamorgan in a floodlit match.

It was a dull game but a good time overall as I brought along a picnic, we had a few beers and also witnessed a very inebriated guy falling out of his chair, not being able to get up and being escorted out of the ground by some stewards. I can't pretend though that I didn't have some doubts in the back of my mind as I was noticing more and more how intense she was. Whilst there we arranged to meet again in a couple of Saturdays time for an evening event.

I then went on holiday to Italy for a few days and got a text message as soon as I arrived asking if I wanted to go to a Brighton football match with her on the same day before the Saturday evening event we were due to attend. I didn't want to go, so I politely declined, but I don't know why.

In the end she went to the football with a work colleague and we met in the evening as planned to see the first episode with Peter Capaldi as the new Doctor Who at the cinema (thankfully Date 83 wasn't there). It was reasonably entertaining and we went to a pub afterwards for a couple of drinks.

I did a lot of thinking over the rest of the weekend as things didn't feel right as I just wasn't looking forward to seeing her again and I wasn't getting that frisson of excitement whenever I heard from her. In the end I contacted her and was honest by saying that I'd done a lot of thinking and that I'd rather we were just friends. She replied the next day and was fine about it and said she felt the same.

I'm not sure how influenced I was by Date 91's warnings but I did feel relieved after I ended things so I think that I made the right decision. I had also noticed that she was getting more and more intense so maybe I dodged a bullet by getting out while the going was still good. She didn't do anything wrong but I think sometimes you just have to go with your instincts.

Date 67

"I Want the One I Can't Have."

It appears (for me anyway) that second dates have become very scarce of late. Some first dates I've been glad not to see again, other first dates I've hoped would want to hook up again but in my heart of hearts I've known they wouldn't; and then there are some first dates like this one where I've been left feeling disappointed to have not been given a second chance. That's not to suggest that I'm arrogant or up my own arse, but when you've had a really good time and they appear to have done so as well then why not do it again, even if it's just to see if a friendship develops?

After messaging her first and then emailing for a week or so, the lady in question asked me out for a drink. I couldn't initially make the evenings she suggested, but we agreed on a date a couple of weeks later as she was going to be away during half term on a school skiing trip. That clue gives away the fact that she's a teacher, however, she also co-stars in a current tv advert, but I'll not be saying which one.

As we'd been in fairly regular contact through email and she wasn't going to be online during her ski trip, she gave me her mobile number and told me to text her while she was away. Which I did and it was nice to stay in touch and to be kept informed about her adventures on and off the pistes of Austria.

We agreed to meet up the day after she got back and in the end it was a bit of a last minute thing getting a location sorted out as she was out during the day having an extended boozy lunch with friends, so it was difficult to get hold of her. She lives quite near me so it wasn't a huge problem as we were meeting fairly locally in Hampton Court, but I didn't get a response from her until it was getting close to 7pm so I had to get my skates on as we'd agreed to meet at 7:30pm.

As it happens I was early, but she was even earlier and texted from the pub to ask me what drink I wanted and to tell me that she was sat at the bar. As I was only about a minute away, I let her know that I'd be through the door in a few seconds. Then, just as I was about to go in: I let a really tall, scruffy, physical freak of a man with long greasy hair and dodgy glasses through the door before me. As I was following him in, I saw her face look in absolute horror in his direction and then turn to complete relief as he walked past her...and then we both saw each other and burst out laughing.

That was a really good ice-breaker of sorts as it was a really funny start to the evening, although I'm not sure that the greasy haired guy was overly pleased at the muffled giggles emanating from our table every time he walked past us during the night.

The whole night was really fun and the conversation easily flowed and I haven't laughed so much or felt so comfortable on a date for a very long time. She seemed to be laughing a lot and enjoying herself too. However, that may have been helped by the fact that she was a little bit tipsy when she turned up, and I think that she must have had a fair bit beforehand as she ordered a glass of water with her red wine.

We stayed almost to closing time and as we left to go our separate ways home: she said that she'd had a wonderful night and that she felt that she'd known me for years, which I thought was a good sign as I felt the same. She was absolutely hilarious, good looking and she really did enchant me with her company.

I decided to email her the next day and I basically said that I'd had a really enjoyable night and that if she wanted to go out again then to let me know (in hindsight, I shouldn't have left it so open-ended). She took a couple of days to reply and in the email she didn't mention anything about meeting up again, but just told me about her rubbish day at work and asked me how mine had been. I found the fact that she'd completely skirted the issue of another date really strange, so I just responded in a similar manner asking about her day etc. I received another email from her then nothing more.

Normally in these cases, I can usually take the hint but as she'd made such a good first impression on me, I decided to try one more time and so I texted her, about a week later, asking if she fancied going out for another drink. She replied and said that she felt bad, but she was going on a date with someone she'd been in contact with for a while the next week and that she hated mucking people around. She said she'd had a real laugh when we met, and so could we keep it as friends?

I responded by saying that I'd had a real laugh too and that of course friends was alright. She texted me a couple of days later asking my opinion on a band that she liked and after exchanging a few texts they just stopped and I never heard from her again.

In the end I was glad to finally get a straight forward reply from her, even if it wasn't the response that I was after, as although I'd guessed what the outcome would be, I still felt a bit in limbo for a couple of weeks as I always try to be optimistic. I probably didn't have much of a chance anyway, considering she had another date lined up.

Oh Christ, I've just thought...she can't be going out with that chap with greasy hair and dodgy glasses, can she?! What an absolute cad and a dark horse he turned out to be.

UPDATE (April 2012): After admitting defeat with Date 67, I presumed that I'd never see her again. I'd deleted her from my phone and hadn't had any contact with her for over two months, however, one Sunday morning I thought that I'd give it one last try. As I didn't have her number in my phone, I eventually found it after going through a load of deleted emails on match.com and I figured that I'd have nothing to lose by getting in touch with her. She'd left a really good impression on me after our first date and so I texted her to see if she fancied going out for another drink. To my absolute amazement, she replied within a minute and said yes. We then texted a bit, back and forth, and agreed to meet up on the Friday night.

As she lives near me, I asked her if she wanted to stay local and then the texts stopped. I hadn't heard anything all week, so texted her on the Thursday night just to make sure we were still on for the following evening and thankfully she replied and suggested that we meet at the BFI Bar along Southbank. So, we initially met there but it was so rammed that we went for a little stroll and found a decent pub near Blackfriars Bridge and, like the first date, got on absolutely splendidly. Although we don't have that much in common, I felt really comfortable in her company and we possess a similar sense of humour and never ran out of things to say, which is always a good start.

After a couple of drinks and her introducing me to the fiendishly addictive game, Draw Something (more of this later), she suggested that we go back to the BFI Bar as it was bound to be less busy. However, when we got there at about 10:30pm, it was still full to the rafters, but we fought our way to the bar anyway. After a few minutes, she asked me if I noticed anything strange about the clientèle, which I hadn't, and she informed me that everyone in there was a woman. After asking a few people, it turned out that it was the Lesbian and Gay Film Festival, which would explain why it was so busy and why I was the only man in there. We only had one drink as the bar closed and she also said that she felt a bit uncomfortable due to it being so packed and because all eyes were on her; so we made our way back to the station and got the same train home as she lived one stop before me. During the journey home she invited me to a party at hers in a couple of months and when she got off, she told me that she'd had a wonderful evening.

I then left it a few days and texted her on the Monday night to see how a wedding she'd been at on the Saturday had gone, and she replied asking me about a friend's Birthday drinks I'd been at in Camden. I replied to that telling her about it and asked her how she was fixed for that week and got nothing. Weirdly though, a day or so later she played a move against me on Draw Something but never replied to my text.

All through the week I still thought that I'd hear back from her and again felt in complete limbo when I didn't receive a reply. Two weeks then went by and still nothing, so I thought I'd give it one last try and so I texted her and asked if she fancied going out for a drink in the next week or so. I never heard back from her but a few hours after I'd sent it she started a game of Draw Something with me and didn't reply to my text.

I've got to say that out of all the 69 dates I've been on, she was by far my favourite. I also didn't feel that I'd forced the issue in any shape or form as I played it cool and I felt that I was very patient. I don't quite understand why she agreed to see me again and then just ignore me completely. I've been on plenty of dates where I've been ignored in the aftermath, which I've always accepted because you get used to it, although it is still plain rude and how can it hurt to just send back a polite 'no thank-you?' However, the thing that I find most bizarre is the fact that after both texts, she'd start a game with me on Draw Something shortly afterwards, despite the fact that we hadn't been playing against each other in between the two texts. I've therefore come to the conclusion that she's just subtly teasing me as she clearly knows that I like her and she knows that I'm waiting for her to reply to me, but I can only assume that she's getting a bit of a kick and having a laugh out of literally playing games with me.

I normally take these things with a pinch of salt but in this case I don't quite get why she's chosen to be a bit of a bitch after we had two fun dates as it's not as though I've messed her around in the slightest. She's 37 and one would have thought that she'd have a mature attitude, although perhaps the fact that she teaches teenagers maybe says it all as their behaviour is clearly rubbing off on her. I've learnt my lesson though and won't be contacting her again which is a shame as I really liked her. I won't be playing my move of Draw Something against her either...