Date 77

"And tell me how long before the right one?"

Having not been on a date for almost 5 months, this one really came out of the blue. After giving up on pay-sites, I had occasionally been looking back on OKCupid in the intervening period, without much success. Then a week or so ago (late May) I received a reply from this person.

Her profile was very sparse, but what she did say was funny, she was also attractive AND was a fan of The Smiths. I only sent a reasonably short message to her and to my amazement she responded with an essay. In that reply she also intimated about meeting up. So, we agreed to do so after a couple of messages.

In between the time I first messaged her and to us meeting just over a week later, we had a lot of email contact back and forth and she was absolutely hilarious. When this happens, you get used to the daily routine  of hearing from this person all day and you begin to look forward to it. Being the same age, we had the exact same taste in music, films and TV and there always seemed to be so much to say to each other. It became quite intense and it's quite odd really because you tend to build up an imaginary 'picture' of what someone is going to be like before you've met them and you think you know them better than you actually do.

As is sometimes the case, I was very excited about meeting her. I didn't want to be though...This may sound like a strange statement, but with dates, I prefer to not really think about them beforehand and I try and lower my expectations so as not to be disappointed if things don't go well. She seemed to be looking forward to it too and I was getting butterflies in my stomach days in advance, which is extremely rare for me.

We met in a bar on the Southbank at 6pm and I got there a bit early and acquired perfect 'booth' seats which are like gold dust in this particular bar as it's so popular. When she turned up, I was impressed and she looked absolutely stunning. We then spent the next few hours having very surreal conversations and just getting to know each other better. I was having a ball and I remember there being a lot of laughter. She also had some great stories to tell and I was absolutely starstruck when I found out that she knew two members of one of my favourite bands, Veronica Falls, and they were always dropping by her house!

As we'd had a few drinks, we needed food so moved onto a restaurant, shared a bottle of wine then had one last drink before she said she needed to go home. So, I walked her to her bus stop, made sure she got on alright and kissed her goodbye.

By now it was around 11:30 pm so we'd spent a good 5 and a half hours together and I thought that things had gone well. I messaged her when I got home and said that I'd really enjoyed myself and would she like to come out with me again later in the week as I was thinking about going to an event that I knew she'd want to go to. Normally, I leave these things a day or two but I thought what's the point in playing games, so what the hell.

I didn't hear from her until late the next evening and she simply sent me a reply saying she'd had fun but was busy every night that week and sorry. I responded by saying that wasn't a problem and whether she was free again another time. I never heard from her after that.

I'm not really sure what happened, but I guess I just liked her more than she liked me. Being so excited beforehand did worry me as I knew I'd be disappointed if things didn't go to plan and that proved to be the case. On occasions in the past, I have found that women have wanted to see me again when I haven't been really bothered and vice versa, so it's possible that when I'm enthusiastic then women are perhaps not as interested. Saying that though, I'm sure I'm just myself and I think I was for this date.

I don't mind if she wasn't that into me as it would be ridiculous to agree to see me again if she didn't want to. However, I'd got into a bit of a routine of being in so much contact with her and I thought that her response to my request of a second date was rude and it just seemed rather abrupt. I suppose I'm also quite surprised when a date lasts quite a long time and they don't want to see you again, as surely you'd just go home after a couple of drinks if you weren't enjoying the company?

Anyway, I'm still feeling quite sad a couple of days later, which I know is completely irrational and ridiculous after one date, but I really liked her. Which maybe says it all...

I do, however, think that she's the closest woman I've ever been on a date with that matches what I'm looking for...although without the ignorance and headfuckery obviously.

Finally, to paraphrase Pointless' wonderful Richard Osman: at least I got an anecdote out of it.