Date 126

"I've spent too long on your trail. Far too long chasing your tail."

After trying to get by for almost a year by solely using free dating sites, I went back onto Guardian Soulmates after being a sent a massive discount. I was getting a bit fed up with Tinder dates cancelling on me and/or disappearing.

Two of the major times this happened were just so rude. With the first one, I'd booked a table for dinner on a Friday night and only found out she was cancelling when I texted her the night before to confirm. She claimed that she couldn't get a babysitter, although she hadn't made any effort to let me know. But she said that she really wanted to meet me. So, the following week I booked another table at a restaurant for a Sunday roast. She was going to be in Brighton for a hen weekend and even though I said I didn't think that was a good idea as surely she'd be nursing a massive hangover, she assured me she'd go easy the night before, and be fine. True to form, an hour before we were due to meet on the Sunday I received a text from her cancelling as she'd gone home that morning as she felt ill from all the drinking. I really wasn't impressed at all and had no interest in meeting her now.  However, she contacted me later on and said she'd definitely meet me the following week. We agreed to meet on a Saturday evening, but when I texted her to confirm the finer details the night before, she ignored it and I never heard from her again.

Something similar happened on another Tinder date and this was equally as infuriating. In this case we'd set a time and place to meet and I only found out she was cancelling when I messaged her the night before to confirm and she said she was ill and couldn't make it (and again hadn't made any effort to let me know). She said we could reschedule it for the following week at the same time and location. Again, I texted her the night before to confirm and when I awoke the next day I checked my messages and she'd deleted me from Tinder without saying anything. I could have quite easily just turned up because as far as I was concerned it was set in stone (had she not deleted me).

I therefore thought that I'd made the right choice by going back onto GSM after having a lot of contact with a delightful woman from Hastings. We spoke on the phone and made plans to meet. However, she vanished as well when I contacted her to confirm our date...

At this point, I didn't think that I'd ever go on a date again! But then I got chatting to a really funny stand-up comedian and actress on GSM. We seemed to share the same sense of humour and had a really fun first date. I'm not sure if I fancied her but we got on really well and agreed to meet up again.

We continued texting the next day but then they just stopped, so I took the hint, and by now I'd lost the motivation to chase people up.

Date 125

"And time is against me now."

Having met a woman 11 years older than me on my previous date, I went the other way this time and met someone 7 years my junior through Tinder again.

After minimal contact I suggested a drink and she said she could do a Sunday late afternoon as she was in Brighton for something beforehand. That seemed fine to me, however, on the morning of the date she messaged me to say she'd forgotten that she would be going to a gig the same evening, so as it turned out I was only allowed to see her during a brief one hour window in her busy schedule.

It's a shame that I couldn't book a longer 'appointment' as I really liked her, although I don't think that the feeling was mutual. I thought that we got on well and despite the age difference we had similar reference points. To top it all off as well, she was an absolute stunner.

I texted her the next day as I thought I'd made a good first impression on her however, she didn't want a second date as she felt that there wasn't a romantic vibe between us. She did say she'd enjoyed meeting me a lot and suggested we hook up for a beer. So, I contacted her a couple of times more for said beer but she had other things on so I just left it. I'm sure her turning me down had nothing to do with her being a Psychologist either...

Date 124

"And I got confused, I killed a nun; I can't help the way that I feel."

Tinder reared its head again and I went on a date with a woman 11 years older than me. We'd communicated quite a lot beforehand and seemed to have a similar sense of humour. However, a couple of things bothered me before we met up.

After we'd agreed a time and location to meet up she asked me the below question:

I get asked that a lot and it seems to really matter to a lot of potential dates. In fact, someone else on Tinder actually cancelled a date that we'd arranged when she found out my height, despite her being a few inches smaller than me. I've no idea in the scheme of things why this matters at all, and if only these people knew that I make up for my lack of height in other ways...

She did actually say that she'd make an exception with me though as I made her laugh.

The second thing that I found odd was a text she sent me a few days before our date. In it she told me she was in Portsmouth on a date with another guy. I thought this was an unwritten rule in dating? I suppose we all know that other people are going on dates but we don't really want to be told. She also said that she was having a great night and that the guy she was with had gone to a lot of effort, however, she said she'd be friend-zoning him! In this instance I actually felt sorry for HIM. Poor chap!

When we did eventually meet, she was over half an hour late. We got on fine but there was something about her that I just wasn't sure about, and I couldn't put my finger on it. When I got home I was a bit tipsy and she texted me to say that we should go out again and we arranged a second date. I probably agreed because I was feeling quite merry, however, I like to give people another chance as sometimes I just can't tell after one date.

I booked a table at a Thai restaurant for our follow-up and it was a pleasant evening but again, there was something about her that I just wasn't keen on. She had plenty of stories, which included her thrill-seeking adventures sitting on the wings of bi-planes (she'd done this a few days before) and that the father of one of her children was now a successful entertainer who made a living out of dressing up as a nun and driving a mobile keyboard/organ around. Although I still couldn't work out what it was, I think maybe I found her a bit arrogant. As it happened I never contacted her again and she didn't attempt to contact me either.

Date 123

"Fame, fame, fatal fame."

I'm choosing to look back on this date as the one and only time so far in my life that I got to snog a TV personality.

We'd only exchanged a few messages on Bumble and actually met up really quickly. She lived in North London and I happened to be spending a couple of days away in the capital so we met a few hours after I'd checked into my hotel room.

As we hadn't really 'spoken' much beforehand, I was quite surprised when we were choosing a location to meet that she suggested an alleyway for a shag. Of course she was only joking and said she instantly regretted saying that, so eventually we settled on my old favourite the South Bank. When I met her at Embankment tube station, I was instantly attracted to her and we seemed to hit it off straight away, especially after a few drinks at the BFI Benugo Bar (the scene of many a failed date for me). It was here that I also learnt her claim to fame; she'd played a starring role in the Channel 4 tv series Educating the East End and had also been on some tv dating shows over the years...so she clearly wasn't shy.

Afterwards we went for something to eat and I think shared a couple of bottles of wine and got very merry and I enjoyed my first proper snog of the year. At the tube station I also asked her if she wanted to come back to my hotel bar and she said she definitely would have but as bad luck would have it, the GCSE results were coming out the next day so she had to be in school bright and early.

So, we parted ways and I went back to my hotel for a night cap. Whilst there she rang me to say she'd got home alright and that she'd had a lovely evening. Still feeling that the night was young I stayed at the bar drinking until 4am, talking shite to the staff whilst being plied with free cocktails that they were trying out on me. When two members of staff, who were visiting from other hotels in the chain, left me on my own to sit somewhere else, I took that as my cue to go up to my room.

I felt absolutely awful the next day and instantly regretted not going to bed at midnight when I had the chance. I was meeting a very good friend of mine from Twitter for the first time to go to the flicks and I was really in a bad way. We went to see David Brent: Life on the Road, which was so funny, and I really thought I was going to pass out in the cinema. My stomach was turning somersaults and I had the sweats and the shakes badly. Then, weirdly towards the end of the film, I suddenly felt back to normal again.

On my way home, I received a text from her saying the GCSE results had been rubbish and she'd speak to me soon as she was going to bed. A couple of days later she rang me but I missed her call because it was 2AM and I was ASLEEP!

Two days after the missed call she texted me to ask how I felt about us because she was worried about logisitics. I said I wanted to see her again and she felt the same and that she liked me and thought that I was handsome and genuine, which made me wonder if she was actually blind and that I hadn't noticed. She had a dissertation to complete and said could she finish it first then we could meet again. It was due to be handed in a week or so later so I said that was fine.

I'd still not heard anything a fortnight later and messaged her to see how it had gone and I got no response. A week after that I thought I'd give it one more shot and again I got no reply, so I thought I'd leave it. Then a few days after that she sent me a long text apologising and saying she hadn't been in touch purely because she was busy with work and her family and that she'd be in contact me properly in a week. She also said I could pursue other leads if I wanted to (which I found a bit weird) but also that she really wanted to see me again and that she was thinking of me.

That was almost six weeks ago and I've still not heard from her. Bloody celebs.

Date 122

"And who hears when animals cry?"

Back to Tinder I went and not much to report.

I shared a few Guinness's with this very friendly and effervescent individual, and we actually got on very well as she was very chatty too. All that I can remember from our conversations though was her telling me that her brother's cat had befriended a local fox. Apparently they used to knock about together and sunbathe in the back-garden after forming an unlikely alliance against the not so welcoming neighbourhood cats.

Given that that's the only thing I can recall about her probably didn't bode well for meeting up again, but after wisely deciding not to end the night with a few shots, we actually planned to meet for a second date involving dinner as the evening had actually been enjoyable.

However, when I contacted her again she claimed to have met someone else (very quick work on her part!), so I didn't get the chance to be regaled with any more unusual animal anecdotes.

Date 121

"It's time the tale were told." 

This was my first experience of meeting someone through the dating app Bumble. It's similar to Tinder, with the only main difference being that if you match with someone then only the female can send the first message; and if she doesn't make contact with you within 24 hours then she disappears from your match list. I'd used it for a while on and off and had a fair few matches but no-one had interacted with me until this person did. I'd actually got to the point where I thought it was some sort of scam where most of the members' profiles were fake so I was very surprised when we ended up arranging to meet for a date.

She lived in Brighton too and I suggested that we meet at a bar in Hove. The first one we went to was absolutely heaving, a man at the bar kept staring at both of us in a really uncomfortable manner and they'd stopped serving food, so we went to one round the corner.

The next pub was much better and we shared a bottle of wine and had a cheeseboard. I thought that we got on really well and I was definitely attracted to her and wanted to see her again as she was very funny too. So, the next day I texted her about a second date and she seemed very keen to meet up. So much so that she said she was busy the next weekend so couldn't see me then but could we go to the cinema a few days later just to keep the momentum going.

We went to see Tale of Tales and the film was the best thing about the date. It didn't really feel like a date to be honest though as we barely spoke. We were going to meet beforehand to get a drink but she was so late that we got to our seats just before the film started. I really enjoyed it but she found it a bit too weird. She then had to go home straight afterwards as she worked in Camden so had to get up early the next morning for the commute. She said she was sorry that we couldn't go for a drink afterwards but when I asked her about another date she became very vague.

I hadn't heard from her a week later so I texted her to ask about a third date. She replied with:

"Thanks for the lovely offer but I'm going to decline."

I thought that was a bit rude and patronising so I just deleted her number and didn't respond. She'd seemed really up for going out again and considering we hardly uttered a word to each other for the second date, I don't really know what made her change her mind.

Date 120

"Has the Perrier gone straight to your head?"

Another quick Tinder date which only lasted a couple of drinks despite us having a lot in common with music etc. As she commuted into London each day she left after about an hour as she had to get up early the next day. I took this to mean that she probably wasn't interested in another date but I contacted her the next day anyway and, not to any great surprise, she wasn't in favour of meeting up again.

It was a very uneventful date and the only two things I can remember about her were that she used to be in a band in which she played bass-guitar sitting down cross-legged on stage dressed in a Victorian outfit, and that she'd claimed to have invented a new drink. Her drink of choice was a lager spritzer in which she had half a lager put into a pint glass with soda water then added to the brim. This confused many a bar-person as to what to charge her but also enabled her to drink pint after pint without getting absolutely hammered.